I’m really not your baby kind of girl. I look at all the people around me, and I must admit that I feel like a baby-hating b**** beside them…
Well, of course I don’t actually hate babies or kids- I find them charming for the first “oh… he/she is sooo cute!”, after which I’m just ready to “ok.. let’s get down to what I need to do with you”. I can keep them company, babysit them, play with them, teach them Sunday school, carry them, sing to them, rock them to sleep- and completely enjoying the process.. but cross my heart, I’m not THAT absorbed about them.
I think about my sister with her non-stop talking about Joy-joy and Isaac, or Xun’s obsession with Miguel. Everyone in the family who adores baby Katie, keeping up with her photos and videos, etc. I must admit I’m not like that. Squealing “Isn’t she cute!!”, “He’s my boy” just aint my cup of tea. And beside all these people who fawns over the young ones, I am starting to wonder if I’m cut out to be a mother.
A part of me thinks that I’m gonna rebel against all that attention given to kids such that- when I have one of my own, don’t expect me to video them or post constant updates about them. I’m prob gonna be writing about my own insanity. That kid is not gonna be the center of my existence, thank you very much.
What shall I do? And to be completely honest, neither Arthur and I are crazy about having children at this point. And the prospect of watching them grow up and go through all the crazy things this world throws at them, sends butterflies into my stomach. And think about all the things we have to give up for them- am I ready to do that? Adoption is a possibility, but the paperwork and cost is so prohibitive… Gosh I have less love than Angelina Jolie!!! I’m starting to sound like a selfish child hater now, don’t i?
Maybe we don’t have the gift of having children? There are heaps of cute Eurasian babies around, a few less on the surface of the earth won’t hurt? Man… In His time, in His time.
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