I know I have been silent for too long.. but have just been completely swamped with work and stuff to do… But now on this Friday evening, have decided to be sedentary, stay home and indulge myself with some peace and quite to just take stock of what’s been going on, update my blog friends, sip some Chinese tea, and possibly, watch a DVD later.
ok.. so what’s been up with me, let me see…
the most significant thing this week would be that I ripped the skin off the cave of my mouth. Even the doctor asked me how did I manage this impossible feat- that made it looked like someone scrapped the skin off the area behind my top row of pearlies. the culprit? my hot peanut butter sugar toast. wahahahahaha…. I know, that sounds like a crazy sinful toast but ah well it’s one of my favourite indulgences.
So that was Tuesday morning… I spread a generous helping of peanut butter on my slice of wheat bread, sprinkled the white sugar crystals on them and sent it into the oven. 5 min later, the sugar crystals are wonderfully caramelized, adding a wonderful shiny texture to my crunchy peanut butter which looked like its smouldering from the heat. Yummy… I knew it’s gotta be hot, so I bit round the edges for a while. and it was not long before I went one round the circumference of the toast. Too impatient to wait, I made a small attempt at the heart of the toast. ahh not too bad. nice.
Rewarded by my first attempt, I got greedy on my second bite. I did not expect the layer of peanut butter to be that thick- honestly. The moment I sunk my teeth into the brown fudge, that did it. The deceiving invitation scalded the cave of my mouth so bad I could feel the skin peeling off right away- and true enough, a faint pink film emerged when my tongue tried to “sayang” the area. Gross I know.
I needed something to cool it down fast. something cold. yeaps, ice cream!!! wahaha.. another good reason to fish out the delicious midnight cookie haagen daaz from the fridge. cold.. nice…
It became so painful to eat over the next 2 days. The area felt raw and even eating vegetables was tough. So upon advice, I went to the doctor to get some cream- and he was like “why is the peanut butter on your toast hot?” After I told him my whole story, he started laughing and said, “well, good thing is you can be eating lotz of ice-cream the next few days…”
And of course I did :p doctor’s advice you know… I something better than just cream, I got my licence to eat ice-CREAM wohooo… that’s how I finished my tub- oops I mean my sister’s tub of haagen daaz in a week. sorry little moo moo, I’ll buy a new tub for you ok? hehe.. 2 tubs of ice-cream in 2 weeks- my ears were painful tonight for a while from her screaming at me.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
just something for Good Friday
These Inward Trials
by John Newton (Amazing Grace)
I asked the Lord, that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek more earnestly His face.
I hoped that in some favoured hour
At once He’d answer my request,
And by His love’s constraining power
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.
Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry powers of hell
Assault my soul in every part.
Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted by gourds, and laid me low.
‘Lord, why is this?’ I trembling cried,
‘Wilt thou pursue Thy worm to death?”
‘Tis in this way,’ the Lord replied,
‘I answer prayer for grace and faith.
These inward trials I employ
From self and pride to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthy joy,
That thou may’st seek thy all in me.’
I asked the Lord, that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek more earnestly His face.
I hoped that in some favoured hour
At once He’d answer my request,
And by His love’s constraining power
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.
Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry powers of hell
Assault my soul in every part.
Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted by gourds, and laid me low.
‘Lord, why is this?’ I trembling cried,
‘Wilt thou pursue Thy worm to death?”
‘Tis in this way,’ the Lord replied,
‘I answer prayer for grace and faith.
These inward trials I employ
From self and pride to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthy joy,
That thou may’st seek thy all in me.’
Monday, March 10, 2008
Candy mix
Candy 1 – Ever noticed how small a sparrow really is? I was walking by 2 tiny friends the other day and mistook them for fallen leaves along the road. I walked so near to one of its kind today that I didn’t notice it till it took off when I was just a step away. And to know that the Father takes care of these little friends despite them being so teeny weeny, so surely He provides even more for me. How amazing the Father’s love for me…
Candy 2 – I found my favorite rain-watching spot yesterday in the back seat of the car. There’s something painfully romantic about watching the rain through the window in the car. Bright headlights of the other motor vehicles reflecting the rain, the sound of the falling drops so near above my head, the night becoming fuzzy and blurred by the water curtains… Don’t know why, this scene just reminds me of Ally McBeal walking along the streets to the background of Vonda Shepherd’s voice… and I guess that adds to the magic of the night.
Candy 3 – Walking the earth with God is the one phrase that constantly blows me away about our forefathers of faith. What is it like and how did they do it. He’s shown me the answer recently, I think. I think. And I pray that be true of my song forever, every day. It’s the supernatural in the natural, and the magic in the ordinary dailies of life. The leaves fall everyday, don’t they?
Candy 4 – Mummy walking out with an umbrella to shelter me from the rain. Hugging mummy and saying goodnight the other day. Just that hug erased all my irritation of her earlier naggings, and the warmth of that brief moment lingers even till today. Makes me realize I miss hugs from my parents for a very long time now.. And of course my little moo-moo too. AND my special ONE.
Candy 5 – My new LIFE Group. They’re really sweet, really really sweet. Perhaps some will say that’s a new group that’s why. And perhaps that is true. But I guess that’s the beauty of the body, when the old has things to learn from the new- and even though the stakes of losing familiarity seems high, but this is one risk worth the while. They may be just who we need to recapture the sense of wonder in the body. It was exceptionally touching to hear Shuhui share with the sparkle in her eye, that she has finally understood what it means for God to be talking to her, and she hears Him now. And she is gonna get baptized. Praise the Lord!
Candy 2 – I found my favorite rain-watching spot yesterday in the back seat of the car. There’s something painfully romantic about watching the rain through the window in the car. Bright headlights of the other motor vehicles reflecting the rain, the sound of the falling drops so near above my head, the night becoming fuzzy and blurred by the water curtains… Don’t know why, this scene just reminds me of Ally McBeal walking along the streets to the background of Vonda Shepherd’s voice… and I guess that adds to the magic of the night.
Candy 3 – Walking the earth with God is the one phrase that constantly blows me away about our forefathers of faith. What is it like and how did they do it. He’s shown me the answer recently, I think. I think. And I pray that be true of my song forever, every day. It’s the supernatural in the natural, and the magic in the ordinary dailies of life. The leaves fall everyday, don’t they?
Candy 4 – Mummy walking out with an umbrella to shelter me from the rain. Hugging mummy and saying goodnight the other day. Just that hug erased all my irritation of her earlier naggings, and the warmth of that brief moment lingers even till today. Makes me realize I miss hugs from my parents for a very long time now.. And of course my little moo-moo too. AND my special ONE.
Candy 5 – My new LIFE Group. They’re really sweet, really really sweet. Perhaps some will say that’s a new group that’s why. And perhaps that is true. But I guess that’s the beauty of the body, when the old has things to learn from the new- and even though the stakes of losing familiarity seems high, but this is one risk worth the while. They may be just who we need to recapture the sense of wonder in the body. It was exceptionally touching to hear Shuhui share with the sparkle in her eye, that she has finally understood what it means for God to be talking to her, and she hears Him now. And she is gonna get baptized. Praise the Lord!
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Catch 22
A couple of recent happenings made me realize that I am a victim of the free spirit more than I knew I was. I hate being told what to do, I hate having restrictions on my schedules, and I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it and how I want to do it. In the least, I want to own my decision- even if it is a decision to be made to be dictated according to some expectations, it was my choice. And I willingly bear all consequence.
Of course I can easily tell how selfish all of the above sounds as it starts with the big I. But yet a part of me contemplates the above in light of the free will that God has given man, right from the start of Eden. How does the above measure up? As I have chosen to follow Him, am I not free to also make a choice in what to do and what not to do? And as He has allowed man to make that choice to de-god Him and suffer the consequence, why do I feel that people are trying to impose upon me what God did not even impose on Adam?
I will willingly bear the label of being a selfish b**** if I were truly so- and I am sure that there are many times when I am worthy of that label. But with every decision, naturally the party’s whose interests has been less than satisfied will feel that the decision is a selfish one- because their interests have been marginalized- pot calling kettle black?
The older child syndrome in me finds it hard to legitimize any decision that benefit only myself. And as God’s child, I see a need to balance the equilibrium in the bigger family when needs are not met. So if I have to juggle between living on earth and living for heaven, my blood and my spiritual family, reaching out & caring for those in the pen, making money & taking care of the big and small things at home, someone who needs to hear some perspective & someone who is just suffering an attention deficit from me- is there a single place where sanity lies? a decision either way will always make the other party feel side-lined. the catch 22 of my life.
I like to clearly know why I feed some expectations, which makes me happy to do so. I have recently owned the decision to fill up water bottles and dry the dishes as part of my duty as a daughter. I am doing it coz I choose to do it, because I love my mum- not because she told me to do it, and it doesn’t matter if no one else in the family cares to do it.
I am rambling now, I really am. I am not tired of life, I have known all the above things long ago. And I thought I have been getting a hang of handling all the expectations that are thrown my way, and handling the negative vibes with loose handles or erected walls. After all, many others have life harder than me. Surely, I screw up sometimes of course but I’ll just try again. And I guess I am pricked some times still- which is good. After all, I am only human.
So my prayer is to embrace this dance of life, dancing about the different roles in the different corners of the stage. All in all, that it’ll be a good dance for my only Audience- who loves me and alone commands my destiny. He has never had a set of formula that He wants me to follow, but I know in His sovereignty, He makes my every move- be it through a burden, a thought, a vibe in my heart, a chance appointment, an unexpected situation or simply the weather. Let me be dancing through life….
Of course I can easily tell how selfish all of the above sounds as it starts with the big I. But yet a part of me contemplates the above in light of the free will that God has given man, right from the start of Eden. How does the above measure up? As I have chosen to follow Him, am I not free to also make a choice in what to do and what not to do? And as He has allowed man to make that choice to de-god Him and suffer the consequence, why do I feel that people are trying to impose upon me what God did not even impose on Adam?
I will willingly bear the label of being a selfish b**** if I were truly so- and I am sure that there are many times when I am worthy of that label. But with every decision, naturally the party’s whose interests has been less than satisfied will feel that the decision is a selfish one- because their interests have been marginalized- pot calling kettle black?
The older child syndrome in me finds it hard to legitimize any decision that benefit only myself. And as God’s child, I see a need to balance the equilibrium in the bigger family when needs are not met. So if I have to juggle between living on earth and living for heaven, my blood and my spiritual family, reaching out & caring for those in the pen, making money & taking care of the big and small things at home, someone who needs to hear some perspective & someone who is just suffering an attention deficit from me- is there a single place where sanity lies? a decision either way will always make the other party feel side-lined. the catch 22 of my life.
I like to clearly know why I feed some expectations, which makes me happy to do so. I have recently owned the decision to fill up water bottles and dry the dishes as part of my duty as a daughter. I am doing it coz I choose to do it, because I love my mum- not because she told me to do it, and it doesn’t matter if no one else in the family cares to do it.
I am rambling now, I really am. I am not tired of life, I have known all the above things long ago. And I thought I have been getting a hang of handling all the expectations that are thrown my way, and handling the negative vibes with loose handles or erected walls. After all, many others have life harder than me. Surely, I screw up sometimes of course but I’ll just try again. And I guess I am pricked some times still- which is good. After all, I am only human.
So my prayer is to embrace this dance of life, dancing about the different roles in the different corners of the stage. All in all, that it’ll be a good dance for my only Audience- who loves me and alone commands my destiny. He has never had a set of formula that He wants me to follow, but I know in His sovereignty, He makes my every move- be it through a burden, a thought, a vibe in my heart, a chance appointment, an unexpected situation or simply the weather. Let me be dancing through life….
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