Self Reliance

I am reading the book “Courage and Calling” by Gordon T. Smith these days. I enjoy the journey that it has taken me through- through the many walks of life, different seasons and the honest reflection about today’s life. I’m still working my way through it, so this is not a review of sorts. But I’d like to pen my thoughts about one quote this book had, that haunted me ever since I read it.

Gordon was quoting from Emerson’s essay “Self Reliance”.
There is a time in every man’s education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance, that imitation is suicide, that he must take himself for better or worse as his portion, that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is give to him to till.

To set it in context, Gordon was quoting this in light of what it meant to mature vocationally through midlife. Of how we need to learn to stop comparing ourselves to others, to turn from envy, to be able to “appreciate while we will not be all that we would have liked to be, we can, with God’s grace, be all that we are called to be”. To accept with grace our limitations and move quickly beyond the illusions of who we are, and to take responsibility for our giftedness.

Emerson might not have used his quote the way Gordon did, I think. After all, his essay is “Self Reliance” and what he might be concluding at the end of his essay is that he’s gotta rely on himself to plant that seed, water and harvest to get his corn kernels. But that might just be my Freudian slip.

There is some sense of which the quote conveys a sense of each is his own man, to honestly recognize our portion in life, that comparison takes us nowhere, that windfalls are accidents that happens to others, and we all need to take responsibility for our own actions and reactions. Kinda bleak, “depend on myself” mode- ain’t it?

But somehow, it hauntingly reflects the default outlook on my life when seen through a dark-stained glass. I do not wish to qualify nor inflate my tendency to take personal responsibility and ownership in every situation, and “force” myself to not covet what another has. In humble introspection, I need to also admit that this might be due to some twisted pride.

Be not mistaken, I am not a “each man for himself” and “one can only self-rely” propagator. I recognize that when looked through the rose-colored glass, this is mostly due to the teachings of Christ to be content, trusting that God is behind every situation and will work all things for the good of all those He loves.
And the Christian also recognizes how much of God there is in that seed, the rain, the health and ability to toil and work the ground...

And that's all i really have to say about this.. Sharing with you one of my fave songs…