So I've hit the Big 3; and I'm late for this blog post by 14 days. Sorry! Been a little too busy- with starting in my new job, keeping up with school work, the many monthly ministry commitments, and all the ad-hoc fun stuff we are "obligated" to do. This is pretty much the story of my life these days. But it's good that this old friend keeps me in check; and stealing some time to do this, is important and good and very much needed.
I am amazed at what God can do in thirty years. I am still a very messy lump of clay no doubt, but I'm thankful the Potter is still keeping me in His hands and all that He has done in moulding me till this very day. From an infant who needs to be fed and taken care of, to a rebellious child who has done much wrong, to a teenage girl with poor self-identity, to a young woman whom God sought despite her sin and ignorance, to a thirty-year-old who knows who she is today in Christ, and excited to see what God will do in her every tomorrow.
So who am I at thirty?
1. Feeling fairly comfortable with myself, my self-awareness, my coping mechanisms, my looks and my imperfections. I still have insecurities and questions about all these things, but at least I don't second guess myself for too long or too much any more- usually.
2. Feeling like I am at the prime of my life, that there is so much more I can offer to this world which has so many needs. And I'm still trying to find what it is. The tension between practical comforts and spiritual fulfillment; between being grounded and a naive dreamer- the time will come when it will all come together. I have faith. One day. Some day.
3. Feeling very loved, blessed and affirmed. All the above would not have been possible if God had not given me every single person I have, and ever had in my life.. especially the man who loves me and believes in me more than I believe in myself; and the sister who knows me and is always there for me.
4. Looking forward to growing old- because I am learning that there is no short-cut to wisdom. I love every step He's led me; and I know i still have a long way to go. There is so much to learn in the school of life. I pray He'll lead me to places, and open my eyes to the way He wants my heart to break for the broken-ness He sees.
5. Looking forward to the joys of parenting some time in the few years- God willing; but also knowing that I will never stop feeling like the little girl who is trying to learn to do what she's doing.
So here's where I am today... Thank you for being interested in me enough to read this- it means a lot that you are in my life. I thank God for you, and I love you!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Funny little things... called TEETH
Ever wondered why God created the human teeth the way He did? These funny (painful) little things.
The baby experiences so much discomfort during the teething stage. Fever, pain and non-stop crying. And finally the tiny milk teeth pops out and they last only about a decade. All the stories about losing those early pearlies- Crunch on an apple! Tie the tooth to the door knob and slam the door shut! Better to lose them early so you can still tell your parents you believe in the tooth fairy...
It's always fun to skip classes, but every student would tell you that they would rather sit in class than be summoned by the school dental nurse. Sitting on that dental chair, having the bright spotlight shine on your face, all the metallic tools that makes sounds like fingernails scratching across a blackboard- how can anyone's growing up years not be scarred by visits to the dentist?
And then the adult teeth. Where shall I begin?
I think most people are not blessed with perfect photogenic teeth. Someone should do a poll some time. I don't think I need to elaborate on the pain associated with orthodontics.
There's bound to be some decay at some point- not all the brushing, flossing, scaling and polishing could have saved you from that. And when the decay gets bad enough, you will need a root canal and a crown. Both the endodontist and general dentist visits will cost you an arm and a leg.
But it's not just about the money, little did you realize that you have so many nerves in the teeth region connecting to your brain! And the nerves in the upper and lower jaw are lined up very differently. So you have this terrible terrible headache that will not stop throbbing when you get a bad decay. Ouch.. Only painkillers will help.
I wonder about people living in the old times, before dentistry is as advanced as it is today. Maybe a lot of people just live with perpetual pain when they have problems with their teeth- that's why they have a lower quality of life. Maybe they just keep chewing cocaine. Maybe some of them do die from terrible dental issues.
It's not like you get to keep the adult teeth forever. If you live long enough, eventually you'll need dentures- unless you're like my grandmother who still has most of her teeth with her at the ripe old age of 89.
Why did God create teeth the way He did? I don't understand.. If I were Him, I would surely not create these tiny pieces of calcium in man's mouth to be so sensitive.. Maybe I need to meditate more, there must be a reason somewhere. This is probably a time when I am thankful that we don't just know God from general revelation, otherwise I would find Him beyond reason and comprehension... Not that that isn't the norm...
I'm THRILLED that we have no need for doctors and dentists in heaven..
The baby experiences so much discomfort during the teething stage. Fever, pain and non-stop crying. And finally the tiny milk teeth pops out and they last only about a decade. All the stories about losing those early pearlies- Crunch on an apple! Tie the tooth to the door knob and slam the door shut! Better to lose them early so you can still tell your parents you believe in the tooth fairy...
It's always fun to skip classes, but every student would tell you that they would rather sit in class than be summoned by the school dental nurse. Sitting on that dental chair, having the bright spotlight shine on your face, all the metallic tools that makes sounds like fingernails scratching across a blackboard- how can anyone's growing up years not be scarred by visits to the dentist?
And then the adult teeth. Where shall I begin?
I think most people are not blessed with perfect photogenic teeth. Someone should do a poll some time. I don't think I need to elaborate on the pain associated with orthodontics.
There's bound to be some decay at some point- not all the brushing, flossing, scaling and polishing could have saved you from that. And when the decay gets bad enough, you will need a root canal and a crown. Both the endodontist and general dentist visits will cost you an arm and a leg.
But it's not just about the money, little did you realize that you have so many nerves in the teeth region connecting to your brain! And the nerves in the upper and lower jaw are lined up very differently. So you have this terrible terrible headache that will not stop throbbing when you get a bad decay. Ouch.. Only painkillers will help.
I wonder about people living in the old times, before dentistry is as advanced as it is today. Maybe a lot of people just live with perpetual pain when they have problems with their teeth- that's why they have a lower quality of life. Maybe they just keep chewing cocaine. Maybe some of them do die from terrible dental issues.
It's not like you get to keep the adult teeth forever. If you live long enough, eventually you'll need dentures- unless you're like my grandmother who still has most of her teeth with her at the ripe old age of 89.
Why did God create teeth the way He did? I don't understand.. If I were Him, I would surely not create these tiny pieces of calcium in man's mouth to be so sensitive.. Maybe I need to meditate more, there must be a reason somewhere. This is probably a time when I am thankful that we don't just know God from general revelation, otherwise I would find Him beyond reason and comprehension... Not that that isn't the norm...
I'm THRILLED that we have no need for doctors and dentists in heaven..
Thursday, September 01, 2011
Signing off from TR
This is an important day... After 7 years in Thomson Reuters, this chapter of my life is closed. It has been such an incredible journey- yet another masterpiece of His.
Getting to know the name "Reuters" since I was 10 when my Primary school English teacher made us do newpaper clip reviews. It stuck with me ever since, having affections towards what the brand stands for- journalism and integrity. At a Bible Study in Upper Bukit Timah road, I got to learn that a sister Janice was working there. She told me about the Christian community there, and the good working hours- being in audit then, I wished I was working there. And a year later, I saw their ad to hire, and there was just this feeling that God is making our paths cross for a reason. And indeed, He did.
Needless to say, even though I "stayed within the same chapter" professionally- TR witnessed the turning of my many life chapters. My first relationship, my heartbreak, my Beijing adventure, being united with my soul mate, getting married, moving to Chicago. TR brought along many unique experiences- working with "a church-mate" (guess who?), lunch time workouts, participating in setting up of a new site, international work culture, all the travelling and the list goes on.. God has weaved such a beautiful journey, using TR to give me time for family, ministry and friends in Singapore, bringing me to Beijing and Chicago, and through it all provided for my family. Thank you Lord!
And from a work perspective, God has also blessed me so richly through my working experience there. Such wonderful colleagues and bosses- many of whom I now call friends; opportunities to learn and grow- albeit that's through rolling up my sleeves and getting my hands dirty; and minimal politicking such that I need not waste my energies with games and can just focus on being a diligent testimony for Him. Looking back at some rough batches, late hours and trying times- thank you Lord for leading me through!
Cross my heart, I dare say that the days when I love my work outnumbers days when I dread it by much... "A person can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their own toil, This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment" (Ecc 2:24-25) Thank you Lord!
I love Thomson Reuters, I really do.. It will always have a special place in my life and my heart.. Thank you Lord!
Getting to know the name "Reuters" since I was 10 when my Primary school English teacher made us do newpaper clip reviews. It stuck with me ever since, having affections towards what the brand stands for- journalism and integrity. At a Bible Study in Upper Bukit Timah road, I got to learn that a sister Janice was working there. She told me about the Christian community there, and the good working hours- being in audit then, I wished I was working there. And a year later, I saw their ad to hire, and there was just this feeling that God is making our paths cross for a reason. And indeed, He did.
Needless to say, even though I "stayed within the same chapter" professionally- TR witnessed the turning of my many life chapters. My first relationship, my heartbreak, my Beijing adventure, being united with my soul mate, getting married, moving to Chicago. TR brought along many unique experiences- working with "a church-mate" (guess who?), lunch time workouts, participating in setting up of a new site, international work culture, all the travelling and the list goes on.. God has weaved such a beautiful journey, using TR to give me time for family, ministry and friends in Singapore, bringing me to Beijing and Chicago, and through it all provided for my family. Thank you Lord!
And from a work perspective, God has also blessed me so richly through my working experience there. Such wonderful colleagues and bosses- many of whom I now call friends; opportunities to learn and grow- albeit that's through rolling up my sleeves and getting my hands dirty; and minimal politicking such that I need not waste my energies with games and can just focus on being a diligent testimony for Him. Looking back at some rough batches, late hours and trying times- thank you Lord for leading me through!
Cross my heart, I dare say that the days when I love my work outnumbers days when I dread it by much... "A person can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their own toil, This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment" (Ecc 2:24-25) Thank you Lord!
I love Thomson Reuters, I really do.. It will always have a special place in my life and my heart.. Thank you Lord!
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Catching Up...
Much has happened of late, and I had not the time to reminisce with my old friend here in this space till now. This is perhaps why I like the airport. Getting all the waiting in line and crazy security checks out of the way, there’s usually some cushion before you board the plane. And it is here that I get time to be with myself.
I’m feeling nostalgic today- maybe because this may possibly be good-bye to San Francisco and colleagues I’m very fond of working with. Or maybe it’s the end of a very intense business trip, and I’m just feeling tired and ready to unwind. I’m processing some low-key moments in the past few months. You might like to come back another day if reading blue notes aren’t exactly what you’re feeling like right now.
In loving memory of my Bible and Narayana blue-and-white striped pouch. I’m still sad when I think about the book that has kept me company for more than a decade. Surviving being soaked in the rain, my highlights and note-making in the margin, the front cover and content page falling out. Having gone with me on all my trips, conferences, services, bible studies and small groups- I miss my lost Bible dearly. I don’t even know where it is, or how I lost it- it’s just so bizarre. I remember the day vividly, carrying it out with me from service, church picnic, Lake Michigan and car wash.. But about my bible, that it’s just a total blank. Where could it be? Even the good it might be doing someone else gives me no comfort- I’d exchange a new Bible with you if you have my old one gladly!
The only thing that’s giving me comfort is that Daddy wants me to break into His Word again, and get the glossy pages creased and used again. Yes, Daddy- I hear you.
The trip to Yosemite had been most disappointing. We went through so much to get there- waking up early, taking the BART, taking the air bus, taking a shuttle, renting a car, driving for 5 hours.. To get there, catch but a glimpse of what could have been. Still wondering how the valleys would have looked like. This experience seared in me acutely that the destination matters. Most of the time, I treasure the journey more than the goal, the process more than the fruit. But the disappointment this time had sparked much in me and I’ll carry these “pearls of wisdom” for a long time.
Be as rational and level headed in decision making as you can. Ask why you are feeling what you are feeling, and try to divorce past negative experiences from the current decision. Otherwise, you might make a decision you’d regret.
Persevere, don’t give up too soon. Don’t give up on the faith journey and throw in the towel at heaven’s gates. Use every ounce of courage and strength to hang on, or you’ll suffer the thought of “coming so close and not make it” for long.
I have this overwhelming sense that I love Jesus, but not enough. Spending little time with Him, still needing to teach joy to my heart when giving bites into my comfort, wishing to transcend my superficialities, struggling to have a pure and unadulterated love, finding it hard to make Him my pride and obsession. It’s time for some surgery, I can feel it. It’s time.
I’m feeling nostalgic today- maybe because this may possibly be good-bye to San Francisco and colleagues I’m very fond of working with. Or maybe it’s the end of a very intense business trip, and I’m just feeling tired and ready to unwind. I’m processing some low-key moments in the past few months. You might like to come back another day if reading blue notes aren’t exactly what you’re feeling like right now.
In loving memory of my Bible and Narayana blue-and-white striped pouch. I’m still sad when I think about the book that has kept me company for more than a decade. Surviving being soaked in the rain, my highlights and note-making in the margin, the front cover and content page falling out. Having gone with me on all my trips, conferences, services, bible studies and small groups- I miss my lost Bible dearly. I don’t even know where it is, or how I lost it- it’s just so bizarre. I remember the day vividly, carrying it out with me from service, church picnic, Lake Michigan and car wash.. But about my bible, that it’s just a total blank. Where could it be? Even the good it might be doing someone else gives me no comfort- I’d exchange a new Bible with you if you have my old one gladly!
The only thing that’s giving me comfort is that Daddy wants me to break into His Word again, and get the glossy pages creased and used again. Yes, Daddy- I hear you.
The trip to Yosemite had been most disappointing. We went through so much to get there- waking up early, taking the BART, taking the air bus, taking a shuttle, renting a car, driving for 5 hours.. To get there, catch but a glimpse of what could have been. Still wondering how the valleys would have looked like. This experience seared in me acutely that the destination matters. Most of the time, I treasure the journey more than the goal, the process more than the fruit. But the disappointment this time had sparked much in me and I’ll carry these “pearls of wisdom” for a long time.
Be as rational and level headed in decision making as you can. Ask why you are feeling what you are feeling, and try to divorce past negative experiences from the current decision. Otherwise, you might make a decision you’d regret.
Persevere, don’t give up too soon. Don’t give up on the faith journey and throw in the towel at heaven’s gates. Use every ounce of courage and strength to hang on, or you’ll suffer the thought of “coming so close and not make it” for long.
I have this overwhelming sense that I love Jesus, but not enough. Spending little time with Him, still needing to teach joy to my heart when giving bites into my comfort, wishing to transcend my superficialities, struggling to have a pure and unadulterated love, finding it hard to make Him my pride and obsession. It’s time for some surgery, I can feel it. It’s time.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Xiu Speaks..
It's his smile and eyes every day
That just simply take me away
And the feeling that i'm falling further in love
Makes me shiver but in a good way
All the times i have sat and stared
As he gently lays on my lap
And he closes his eyes, leaves his cares all behind,
With me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say
Coz i love him with all that i am
And my voice shakes along with my hands
Coz he’s all that I see and he’s all that I need
And i'm out of my league once again
It's a masterful melody when he calls out my name to me
As the world spins around him as he laughs, rolls his eyes
And i feel like i'm falling but it's no surprise
Coz i love him with all that i am
And my voice shakes along with my hands
Cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
But i'd rather be here than on land
Yes he's all that i see and he's all that i need
And i'm out of my league once again
Happy Anniversary honey!
Thank you Daddy for another wonderful year You have given to us... Thank You for everything, thank You for him..
That just simply take me away
And the feeling that i'm falling further in love
Makes me shiver but in a good way
All the times i have sat and stared
As he gently lays on my lap
And he closes his eyes, leaves his cares all behind,
With me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say
Coz i love him with all that i am
And my voice shakes along with my hands
Coz he’s all that I see and he’s all that I need
And i'm out of my league once again
It's a masterful melody when he calls out my name to me
As the world spins around him as he laughs, rolls his eyes
And i feel like i'm falling but it's no surprise
Coz i love him with all that i am
And my voice shakes along with my hands
Cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
But i'd rather be here than on land
Yes he's all that i see and he's all that i need
And i'm out of my league once again
Happy Anniversary honey!
Thank you Daddy for another wonderful year You have given to us... Thank You for everything, thank You for him..
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
The Break-Up
My decision is final. After giving Octopus the second chance, I am more certain of my decision than ever.
Hints of the crack in the relationship surfaced during my trip to San Francisco. I was at Pier 33, ordered a portion of the calamari salad. The first few bites were delicious, the next few bites made me wonder if I over-rated the dish, and by the time I was done with it- I could not bear to put another calamari ring into my mouth.
Things started to fall apart with my order of 2 Octopus and Squid based anti-pasti during a business lunch. They were delicious, but by the end of that meal- I was all Octopus-ed up that I swore I would stay away from Octopus for another month.
I was devastated, because after my relationship with Shrimp and Prawns ended, Octopus was my next love and the safe heaven to which I always turn to when I want a seafood pick me up.
I decided to give Octopus another chance at the Japanese buffet over the weekend. Chewing him no longer gave me the same satisfaction. It was boring, uneventful and far from deliciousness. Octopus no longer worked for me, so I decided to break up with him. I might perhaps see and taste him every now and then, but our relationship will never be the same again. *SOB*
Hints of the crack in the relationship surfaced during my trip to San Francisco. I was at Pier 33, ordered a portion of the calamari salad. The first few bites were delicious, the next few bites made me wonder if I over-rated the dish, and by the time I was done with it- I could not bear to put another calamari ring into my mouth.
Things started to fall apart with my order of 2 Octopus and Squid based anti-pasti during a business lunch. They were delicious, but by the end of that meal- I was all Octopus-ed up that I swore I would stay away from Octopus for another month.
I was devastated, because after my relationship with Shrimp and Prawns ended, Octopus was my next love and the safe heaven to which I always turn to when I want a seafood pick me up.
I decided to give Octopus another chance at the Japanese buffet over the weekend. Chewing him no longer gave me the same satisfaction. It was boring, uneventful and far from deliciousness. Octopus no longer worked for me, so I decided to break up with him. I might perhaps see and taste him every now and then, but our relationship will never be the same again. *SOB*
Monday, May 30, 2011
A question for God...
I’m sure You’ve heard me by now- but in case I forget when I see You, here’s a question for You.. What did you mean when you say in Deut 5:9-10
"You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments."
Well I know that you love us with a holy jealousy- only appropriate for any lover. And I understand that one is to contrast the few generations of “punishment” to the thousand generations of love.
But why did You say You will punish the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation when you do not mean that? You said through Ezekiel 18:30-32
“Therefore, you Israelites, I will judge each of you according to your own ways, declares the Sovereign LORD. Repent! Turn away from all your offenses; then sin will not be your downfall. Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit. Why will you die, people of Israel? For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign LORD. Repent and live!
Your justice demands that the child innocent of his father’s sin shall not be punished. Through all of Scriptures it is also clear that “generational curses” are but superstitions. And all the other laws and commandments will also see to it that each man is held responsible for his/her actions. So what did You mean when You say You will punish the children for the sin of the parents?
I can understand the cyclical nature of sin, and how high the probability that the sins of the fathers will be inherited by the children- and therefore the child would be justly punished for their sin as well. So from a practical perspective, I can see how that would happen. But there is no qualification in Your commandment..
Does that mean that these words are not to be taken at face value? And it’s a case of the words being present, but the idea is not? It’s so funny.. I don’t understand why You said it when You did not mean it? To show us the extent of Your jealousy? That there are consequences to turning away from you? To show us the extent of Your compassion? That the grace shown to those who loves your far outweighs the wrath shown to those who turn away?
I'm confused God, help me understand please?
"You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments."
Well I know that you love us with a holy jealousy- only appropriate for any lover. And I understand that one is to contrast the few generations of “punishment” to the thousand generations of love.
But why did You say You will punish the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation when you do not mean that? You said through Ezekiel 18:30-32
“Therefore, you Israelites, I will judge each of you according to your own ways, declares the Sovereign LORD. Repent! Turn away from all your offenses; then sin will not be your downfall. Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit. Why will you die, people of Israel? For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign LORD. Repent and live!
Your justice demands that the child innocent of his father’s sin shall not be punished. Through all of Scriptures it is also clear that “generational curses” are but superstitions. And all the other laws and commandments will also see to it that each man is held responsible for his/her actions. So what did You mean when You say You will punish the children for the sin of the parents?
I can understand the cyclical nature of sin, and how high the probability that the sins of the fathers will be inherited by the children- and therefore the child would be justly punished for their sin as well. So from a practical perspective, I can see how that would happen. But there is no qualification in Your commandment..
Does that mean that these words are not to be taken at face value? And it’s a case of the words being present, but the idea is not? It’s so funny.. I don’t understand why You said it when You did not mean it? To show us the extent of Your jealousy? That there are consequences to turning away from you? To show us the extent of Your compassion? That the grace shown to those who loves your far outweighs the wrath shown to those who turn away?
I'm confused God, help me understand please?
Thursday, May 19, 2011
The Good Wife Finale
*SPOILER ALERT*
I was really satisfied with the season 2 finale of the Good Wife. Not so much because of the “very exceptional moment” for Will and Alicia, though the elevator scene with Mika's “Any other world” in the background did not hurt.
But I am satisfied because the two of them are able to, very honestly, for the first time, face and express their feelings for each other. No suppression, no lies, no sabotage, no bad timing. Just one hour of good timing.
I would have been equally satisfied by a dinner with them just talking about how they feel- even if it concluded with them acknowledging that it would not work, yet. That is perhaps why I am not a scriptwriter. Much power of their relationship lies in what is unsaid, the undercurrents, the looks they give each other. So much is said when no words are spoken.
I’m not a cheerleader for adultery, reeeeeally!! Though it’s hard to reason my way out since I am in Camp Will. Don’t ask me for the reasons why, nor think more about the moral implications. I’m pleading the free will to choose here, and the freedom to be a reckless romantic with no regard for consequences.. in TV land.. :p
I was really satisfied with the season 2 finale of the Good Wife. Not so much because of the “very exceptional moment” for Will and Alicia, though the elevator scene with Mika's “Any other world” in the background did not hurt.
But I am satisfied because the two of them are able to, very honestly, for the first time, face and express their feelings for each other. No suppression, no lies, no sabotage, no bad timing. Just one hour of good timing.
I would have been equally satisfied by a dinner with them just talking about how they feel- even if it concluded with them acknowledging that it would not work, yet. That is perhaps why I am not a scriptwriter. Much power of their relationship lies in what is unsaid, the undercurrents, the looks they give each other. So much is said when no words are spoken.
I’m not a cheerleader for adultery, reeeeeally!! Though it’s hard to reason my way out since I am in Camp Will. Don’t ask me for the reasons why, nor think more about the moral implications. I’m pleading the free will to choose here, and the freedom to be a reckless romantic with no regard for consequences.. in TV land.. :p
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
My First Semester
So here I am at the end of the semester. Finished my finals, finished all my papers, finished all the required readings. Enjoying this moment I am spending with an old friend, not wanting to think about the other things on my to-do list.
I’m exactly where I want to be, doing what I want to do, watching time pass me by and having no urge to seize it- what other pleasures could one have in life.
It seems a little indulgent and self-absorbed talking about my little world given all the generation-defining events that had happened over the past month. There was the royal wedding of Kate & William- I liked her dresses, the very exciting Singapore General Elections- I never dreamed that any GRCs close to me would “fall into the hands of the opposition”, and the killing of Osama bin Laden- I cannot understand why people would want pictures and videos of that. CRAZY.
These headlines provided a touch stone for a world out there beyond the compounds of Trinity. More significant than the flapping of the butterfly’s wings, they should demand more contemplation lest a tempest should take me by surprise- but it is not now.
Now is the moment I want to reflect and process, forbidding that the semester should pass me by without this cathartic exercise. Crystallizing some convictions that I have come to own in a not-very exciting manner-
• We know a person by what he does. We do not know God’s ways without His stories. His stories unfold His roles and character. And this is the beauty of Biblical Theology. By tracing God’s work and hand through His-Story, we really get to know what He is like. And it is so exciting getting to know Him not by a neat package of ideas (Systematic Theology has its place), but slowly through time by observing and watching Him do the things He do. I pray that I will be more disciplined to apply Biblical Theology when doing Bible Study in the future.
• To listen actively and empathy is the foundation- not just of counseling, but of communication. There is no need for self-disclosure, and self-disclosure does not help. So many talk more than they listen, I pray that I will be a good helper for His sake!
• I have several personality traits that may be conflicting, but they also help balance each other out. I found myself confusing in the past, but no more apologies for the good range of personalities so I can draw on the different “selves” at different times for strength. Thank YOU Lord!
• Those suffering from addictions cannot control themselves- they need the counselor’s unconditional positive regard to help them hope. I pray that I can provide a safe environment for those who are struggling in any issue, so that help can come.
• To love wisdom and pursue it.
This is pretty much in a nutshell the journey I have been taking this semester. Looking forward to the next one :)
I’m exactly where I want to be, doing what I want to do, watching time pass me by and having no urge to seize it- what other pleasures could one have in life.
It seems a little indulgent and self-absorbed talking about my little world given all the generation-defining events that had happened over the past month. There was the royal wedding of Kate & William- I liked her dresses, the very exciting Singapore General Elections- I never dreamed that any GRCs close to me would “fall into the hands of the opposition”, and the killing of Osama bin Laden- I cannot understand why people would want pictures and videos of that. CRAZY.
These headlines provided a touch stone for a world out there beyond the compounds of Trinity. More significant than the flapping of the butterfly’s wings, they should demand more contemplation lest a tempest should take me by surprise- but it is not now.
Now is the moment I want to reflect and process, forbidding that the semester should pass me by without this cathartic exercise. Crystallizing some convictions that I have come to own in a not-very exciting manner-
• We know a person by what he does. We do not know God’s ways without His stories. His stories unfold His roles and character. And this is the beauty of Biblical Theology. By tracing God’s work and hand through His-Story, we really get to know what He is like. And it is so exciting getting to know Him not by a neat package of ideas (Systematic Theology has its place), but slowly through time by observing and watching Him do the things He do. I pray that I will be more disciplined to apply Biblical Theology when doing Bible Study in the future.
• To listen actively and empathy is the foundation- not just of counseling, but of communication. There is no need for self-disclosure, and self-disclosure does not help. So many talk more than they listen, I pray that I will be a good helper for His sake!
• I have several personality traits that may be conflicting, but they also help balance each other out. I found myself confusing in the past, but no more apologies for the good range of personalities so I can draw on the different “selves” at different times for strength. Thank YOU Lord!
• Those suffering from addictions cannot control themselves- they need the counselor’s unconditional positive regard to help them hope. I pray that I can provide a safe environment for those who are struggling in any issue, so that help can come.
• To love wisdom and pursue it.
This is pretty much in a nutshell the journey I have been taking this semester. Looking forward to the next one :)
Friday, April 22, 2011
Remembering on Good Friday
I have a friend who gives Light
He came to a world of darkness who screams to put out His light
I have a friend who is the Lamb
He was slaughtered so God’s judgment can pass-over the sinners of the world
I have a friend whose name is Love
He showed His love by dying for an unworthy me
How shall I befriend Him
When sometimes I hide His light under the bowl of what they might think
How shall I be covered by His blood
Over and over again I crucify Him with my sins
How shall I love Him
There is nothing I can bring
Yet it is the Father’s will to send His Son so He might justify and sanctify us
Grace freely given, freely received with thankfulness
He is abounding in love, rich in compassion, faithful and true
Rest we must in He, who has made Himself known
He says He is going away and will come back for us
Eagerly we shall await that day
He came to a world of darkness who screams to put out His light
I have a friend who is the Lamb
He was slaughtered so God’s judgment can pass-over the sinners of the world
I have a friend whose name is Love
He showed His love by dying for an unworthy me
How shall I befriend Him
When sometimes I hide His light under the bowl of what they might think
How shall I be covered by His blood
Over and over again I crucify Him with my sins
How shall I love Him
There is nothing I can bring
Yet it is the Father’s will to send His Son so He might justify and sanctify us
Grace freely given, freely received with thankfulness
He is abounding in love, rich in compassion, faithful and true
Rest we must in He, who has made Himself known
He says He is going away and will come back for us
Eagerly we shall await that day
Friday, March 25, 2011
Personality Self Portrait
This is a lazy entry.. just an assignment that i did for my Counseling class on the results of a personality test.. But it pretty much describes me!
Overview
My most dominant personality style is Conscientious, and the least dominant style is Aggressive. Most of the other traits are fairly close in range, with the Dramatic, Adventurous, Devoted, Self-Sacrificing and Mercurial in the next top “Personality belt”. I will seek to discuss my findings based on the 6 domains.
Work
I have found that the blend of my Conscientious-Devoted -Self Sacrificing personalities strongly characterize the “good” employee and team player I am. I am organized, hardworking, can push through drudgery as long as it is pleases my boss and team. What motivates me most is the satisfaction of others, and I have little outward personal ambition. I care for the people I work with, and will also need some expressions of appreciation. Being in a position of leadership, I will need to be more assertive to compensate for the shortfalls of the Devoted personality.
What prevents me from being completely sold-out to, and causes me to struggle with my work ethic of “simply being the one who goes by the book and can be trusted to get the job done”, is my Dramatic-Adventurous -Mercurial personality blend. I love ideas- responding to suggestions from others, and wanting my ideas to be heard. I need to be challenged, and have to avoid routine- this explains why I like to multi-task, and work on 3-4 projects at any one time. And as a Mercurial, I am outgoing and energetic and take comfort in idealized roles- this affirms my longings for teaching and helping professions.
Self
My Self domain is strongly affected by my Dramatic-Devoted-Mercurial personality traits. This means that I have a weak inner compass, and my self definition comes from others. Being Dramatic, I see myself as others see me and require reassurance and feedback to maintain self-confidence. My Devoted self will cause me to seek out other’s opinions and follow their advice, and this combined with the Dramatic trait makes me want to be who others think I should be. As a Mercurial, I am very open-minded and curious about other ways of being, and I am rarely concretely fixed to any particular identity, lifestyle or culture. This is likely a contributing factor to me feeling not absolutely certain of my own identity.
The strong tendency to be “swayed” from identity to identity is fortunately “rescued” by my Adventurous streak and Christian faith. Being Adventurous, there is a strong inner right and wrong- this is what helps me determine the identities that I am willing to “try out”. The strong desire to live in the moment without regrets also drives some of my self-decisions that may be contrary to other’s opinions.
Emotions
As a Dramatic-Adventurous-Mercurial, I have strong emotions. It is important for me to engage my heart in everything I do, and I wear my emotions on my sleeves. I want to write a story with my life, I laugh and cry easily and openly, and am prone to more intense emotional experiences. The Adventurous personality helps me be cheerful and enjoy life, and be less melo-dramatic.
The above personality combinations can easily cause one to be emotionally unstable. However, the Conscientious-Self Sacrificing-Devoted traits help regulate and give stability to the strong emotions. The Self Sacrificing personality is emotionally strong and capable of shouldering whatever burdens that come my way, and the Conscientious self helps the head rule the heart and not go to extremes. Dramatic on the inside, my expressions are tempered and moderated by the Conscientious-Devoted personalities.
Relationships
The Conscientious-Devoted personalities reinforce each other in the realm of relationships. The personality causes one to be others-centered, and be loyal and faithful to follow through the commitment. For the Devoted personality, relationships provide life’s meaning and causes one to work hard to keep relationships together. The Dramatic-Self Sacrificing blend creates an interesting dynamic for the individual’s response in this domain. The Self Sacrificing personality exist to serve the other person, would sacrifice their own needs in acts of service. and routinely deflect attention away themselves. The Dramatic personality wants to be in center stage, and the Self Sacrificing trait is embarrassed to desire that, but desires to be appreciated.
The Adventurous-Mercurial adds a “wild card” to the faithful partner mix. These personalities are self-serving in relationships, thrive on intense, no strings attached experiences, and are not very principled nor monogamous. I have noticed that they show themselves through my thoughts and responses, and heavily “rebuked” by the other traits and my Christian faith when they present themselves.
Self-Control & Real World
There are 2 strong contrasting personality blends in the Self-Control & Real World domains- the Conscientious-Self Sacrificing vs. the Dramatic-Mercurial. The Conscientious self likes to plan, is disciplined and find it hard to make a decision due to the perfectionist personality; and the Self Sacrificing personality finds it hard to relax strict controls and have a good time. This combination suggests strong self-control and well measured decisions in the real world. The Dramatic-Mercurial self on the other hand lacks self control and often acts on impulse. It is curious and interested, love to taste and experiment, and is often self-indulgent.
They result in different responses in different situations, and will almost always create a regret response when one set of traits “win”. However, I think that they complement each other to create a more well balanced individual. With the Conscientious being the dominant personality trait, the disciplined self runs the show most of the time. However, with the dynamic Dramatic self, it helps the individual relax, do something “out of the box” once in a while and adds spice to one’s life.
Conclusion
Discovering my key personality styles have been enlightening. It has helped shed some clarity on certain behaviors, thoughts and emotions that I used to find conflicting and confusing.
Overview
My most dominant personality style is Conscientious, and the least dominant style is Aggressive. Most of the other traits are fairly close in range, with the Dramatic, Adventurous, Devoted, Self-Sacrificing and Mercurial in the next top “Personality belt”. I will seek to discuss my findings based on the 6 domains.
Work
I have found that the blend of my Conscientious-Devoted -Self Sacrificing personalities strongly characterize the “good” employee and team player I am. I am organized, hardworking, can push through drudgery as long as it is pleases my boss and team. What motivates me most is the satisfaction of others, and I have little outward personal ambition. I care for the people I work with, and will also need some expressions of appreciation. Being in a position of leadership, I will need to be more assertive to compensate for the shortfalls of the Devoted personality.
What prevents me from being completely sold-out to, and causes me to struggle with my work ethic of “simply being the one who goes by the book and can be trusted to get the job done”, is my Dramatic-Adventurous -Mercurial personality blend. I love ideas- responding to suggestions from others, and wanting my ideas to be heard. I need to be challenged, and have to avoid routine- this explains why I like to multi-task, and work on 3-4 projects at any one time. And as a Mercurial, I am outgoing and energetic and take comfort in idealized roles- this affirms my longings for teaching and helping professions.
Self
My Self domain is strongly affected by my Dramatic-Devoted-Mercurial personality traits. This means that I have a weak inner compass, and my self definition comes from others. Being Dramatic, I see myself as others see me and require reassurance and feedback to maintain self-confidence. My Devoted self will cause me to seek out other’s opinions and follow their advice, and this combined with the Dramatic trait makes me want to be who others think I should be. As a Mercurial, I am very open-minded and curious about other ways of being, and I am rarely concretely fixed to any particular identity, lifestyle or culture. This is likely a contributing factor to me feeling not absolutely certain of my own identity.
The strong tendency to be “swayed” from identity to identity is fortunately “rescued” by my Adventurous streak and Christian faith. Being Adventurous, there is a strong inner right and wrong- this is what helps me determine the identities that I am willing to “try out”. The strong desire to live in the moment without regrets also drives some of my self-decisions that may be contrary to other’s opinions.
Emotions
As a Dramatic-Adventurous-Mercurial, I have strong emotions. It is important for me to engage my heart in everything I do, and I wear my emotions on my sleeves. I want to write a story with my life, I laugh and cry easily and openly, and am prone to more intense emotional experiences. The Adventurous personality helps me be cheerful and enjoy life, and be less melo-dramatic.
The above personality combinations can easily cause one to be emotionally unstable. However, the Conscientious-Self Sacrificing-Devoted traits help regulate and give stability to the strong emotions. The Self Sacrificing personality is emotionally strong and capable of shouldering whatever burdens that come my way, and the Conscientious self helps the head rule the heart and not go to extremes. Dramatic on the inside, my expressions are tempered and moderated by the Conscientious-Devoted personalities.
Relationships
The Conscientious-Devoted personalities reinforce each other in the realm of relationships. The personality causes one to be others-centered, and be loyal and faithful to follow through the commitment. For the Devoted personality, relationships provide life’s meaning and causes one to work hard to keep relationships together. The Dramatic-Self Sacrificing blend creates an interesting dynamic for the individual’s response in this domain. The Self Sacrificing personality exist to serve the other person, would sacrifice their own needs in acts of service. and routinely deflect attention away themselves. The Dramatic personality wants to be in center stage, and the Self Sacrificing trait is embarrassed to desire that, but desires to be appreciated.
The Adventurous-Mercurial adds a “wild card” to the faithful partner mix. These personalities are self-serving in relationships, thrive on intense, no strings attached experiences, and are not very principled nor monogamous. I have noticed that they show themselves through my thoughts and responses, and heavily “rebuked” by the other traits and my Christian faith when they present themselves.
Self-Control & Real World
There are 2 strong contrasting personality blends in the Self-Control & Real World domains- the Conscientious-Self Sacrificing vs. the Dramatic-Mercurial. The Conscientious self likes to plan, is disciplined and find it hard to make a decision due to the perfectionist personality; and the Self Sacrificing personality finds it hard to relax strict controls and have a good time. This combination suggests strong self-control and well measured decisions in the real world. The Dramatic-Mercurial self on the other hand lacks self control and often acts on impulse. It is curious and interested, love to taste and experiment, and is often self-indulgent.
They result in different responses in different situations, and will almost always create a regret response when one set of traits “win”. However, I think that they complement each other to create a more well balanced individual. With the Conscientious being the dominant personality trait, the disciplined self runs the show most of the time. However, with the dynamic Dramatic self, it helps the individual relax, do something “out of the box” once in a while and adds spice to one’s life.
Conclusion
Discovering my key personality styles have been enlightening. It has helped shed some clarity on certain behaviors, thoughts and emotions that I used to find conflicting and confusing.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Honda talk..
I feel each flake fall so gently on my body, and one by one they cover me. By the time the night is over, I am sleeping snugly under a blanket of snow and frost. The best part is when Arthur wakes me up in the morning and works me up to start running. The heat from my body melts the ice mixture on me and gives me a good bath all over. I love it when he uses the brush on me- the gentle strokes tickles me and the hard scrubs feel like a good rub. Gosh, the winter is over too soon and I am missing my baths in the snow already.
Though I must admit- that having ice on me is nice, but skating on them was not too fun at all. I was so scared that day. We were having a good ride up to Bemidji, enjoying the terrain and looking forward to spending time with the family… Until I was trying to go around the truck in front of me, and I fell into a snow ditch. Ouch. I tried to get myself out but to no avail. Finally, Arthur my hero got a tow truck to tow me out of that snow pit. Thankfully, I emerged only with some slight bruises. Phew!
While I thought that was the worst, Arthur’s wife did a Fast & Furious stunt on our way back. I always wondered what it was going to be like, but I don’t wonder that any more. The road was so icy, I spun 360 degrees on the highway! Thankfully, my neighbor charged on ahead in midst of the heavy snow, and the ones behind stopped in time. I am so glad that other than that little spin, all three of us were safe. I could tell that the poor couple was so shaken. She gripped me so tightly when she drove all the rest of the way.
These little adventures could get me by for the rest of my life I think. Fingers crossed.. Now I need to get ready for Spring.. Cant wait to give me some good cleaning and sprucing! Can’t be too shabby looking- it’s time to greet the daffodils and lilies in the fields! Woohoo!!
Though I must admit- that having ice on me is nice, but skating on them was not too fun at all. I was so scared that day. We were having a good ride up to Bemidji, enjoying the terrain and looking forward to spending time with the family… Until I was trying to go around the truck in front of me, and I fell into a snow ditch. Ouch. I tried to get myself out but to no avail. Finally, Arthur my hero got a tow truck to tow me out of that snow pit. Thankfully, I emerged only with some slight bruises. Phew!
While I thought that was the worst, Arthur’s wife did a Fast & Furious stunt on our way back. I always wondered what it was going to be like, but I don’t wonder that any more. The road was so icy, I spun 360 degrees on the highway! Thankfully, my neighbor charged on ahead in midst of the heavy snow, and the ones behind stopped in time. I am so glad that other than that little spin, all three of us were safe. I could tell that the poor couple was so shaken. She gripped me so tightly when she drove all the rest of the way.
These little adventures could get me by for the rest of my life I think. Fingers crossed.. Now I need to get ready for Spring.. Cant wait to give me some good cleaning and sprucing! Can’t be too shabby looking- it’s time to greet the daffodils and lilies in the fields! Woohoo!!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Fun in February
We've never been big on Valentine's Day- it's just not our thing. And all the "love is in the air" stuff, is just stuffy for us. To be honest, I don't think it's because it's the Valentine's month particularly, but we have had more dates this month than our usual monthly average of 0.5... :p So I want to remember here, the fun we've had this February...So that I do not forget, all the effort Arthur's put in to make them happen- willingly or unwillingly ;)
Les Miz was a great start to the month. It was a gift from Daddy literally- we did not know whether we were going to get the tickets until the day prior! We still forgot our lesson from Wicked to bring binoculars, but we had a memorable school bus ride home with the rest of the "college kids". When was the last time i rode on an old school bus? Thank you honey for getting in touch with the person in charge and making it happen :) Taking the train down town to meet me for dinner, and then going out in the cold again after reaching home to get our car.
Ice-skating was fun too! And I sure hope we get to make this a monthly routine so that I can master gliding on ice!!! Push and slide, push and slide.. I think the hardest part is now having to let go of your hand... Next time.. Thanks for being a teacher :)
Dancing was as good as it could get with my 2 left feet. Thanks for being willing to be dragged, whining and kicking, to the event.. hahahhaa.. I'm glad I didnt have to switch partners and know that i've got one dance partner for the rest of my life :) Now, I must remember to wear higher heels next time :p
Les Miz was a great start to the month. It was a gift from Daddy literally- we did not know whether we were going to get the tickets until the day prior! We still forgot our lesson from Wicked to bring binoculars, but we had a memorable school bus ride home with the rest of the "college kids". When was the last time i rode on an old school bus? Thank you honey for getting in touch with the person in charge and making it happen :) Taking the train down town to meet me for dinner, and then going out in the cold again after reaching home to get our car.
Ice-skating was fun too! And I sure hope we get to make this a monthly routine so that I can master gliding on ice!!! Push and slide, push and slide.. I think the hardest part is now having to let go of your hand... Next time.. Thanks for being a teacher :)
Dancing was as good as it could get with my 2 left feet. Thanks for being willing to be dragged, whining and kicking, to the event.. hahahhaa.. I'm glad I didnt have to switch partners and know that i've got one dance partner for the rest of my life :) Now, I must remember to wear higher heels next time :p
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Les Misérables
It had been a long time since I had been moved by grace. And that night, the musical taught the lesson to my heart again. How shall one live without grace? How harsh and burdensome is the yoke of the law! And how beautiful the life that is redeemed by grace!
Grace was shown to Jean Valjean not in a dramatic “Let me pardon you” way. The benevolent bishop turned the other cheek, and gave the thief his cloak after he had taken his tunic. After the police released Valjean, the bishop never learnt what his gift of freedom had done for his brother. He “bought a soul” with the silver for God!
Javert was a slave of the law. He spent his life seeking to arrest 24601, to uphold the law and put him back in chains behind the prison walls for breaking his parole. When Valjean saved his life and pardon him, Javert realized that he could not give Valjean up to the authorities. Unable cope with the dilemma that he was shown mercy by the one he had been persecuting his whole life, and that his life obsession to bring 24601 to “justice” was undone, Javert drove himself to suicide.
The law had never seemed this tragically heavy and burdensome to me. The one who lives by and under the law was enslaved and bound to a Master who brings death.
The only regret I have of the musical and story, is how so many characters revolved around Cossette and how central she was to the development of the story- but yet her character remains so ill-defined and shallow. Even her love interest Marius surprisingly had more character than her.
The themes in the story are so beautiful, deep, well-explored and skillfully woven through the many story-lines and plots. The music and lyrics are profoundly well written. The experience baptizes one in love and grace, and sends one remembering “to love another person is to see the face of God”.
I love Les Miz!
Grace was shown to Jean Valjean not in a dramatic “Let me pardon you” way. The benevolent bishop turned the other cheek, and gave the thief his cloak after he had taken his tunic. After the police released Valjean, the bishop never learnt what his gift of freedom had done for his brother. He “bought a soul” with the silver for God!
Javert was a slave of the law. He spent his life seeking to arrest 24601, to uphold the law and put him back in chains behind the prison walls for breaking his parole. When Valjean saved his life and pardon him, Javert realized that he could not give Valjean up to the authorities. Unable cope with the dilemma that he was shown mercy by the one he had been persecuting his whole life, and that his life obsession to bring 24601 to “justice” was undone, Javert drove himself to suicide.
The law had never seemed this tragically heavy and burdensome to me. The one who lives by and under the law was enslaved and bound to a Master who brings death.
The only regret I have of the musical and story, is how so many characters revolved around Cossette and how central she was to the development of the story- but yet her character remains so ill-defined and shallow. Even her love interest Marius surprisingly had more character than her.
The themes in the story are so beautiful, deep, well-explored and skillfully woven through the many story-lines and plots. The music and lyrics are profoundly well written. The experience baptizes one in love and grace, and sends one remembering “to love another person is to see the face of God”.
I love Les Miz!
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Icing Queen?
I did not like icing, but after being “corrupted” by my American husband, I’m learning that icing can be really delicious. Well, at least home-made icing- there is still much lazy, yucky icing out there.
So my latest baking attempt produced a chocolate mint icing cocoa-butter cake, and an orange icing butter cake.
The cake base is not worth bragging about- since it’s pretty much following the instructions on the Betty Crocker mix. BUT, what’s worth sharing though is that you can totally make it with ¼ less the required butter, and it still taste fabulous! And I have fallen in love with this soft butter sponge as well- not too buttery, light and fluffy and melts in your mouth.
The icing was where it became fun. Arthur helped make the base with a simple family buttercream recipe. He left me with this big bowl of icing and said, “make it interesting, it’s boring!” So my mind started ticking as my eyes roved around the kitchen. And 1 flavor of icing is no fun- let’s up the game a little!
Ok, there’s some chocolate bars that I want to get rid of, and there’s this peppermint extract that I bought some time back that I have not tried. Chocolate mint icing sounded pretty good in my mind.. So there I was, without a recipe and trying to concoct this icing with my gut-feel proportions. Let’s just say that there was a lot of experimentation, “oops”, and “ok.. let’s add a little bit more of this to fix that”..
Whilst I back-tracked in the school of “measuring”, I thought I did well in the school of “melting chocolate”. It’s so satisfying to see the melted chocolate in the micro-wave looking as it should. :p A smooth silky chocolate ribbon falling from the spoon... Pretty... In the past, I used to get lumpy dry chocolate. I learnt later that it was because the temperature was too high. You cannot get impatient there with melting chocolate. Higher heat does not mean faster melting :p That’s something I learnt after screwing up goodness-knows-how-many bags of chocolate chips, and "getting mad" at the cookbooks.. heh.
By the time the chocolate mint icing was done, I was a little tired. What do I do with the other half of the buttercream icing?
And I remembered seeing this Orange icing on the internet the other day… Idea! But me being the lazy cook, I wasn’t going to go search for the recipe on the internet-since I was not prepared to do what it says anyway.. I saw my Korean KamQuat drink on the shelf and decided to “give it a shot”. So I took spoonfuls of the drink preserves, and stirred it into the buttercream icing. Again, “by feel”, I arrived at a perfect tasting orange icing. It’s really delicious.
At the end of the evening, I really enjoyed the 2 batches of icing and was really pleased at how they turned out. I could totally make icing for a living!! I don’t understand.. When it’s so easy to get creative flavors, why is there still so much bad icing out there??
And who says icing on the cake is not important? It can give 2 plain butter cakes such distinctive taste, and the cake “springs alive”!
Maybe when I get back to Singapore, I can have my little home bakery with specialty-flavored icing on cup-cakes. Hmmm… Idea.. Next career maybe? Icing queen? Hahahaha…
So my latest baking attempt produced a chocolate mint icing cocoa-butter cake, and an orange icing butter cake.
The cake base is not worth bragging about- since it’s pretty much following the instructions on the Betty Crocker mix. BUT, what’s worth sharing though is that you can totally make it with ¼ less the required butter, and it still taste fabulous! And I have fallen in love with this soft butter sponge as well- not too buttery, light and fluffy and melts in your mouth.
The icing was where it became fun. Arthur helped make the base with a simple family buttercream recipe. He left me with this big bowl of icing and said, “make it interesting, it’s boring!” So my mind started ticking as my eyes roved around the kitchen. And 1 flavor of icing is no fun- let’s up the game a little!
Ok, there’s some chocolate bars that I want to get rid of, and there’s this peppermint extract that I bought some time back that I have not tried. Chocolate mint icing sounded pretty good in my mind.. So there I was, without a recipe and trying to concoct this icing with my gut-feel proportions. Let’s just say that there was a lot of experimentation, “oops”, and “ok.. let’s add a little bit more of this to fix that”..
Whilst I back-tracked in the school of “measuring”, I thought I did well in the school of “melting chocolate”. It’s so satisfying to see the melted chocolate in the micro-wave looking as it should. :p A smooth silky chocolate ribbon falling from the spoon... Pretty... In the past, I used to get lumpy dry chocolate. I learnt later that it was because the temperature was too high. You cannot get impatient there with melting chocolate. Higher heat does not mean faster melting :p That’s something I learnt after screwing up goodness-knows-how-many bags of chocolate chips, and "getting mad" at the cookbooks.. heh.
By the time the chocolate mint icing was done, I was a little tired. What do I do with the other half of the buttercream icing?
And I remembered seeing this Orange icing on the internet the other day… Idea! But me being the lazy cook, I wasn’t going to go search for the recipe on the internet-since I was not prepared to do what it says anyway.. I saw my Korean KamQuat drink on the shelf and decided to “give it a shot”. So I took spoonfuls of the drink preserves, and stirred it into the buttercream icing. Again, “by feel”, I arrived at a perfect tasting orange icing. It’s really delicious.
At the end of the evening, I really enjoyed the 2 batches of icing and was really pleased at how they turned out. I could totally make icing for a living!! I don’t understand.. When it’s so easy to get creative flavors, why is there still so much bad icing out there??
And who says icing on the cake is not important? It can give 2 plain butter cakes such distinctive taste, and the cake “springs alive”!
Maybe when I get back to Singapore, I can have my little home bakery with specialty-flavored icing on cup-cakes. Hmmm… Idea.. Next career maybe? Icing queen? Hahahaha…
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Some thoughts this week..
1. Back to the classroom after 7 years. I was like a kid waiting for the first day of school, excited! Sitting in a classroom with an age range of 25-55 years old- I cannot help but keep wondering what each person’s story is!
2. So my first question about counseling- so we’re not supposed to give our clients advice nor share our experience, how far do we take that principle into our relationships and interactions? Is it really possible to do that with friends and relationships that you have a stake in?
3. PPC is teaching about money, VCL is also teaching about money. It’s one of the key things Arthur and I would really like to work on this year. God is giving us a classroom and life-lab all at the same time! Praise God! I’m sure I have more to say about that in the weeks to come. But today’s lesson- tithing is our response to God’s blessing, and is a strong medicine against greed & selfishness. Discover God through tithing!
4. Somewhat connected to the above, I was kind of thinking through a specific situation. Having been a nomad congregation for years, how can we bear to put other brothers and sisters through the same experience? Of course there is human wisdom about being careful, but how does calculating the risk of property damage weigh on God’s “generosity and grace” scale? How much will “safety” count in God’s books, how will it match against “meeting a brother’s need”? I’m removed from the situation, so am just processing out-loud.. Human wisdom is valid and always convincing, and while I understand the concerns, I must make sure I am clear where I stand on this matter.
2. So my first question about counseling- so we’re not supposed to give our clients advice nor share our experience, how far do we take that principle into our relationships and interactions? Is it really possible to do that with friends and relationships that you have a stake in?
3. PPC is teaching about money, VCL is also teaching about money. It’s one of the key things Arthur and I would really like to work on this year. God is giving us a classroom and life-lab all at the same time! Praise God! I’m sure I have more to say about that in the weeks to come. But today’s lesson- tithing is our response to God’s blessing, and is a strong medicine against greed & selfishness. Discover God through tithing!
4. Somewhat connected to the above, I was kind of thinking through a specific situation. Having been a nomad congregation for years, how can we bear to put other brothers and sisters through the same experience? Of course there is human wisdom about being careful, but how does calculating the risk of property damage weigh on God’s “generosity and grace” scale? How much will “safety” count in God’s books, how will it match against “meeting a brother’s need”? I’m removed from the situation, so am just processing out-loud.. Human wisdom is valid and always convincing, and while I understand the concerns, I must make sure I am clear where I stand on this matter.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Over-reaction?
Being alone in a hotel room means that I have lots of time to channel surf. And what dominates the news cycle this week- is the shooting in Arizona targeted at a Congresswoman, and the snow storm on the East Coast.
I really have had enough of the former. Seriously… America at its best- making such a big deal over this. A country where you allow people to have guns, would you not have expected this? Someone attacking a government official, you call that an attack on democracy? And the President spending 3 days on a speech at the memorial service- commending people who performed first aid and prevent gun overload- who wouldn’t do that instinctively? Commending the left and right for laying aside their political differences in this tragedy? And noting that America’s heart is broken, but not her spirit?
Seriously???!!! *ROLL EYES BIG TIME*
I’m not saying this is not worth air-time, but seriously- when more and worse atrocities committed against mankind everywhere, and you blow this up to such great proportion? I guess the media is just having their field day. What did my President do about the hacking along Singapore River- I’m sure he did something, and I’m sure the media had some extensive coverage, but things aren’t THIS crazy!!!
It’s like bandaging a small paper cut. America, come on!!! Your government is starting to act like a nanny. For a nation that was founded by fighting wars, you have grown so soft! For a nation that became the target of terrorists, is this not just something so small? Surely public service comes with a price, surely you cannot be shocked by senseless violence!
Of course my heart goes out to the innocent- those who became targets because of their service, those who lost their lives in a random event such as this, but I wish you had given some context to the event…
I really have had enough of the former. Seriously… America at its best- making such a big deal over this. A country where you allow people to have guns, would you not have expected this? Someone attacking a government official, you call that an attack on democracy? And the President spending 3 days on a speech at the memorial service- commending people who performed first aid and prevent gun overload- who wouldn’t do that instinctively? Commending the left and right for laying aside their political differences in this tragedy? And noting that America’s heart is broken, but not her spirit?
Seriously???!!! *ROLL EYES BIG TIME*
I’m not saying this is not worth air-time, but seriously- when more and worse atrocities committed against mankind everywhere, and you blow this up to such great proportion? I guess the media is just having their field day. What did my President do about the hacking along Singapore River- I’m sure he did something, and I’m sure the media had some extensive coverage, but things aren’t THIS crazy!!!
It’s like bandaging a small paper cut. America, come on!!! Your government is starting to act like a nanny. For a nation that was founded by fighting wars, you have grown so soft! For a nation that became the target of terrorists, is this not just something so small? Surely public service comes with a price, surely you cannot be shocked by senseless violence!
Of course my heart goes out to the innocent- those who became targets because of their service, those who lost their lives in a random event such as this, but I wish you had given some context to the event…
Saturday, January 01, 2011
2010-2011
From today, we’re officially over a decade into the new millennium. Not that this adds more significance to the passing of a year, than the event itself ought to warrant. Maybe it’s something about starting a new calendar, the whole world beginning on that same page with you, new plans are made, and hopes of fulfilling dreams gone by are renewed…
I am less a fan of making New Year resolutions than I am of remembering the year gone by- but I’m not very good at either of those. My forgetfulness is the culprit. I have always managed to forget my New Year resolutions by the end of January- so what is the point of making them at all? And I abhor the notion of having to measure myself against certain standards all the time- checking if I have done well so far or not.
But it would certainly be foolishness if I allow my poor memory to fail me, in taking stock of where God has led and is leading me in this journey. Hence this entry- an exercise of discipline to call to mind what I’ve learnt about myself through the experiences in 2010.
1. There is much courage, faith and love the heart needs to stay alive, to stay content, and to stay faithful. After 29 years, I am still learning to stay comfortable in my own skin. I need to call in no less than the love of Jesus to help me love my neighbor, when I feel less than them. To not compare, to truly wish/ want the best for them, to not waver and wonder about another experience. All is enough and good because He has given.
2. I like travelling. Be it the morning train rides, walking around the city, driving along the cornfields- the mind gets a rest from activity, and be by itself. And these pockets of spaces are so precious. It’s when I smell the air, glide on the river, trace the skyline and breathe…
3. My home is where my hubby is. Many have asked me whether I am home-sick, and I shake my head. It does not mean that I do not miss my family and friends in Singapore.. Or that my heart does not ache some times when I wonder how my loved ones are living lives on the other side of the moon… But I feel safe and right at home where he is.
4. I am looking forward to growing old. After a month of winter, I feel like I have had enough of the snow and I am ready for spring. But alas! I have 3 more months of cold to go… And I feel the same about life… After 29 years, I feel like I have seen enough and I am ready for Jesus to come. But unlike the cold winter with nothing to look forward to, I find myself looking forward to growing old in grace and wisdom. So I guess it’s like a good Catch-22. “To live is Christ and to die is Christ”…
5. Renewing my passion for learning and reading is one of the best things that happened to me in 2010. I am glad that books and papers are back in my life.
So here I stand, with 2010 behind me- totally piqued about 2011. And here’s a song He has given me to start the year with…
If I stand
And there’s more that rises in the morning than the sun
And more that shines in the night than just the moon
It’s more than just this fire here that keeps me warm
In a shelter that is larger than this room
And there’s a loyalty that’s deeper than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs that I can sing
The stuff of Earth competes for the allegiance
I owe only to the Giver of all good things
So if I stand let me stand on the promise that You will pull me through
And if I can’t, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home.
I am less a fan of making New Year resolutions than I am of remembering the year gone by- but I’m not very good at either of those. My forgetfulness is the culprit. I have always managed to forget my New Year resolutions by the end of January- so what is the point of making them at all? And I abhor the notion of having to measure myself against certain standards all the time- checking if I have done well so far or not.
But it would certainly be foolishness if I allow my poor memory to fail me, in taking stock of where God has led and is leading me in this journey. Hence this entry- an exercise of discipline to call to mind what I’ve learnt about myself through the experiences in 2010.
1. There is much courage, faith and love the heart needs to stay alive, to stay content, and to stay faithful. After 29 years, I am still learning to stay comfortable in my own skin. I need to call in no less than the love of Jesus to help me love my neighbor, when I feel less than them. To not compare, to truly wish/ want the best for them, to not waver and wonder about another experience. All is enough and good because He has given.
2. I like travelling. Be it the morning train rides, walking around the city, driving along the cornfields- the mind gets a rest from activity, and be by itself. And these pockets of spaces are so precious. It’s when I smell the air, glide on the river, trace the skyline and breathe…
3. My home is where my hubby is. Many have asked me whether I am home-sick, and I shake my head. It does not mean that I do not miss my family and friends in Singapore.. Or that my heart does not ache some times when I wonder how my loved ones are living lives on the other side of the moon… But I feel safe and right at home where he is.
4. I am looking forward to growing old. After a month of winter, I feel like I have had enough of the snow and I am ready for spring. But alas! I have 3 more months of cold to go… And I feel the same about life… After 29 years, I feel like I have seen enough and I am ready for Jesus to come. But unlike the cold winter with nothing to look forward to, I find myself looking forward to growing old in grace and wisdom. So I guess it’s like a good Catch-22. “To live is Christ and to die is Christ”…
5. Renewing my passion for learning and reading is one of the best things that happened to me in 2010. I am glad that books and papers are back in my life.
So here I stand, with 2010 behind me- totally piqued about 2011. And here’s a song He has given me to start the year with…
If I stand
And there’s more that rises in the morning than the sun
And more that shines in the night than just the moon
It’s more than just this fire here that keeps me warm
In a shelter that is larger than this room
And there’s a loyalty that’s deeper than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs that I can sing
The stuff of Earth competes for the allegiance
I owe only to the Giver of all good things
So if I stand let me stand on the promise that You will pull me through
And if I can’t, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Kitchen Bloopers
I must admit that I had been pretty pleased with my kitchen outings recently.
My first turkey turned out quite pretty- though I need to improve on keeping the inside as moist as Mum’s. But it might be a tough call, because to have that golden brown skin- it means having to broil the bird and this dries up all the juice I had tried painstakingly to keep in over the last 2 hours. Anyhow, I will experiment with my timing next time round. Maybe this will get me watching the clock a little more conscientiously.
But it’s not as if my days of being a screwball in the kitchen is over.
I’m into blending fruits into pulp these days. Thanks to Lynn and her craze with “You are what you eat”- I caught her bug when I visited her in New York. So anyway, I made black bean salad with the juices from 3 big limes the other day. And being a crazy lemon-lime fan, I hated to see the lime pith (the white spongy part) go to waste. So I had a brilliant idea to rip out all the pith, and save them for my fruit juice/pulp that night.
And there I was throwing in all the cucumbers and lime pith into the blender, with a refreshing cucumber concoction in my head. The first sip could not be further away from that! It was ssoooooo bitter, I could not bear to take another sip. But how could the one who cannot bear to throw dry lime pith, let the “pretty” green drink go to waste?
I grumbled and whined with every sip I took. And I drank the small cup through the night. Poor Arthur who did not like cucumber to begin with, and who absolutely would not voluntarily eat bitter gourd, bore the drink like a man. He took it, mouthfuls by mouthfuls, and finished the horrible green stuff before I did!
Lesson #1: Lime pith is bitter. Do not eat it one its own nor blend heaps of it into your drink!
And then I was trying to make Zha Jiang Mian over the weekend. Excited at the prospect of being able to use the blender to blend my onions, and there would be “No-More-Tears”, I chopped them into chunks and threw them into the machine. Sadly, I do not think that the blender was designed for this purpose. Use it to make smoothies yes, juice-pulp blends yes, but not chop onions. So after 30 minutes of unsuccessful attempts at trying to blend my 2 huge onions, I gave up. Instead of nice easy strips to chop, I now had to contend with chunks and chop it twice over. SIGH!
Lesson #2: Do not use your blender to blend onions. Use a food processor!!!
Now someone tell me what the difference between a blender and a food processor is???
My first turkey turned out quite pretty- though I need to improve on keeping the inside as moist as Mum’s. But it might be a tough call, because to have that golden brown skin- it means having to broil the bird and this dries up all the juice I had tried painstakingly to keep in over the last 2 hours. Anyhow, I will experiment with my timing next time round. Maybe this will get me watching the clock a little more conscientiously.
But it’s not as if my days of being a screwball in the kitchen is over.
I’m into blending fruits into pulp these days. Thanks to Lynn and her craze with “You are what you eat”- I caught her bug when I visited her in New York. So anyway, I made black bean salad with the juices from 3 big limes the other day. And being a crazy lemon-lime fan, I hated to see the lime pith (the white spongy part) go to waste. So I had a brilliant idea to rip out all the pith, and save them for my fruit juice/pulp that night.
And there I was throwing in all the cucumbers and lime pith into the blender, with a refreshing cucumber concoction in my head. The first sip could not be further away from that! It was ssoooooo bitter, I could not bear to take another sip. But how could the one who cannot bear to throw dry lime pith, let the “pretty” green drink go to waste?
I grumbled and whined with every sip I took. And I drank the small cup through the night. Poor Arthur who did not like cucumber to begin with, and who absolutely would not voluntarily eat bitter gourd, bore the drink like a man. He took it, mouthfuls by mouthfuls, and finished the horrible green stuff before I did!
Lesson #1: Lime pith is bitter. Do not eat it one its own nor blend heaps of it into your drink!
And then I was trying to make Zha Jiang Mian over the weekend. Excited at the prospect of being able to use the blender to blend my onions, and there would be “No-More-Tears”, I chopped them into chunks and threw them into the machine. Sadly, I do not think that the blender was designed for this purpose. Use it to make smoothies yes, juice-pulp blends yes, but not chop onions. So after 30 minutes of unsuccessful attempts at trying to blend my 2 huge onions, I gave up. Instead of nice easy strips to chop, I now had to contend with chunks and chop it twice over. SIGH!
Lesson #2: Do not use your blender to blend onions. Use a food processor!!!
Now someone tell me what the difference between a blender and a food processor is???
Saturday, December 11, 2010
10 Things I like about ME...
Ok so I’ve disappeared for a long while… So this is a quick 5 min catch up for those who are interested in what’s going on in my life and in my head… Just to limit myself, I’m gonna do the “10 things I want to tell you”. (i'm not THAT ego-centric laaaaaa...)
1. We now have a small group! Although we’ve attended it only once before the group closed for the year (coz of exams and holiday travel), we’re still thankful that we’ve got a small group now. It’s really small and cozy, and there is a certain dynamic when 3 of them are in MDiv, and 1 of them is doing a PhD in Genesis… Nonetheless, I really missed Bible Study and am more than glad to be digging into the Word again!
2. The small group is doing the book of Proverbs. And the study that night revolved around- the difference between Wisdom and the Law. What is their relationship? What is their difference? Is one better than the other? Should one be desired more than the other? When would one apply wisdom (ie a proverb/principle) and when would one apply the law? I had been circling these questions in my head for the last 2 weeks… Much to say about that- will save that for another time.
3. I think I’m falling in love with Village Church and the “old” brothers and sisters there. The 2 major demographic groups in the church are- people above 60s and Trinity students. And it truly is beautiful when the old can share their wisdom with the young, and the young can share their dreams with the old. We need each other, and to see the lives interacting- such is the beauty of the Body of Christ! I wish PPC can harness this advantage too! Maybe we need to get out of our Asian shells...
4. I’ m done with my GRE and applications, and am just waiting for TEDs to accept me. GRE was ahem.. ok.. My Verbal (English) score is just slightly more than half the score of my Quantitative (Math) score. Man.. it’s time to play vocabulary games and brush up my English- I’ve never felt so bad about my English before ok!!! Where did those weird words come from???
5. Now that I’m done with one admin task, I’m jumping into another. Looking to apply for Green Card. Not to worry, though we do not plan to stay here long term.. Figured that this will give us more options and potentially less hassle in the future. Now this thought must give birth to action.
6. Many colleagues in NY are looking out, 1 key person is leaving end of the year, things do not bode well for those who are around. There are many reasons why I should stay, but the feeling of being “left behind” is not a good one. Haiz. Another round of temptation and restless urges to resist.
7. I had fun during Thanksgiving- it was really nice to share the family with Lynn and Winston. I wish so much to share the Kok family and the family games with so many more of you!!!
8. And now Christmas is coming- absolutely my favorite time of the year. Making lots of new fun memories with Arthur, going to Christmas concerts, the church Christmas dinner, looking forward to spending Christmas with the Kok family.. But playbacks to last year’s Christmas and things I did with family and friends in Singapore made my heart miss my moo moo, family and church a lot… And reviewing pictures don't help..
9. I think I have a 70% love-30% hate relationship with snow. I love to see the flakes flurry gently from the sky, and even heavy snowfalls coming at you in the wind is also romantic in a cold-hearted way. But walking in it is not fun, neither is it pretty when it’s melting and mixing with the dirt and salt on the ground. And worse of all, I had 2 close calls with the car skidding out of control… But it’s still beautiful.
10. Randoms: How does the squirrel keep warm in the cold? It’s so small, is it really warm in its fur?
I'm thinking about cutting my fringe- i've resisted for a long time and i really wanted to keep it long for a while, but now i'm bored... should i cut my fringe?
Ok, i think i cheated and squeezed in more than 10 things up there.. But here’s a nutshell of what's going on in my insignificant existence.. hahhha.. Now update me!!!
1. We now have a small group! Although we’ve attended it only once before the group closed for the year (coz of exams and holiday travel), we’re still thankful that we’ve got a small group now. It’s really small and cozy, and there is a certain dynamic when 3 of them are in MDiv, and 1 of them is doing a PhD in Genesis… Nonetheless, I really missed Bible Study and am more than glad to be digging into the Word again!
2. The small group is doing the book of Proverbs. And the study that night revolved around- the difference between Wisdom and the Law. What is their relationship? What is their difference? Is one better than the other? Should one be desired more than the other? When would one apply wisdom (ie a proverb/principle) and when would one apply the law? I had been circling these questions in my head for the last 2 weeks… Much to say about that- will save that for another time.
3. I think I’m falling in love with Village Church and the “old” brothers and sisters there. The 2 major demographic groups in the church are- people above 60s and Trinity students. And it truly is beautiful when the old can share their wisdom with the young, and the young can share their dreams with the old. We need each other, and to see the lives interacting- such is the beauty of the Body of Christ! I wish PPC can harness this advantage too! Maybe we need to get out of our Asian shells...
4. I’ m done with my GRE and applications, and am just waiting for TEDs to accept me. GRE was ahem.. ok.. My Verbal (English) score is just slightly more than half the score of my Quantitative (Math) score. Man.. it’s time to play vocabulary games and brush up my English- I’ve never felt so bad about my English before ok!!! Where did those weird words come from???
5. Now that I’m done with one admin task, I’m jumping into another. Looking to apply for Green Card. Not to worry, though we do not plan to stay here long term.. Figured that this will give us more options and potentially less hassle in the future. Now this thought must give birth to action.
6. Many colleagues in NY are looking out, 1 key person is leaving end of the year, things do not bode well for those who are around. There are many reasons why I should stay, but the feeling of being “left behind” is not a good one. Haiz. Another round of temptation and restless urges to resist.
7. I had fun during Thanksgiving- it was really nice to share the family with Lynn and Winston. I wish so much to share the Kok family and the family games with so many more of you!!!
8. And now Christmas is coming- absolutely my favorite time of the year. Making lots of new fun memories with Arthur, going to Christmas concerts, the church Christmas dinner, looking forward to spending Christmas with the Kok family.. But playbacks to last year’s Christmas and things I did with family and friends in Singapore made my heart miss my moo moo, family and church a lot… And reviewing pictures don't help..
9. I think I have a 70% love-30% hate relationship with snow. I love to see the flakes flurry gently from the sky, and even heavy snowfalls coming at you in the wind is also romantic in a cold-hearted way. But walking in it is not fun, neither is it pretty when it’s melting and mixing with the dirt and salt on the ground. And worse of all, I had 2 close calls with the car skidding out of control… But it’s still beautiful.
10. Randoms: How does the squirrel keep warm in the cold? It’s so small, is it really warm in its fur?
I'm thinking about cutting my fringe- i've resisted for a long time and i really wanted to keep it long for a while, but now i'm bored... should i cut my fringe?
Ok, i think i cheated and squeezed in more than 10 things up there.. But here’s a nutshell of what's going on in my insignificant existence.. hahhha.. Now update me!!!
Monday, November 08, 2010
Relative time
This is how relative time is… countries just decide to turn their clock forward or backward as they like! And when do they do it? Close their eyes, pick a date off the calendar and poof there we have it! Ok, the last part was an exaggeration.
Last week, my outlook calendar had some head-on clashes. The meetings initiated by Andreas, who was based in his Irish farm, started one hour later than it should. And the clashes were only for a week. It took me a while to figure out the strange phenomenon- since in Singapore, the impact was for a couple of months.
On Sunday morning, we were delighted to find that despite having slept for so long, it was still pretty early! We thought that we were being good by waking up so early- and when it dawned on us that we had indeed slept for that ONE HOUR more. Ah.. no more pat on the back.
When I was chatting with moo moo, she said she had to go to bed. I was like “why are you sleeping so early?” she exclaimed “it’s late!” then I realized, ah! We’re 14 hours apart now, not 13… not good…
This morning, my was I delighted to be walking to the office with some sunlight. For the last few weeks, the sky was still pitch black at 6.20am. My first thought was, “isn’t it nice that the sun is rising earlier!” Then almost immediately, I realized we’re starting a little “late”. And just as I thought I had it all figured out why we would want “Daylight savings”… My train ride home killed my enthusiasm… It was barely 5pm, and it’s getting dark outside. So dark, I could not even see my stop. Man… And Arthur’s comment after didn’t help “the days are just getting shorter and shorter, and 21st December will be the shortest day of the year!”
Since I’m still new to this, and pretty much fascinated by the “turning of time”, I turned to the source of all answers to try to find out more about daylight savings.. Here are some titbits of what I found…
• Daylight Saving Time gives us the opportunity to enjoy sunny summer evenings by moving our clocks an hour forward in the spring.
– ok, so I’m experiencing the removal of daylight savings.., and moving back to “standard time”.
• Yet, the implementation of Daylight Saving Time has been fraught with controversy since Benjamin Franklin conceived of the idea. Even today, regions and countries routinely change their approaches to Daylight Saving Time.
– exactly what I meant! It’s a man’s idea, and countries change their approaches to Daylight savings.. Can we then decide that we want 25 hours in a day?
• Most of the United States begins Daylight Saving Time at 2:00 a.m. on the second Sunday in March and reverts to standard time on the first Sunday in November. In the U.S., each time zone switches at a different time.
– how does anyone decide on the date and time?? Strange… And different timezones switching at a different time? Democracy at an extreme? Why arent the states united?
• In the European Union, Summer Time begins and ends at 1:00 a.m. Universal Time (Greenwich Mean Time). It begins the last Sunday in March and ends the last Sunday in October. In the EU, all time zones change at the same moment.
– at least some consistency…
There are some crazy stories about daylight savings.. you can go check it out too! http://www.webexhibits.org/daylightsaving/k.html
I was impressed with the clocks on the phones and laptops that got it right (though I heard there were screwups with Apple.. *shake head*), but we’ve gotta fix the clock on the microwave, stove and watches.. Only one left- my dear little car’s little radio clock.. we still cannot figure out how to set the time right… Now let’s hope we’ll figure out how to fix that, otherwise we’ll have to live with that until the time turns again!
Last week, my outlook calendar had some head-on clashes. The meetings initiated by Andreas, who was based in his Irish farm, started one hour later than it should. And the clashes were only for a week. It took me a while to figure out the strange phenomenon- since in Singapore, the impact was for a couple of months.
On Sunday morning, we were delighted to find that despite having slept for so long, it was still pretty early! We thought that we were being good by waking up so early- and when it dawned on us that we had indeed slept for that ONE HOUR more. Ah.. no more pat on the back.
When I was chatting with moo moo, she said she had to go to bed. I was like “why are you sleeping so early?” she exclaimed “it’s late!” then I realized, ah! We’re 14 hours apart now, not 13… not good…
This morning, my was I delighted to be walking to the office with some sunlight. For the last few weeks, the sky was still pitch black at 6.20am. My first thought was, “isn’t it nice that the sun is rising earlier!” Then almost immediately, I realized we’re starting a little “late”. And just as I thought I had it all figured out why we would want “Daylight savings”… My train ride home killed my enthusiasm… It was barely 5pm, and it’s getting dark outside. So dark, I could not even see my stop. Man… And Arthur’s comment after didn’t help “the days are just getting shorter and shorter, and 21st December will be the shortest day of the year!”
Since I’m still new to this, and pretty much fascinated by the “turning of time”, I turned to the source of all answers to try to find out more about daylight savings.. Here are some titbits of what I found…
• Daylight Saving Time gives us the opportunity to enjoy sunny summer evenings by moving our clocks an hour forward in the spring.
– ok, so I’m experiencing the removal of daylight savings.., and moving back to “standard time”.
• Yet, the implementation of Daylight Saving Time has been fraught with controversy since Benjamin Franklin conceived of the idea. Even today, regions and countries routinely change their approaches to Daylight Saving Time.
– exactly what I meant! It’s a man’s idea, and countries change their approaches to Daylight savings.. Can we then decide that we want 25 hours in a day?
• Most of the United States begins Daylight Saving Time at 2:00 a.m. on the second Sunday in March and reverts to standard time on the first Sunday in November. In the U.S., each time zone switches at a different time.
– how does anyone decide on the date and time?? Strange… And different timezones switching at a different time? Democracy at an extreme? Why arent the states united?
• In the European Union, Summer Time begins and ends at 1:00 a.m. Universal Time (Greenwich Mean Time). It begins the last Sunday in March and ends the last Sunday in October. In the EU, all time zones change at the same moment.
– at least some consistency…
There are some crazy stories about daylight savings.. you can go check it out too! http://www.webexhibits.org/daylightsaving/k.html
I was impressed with the clocks on the phones and laptops that got it right (though I heard there were screwups with Apple.. *shake head*), but we’ve gotta fix the clock on the microwave, stove and watches.. Only one left- my dear little car’s little radio clock.. we still cannot figure out how to set the time right… Now let’s hope we’ll figure out how to fix that, otherwise we’ll have to live with that until the time turns again!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Why Masters in Counseling Ministries
I never thought of studying counseling, ever- until the last 2 years that is. I used to think to myself- basically you just need to know how to talk to people, lots of wisdom from God, and be a vessel of the Holy Spirit. I thought I could handle the first one- I was not tactless. The second criteria- which is why knowing His Word is so important, so studying of His Word is the most important thing ever. I have no control over the third- I can only pray that He would use me, and speak through me.
Retrospectively, I guess God was feeding me the humble pie through these 2 years. Everytime I talked to someone who confided in me, I would go back and tear the conversation apart. Had I given worldly wisdom? Did my efforts to bring God into the picture sound hollow? Could I have given better counsel than my feeble advice? Had I listened well?
Psychoanalyzing this, I guess it does sound very self-centered- that the focus is what I have done. On other occasions, I perhaps might repent of that guilt. But the truth is, the desire to be a better friend, a better steward of the trust and time God & my friend had entrusted to me started to grow stronger and stronger. I desire so much to not give worthless self-help type of advice, and hope that somehow I could better lead them to see where Jesus is in all this so they could go to Him. I wanted to communicate the truth in spirit and in love.
It is in this context that I started thinking about counseling skills. I know that I am not your typical “counselor” type of person- someone gentle in spirit, flowing with wisdom, elegance and stability. I am a little crazy, unstable at times, stutter my way through and open my mouth before I think. And I admit that it would freak me out to be labeled as a “counselor” in any sort of context. These were the things that gave me cold feet.
Reading “Courage & Calling” gave me insight. Part of finding out our calling is to ask the question- how has God made us to see the broken-ness of this world? What causes my heart to cry and beat with God’s? I want to mourn with those who mourn, and laugh with those who laugh. I want to help lift people’s eyes off the circles that we are running each day, to see Him who was and is to come.
When I think about the people whom I would talk to in the future- because I am a woman and cant stop yakking. When Aunt Joanne reminded me that people would also come to me by virtue of being a missionary/ churchworker/ pastor’s wife. When at the end of the day, ministry is about people and relationships- why shall I not be compelled to be better equipped for their sake? Even if I am not your typical counselor or would use nothing from the course- I could not have done any damage for learning more.
And so here I am, set and really excited to start my MA in Counseling Ministries in the Spring at Trinity. I look forward to going back to the classroom, getting my hands dirty, learning and being exposed to a whole new world. And the best thing is that I will not just be learning about psychology and counseling in a secular setting, but there’s lots of theology, Christian worldview, pastoral and ministry issues mixed into it. What else can I ask for?
Being the horrible critic that I am, I do want to acknowledge that theories and skills can well only be head knowledge. So I have no illusions that I would be wiser and more skilled by going through this. The wise heart still comes only from loving, knowing, fearing and seeking Him first. My prayer is that He will mould me through the people I will meet, the books, the practical training, etc. Even thereafter, to display His strength through my weaknesses.
When I recall my secret dream to pursue a further education that is both my heart’s desire and for His Kingdom, and that it’s really happening.. I am truly humbled at how He has brought about this- being patient with me and giving me the necessary nudges to push me along. Please keep me in prayer- and in all things, to Him be the glory!
http://www.tiu.edu/divinity/academics/programs/mdiv-ma/counselingministries
Retrospectively, I guess God was feeding me the humble pie through these 2 years. Everytime I talked to someone who confided in me, I would go back and tear the conversation apart. Had I given worldly wisdom? Did my efforts to bring God into the picture sound hollow? Could I have given better counsel than my feeble advice? Had I listened well?
Psychoanalyzing this, I guess it does sound very self-centered- that the focus is what I have done. On other occasions, I perhaps might repent of that guilt. But the truth is, the desire to be a better friend, a better steward of the trust and time God & my friend had entrusted to me started to grow stronger and stronger. I desire so much to not give worthless self-help type of advice, and hope that somehow I could better lead them to see where Jesus is in all this so they could go to Him. I wanted to communicate the truth in spirit and in love.
It is in this context that I started thinking about counseling skills. I know that I am not your typical “counselor” type of person- someone gentle in spirit, flowing with wisdom, elegance and stability. I am a little crazy, unstable at times, stutter my way through and open my mouth before I think. And I admit that it would freak me out to be labeled as a “counselor” in any sort of context. These were the things that gave me cold feet.
Reading “Courage & Calling” gave me insight. Part of finding out our calling is to ask the question- how has God made us to see the broken-ness of this world? What causes my heart to cry and beat with God’s? I want to mourn with those who mourn, and laugh with those who laugh. I want to help lift people’s eyes off the circles that we are running each day, to see Him who was and is to come.
When I think about the people whom I would talk to in the future- because I am a woman and cant stop yakking. When Aunt Joanne reminded me that people would also come to me by virtue of being a missionary/ churchworker/ pastor’s wife. When at the end of the day, ministry is about people and relationships- why shall I not be compelled to be better equipped for their sake? Even if I am not your typical counselor or would use nothing from the course- I could not have done any damage for learning more.
And so here I am, set and really excited to start my MA in Counseling Ministries in the Spring at Trinity. I look forward to going back to the classroom, getting my hands dirty, learning and being exposed to a whole new world. And the best thing is that I will not just be learning about psychology and counseling in a secular setting, but there’s lots of theology, Christian worldview, pastoral and ministry issues mixed into it. What else can I ask for?
Being the horrible critic that I am, I do want to acknowledge that theories and skills can well only be head knowledge. So I have no illusions that I would be wiser and more skilled by going through this. The wise heart still comes only from loving, knowing, fearing and seeking Him first. My prayer is that He will mould me through the people I will meet, the books, the practical training, etc. Even thereafter, to display His strength through my weaknesses.
When I recall my secret dream to pursue a further education that is both my heart’s desire and for His Kingdom, and that it’s really happening.. I am truly humbled at how He has brought about this- being patient with me and giving me the necessary nudges to push me along. Please keep me in prayer- and in all things, to Him be the glory!
http://www.tiu.edu/divinity/academics/programs/mdiv-ma/counselingministries
Friday, October 22, 2010
The Wounded Healer
Such a brilliant and introspective book first published in 1979. And I am completely blown away by how relevant the book still is today, 21 years later. Henri Nouwen had stated at the outset, that he is addressing the need of tomorrow’s generation, as he explores ministry in a dislocated world, ministry for a rootless generation, ministry to a hopeless man, and ministry by a lonely minister. And I guess, we are that generation he is addressing.
The book is not a “blow you away”, dripping with theological juices kind of book. Neither is it a “I understand your pain” solidarity affirmation. But it leads its reader on an introspective journey, to be safe in acknowledging that one carries wounds, to look beyond the self and see that the wounds we all carry are not that unique, to learn to see that our neighbor is wounded too, and find strength to be that wounded healer.
Don’t intend this to be a spoiler for anyone who would read that book some day, but here’s an extract in the last chapter that I’d like to share with you the reader….
Therefore I would like to voice loudly and clearly what might seem unpopular and maybe even disturbing: The Christian way of life does not take away our loneliness; it protects and cherishes it as a precious gift. Sometimes it seems as if we do everything possible to avoid the painful confrontation with our basic human loneliness, and allow ourselves to be trapped by false gods promising immediate satisfaction and quick relief.
But perhaps the painful awareness of loneliness is an invitation to transcend our limitations and look beyond the boundaries of our existence. The awareness of loneliness might be a gift we must protect and guard, because our loneliness reveals to us an inner emptiness that can be destructive when misunderstood, but filled with promise for him who can tolerate its sweet pain.
When we are impatient, when we want to give up our loneliness and try to overcome the separation and incompleteness we feel too soon, we easily relate to our human world with devastating expectations. We ignore what we already know with a deep-seated, intuitive knowledge- that no love or friendship, no intimate embrace or tender kiss, no community, commune or collective, no man or woman, will ever be able to satisfy our desire to be released from our lonely condition.
This truth is so disconcerting and painful that we are more prone to play games with our fantasies than to face the truth of our existence. Thus we keep hoping that one day we will find the man who really understands our experiences, the woman who will bring peace to our restless life, the job where we can fulfill our potentials, the book which will explain everything, and the place where we can feel at home. Such false hope leads us to make exhausting demands and prepares us for bitterness and dangerous hostility when we start discovering that nobody, and nothing, can live up to our absolutistic expectations.
The book is not a “blow you away”, dripping with theological juices kind of book. Neither is it a “I understand your pain” solidarity affirmation. But it leads its reader on an introspective journey, to be safe in acknowledging that one carries wounds, to look beyond the self and see that the wounds we all carry are not that unique, to learn to see that our neighbor is wounded too, and find strength to be that wounded healer.
Don’t intend this to be a spoiler for anyone who would read that book some day, but here’s an extract in the last chapter that I’d like to share with you the reader….
Therefore I would like to voice loudly and clearly what might seem unpopular and maybe even disturbing: The Christian way of life does not take away our loneliness; it protects and cherishes it as a precious gift. Sometimes it seems as if we do everything possible to avoid the painful confrontation with our basic human loneliness, and allow ourselves to be trapped by false gods promising immediate satisfaction and quick relief.
But perhaps the painful awareness of loneliness is an invitation to transcend our limitations and look beyond the boundaries of our existence. The awareness of loneliness might be a gift we must protect and guard, because our loneliness reveals to us an inner emptiness that can be destructive when misunderstood, but filled with promise for him who can tolerate its sweet pain.
When we are impatient, when we want to give up our loneliness and try to overcome the separation and incompleteness we feel too soon, we easily relate to our human world with devastating expectations. We ignore what we already know with a deep-seated, intuitive knowledge- that no love or friendship, no intimate embrace or tender kiss, no community, commune or collective, no man or woman, will ever be able to satisfy our desire to be released from our lonely condition.
This truth is so disconcerting and painful that we are more prone to play games with our fantasies than to face the truth of our existence. Thus we keep hoping that one day we will find the man who really understands our experiences, the woman who will bring peace to our restless life, the job where we can fulfill our potentials, the book which will explain everything, and the place where we can feel at home. Such false hope leads us to make exhausting demands and prepares us for bitterness and dangerous hostility when we start discovering that nobody, and nothing, can live up to our absolutistic expectations.
Monday, October 18, 2010
A very small yes...
17 October 2006, he asked me if he could have a chance to court me. My very small yes then, brought us down a road that led to a bigger yes 2 years later. Who would have thought : )
So here’s a special dedication to the one who likes to start his letters off to me as if we're already in the middle of a conversation… And so I pretend that we are the oldest and dearest of friends as oppose to what we actually were then…. “What will he say today?” I sometimes wonder.
I turn on my computer, I sign on, I wait impatiently as it connects and my chest catches my breath as I watch my inbox and see the little envelope that tells me three little words. 'You've Got Mail' I hear nothing,… just the beat of my own heart. I have mail-- from you.
So here’s a special dedication to the one who likes to start his letters off to me as if we're already in the middle of a conversation… And so I pretend that we are the oldest and dearest of friends as oppose to what we actually were then…. “What will he say today?” I sometimes wonder.
I turn on my computer, I sign on, I wait impatiently as it connects and my chest catches my breath as I watch my inbox and see the little envelope that tells me three little words. 'You've Got Mail' I hear nothing,… just the beat of my own heart. I have mail-- from you.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
The magic of ordinary days…
Moomoo commented that I look happier these days… That's when i notice that i am smiling more from the inside, and I'm truly thankful for that- the slightly downside would be my rounder face as she keeps reminding me... Bleah :p But it's ok laaaaa.... :)
And I'm wondering why... Maybe it's because of the more time i get to think and read, maybe Daddy is working His magic inside me, maybe it's just a different pace and a different life I'm having- i love change, or maybe it's simply because of my sugar high from all the chocoates and ice-cream.. *guilty pleasure*
Anyhow, moomoo's comment got me thinking about some things that makes me happy each day… Here’s a glimpse of 5 smiles I’d have inside any given ordinary day.
1. Taking a long warm shower in the morning- that’s all I need to shake off the shivers and sleepiness
2. Journeying from home to office– car ride chats with Arthur, getting busy on the Metra, walking in the Chicago dawn overlooking the river and looking up at the skyscrapers, love the feeling of the cool morning air in my face as I brisk walk to my destination
3. Greeting the squirrels and trees, basically I name them all the same- “Hello Squirrel! Hello tree!” Maybe in heaven, they will finally be able to converse with me.
4. Thinking about dinner in the middle of the day, sometimes because I’m hungry, sometimes because I’m experimenting with something different, whatever the reason it’s always nice to await a nice meal
5. Laying in bed, with my head on the soft pillow, thankful that the day is over, wondering when I will fall into a deep deep sleep, and then without knowing… be off to dreamland
And I'm wondering why... Maybe it's because of the more time i get to think and read, maybe Daddy is working His magic inside me, maybe it's just a different pace and a different life I'm having- i love change, or maybe it's simply because of my sugar high from all the chocoates and ice-cream.. *guilty pleasure*
Anyhow, moomoo's comment got me thinking about some things that makes me happy each day… Here’s a glimpse of 5 smiles I’d have inside any given ordinary day.
1. Taking a long warm shower in the morning- that’s all I need to shake off the shivers and sleepiness
2. Journeying from home to office– car ride chats with Arthur, getting busy on the Metra, walking in the Chicago dawn overlooking the river and looking up at the skyscrapers, love the feeling of the cool morning air in my face as I brisk walk to my destination
3. Greeting the squirrels and trees, basically I name them all the same- “Hello Squirrel! Hello tree!” Maybe in heaven, they will finally be able to converse with me.
4. Thinking about dinner in the middle of the day, sometimes because I’m hungry, sometimes because I’m experimenting with something different, whatever the reason it’s always nice to await a nice meal
5. Laying in bed, with my head on the soft pillow, thankful that the day is over, wondering when I will fall into a deep deep sleep, and then without knowing… be off to dreamland
Saturday, October 09, 2010
Not a baby kind of girl…
I’m really not your baby kind of girl. I look at all the people around me, and I must admit that I feel like a baby-hating b**** beside them…
Well, of course I don’t actually hate babies or kids- I find them charming for the first “oh… he/she is sooo cute!”, after which I’m just ready to “ok.. let’s get down to what I need to do with you”. I can keep them company, babysit them, play with them, teach them Sunday school, carry them, sing to them, rock them to sleep- and completely enjoying the process.. but cross my heart, I’m not THAT absorbed about them.
I think about my sister with her non-stop talking about Joy-joy and Isaac, or Xun’s obsession with Miguel. Everyone in the family who adores baby Katie, keeping up with her photos and videos, etc. I must admit I’m not like that. Squealing “Isn’t she cute!!”, “He’s my boy” just aint my cup of tea. And beside all these people who fawns over the young ones, I am starting to wonder if I’m cut out to be a mother.
A part of me thinks that I’m gonna rebel against all that attention given to kids such that- when I have one of my own, don’t expect me to video them or post constant updates about them. I’m prob gonna be writing about my own insanity. That kid is not gonna be the center of my existence, thank you very much.
What shall I do? And to be completely honest, neither Arthur and I are crazy about having children at this point. And the prospect of watching them grow up and go through all the crazy things this world throws at them, sends butterflies into my stomach. And think about all the things we have to give up for them- am I ready to do that? Adoption is a possibility, but the paperwork and cost is so prohibitive… Gosh I have less love than Angelina Jolie!!! I’m starting to sound like a selfish child hater now, don’t i?
Maybe we don’t have the gift of having children? There are heaps of cute Eurasian babies around, a few less on the surface of the earth won’t hurt? Man… In His time, in His time.
Well, of course I don’t actually hate babies or kids- I find them charming for the first “oh… he/she is sooo cute!”, after which I’m just ready to “ok.. let’s get down to what I need to do with you”. I can keep them company, babysit them, play with them, teach them Sunday school, carry them, sing to them, rock them to sleep- and completely enjoying the process.. but cross my heart, I’m not THAT absorbed about them.
I think about my sister with her non-stop talking about Joy-joy and Isaac, or Xun’s obsession with Miguel. Everyone in the family who adores baby Katie, keeping up with her photos and videos, etc. I must admit I’m not like that. Squealing “Isn’t she cute!!”, “He’s my boy” just aint my cup of tea. And beside all these people who fawns over the young ones, I am starting to wonder if I’m cut out to be a mother.
A part of me thinks that I’m gonna rebel against all that attention given to kids such that- when I have one of my own, don’t expect me to video them or post constant updates about them. I’m prob gonna be writing about my own insanity. That kid is not gonna be the center of my existence, thank you very much.
What shall I do? And to be completely honest, neither Arthur and I are crazy about having children at this point. And the prospect of watching them grow up and go through all the crazy things this world throws at them, sends butterflies into my stomach. And think about all the things we have to give up for them- am I ready to do that? Adoption is a possibility, but the paperwork and cost is so prohibitive… Gosh I have less love than Angelina Jolie!!! I’m starting to sound like a selfish child hater now, don’t i?
Maybe we don’t have the gift of having children? There are heaps of cute Eurasian babies around, a few less on the surface of the earth won’t hurt? Man… In His time, in His time.
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
6 October 2010, my birthday
How did I spend my birthday?
I was asked many times today how I spent my birthday or am planning to spend my birthday. And I also had a hard time trying to remember how I spent my birthday last year! So here I am penning special memories of today so that I wont forget next year!
If you’re reading this, beware that this is pretty much a boring “what did I do”-diary type of entry..
So I woke up to a nice gift and card from Arthur. But his biggest gift to me this year making a cake with me after dinner- that I would count as my most precious memory this year. It’s there in the photos, my butter sponge with cinnamon apple and chocoloate topping cake. It was pretty yum!! The sweet soft butter sponge- thanks to Arthur’s beating (we made it without an electric mixer!), tart granny smith and chocolate went very well together indeed. Hmm.. another of my kooky creations :p
And of course, I hadn’t planned on doing anything very special. So it was work as usual. Sorry to disappoint those who were hoping I’ll have a ‘smashing’, ‘special’, ‘fun’ birthday. Heh.. But working from home has its advantages.. I got to skype with Gayle! Though she hadn’t installed her webcam.. So I didn’t let her see me either hahaha…
As I was reminded, it’s my first bday in the States :p And I know mum stayed partially coz of it- and she splurged on a not very prudent gift for me. *guilty* Oh and of course, my moo moo was the first to wish me on the phone- and she woke up specially to wish me on Singapore time 6 October. Usual prima donna princess, wishing me on her timeline hahaha..
Not to mention the many e-cards and FB messages I received. Thanks so much for them!! See how FB is changing the world… So I made it a personal goal to respond to all of them.. And I’m still working through them. And Mum and Dad called from Decatur- sweet of them to remember.. I wanted to call Daddy and give him a chance to wish me happy birthday :p but sigh! He didn’t pick up his phone.. bleah…
Now one last thing left to do… To be quiet and think about what this past year had been like.. The forgetful me is really terrible at this. So I need to go and hopefully squeeze in some reflective moments before Daddy, or I lose this day again!
So here’s my 29th birthday.. the last one before I hit the big 3.. Eeeeeeee……
I was asked many times today how I spent my birthday or am planning to spend my birthday. And I also had a hard time trying to remember how I spent my birthday last year! So here I am penning special memories of today so that I wont forget next year!
If you’re reading this, beware that this is pretty much a boring “what did I do”-diary type of entry..
So I woke up to a nice gift and card from Arthur. But his biggest gift to me this year making a cake with me after dinner- that I would count as my most precious memory this year. It’s there in the photos, my butter sponge with cinnamon apple and chocoloate topping cake. It was pretty yum!! The sweet soft butter sponge- thanks to Arthur’s beating (we made it without an electric mixer!), tart granny smith and chocolate went very well together indeed. Hmm.. another of my kooky creations :p
And of course, I hadn’t planned on doing anything very special. So it was work as usual. Sorry to disappoint those who were hoping I’ll have a ‘smashing’, ‘special’, ‘fun’ birthday. Heh.. But working from home has its advantages.. I got to skype with Gayle! Though she hadn’t installed her webcam.. So I didn’t let her see me either hahaha…
As I was reminded, it’s my first bday in the States :p And I know mum stayed partially coz of it- and she splurged on a not very prudent gift for me. *guilty* Oh and of course, my moo moo was the first to wish me on the phone- and she woke up specially to wish me on Singapore time 6 October. Usual prima donna princess, wishing me on her timeline hahaha..
Not to mention the many e-cards and FB messages I received. Thanks so much for them!! See how FB is changing the world… So I made it a personal goal to respond to all of them.. And I’m still working through them. And Mum and Dad called from Decatur- sweet of them to remember.. I wanted to call Daddy and give him a chance to wish me happy birthday :p but sigh! He didn’t pick up his phone.. bleah…
Now one last thing left to do… To be quiet and think about what this past year had been like.. The forgetful me is really terrible at this. So I need to go and hopefully squeeze in some reflective moments before Daddy, or I lose this day again!
So here’s my 29th birthday.. the last one before I hit the big 3.. Eeeeeeee……
Saturday, October 02, 2010
His sheep am I...
Listening to the sermon on “The Leader we need” in church last week brought back so many memories and desires. Memories of people who were shepherds in my life at different points, and desires of shepherding God’s flock.
There are so many others who were His shepherds to me- Xun who was one of the first few who watered this plant when she was young, the pastors whose teachings I’ve sat under in PPC, ARPC and Project Timothy, but here I’d like to pay tribute to 2 who came to mind as I reflected on the sermon…
I remember the days when I first took up the role of a small group leader, serving alongside with so many other brothers and sisters. And there was this camp for small group leaders that really nailed home what it means to be a small group leader, a shepherd of the small flock that God has entrusted you with. We spent the entire camp looking at the shepherding ministry in the many different angles.
Andrew led that camp, and thinking about it now fills me up with gratitude for what God has done through him in my life, that has such far reaching effects. That camp probably laid the foundation for my passion in small groups. Thank you Andrew!
And when I think about a leader who prays for her sheep, Lijuan comes to my mind almost immediately. She has been the only shepherd I’ve had who ever said to me, “I’ve been praying about this, and I feel peace about your decision to go to Beijing. I think it’s God’s leading, so go for it..” Those were not the exact words, she must had said them much better. But hearing those words- words with such holy elegance, from her was such an affirmation. The precious conversation gave me courage to embrace the Beijing stint- and look where that brought me. I miss having a shepherd like that, and I want to be like her. Thank you Lijuan!
The sermon encapsulated so many things I’ve contemplated over and over again on how to be a shepherd of God’s flock, and lessons that God has taught me each time I feel discouraged or lost. I want to be a shepherd like that! It’s such hard work, but so much joy! I pray that I can pour myself out for a community like a shepherd- no matter where i am, what role i am playing, and to serve them the way God would have me to.
But I need first to also learn to be a sheep.. A few poignant questions I was asked through the sermon-
1. What is my faith frontier? Am I seeking to stretch myself in new grounds? Or have I dwindled into a spiritual couch potato?
2. It’s not enough to care, if I do not care enough to pray really struck home. I admit that I probably talk more than I pray.. I need to reverse the priority!
Here’s parking the sermon notes as a reminder to myself in the days to come- of the shepherd I need to be for Him!
Num 27:12-23
I. WE NEED A SHEPHERD WHO YEARNS TO TAKE US TO OUR TRUE HOME (27:12-14)
A. As believers today, our true home isn’t the land of Canaan, as it was for Israel then. Our home is life in Christ here and now, and life with Christ in heaven forever after.
B. There is a song that says, “Prone to wander, Lord I feel it; prone to leave the God I love.”
How many times in our study of Numbers did we hear the Israelites say, “We want to go back to Egypt”? There’s some of them in all of us. Sometimes in our rebellion we want to run away from home, and other times we just cannot remember our way.
C. If the shepherd is to lead us home, our shepherd must see vividly what only faith can know. Our shepherd must have a spiritually innate sense of direction. Home is that way! Thankfully, God puts people in our lives who will steer us again and again back to the life of Christ, for it is only in Christ that we can rest in this alien world. Also, we need a shepherd who never forgets that “this world is not my home, I’m just a-passin’ through,” who paints pictures for us of the new heaven and the new earth more vivid the grayscale of this world and who stirs within us a homesick-ness for where we’re going instead of where we’ve been.
II. WE NEED A SHEPHERD WHO PRAYS FOR WHAT WE NEED MOST (27:15-17)
Do you remember what these people have put Moses through? Those 40 years had very nearly killed him, and they had surely broken his heart. Almost all that time, among most all the Israelites, Moses was resented and attacked. Yet, again and again he had prayed for them as though their lives depended on it. Because their lives had depended on it.
Moses prayed for the LORD’s people here as though they were the most precious people on the face of the earth. He prayed as though nothing in all of life was so important to him, so dear to his heart, as the care of God’s people. So he prays. Do not miss that. He prays.
That is what God’s shepherds must do. It is not enough that they care, if they do not care enough to pray.
III. WE NEED A SHEPHERD WHO CAN LEAD US OUT AND IN (27:17,21b)
God’s people are generally given to inertia; we are usually spiritual couch potatoes, oblivious to the fact that there are promises of God just over the horizon that he expects us to claim, that there are frontiers for our faith.
If I asked you right now to write down what your faith frontier is, what promises of God you are being pushed to believe, could you come up with something? That’s what shepherds are for. God himself, and all those who shepherd under him, keep us moving toward the life God intends for us.
In their book, Spiritual Leadership, Henry and Richard Blackaby write, “Spiritual leadership is moving people on to God’s agenda. When spiritual leaders have done their jobs, the people around them have encountered God and will obey his will.” [pp.20-21]
IV. WE NEED A SHEPHERD WHO HAS THE SPIRIT OF GOD (27:18)
The Spirit of God within a shepherd gives the wisdom of God, and there is no divine quality more needful than that. Wisdom, of course, is not the most spectacular of the Spirit’s gifts, but it is what God’s shepherd needs most.
God’s Spirit of wisdom sculpts the heart of God’s shepherd through Scripture. You who are learning to study Scripture, pay heed to this: it is not your hermeneutics and exegesis that will ultimately make you an effective shepherd for God. It will be that Scripture is on your lips, that Scripture permeates your mind and your prayers, and that Scripture shapes your behavior. That is the only possible way we can be wise enough to shepherd God’s people.
V. WE NEED A SHEPHERD WHO UNFAILINGLY INQUIRES OF THE LORD IN LEADING GOD’S PEOPLE (27:21)
So many decisions shepherds face in leading God’s people are more complex than that. We do our best to sift the issues through the pages of Scripture, through our experience as believers, through what our gut tells us.
My observation is that when we pray through to a clear answer God takes all we’ve thought about and gives it order. Not only does the decision become clear, but hearts become settled. There is a holy elegance and peace that confirms the wisdom of inquiring of the Lord.
Plus, by making this our practice, by inquiring of God unfailingly, shepherds are reminded again and again that this is God’s flock, God’s organization, God’s endeavor. The LORD’s name is on the door. No matter how wise we might be, the LORD always wants the last word.
Most importantly and obviously, Jesus Christ is our Good Shepherd. Matt 9:36 says, “When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” Jesus tells us in Jn 10:11, “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” Then he says it again in v.14, “I am the good shepherd; I know my
Keep pointing people who are “prone to wander” toward their true home in Christ and in heaven.
o Pray for their care, no matter how they treat you. Pray that you will have the shepherd they need.
o Lead them out to claim the promises of God, and safely in to the fold of Jesus.
o Do nothing without God’s Spirit of wisdom, always attuned to God’s Word.
o Unfailingly inquire of the Lord about each decision. Be wise and thoughtful. Use your head and your Bible. But do not proceed without getting God’s direction.
• Finally, one more conclusion: The LORD’s people must follow their shepherd. Most importantly, we must follow Jesus. Later, after Moses died and Joshua become the leader of Israel, the Israelites said to him in Josh 1:16, “Whatever you have commanded us we will do, and wherever you send us we will go.”
That is what we must say to Jesus, our Good Shepherd.
Dr. Tim Laniak, a professor at Gordon-Conwell Seminary, interviewed a Bedouin shepherd in Jordan a few years ago.
Q. How many sheep and goats do you have?
A. 2000. I have the biggest flock in this area…
Q. How many [sheep and goats] did you start with?
A. I began with one in 1984. And I still know every one of them. They are like family to me.
Q. With that many, you still know every one of them?
A. Yes. I am with the flocks every day. Although I have homes in the village, I stay out here with them during the summer [migration]. I must personally supervise the care of the sheep or I shouldn't be a shepherd…It's a thing of the soul; it's not a business.
Q. Have you ever lost any sheep?
A. Yes, but I always looked for the ones that were lost until I found them–alive or dead. There is only one sheep that I couldn't find and it still bothers me every day.
Q. How long would it take to teach me to be a good shepherd?
A. Do you have the heart for it?
There are so many others who were His shepherds to me- Xun who was one of the first few who watered this plant when she was young, the pastors whose teachings I’ve sat under in PPC, ARPC and Project Timothy, but here I’d like to pay tribute to 2 who came to mind as I reflected on the sermon…
I remember the days when I first took up the role of a small group leader, serving alongside with so many other brothers and sisters. And there was this camp for small group leaders that really nailed home what it means to be a small group leader, a shepherd of the small flock that God has entrusted you with. We spent the entire camp looking at the shepherding ministry in the many different angles.
Andrew led that camp, and thinking about it now fills me up with gratitude for what God has done through him in my life, that has such far reaching effects. That camp probably laid the foundation for my passion in small groups. Thank you Andrew!
And when I think about a leader who prays for her sheep, Lijuan comes to my mind almost immediately. She has been the only shepherd I’ve had who ever said to me, “I’ve been praying about this, and I feel peace about your decision to go to Beijing. I think it’s God’s leading, so go for it..” Those were not the exact words, she must had said them much better. But hearing those words- words with such holy elegance, from her was such an affirmation. The precious conversation gave me courage to embrace the Beijing stint- and look where that brought me. I miss having a shepherd like that, and I want to be like her. Thank you Lijuan!
The sermon encapsulated so many things I’ve contemplated over and over again on how to be a shepherd of God’s flock, and lessons that God has taught me each time I feel discouraged or lost. I want to be a shepherd like that! It’s such hard work, but so much joy! I pray that I can pour myself out for a community like a shepherd- no matter where i am, what role i am playing, and to serve them the way God would have me to.
But I need first to also learn to be a sheep.. A few poignant questions I was asked through the sermon-
1. What is my faith frontier? Am I seeking to stretch myself in new grounds? Or have I dwindled into a spiritual couch potato?
2. It’s not enough to care, if I do not care enough to pray really struck home. I admit that I probably talk more than I pray.. I need to reverse the priority!
Here’s parking the sermon notes as a reminder to myself in the days to come- of the shepherd I need to be for Him!
Num 27:12-23
I. WE NEED A SHEPHERD WHO YEARNS TO TAKE US TO OUR TRUE HOME (27:12-14)
A. As believers today, our true home isn’t the land of Canaan, as it was for Israel then. Our home is life in Christ here and now, and life with Christ in heaven forever after.
B. There is a song that says, “Prone to wander, Lord I feel it; prone to leave the God I love.”
How many times in our study of Numbers did we hear the Israelites say, “We want to go back to Egypt”? There’s some of them in all of us. Sometimes in our rebellion we want to run away from home, and other times we just cannot remember our way.
C. If the shepherd is to lead us home, our shepherd must see vividly what only faith can know. Our shepherd must have a spiritually innate sense of direction. Home is that way! Thankfully, God puts people in our lives who will steer us again and again back to the life of Christ, for it is only in Christ that we can rest in this alien world. Also, we need a shepherd who never forgets that “this world is not my home, I’m just a-passin’ through,” who paints pictures for us of the new heaven and the new earth more vivid the grayscale of this world and who stirs within us a homesick-ness for where we’re going instead of where we’ve been.
II. WE NEED A SHEPHERD WHO PRAYS FOR WHAT WE NEED MOST (27:15-17)
Do you remember what these people have put Moses through? Those 40 years had very nearly killed him, and they had surely broken his heart. Almost all that time, among most all the Israelites, Moses was resented and attacked. Yet, again and again he had prayed for them as though their lives depended on it. Because their lives had depended on it.
Moses prayed for the LORD’s people here as though they were the most precious people on the face of the earth. He prayed as though nothing in all of life was so important to him, so dear to his heart, as the care of God’s people. So he prays. Do not miss that. He prays.
That is what God’s shepherds must do. It is not enough that they care, if they do not care enough to pray.
III. WE NEED A SHEPHERD WHO CAN LEAD US OUT AND IN (27:17,21b)
God’s people are generally given to inertia; we are usually spiritual couch potatoes, oblivious to the fact that there are promises of God just over the horizon that he expects us to claim, that there are frontiers for our faith.
If I asked you right now to write down what your faith frontier is, what promises of God you are being pushed to believe, could you come up with something? That’s what shepherds are for. God himself, and all those who shepherd under him, keep us moving toward the life God intends for us.
In their book, Spiritual Leadership, Henry and Richard Blackaby write, “Spiritual leadership is moving people on to God’s agenda. When spiritual leaders have done their jobs, the people around them have encountered God and will obey his will.” [pp.20-21]
IV. WE NEED A SHEPHERD WHO HAS THE SPIRIT OF GOD (27:18)
The Spirit of God within a shepherd gives the wisdom of God, and there is no divine quality more needful than that. Wisdom, of course, is not the most spectacular of the Spirit’s gifts, but it is what God’s shepherd needs most.
God’s Spirit of wisdom sculpts the heart of God’s shepherd through Scripture. You who are learning to study Scripture, pay heed to this: it is not your hermeneutics and exegesis that will ultimately make you an effective shepherd for God. It will be that Scripture is on your lips, that Scripture permeates your mind and your prayers, and that Scripture shapes your behavior. That is the only possible way we can be wise enough to shepherd God’s people.
V. WE NEED A SHEPHERD WHO UNFAILINGLY INQUIRES OF THE LORD IN LEADING GOD’S PEOPLE (27:21)
So many decisions shepherds face in leading God’s people are more complex than that. We do our best to sift the issues through the pages of Scripture, through our experience as believers, through what our gut tells us.
My observation is that when we pray through to a clear answer God takes all we’ve thought about and gives it order. Not only does the decision become clear, but hearts become settled. There is a holy elegance and peace that confirms the wisdom of inquiring of the Lord.
Plus, by making this our practice, by inquiring of God unfailingly, shepherds are reminded again and again that this is God’s flock, God’s organization, God’s endeavor. The LORD’s name is on the door. No matter how wise we might be, the LORD always wants the last word.
Most importantly and obviously, Jesus Christ is our Good Shepherd. Matt 9:36 says, “When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” Jesus tells us in Jn 10:11, “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” Then he says it again in v.14, “I am the good shepherd; I know my
Keep pointing people who are “prone to wander” toward their true home in Christ and in heaven.
o Pray for their care, no matter how they treat you. Pray that you will have the shepherd they need.
o Lead them out to claim the promises of God, and safely in to the fold of Jesus.
o Do nothing without God’s Spirit of wisdom, always attuned to God’s Word.
o Unfailingly inquire of the Lord about each decision. Be wise and thoughtful. Use your head and your Bible. But do not proceed without getting God’s direction.
• Finally, one more conclusion: The LORD’s people must follow their shepherd. Most importantly, we must follow Jesus. Later, after Moses died and Joshua become the leader of Israel, the Israelites said to him in Josh 1:16, “Whatever you have commanded us we will do, and wherever you send us we will go.”
That is what we must say to Jesus, our Good Shepherd.
Dr. Tim Laniak, a professor at Gordon-Conwell Seminary, interviewed a Bedouin shepherd in Jordan a few years ago.
Q. How many sheep and goats do you have?
A. 2000. I have the biggest flock in this area…
Q. How many [sheep and goats] did you start with?
A. I began with one in 1984. And I still know every one of them. They are like family to me.
Q. With that many, you still know every one of them?
A. Yes. I am with the flocks every day. Although I have homes in the village, I stay out here with them during the summer [migration]. I must personally supervise the care of the sheep or I shouldn't be a shepherd…It's a thing of the soul; it's not a business.
Q. Have you ever lost any sheep?
A. Yes, but I always looked for the ones that were lost until I found them–alive or dead. There is only one sheep that I couldn't find and it still bothers me every day.
Q. How long would it take to teach me to be a good shepherd?
A. Do you have the heart for it?
Monday, September 27, 2010
San Francisco
The foggy city hidden in a mist
Drawing her lovers into an adventure into the unseen
Up the steep hills and down the valleys
Marvelling at how life and civilization grew on grounds as these
Her pride dressed in red stands tall and proud
Through time and tide serves her people aloud
Many men from afar have come not just to see
But also to experience and satisfy their admiration with glee
Beneath lies the great fault of plates
They shift yet not, only by grace
Ocean currents wrap her warm in winter
Such a geological and meteorological wonder
A truly unique and mystic city
She has captured so many hearts to claim her as their own
And others only too glad that they have once her known
Wishing some day they’ll be back in the embrace of her beauty
Drawing her lovers into an adventure into the unseen
Up the steep hills and down the valleys
Marvelling at how life and civilization grew on grounds as these
Her pride dressed in red stands tall and proud
Through time and tide serves her people aloud
Many men from afar have come not just to see
But also to experience and satisfy their admiration with glee
Beneath lies the great fault of plates
They shift yet not, only by grace
Ocean currents wrap her warm in winter
Such a geological and meteorological wonder
A truly unique and mystic city
She has captured so many hearts to claim her as their own
And others only too glad that they have once her known
Wishing some day they’ll be back in the embrace of her beauty
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Self Reliance
I am reading the book “Courage and Calling” by Gordon T. Smith these days. I enjoy the journey that it has taken me through- through the many walks of life, different seasons and the honest reflection about today’s life. I’m still working my way through it, so this is not a review of sorts. But I’d like to pen my thoughts about one quote this book had, that haunted me ever since I read it.
Gordon was quoting from Emerson’s essay “Self Reliance”.
There is a time in every man’s education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance, that imitation is suicide, that he must take himself for better or worse as his portion, that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is give to him to till.
To set it in context, Gordon was quoting this in light of what it meant to mature vocationally through midlife. Of how we need to learn to stop comparing ourselves to others, to turn from envy, to be able to “appreciate while we will not be all that we would have liked to be, we can, with God’s grace, be all that we are called to be”. To accept with grace our limitations and move quickly beyond the illusions of who we are, and to take responsibility for our giftedness.
Emerson might not have used his quote the way Gordon did, I think. After all, his essay is “Self Reliance” and what he might be concluding at the end of his essay is that he’s gotta rely on himself to plant that seed, water and harvest to get his corn kernels. But that might just be my Freudian slip.
There is some sense of which the quote conveys a sense of each is his own man, to honestly recognize our portion in life, that comparison takes us nowhere, that windfalls are accidents that happens to others, and we all need to take responsibility for our own actions and reactions. Kinda bleak, “depend on myself” mode- ain’t it?
But somehow, it hauntingly reflects the default outlook on my life when seen through a dark-stained glass. I do not wish to qualify nor inflate my tendency to take personal responsibility and ownership in every situation, and “force” myself to not covet what another has. In humble introspection, I need to also admit that this might be due to some twisted pride.
Be not mistaken, I am not a “each man for himself” and “one can only self-rely” propagator. I recognize that when looked through the rose-colored glass, this is mostly due to the teachings of Christ to be content, trusting that God is behind every situation and will work all things for the good of all those He loves.
And the Christian also recognizes how much of God there is in that seed, the rain, the health and ability to toil and work the ground...
And that's all i really have to say about this.. Sharing with you one of my fave songs…
Gordon was quoting from Emerson’s essay “Self Reliance”.
There is a time in every man’s education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance, that imitation is suicide, that he must take himself for better or worse as his portion, that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is give to him to till.
To set it in context, Gordon was quoting this in light of what it meant to mature vocationally through midlife. Of how we need to learn to stop comparing ourselves to others, to turn from envy, to be able to “appreciate while we will not be all that we would have liked to be, we can, with God’s grace, be all that we are called to be”. To accept with grace our limitations and move quickly beyond the illusions of who we are, and to take responsibility for our giftedness.
Emerson might not have used his quote the way Gordon did, I think. After all, his essay is “Self Reliance” and what he might be concluding at the end of his essay is that he’s gotta rely on himself to plant that seed, water and harvest to get his corn kernels. But that might just be my Freudian slip.
There is some sense of which the quote conveys a sense of each is his own man, to honestly recognize our portion in life, that comparison takes us nowhere, that windfalls are accidents that happens to others, and we all need to take responsibility for our own actions and reactions. Kinda bleak, “depend on myself” mode- ain’t it?
But somehow, it hauntingly reflects the default outlook on my life when seen through a dark-stained glass. I do not wish to qualify nor inflate my tendency to take personal responsibility and ownership in every situation, and “force” myself to not covet what another has. In humble introspection, I need to also admit that this might be due to some twisted pride.
Be not mistaken, I am not a “each man for himself” and “one can only self-rely” propagator. I recognize that when looked through the rose-colored glass, this is mostly due to the teachings of Christ to be content, trusting that God is behind every situation and will work all things for the good of all those He loves.
And the Christian also recognizes how much of God there is in that seed, the rain, the health and ability to toil and work the ground...
And that's all i really have to say about this.. Sharing with you one of my fave songs…
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
What can i do?
Could the Masters in Counselling Ministries be the next thing You want me to do?
Please tell me so, and shut the door if You don't want me to walk right through... :)
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Moving and our little WIP Abode
Heh.. i know i have not been very good with my pictures so far.. the tendency when you're not in the "travel" mode.
But anyway, here are some pictures over the last couple of weeks of our move (yup i took the shot while i am behind the wheel!), process of setting up our apartment (check out the shopping cart and catch a glimpse of our car) and some of our first home made meals here (i kinda baked a cake coz i was bored one evening- not too yummy though..)!
Enjoy!
But anyway, here are some pictures over the last couple of weeks of our move (yup i took the shot while i am behind the wheel!), process of setting up our apartment (check out the shopping cart and catch a glimpse of our car) and some of our first home made meals here (i kinda baked a cake coz i was bored one evening- not too yummy though..)!
Enjoy!
Friday, August 20, 2010
The Journey of the Dawn Traveller
It’s the early hours of the Friday morning, and I’m sitting here in the train- doing the one thing that I’ve been desiring to all week. The air in the train is probably a lot cooler than what is beyond the window, but my sniffing nose cannot wait till I get out and smell the warm summer air.
A train ride may seem uneventful to some, but when you’re comfortable in a cushioned seat and have all that you need with you- you will realize that you can do so much in that hour. So pray tell, what does this Dawn Traveller do?
She has her breakfast with her, so she carefully munches on her breakfast pick of the day. She’s now careful to finish only half the portion of her ceral or sandwich, because she realizes that eating at 6am meant that she’s only gonna get hungry again at 9! And of course she learns it only by having 2 breakfasts for a couple of days *grins*
Being enslaved to multi-tasking, she reads as she eats. These days she’s reading Gordon T. Smith’s “Courage and Calling”, and is transported into a world that’s different from the one she’s riding by. Being swirled into the author’s world of addressing the youth, young adult, mid-lifers and seniors- to think about our gifts, how we see the brokenness of the world. It’s like watching life flash by. She reads slowly, but is definitely enjoying it. More about it next time.
The short attention span of this traveler meant that she could not be one of those who would read throughout the journey. So she takes out her phone, plays around with it. Unwilling to become an image of a gadget-fidgeting traveler, she moves through her email, facebook, messaging and news very quickly and keeps her phone tucked away in her purse for the rest of the journey.
Oh she’s noticing something that she’s never seen outside of the window! It’s not a pretty sight of a “black mountain”. Looks like a black rubber cloth covering over a dump of something- wonder what’s in there. Thankfully the train moved on from the unpretty scene and prevents her mind from wondering further. And the dawn is breaking, the sun will soon burst forth it’s rays through the clouds. Reminds her of a song that’s frequently on the air of the Christian station these days… “the One who makes the moon reflect the sun..”
She takes out her laptop and types away. For the past few days, she was working during this segment of the travel. And today, she’s starting her Friday with one of her favourite past times. It’s gonna be a good Friday : )
Five minutes to her destination, time to put the laptop away. While waiting for the machine to shut down, she pulls out her make-up kit and paints gently on her face. It looks almost non-existent, why does she bother- she often wonders. Ah well, it makes her feel like a woman… But the best part is that the powder cake reminds her of her moomoo who gave it to her.
“Chicago Union Station”. Time for her to alight the carriage and start treading to start her day at work. Guess what her next blog title’s gonna be?
A train ride may seem uneventful to some, but when you’re comfortable in a cushioned seat and have all that you need with you- you will realize that you can do so much in that hour. So pray tell, what does this Dawn Traveller do?
She has her breakfast with her, so she carefully munches on her breakfast pick of the day. She’s now careful to finish only half the portion of her ceral or sandwich, because she realizes that eating at 6am meant that she’s only gonna get hungry again at 9! And of course she learns it only by having 2 breakfasts for a couple of days *grins*
Being enslaved to multi-tasking, she reads as she eats. These days she’s reading Gordon T. Smith’s “Courage and Calling”, and is transported into a world that’s different from the one she’s riding by. Being swirled into the author’s world of addressing the youth, young adult, mid-lifers and seniors- to think about our gifts, how we see the brokenness of the world. It’s like watching life flash by. She reads slowly, but is definitely enjoying it. More about it next time.
The short attention span of this traveler meant that she could not be one of those who would read throughout the journey. So she takes out her phone, plays around with it. Unwilling to become an image of a gadget-fidgeting traveler, she moves through her email, facebook, messaging and news very quickly and keeps her phone tucked away in her purse for the rest of the journey.
Oh she’s noticing something that she’s never seen outside of the window! It’s not a pretty sight of a “black mountain”. Looks like a black rubber cloth covering over a dump of something- wonder what’s in there. Thankfully the train moved on from the unpretty scene and prevents her mind from wondering further. And the dawn is breaking, the sun will soon burst forth it’s rays through the clouds. Reminds her of a song that’s frequently on the air of the Christian station these days… “the One who makes the moon reflect the sun..”
She takes out her laptop and types away. For the past few days, she was working during this segment of the travel. And today, she’s starting her Friday with one of her favourite past times. It’s gonna be a good Friday : )
Five minutes to her destination, time to put the laptop away. While waiting for the machine to shut down, she pulls out her make-up kit and paints gently on her face. It looks almost non-existent, why does she bother- she often wonders. Ah well, it makes her feel like a woman… But the best part is that the powder cake reminds her of her moomoo who gave it to her.
“Chicago Union Station”. Time for her to alight the carriage and start treading to start her day at work. Guess what her next blog title’s gonna be?
Friday, August 06, 2010
Two weeks notice
Cant believe it’s been two weeks since I’ve arrived in “the land of the free”.
We’ve settled in Dad and Mum’s home in Decatur very comfortably in a strangely quick pace. Maybe it’s because I combated jet lag pretty well, or that jumping straight into work right after I arrive still gave my mind familiar things to focus on, or that being around with family in a familiar environment made the transition a lot easier, or simply a combination of all these factors.
For those who are interested in my mundane existence, here’s just a some peeks into what I’ve been up to these two weeks.
Work wise – Instead of having meetings late into the night, I start my day in the “basement office” with 6am meetings. This means going to bed by 10pm and waking up at 540am. It a pretty nice change, especially since I finish at about 4pm, latest 6pm each day and get my evenings back. I am definitely determined to NOT overwork any more since I’m so underpaid. :p
My first friend - Goldberry lives in our side of the house. Most parts of the week day, we’re each other’s only companion. So no matter which part of the house I’m in, she would come around and settle close by. Be it the living room snuggling on the carpet floor beside me, or in the basement sitting right in front of my laptop making me give her attention, or bedroom sharing our bed. I’m starting to like the attention that she wants from me, never thought i'd experience that! Except times when she would share my cup without my permission, or making it impossible for me to work. And I cannot believe I talk so much to a cat. *faintz*
Purchases – hahaha.. it’s gonna be fun as Arthur and I start buying things. This is always a time when submission is so hard to put into practice, and I need to frame my mind to think in the “submission” frame so we don’t get into more “tense situations” than we need to. Our first purchase was our phones, and already we are learning new things about our decision making pattern. Next, will be our car, fun times. Oh, and did I tell you we rented our apartment online, without even seeing it? FAITH!
I miss you – I miss my fish beehoon, ban mian and porridge. I miss having my moomoo BFF around to trouble all the time hahaha… and her BF of course. I miss mum and dad, and hearing their usual nag on skype just makes me smile. I miss my LIFE Group, church and friends… I’m pretty sure I miss you if you’re reading this… Please take care ya? *HUGZ*
We’ve settled in Dad and Mum’s home in Decatur very comfortably in a strangely quick pace. Maybe it’s because I combated jet lag pretty well, or that jumping straight into work right after I arrive still gave my mind familiar things to focus on, or that being around with family in a familiar environment made the transition a lot easier, or simply a combination of all these factors.
For those who are interested in my mundane existence, here’s just a some peeks into what I’ve been up to these two weeks.
Work wise – Instead of having meetings late into the night, I start my day in the “basement office” with 6am meetings. This means going to bed by 10pm and waking up at 540am. It a pretty nice change, especially since I finish at about 4pm, latest 6pm each day and get my evenings back. I am definitely determined to NOT overwork any more since I’m so underpaid. :p
My first friend - Goldberry lives in our side of the house. Most parts of the week day, we’re each other’s only companion. So no matter which part of the house I’m in, she would come around and settle close by. Be it the living room snuggling on the carpet floor beside me, or in the basement sitting right in front of my laptop making me give her attention, or bedroom sharing our bed. I’m starting to like the attention that she wants from me, never thought i'd experience that! Except times when she would share my cup without my permission, or making it impossible for me to work. And I cannot believe I talk so much to a cat. *faintz*
Purchases – hahaha.. it’s gonna be fun as Arthur and I start buying things. This is always a time when submission is so hard to put into practice, and I need to frame my mind to think in the “submission” frame so we don’t get into more “tense situations” than we need to. Our first purchase was our phones, and already we are learning new things about our decision making pattern. Next, will be our car, fun times. Oh, and did I tell you we rented our apartment online, without even seeing it? FAITH!
I miss you – I miss my fish beehoon, ban mian and porridge. I miss having my moomoo BFF around to trouble all the time hahaha… and her BF of course. I miss mum and dad, and hearing their usual nag on skype just makes me smile. I miss my LIFE Group, church and friends… I’m pretty sure I miss you if you’re reading this… Please take care ya? *HUGZ*
Here's sharing a song that had been a big part of my 2 weeks here....
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Signing out Singapore
I’m sitting here in the Abu Dhabi airport, staring at the runway. It’s so cold here. It’s a really nice huge, modern, clean airport. I know I’m gonna be doing many things for the first time on this journey- and it’s already started here. Lying flat out on the floor, and sleeping as if something had just hit you. Now, “who has ever slept on the floor of the Abu Dhabi airport”? Me! Move my object by a space please :p
Ok.. so having caught up with some snooze, now it’s time for me to spend some time with an old friend..
***
My Singapore clock stopped at about 8:30pm 24 July 2010. The last week in my tiny island had just been one smorgasbord of activity- trying to pack up and get ready for the move, ensuring that all my paperwork required during my absence in Singapore is sorted, saying good bye to people, stuffing my face with the yummy Singapore food, etc.
I know I’ve been pretty lousy at controlling my tears- so lousy I’m embarrassed. But they are not tears of sadness, rather a sense of “missing-aching” to be apart from people so close to your heart. I’ve come to realize that the people in our lives are actually markers of our history, and help identify who I am and what I’ve done. The tears tell me more than I know, the place you have in my heart.
So I’ll gladly carry this scar of nostalgia with me as I walk the streets of Chicago- wondering what you are doing in the other side of the world, being excited about the things that you’re experiencing, and do the only thing I can do for you at that point.
I’ve been asked many times how I feel about the next 3 years. I’m excited about the journey that Daddy has in store for me, and for us. Articulating it lucidly for the first, time, I think I am looking forward to “rolling along” and seeing the 4 corners of this puzzle fit together.
Corner 1 is “making a life together” - Having to figure out everything that goes into making a physical home together, building up our family habits and facing head-on all the financial, purchasing issues that we’ve only theoretically handled up to this point.
Corner 2 is “uncovering courage and calling” – I’ve been haunted by questions about ministry and calling in the last 2 months. A conversation with Liu Mushi spurred some seeking along those fronts, and God’s prob been waiting for me to knock on those doors for some time now. I have a feeling that I’m called to be content on a “calling by state/situation” rather than “calling by vocation”. If that’s true, it’s time to embrace every moment and situation with courage! I’m ready to discover and rest.
Corner 3 is “re-orienting my identity” – Without family and friends you’ve had all your life to identify you physically, I am desperately thankful I have God and Arthur with me. Now it’s time to discover what it’s like to roam the earth assuming only these 2 identities for a while! Also looking forward to meeting the people God will put in our lives.
Corner 4 is “learning something” – My mind has grown mouldy to be honest. Time to learn a new skill, read more and go for some classes. How will I grow? Not just horizontally I hope! :p
Okie dokie, that’s all for now. Will be signing in from Decatur after the flight! Take care *HUGZ*
Ok.. so having caught up with some snooze, now it’s time for me to spend some time with an old friend..
***
My Singapore clock stopped at about 8:30pm 24 July 2010. The last week in my tiny island had just been one smorgasbord of activity- trying to pack up and get ready for the move, ensuring that all my paperwork required during my absence in Singapore is sorted, saying good bye to people, stuffing my face with the yummy Singapore food, etc.
I know I’ve been pretty lousy at controlling my tears- so lousy I’m embarrassed. But they are not tears of sadness, rather a sense of “missing-aching” to be apart from people so close to your heart. I’ve come to realize that the people in our lives are actually markers of our history, and help identify who I am and what I’ve done. The tears tell me more than I know, the place you have in my heart.
So I’ll gladly carry this scar of nostalgia with me as I walk the streets of Chicago- wondering what you are doing in the other side of the world, being excited about the things that you’re experiencing, and do the only thing I can do for you at that point.
I’ve been asked many times how I feel about the next 3 years. I’m excited about the journey that Daddy has in store for me, and for us. Articulating it lucidly for the first, time, I think I am looking forward to “rolling along” and seeing the 4 corners of this puzzle fit together.
Corner 1 is “making a life together” - Having to figure out everything that goes into making a physical home together, building up our family habits and facing head-on all the financial, purchasing issues that we’ve only theoretically handled up to this point.
Corner 2 is “uncovering courage and calling” – I’ve been haunted by questions about ministry and calling in the last 2 months. A conversation with Liu Mushi spurred some seeking along those fronts, and God’s prob been waiting for me to knock on those doors for some time now. I have a feeling that I’m called to be content on a “calling by state/situation” rather than “calling by vocation”. If that’s true, it’s time to embrace every moment and situation with courage! I’m ready to discover and rest.
Corner 3 is “re-orienting my identity” – Without family and friends you’ve had all your life to identify you physically, I am desperately thankful I have God and Arthur with me. Now it’s time to discover what it’s like to roam the earth assuming only these 2 identities for a while! Also looking forward to meeting the people God will put in our lives.
Corner 4 is “learning something” – My mind has grown mouldy to be honest. Time to learn a new skill, read more and go for some classes. How will I grow? Not just horizontally I hope! :p
Okie dokie, that’s all for now. Will be signing in from Decatur after the flight! Take care *HUGZ*
Saturday, July 03, 2010
I see red!
This is addressed to a certain somebody who drives SFN 2038 J. I hope I never have to meet you ever- but let me say this to you:
You sure are an asshole. Goodness… When all I did was lightly brushed against your car, that left no damage at all, you are serving me a lawyer’s letter with-
$800 worth of repairs (Come on, I touched up a BMW Sports car that had slightly more scars than yours for like $140 – what did you do to your car? Replaced the engine?!), $600 worth of rentals (You rented a what, Mini Cooper for a week???),
$260 worth of survey fees (What is that for?),
$50 worth of incidentals (And what is this, for you to incidentally sue me?), and
$700 worth of “cost at this stage” for what- lawyer’s fees???
Out of goodwill, I wrote you a note and gave you my number- to which you were supposed to call me, EXCUSE ME… As we agreed, where you will go assess for damages at the workshop, and let me know how much before we proceed. I have been waiting for your call for like ages, and all I get is a ridiculous lawyer’s letter?
I am so so so outraged- and I have not been this angry in a while that I really hope you will go burn in hell. You, and your lawyer, and your workshop- who are in cahoots.
Fine, thanks for teaching me a lesson about how to handle accidents (of which, this isn’t even anything and I have walked away having done much worse before…) in the future. Thanks for opening my eyes to how scums like you exist, would take advantage of others.
I will pay a price for my ignorance- but only to an amount that ought to be due to you. I will contest the charges, please don’t think you’re in for a free ride.
**
Maybe the above is like an over-reaction, and my curses are a little over-dramatic. Sure, I am probably not as angry already, and at a stage where I’m telling myself (as some very wise people had advised me) that I need to be calm when dealing with scumbags like this and I’ll let the insurance company deal with this.
BUT I do not think I can look at this injustice, blame that it is an injust act, and forgive the evil person behind this! I used to think that the prophets are too dramatic in cursing their enemies- but now, I’m like.. If even I who had suffered such a little injustice would want to heap coal and curses on that guy, what about the prophets who had such grave injustice served to them? What about God who looks at all the injustice in this world done to His people and Himself? How great thou wrath?
**
Just for the record, of course I am not gonna do anything myself. In case you and your too free lawyer would go round searching for stuff, and blame me for anything untoward that might happen to you. But I will leave vengeance to my God. For whatever penny that you got underserved, I hope it will leave you as quickly as it came. And may whatever evil intentions that you harboured be returned to you thousand times over!
You sure are an asshole. Goodness… When all I did was lightly brushed against your car, that left no damage at all, you are serving me a lawyer’s letter with-
$800 worth of repairs (Come on, I touched up a BMW Sports car that had slightly more scars than yours for like $140 – what did you do to your car? Replaced the engine?!), $600 worth of rentals (You rented a what, Mini Cooper for a week???),
$260 worth of survey fees (What is that for?),
$50 worth of incidentals (And what is this, for you to incidentally sue me?), and
$700 worth of “cost at this stage” for what- lawyer’s fees???
Out of goodwill, I wrote you a note and gave you my number- to which you were supposed to call me, EXCUSE ME… As we agreed, where you will go assess for damages at the workshop, and let me know how much before we proceed. I have been waiting for your call for like ages, and all I get is a ridiculous lawyer’s letter?
I am so so so outraged- and I have not been this angry in a while that I really hope you will go burn in hell. You, and your lawyer, and your workshop- who are in cahoots.
Fine, thanks for teaching me a lesson about how to handle accidents (of which, this isn’t even anything and I have walked away having done much worse before…) in the future. Thanks for opening my eyes to how scums like you exist, would take advantage of others.
I will pay a price for my ignorance- but only to an amount that ought to be due to you. I will contest the charges, please don’t think you’re in for a free ride.
**
Maybe the above is like an over-reaction, and my curses are a little over-dramatic. Sure, I am probably not as angry already, and at a stage where I’m telling myself (as some very wise people had advised me) that I need to be calm when dealing with scumbags like this and I’ll let the insurance company deal with this.
BUT I do not think I can look at this injustice, blame that it is an injust act, and forgive the evil person behind this! I used to think that the prophets are too dramatic in cursing their enemies- but now, I’m like.. If even I who had suffered such a little injustice would want to heap coal and curses on that guy, what about the prophets who had such grave injustice served to them? What about God who looks at all the injustice in this world done to His people and Himself? How great thou wrath?
**
Just for the record, of course I am not gonna do anything myself. In case you and your too free lawyer would go round searching for stuff, and blame me for anything untoward that might happen to you. But I will leave vengeance to my God. For whatever penny that you got underserved, I hope it will leave you as quickly as it came. And may whatever evil intentions that you harboured be returned to you thousand times over!
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