2010-2011

From today, we’re officially over a decade into the new millennium. Not that this adds more significance to the passing of a year, than the event itself ought to warrant. Maybe it’s something about starting a new calendar, the whole world beginning on that same page with you, new plans are made, and hopes of fulfilling dreams gone by are renewed…

I am less a fan of making New Year resolutions than I am of remembering the year gone by- but I’m not very good at either of those. My forgetfulness is the culprit. I have always managed to forget my New Year resolutions by the end of January- so what is the point of making them at all? And I abhor the notion of having to measure myself against certain standards all the time- checking if I have done well so far or not.

But it would certainly be foolishness if I allow my poor memory to fail me, in taking stock of where God has led and is leading me in this journey. Hence this entry- an exercise of discipline to call to mind what I’ve learnt about myself through the experiences in 2010.

1. There is much courage, faith and love the heart needs to stay alive, to stay content, and to stay faithful. After 29 years, I am still learning to stay comfortable in my own skin. I need to call in no less than the love of Jesus to help me love my neighbor, when I feel less than them. To not compare, to truly wish/ want the best for them, to not waver and wonder about another experience. All is enough and good because He has given.

2. I like travelling. Be it the morning train rides, walking around the city, driving along the cornfields- the mind gets a rest from activity, and be by itself. And these pockets of spaces are so precious. It’s when I smell the air, glide on the river, trace the skyline and breathe…

3. My home is where my hubby is. Many have asked me whether I am home-sick, and I shake my head. It does not mean that I do not miss my family and friends in Singapore.. Or that my heart does not ache some times when I wonder how my loved ones are living lives on the other side of the moon… But I feel safe and right at home where he is.

4. I am looking forward to growing old. After a month of winter, I feel like I have had enough of the snow and I am ready for spring. But alas! I have 3 more months of cold to go… And I feel the same about life… After 29 years, I feel like I have seen enough and I am ready for Jesus to come. But unlike the cold winter with nothing to look forward to, I find myself looking forward to growing old in grace and wisdom. So I guess it’s like a good Catch-22. “To live is Christ and to die is Christ”…

5. Renewing my passion for learning and reading is one of the best things that happened to me in 2010. I am glad that books and papers are back in my life.

So here I stand, with 2010 behind me- totally piqued about 2011. And here’s a song He has given me to start the year with…

If I stand

And there’s more that rises in the morning than the sun
And more that shines in the night than just the moon
It’s more than just this fire here that keeps me warm
In a shelter that is larger than this room

And there’s a loyalty that’s deeper than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs that I can sing
The stuff of Earth competes for the allegiance
I owe only to the Giver of all good things

So if I stand let me stand on the promise that You will pull me through
And if I can’t, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home.