Much has happened of late, and I had not the time to reminisce with my old friend here in this space till now. This is perhaps why I like the airport. Getting all the waiting in line and crazy security checks out of the way, there’s usually some cushion before you board the plane. And it is here that I get time to be with myself.
I’m feeling nostalgic today- maybe because this may possibly be good-bye to San Francisco and colleagues I’m very fond of working with. Or maybe it’s the end of a very intense business trip, and I’m just feeling tired and ready to unwind. I’m processing some low-key moments in the past few months. You might like to come back another day if reading blue notes aren’t exactly what you’re feeling like right now.
In loving memory of my Bible and Narayana blue-and-white striped pouch. I’m still sad when I think about the book that has kept me company for more than a decade. Surviving being soaked in the rain, my highlights and note-making in the margin, the front cover and content page falling out. Having gone with me on all my trips, conferences, services, bible studies and small groups- I miss my lost Bible dearly. I don’t even know where it is, or how I lost it- it’s just so bizarre. I remember the day vividly, carrying it out with me from service, church picnic, Lake Michigan and car wash.. But about my bible, that it’s just a total blank. Where could it be? Even the good it might be doing someone else gives me no comfort- I’d exchange a new Bible with you if you have my old one gladly!
The only thing that’s giving me comfort is that Daddy wants me to break into His Word again, and get the glossy pages creased and used again. Yes, Daddy- I hear you.
The trip to Yosemite had been most disappointing. We went through so much to get there- waking up early, taking the BART, taking the air bus, taking a shuttle, renting a car, driving for 5 hours.. To get there, catch but a glimpse of what could have been. Still wondering how the valleys would have looked like. This experience seared in me acutely that the destination matters. Most of the time, I treasure the journey more than the goal, the process more than the fruit. But the disappointment this time had sparked much in me and I’ll carry these “pearls of wisdom” for a long time.
Be as rational and level headed in decision making as you can. Ask why you are feeling what you are feeling, and try to divorce past negative experiences from the current decision. Otherwise, you might make a decision you’d regret.
Persevere, don’t give up too soon. Don’t give up on the faith journey and throw in the towel at heaven’s gates. Use every ounce of courage and strength to hang on, or you’ll suffer the thought of “coming so close and not make it” for long.
I have this overwhelming sense that I love Jesus, but not enough. Spending little time with Him, still needing to teach joy to my heart when giving bites into my comfort, wishing to transcend my superficialities, struggling to have a pure and unadulterated love, finding it hard to make Him my pride and obsession. It’s time for some surgery, I can feel it. It’s time.
No comments:
Post a Comment