In the New York Subway

I was in the New York subway. Across from me, sat a man dressed in red. He started spewing profanities at the lady standing in front of him. He pushed her, and then she pushed him; and they started yelling at each other. At one point, she tried to get him off the train by holding it up; but nothing happened. Another passenger shouted at him to get off but to no avail. I looked at him, and at her, and all around, and then I looked down on my phone.

He did not seem unstable, but clearly not rationale either. He was playing video games on his phone, and was triggered the well dressed lady for some reason. He was not one to listen or be reasoned with, would me saying anything to him make a difference? Why yell at the gong to stop?

She stood her ground and did not back down. It would have been easier to walk away from the mad man. She probably felt betrayed by the train full of passengers, no one stood up for her, at least not soon enough. She stood alone. I wanted to say I’m sorry I did not stand up for her, or let her know that I was on her side. Would not engaging and changing cars be a sign of weakness and cowardice?

The witnesses heard them. But we were all by-standers. It was uncomfortable but we shrugged that off anyway. We understood why she held up the train – despite the inconvenience of delay; but we did nothing to get him off either. Were we weighing the cost of getting involved? Or playing things out in our head to what end? Did we not want to add fuel to the fire, or not care enough?

What I’d like to do when faced with this again, is to let her know she’s not alone, to at least plead with him to stop, and perhaps shine a little light amongst the silent crowd. 

Happy 10th Birthday, Elliot!

 Happy belated birthday, Elliot.

You’re 10 years old! How did the decade just fly us by.

I remember so vividly the first few days, when you came out all bruised. And then we had to return to the hospital again for your UV treatment for bilirubin. All the pricking on your little heel for the tests. Sometimes I wonder if those early days of physical scars somehow scarred your heart too.

This past year, you’ve given me so much and helped me grow. Though I sometimes feel inadequate and unsure if I’m doing right by you as your mother, I know that God has given us to each other and you drive me to Him. You keep me grounded and expose my sin, and remind me of my constant need of Jesus. I have fears and worries about how you’ll turn out, I can only pray that by His grace and mercy, He’ll save you and give you faith, so you’ll grow to be the man that God has made you to be – in the image of Christ and not anyone else. Even though you may in your outward appearance look like Gong Gong, you will be so different inwardly because Jesus stepped into our family tree.

Because of you, I actually understand and enjoy American football now – after more than 15 years of living here in the US! It amazes me how much you know and remember about the stats and players, how you love talking about it and playing with Daddy all the the time. And your first touch-down in the fall season. What a day that was! Your athleticism and passion for sports is something I admire. I pray you’ll grow more in sportsmanship and in the many lessons God can teach us through sports!

Your friendship with River and Luke is rather precious to me, and watching you play so easily with Brayden and other (6-7) kids warms my heart. Your exasperation with “bossy girls” makes me giggle, but you can be so sweet to them too. I pray you’ll grow to be a good friend like Jonathan was to David, and that God will bless you with godly friends who will spur you on toward love and good deeds.

You enjoy Jane Austen movies because of Mya, and I think K-pop demon hunters, Percy Jackson, Greek mythology, Zombies, Six the musical and boy bands were somewhat her influence too. Watching old videos of you both – you were always watching her, following her and wanting to copy her. Even some of your mannerisms, are mirror images of her. Love each other well, as you grow up together. Even though you like to press each other buttons, I pray that you’ll love one another all the days of your life.

You love to read, and are quite the reading machine. Whether it’s the Green Ember series, Harry Potter, graphic novels or the Action Bible, you get into the stories so much. I pray that the stories will help you see another point of view and step into the character’s shoes, to teach you empathy. And at the end of the day, to see His Story as the greatest adventure and love story of all.

You can be so tender hearted sometimes. Being sad when Spotty was lost, and wanting me to get you another Spotty. Adding Zeus the Panther and Puca the Ram to your bedtime buddies. Tearing up at the movie David. And then sometimes you can be such a tornado, ripping through your room! What is it that sets you off from 0 to 100, wouldn't you give us a chance to pause and talk? Thank you for the chance to circle back after the storm. I pray you'll grow in self-control and we can grow together in proportionate response. 

I love seeing you and Dad play. We both love you so much, and he loves you so so very well. Whether its soccer, football, basketball or hockey, you keep him moving! He works with you through your anger outbursts, reads to you, talks so patiently to you. I know it does not always feel like that, but I pray that as you look back on these days, you see a Dad who is lovingly devoted to provide a safe space for you to express all that you’re feeling, ask all that you’re wondering, and explore everything about manhood.

I’m sorry about the times when I lost my patience and my cool with you, or said things that might have hurt you. I pray that times of my intentional discipline will outnumber times when I was truly mad. Know that every no and correction, was done out of wanting the best for you. I love you so very much, son. You are part of this family, this tribe. There is nothing you did, do or will ever do, that will disqualify you ever – even you wanting out or running away.

We celebrated your double digit birthday at Bowlero with friends from church and school. I hope you had fun that day, and know that you have people around you who wants to celebrate with you – for you are fearfully and wonderfully made by Him. I love you, my little man.

“Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked, or stand in the way that sinner take, or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on His law day and night. That person is a like a tree planted by streams of water ,which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither – whatever they do prospers. Not so the wicked! They are like chaff that the wind blows away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous. For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked leads to destruction. ” ~ Psalm 1

Breaking the silence

 Not quite the first 2026 post I was envisioning. I haven’t even wrapped up 2025! I’ve been trying to figure out what to make out of everything that’s been swirling around the US, the news and my head right now. Here’s my little attempt to make sense of it.

Labels are lazy. I am not a Trump supporter. I’ll probably call myself apolitical, but I also recognize that we as Christians living in the world, need to thoughtfully engage as lights for Jesus. No one knows everything perfectly, only God does. So take these thoughts with a big grain of salt.

 

Immigration

"[God] defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing. So you, too, must show love to foreigners, for you yourselves were once foreigners in the land of Egypt" Deuteronomy 10:18-19

I understand the need to uphold the law and address undocumented immigrants. And the issues can be wide ranging – from criminals to productive workers who just need a chance to survive. The matter exists on both a macro and micro level. The US has been a country that has been founded on immigrants, welcomed foreigners, granted asylum, provided a refuge for refugees and continues to provide opportunities even though it has become harder. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for the law enforcers to enforce the law, and every country has the right to exert its sovereign right to welcome or turn out visitors. But I love the heart of so many who fights for the foreigner’s rights in this country. It displays the heart of God’s design. If the system wasn’t so broken, and people abuse them to an unsustainable level, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all do our part to feed and clothe those in need?  

 

When things go wrong

The recent casualties in MN is sad, but what has made it harder is how those in authority have handled it. I understand that law enforcers have somehow been villanized in recent years, and perhaps they acted out of fear and pent up frustration, but I believe they do not mean for these things to happen. When they do, the right thing to do is to admit wrong, engage in due process and bring about justice and closure the best they can. Not to spin tales, sweep things away, be high handed or use the law to cover things up. That is what causes the breakdown in trust.  Who will be a leader to admit when wrong has been done? There are accidents and casualties, and bad things happen to “good people”. We just need someone to speak the truth, take responsibility and do their best to right the wrong.

 

Venezuela

“He removes kings and sets up kings” Daniel 2:21

I was a little shocked when Maduro was captured – “can they do that?” But based on all that I’ve learnt about him, I was ok for the Venezuelan President to be captured to be brought to justice. He is a bad egg. If it takes Trump to do so, so be it. The question is whether the unknown devil will be better than the known one, and whether this could be an opportunity for the country to have hope for a better future or will it just be another corrupt ruler who will sink things lower.

 

Greenland

This just seems like another Trump hubris. He views it like a real estate deal, but is it really? What is behind this? Is there really threat from Russia and China?

 

Church

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends" – MLK Jr.

It might have taken the Church and Christians to formulate her thoughts, leading to the long silence. It might have been fatigue of all the incessant fighting in social media over the last few years, that’s helped more to exercise restraint. I’ve been resistant posting anything on social media, as that’s not a helpful way to engage. But the silence can sometimes to take to mean something unintended. Hence this blog post.

And personally, I am jealous for the Church to be equipping her saints better to be cultural apologists. The place I go to for these things now is the TGC. How is the church equipping her saints to process these events? And if we don’t engage, how do we provide a defense for the faith that we hold onto?  That said, even if the local church has not responded to in the way I desire, will I abandon it? No! She is the Bride of Christ, and what holds us together is far more dear. Will I continue to struggle and stay in conversation and love, or will I write them off because of disappointments?

 

History

I want to acknowledge the fact that there are protests on these painful situations, is not a given. How much more evil is done in other countries and at other times, where alternative voices are never heard. Other evils do not reduce the pain and excuse wrong in this situation, but it’s sometimes helpful to put things in context that not all hope is lost.

 

Convictions

“The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He will.” Proverbs 21:1

No matter the circumstances, and as little as I understand of what’s going on, I know my God is at work. He has placed the leaders where they are, to do His will. He has given each of us convictions, to do His will. May we be agents of peace and change for the greater good. May we seek God first and then to act. May we have courage to hope against hope, and fight to bring a glimpse of His Kingdom into this broken world.

Blessed Christmas!

 “Yes,” said Queen Lucy. “In our world too, a stable once had something inside it that was bigger than the whole world.” – The Last Battle, C.S. Lewis

Christmas has been made special this year by Hidden Christmas by Tim Keller, Pastor Tom’s sermon series on John the Baptist who came to prepare the way, getting to know Henry Wadsworth Longfellow better through “I heard the Bells”, Dallas Jenkin’s “The Best Christmas Pageant”, Angel Studio’s “David and the above quote by C.S Lewis.

I read a quote recently that “we suffer more in imagination than reality” by Seneca the Younger, a Roman philosopher. There is much truth in that, especially recently, as I ran through multiple scenarios of what-ifs with my work situation. But, yet, what have we without imagination? Without the ability to enter another world, to dream dreams, to contemplate the cosmic unseen reality.

The stable, the manger, the virgin
They held something within bigger than them
Someone who veiled His glory
God who put on flesh
 
The angels, the magi, the shepherds
They proclaimed news that rang through the ages
Someone who laid aside His deity
God who came to save
 
Herod, the innkeeper and I
Had no room for Him we say
Someone who threatened our kingdom
God whom we displaced
 
Faith, hope, trials
Lifts our eyes to the life beyond
Someone has made a way back to
God our Father Creator King
 
Love, joy and peace
We’re given something bigger this world
Someone who was and is and is to come
Jesus Christ our Lord and Brother

Happy Belated Birthday Mya!

Dearest Mya,

Happy 12^th birthday! I remember 12 being such a significant milestone in my childhood as I was Primary 6 and in my final year of elementary school. You, on the other hand, started middle school at Station this year!

What a shift this year has been. You’re riding your bike to school and home, made new friends, figured out your school locker, ran cross country, played basketball and cello, started youth group, went on your first youth retreat and on some days came home later than me! My little bird is fluttering her wings outside the nest now. And I’m excited, nervous, proud, happy, all at the same time. Oh my nerves, my poor poor nerves!

You’re also wearing your teenage sass so tall and proud. Whether it’s having to bribe you for hugs “lemonade!”, being reminded by you that “the little girl is gone”, or putting up with “we’re not going to be close” comments, or saying I’m so Pollyana… you’re my beautiful spirited teenage queen.

Your love for Jane Austen, Anne of Green Gables, Wicked and K-pop demon hunters; your ability to memorize lyrics and songs, your whackyness and sense of humor… Oh the books you have read – so many that I’ve not in my life, my avid reader. And I’ve so loved enjoying romantic comedies with you, whether its wandering into the Chicago neighborhoods in While you’re sleeping, or breezing through the streets of New York in You’ve got mail, or exploring London and the California vineyards in The Parent trap. How I wish some day, we’ll get to stomp around in those cities together!

I think we can safely say that we have “our restaurant” and “our meal” now. Our dates at Viet Taste over pho are precious to me. Going through Sex Ed Reclaimed is also meaningful. We even went to our first Christian conference together – Fly through the Bible. And in the year to come, we’ll get to experience SIX the Musical, and the Ellie Holcomb concert together. I’m so excited for the many experiences we’ll get to share and memories we get to make together.

This year, we got to celebrate your birthday with Aunt Katie and the Dickersons. You were so sweet to Emma

Oh my dear, dear girl. You know that you’re loved for who you are, don’t you. No need for perfect scores or being right, it’s not about winning every fight – you’re mine, you’re ours, you’re His! And that’s why we love you. No conditions, no requirements. You’re part of our tribe, now and forever, always. I love you, Mya. Daddy loves you, Elliot loves you. King Jesus loves you most of all.  

Happy Belated Birthday Elliot

 Dearest Elliot,

Happy 9th birthday! We celebrated your birthday by going to a Virtual Reality Experience and Gordon Ramsay's burger - where you got to indulge both your love for burgers and football. Happy birthday son, you are so precious to us. 

These years seem to be getting more and more difficult, and I find myself helpless on how to parent you. Whether it's your flippant attitude, piercing words, cheeky twerks, anger outbursts, hurtful actions, disrespectful behavior and unknown triggers of shame... I'm struggling. Perhaps i am overly critical or annoying, or that I try too hard. Between not wanting to over-react, but also not wanting you to think that these things are ok because they are not, and wanting to hold you to a high standard to the man you can be - I find myself most worried about how both you and Mya would turn out, and whether I would fail you as a mother. I worry about relinquishing too much authority or responsibility.

Thankfully, you have a father who is ever so patient, compassionate and loving. He lets you be you. He knows you deeply and shows compassionate, unconditional love. Yet, he also disciplines you. I know you love him so much and fear him too. And we have a God, who is my only source of hope at the end of the day - who made you, formed you, and holds you in His hands. And so if the best thing I can do is to be so weak so His strength can be made perfect in my weakness, then that shall be my boast. 

You've made so much progress in dealing with being in the tornado zone. You know when to step away to calm yourself down. You get over things faster and you don't let things fester. You speak your mind and wear your heart on your sleeve. I love how this is so evident in your prayers.

And despite all that you say about and do to Mya, I know that you love her, look up to her and tries to keep up with her. You delighting in Wicked before the movie came out, belting out to Backstreet Boys songs, reading books that Mya did; all show Mya's influence on you.

Your love for sports and natural athletic abilities marvels me. Coming home from the book fair with the NFL posters for your wall and ceiling, all the stats and names you have in your head, and how your day high and lows are tied to your games at recess. 

I love you son, so much. I cannot wait to see how God will continue to mold and shape you, to His glory and praise. I pray God will make you His own, that you will come to know and love and serve Him with all your heart, and that He will help me love you well. 

Swinging in low

 A new year, a quarter way through this century that I’ll not see the end of. I’m still feeling my way out of this spiritual fog – which perhaps is to be expected since I’m not hearing His voice from His Word for a few weeks now. I need my train time back!

The second half of 2024 was super intense work-wise. Taking on 2.5 teams, working on reorgs, planning for the new year, trying to wrap up the year, putting out client fires, doing a leadership development program, travelling, building relationships, etc. It’s a LOT. But very satisfying too. To hear Pat say that he sees me reflecting Christ with my work, was perhaps one of the most meaningful compliments I’ve ever received. To have team members trust me and want to stay with me and confide in me. Jesus is why I care so much about work, too much – some might say. He is who I want to bring glory to. Jesus is who I want people to see - that's why I care about the people I work with. 2 Peter 2: 12 “Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.” But I’m worried that I’m pouring myself too much into things that might turn to chaff, will they? Or is that truly my mission field? I'm worried I'm identifying too much myself with work. And I’m worried that it’s done at the expense of what I could be doing for His bride or my family.

It feels like I’m slipping away in my relationships and commitments at church. I don’t feel particularly connected to the LIFE Group, especially with my delinquent attendance and not having a lot of energy to build new relationships. I’m not growing spiritually or in my knowledge of Him or His Word particularly. I don’t feel too bad or guilty per say, just foggy.

And then I’m not feeling too swell as a wife or a mom either. I’m not doing much for Arthur, other than cooking; or with Arthur for that matter. I’m barely aware of the kids’ activities or school schedule; and time with them often means breaking up fights or “fighting with them” instead of helping the grow or develop character. And no one else likes hosting, and hosting takes time away from the family too – so use less the hospitality gift? I just don’t know what good I am to them these days. I love them, I do! But I’m feeling like I’m not very good for them these days, or what I’m supposed to be doing with them.

Feeling a little sick physically too.

Riding from the 2024 year end high, it’s perhaps where I need to start 2025. Feeling a little small, a little low, a little needy – needing to hear from my Lord. I wish I had clearer goals outside of work. Where is the list to check off? Where is the roadmap? I don't know where else to go Lord, and I can’t do much else Lord, I can only come…

Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Mya in Greece

Dear Mya,

We celebrated your golden birthday yesterday, how can you be 11 already! At your annual exam with Dr. Chen today, we heard a baby cry next door. It seemed like yesterday, when Daddy and I were bringing you here for check-ups as an infant. And as the days and years tick by, we know that the day when you will fly out of this nest is drawing nearer and nearer. 

You bring us so much joy, love and pride as we watch you grow and blossom into this beautiful, creative soul. Your spark and spunk lights up every space you are in. In honor of your 11^th birthday, here are 11 of my favorite memories in the last year –

1. Watching you play soccer with your team. How you would play defense and assist your team mates
2. You learning to play the cello, ukelele and piano – I wish you’ll persevere in music, coz it’ll bring so much joy to your life in the future!
3. You going on a bike ride by yourself, with the family or riding to your friend’s place. It’s your first vehicle to independence!
4. Running together on the weekends. You can probably run faster by yourself, thank you for pacing me. I enjoy starting our weekends with a run with you!
5. Watching you play Gaston in Beauty and the Beast. You definitely have a flair for drama. “The moment when I met her, saw her…”
6. But also processing the disappointment of not getting a bigger role with Charlie and the chocolate factory. Hard as it is Mya, we have to learn to be content and faithful to play the supporting cast – because that’s who we are in God’s story, for the spotlight is to be on Jesus!
7. You being game to try new experiences like the speech contest, putting in the work to write the speech, practice and prepare, speak in front of judges, etc. It was difficult, but you overcame and did it! I’m so proud of you!  想象一棵美丽的柳树...
8. Your love for outdoors and adventure! Hearing your stories with daddy at Camp Paradise, watching you do the rope course in Singapore and Charlotte, what fun!  
9. You being a good friend is so precious. Whether its friends at school or at church, becoming closer with some of the Chinese girl friends in school; renewing your friendship with Emma in North Carolina, making friends with Aria at summer blast being “Bob”, making friends with Ellie and the gorilla gang in Albania,.. People love being around you my dear girl, as do I, as do I!
10.  Going on the mission trip with you to Albania, hanging out with the youths, and sharing about your knowledge about Jesus with your group – I look forward to you growing through youth group, wrestle through hard questions, and grow in your faith in Jesus!
11. All things Greek and Greece, baby! How your love for Greek mythology led to a “Greek-off” with Theo during the summer, and then us getting to go to Greece together. What a memorable few days, seeing the layers of history on this land – through ancient times, Christian time, the Byzantine empire, World Wars, till today.

• The Acropolis, Parthenon, Athens, Cape Sounion, Temple of Poseidon and having dinner at Varoulko  on Day 1.
• Island hopping on board the Cosmos to Hydra, Poros and Aegena; together with the Bennet sisters as we listen to Pride and Prejudice on Day 2. Hopefully Mr Darcy and Elizabeth is enough to soothe your angst about Jo and Laurie.
• Going to the Delphi on Day 3 and making our list about how the Greek gods differ from our true and living God.
• The museum of Acropolis on Day 4, culminating in an epic mother-daughter fight at lunch! Par of the course as a "Guo lady" my dear, but we fight and make up my dear, coz our relationship can stand it and is worth it. 

 

I love you Mya, and always will! 

Turning 43

Dear Jesus,

As the calendar turns yet another year in my mist-like life, I pray that you will clothe me with kindness and compassion (Eph 4:2). To not be too much in a hurry to be kind. To see the soul within the other, and treat others with Your compassion – not with haughty eyes or judgment. 

In dealing with the world, may it be that I have conducted myself with integrity and godly sincerity in all these relationships, relying not on worldly wisdom but on Your grace. (2 Cor 1:4) Especially as I grow in my responsibilities, help me not forfeit my soul, for what is fleeting - for these things will pass away. Help me in the work I have to do, but help me work less. That i might live according to my priorities Lord. First as Your child, then as a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend; and then servant-leader, worker and all the rest.

Help me remember Your gentle and lowly spirit each morning, and live each day seeking to be more like you. Help me cast my burdens on you, and carry your light yoke. To rest in You when I'm weary (Matt 11:28-30).

Thank you Lord for being my light. To live in Your loving kindness, steadfast love and faithfulness to Your people. In Your Name I pray, Amen. 

Albania

This is my and our family’s first mission trip – a 2 weeks summer kids camp in Durres Albania. Days of our lives come and go. Sometimes they slip right by like sand in an hour glass, but sometimes they become stones of remembrance that we go back to again and again. This will forever be a stone for me, and I pray that it would be one too for the family in the days to come. This stone shall bear witness to –

·       The Dancing Gelato – comprising of Samuel, Lidia, Katerina, Amaris, Mateo, Kristi, Isabel, Kristi, Alteo and Luena. Before this camp, we were strangers living on different continents; but now you have a small piece of my heart. Whether it was beach time, group games, Bible lessons, snack time or bus rides – thank you for cheering, dancing the macarena, singing, swimming by me, getting increasingly comfortable with me, sticking with the group, holding my hand, talking to me and coming back for the Bible. I am entrusting you all into the Lord’s hands, and will be praying that He will reveal Himself to you and call you by name. And may you who have His Word will hear His voice.

·       The Powerful Way-Maker – to be reminded anew the desperation of the people when faced with the insurmountable Red Sea before them and the galloping chariots of the Egyptian army behind them, God made a way for them. Where the chasm between God and sinful man was too wide to cross, God made a way for us. Where the cross brought life to those who trusted in Jesus, it also brought condemnation on His enemies. Hallelujah to our God, the Almighty, the way maker for His people! In the past when I read the story, this was done by the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob for His people Israel, to keep His covenant of old. The story became strangely personal this time for me – that’s my God doing that! And like the Israelites, I can remember the Exodus as His covenant keeping, faithful, powerful and personal act of salvation.

·       The Sweetness of talking about Jesus – evangelism to me was often more a command to obey than something I desired to do. But through the camp, I felt a new sadness for the Muslims and tasted afresh the sweetness of telling unreached ears about Jesus. He’s not just a prophet, He’s Creator, Provider, Savior, Healer and Way Maker! Lord, refresh my heart and renew my fire to bear witness to you in every situation.

·       The Refreshment of Friendship – Our Father has spoilt us with the unexpected blessing of time with the Rushitis. It was like soul nectar to see Kujtim and Arthur serving alongside and hanging out with each other (Eurocup!), getting to chat with Lauren, seeing Ellie and Mya hang out like sisters, Paul and Elliot playing soccer together and hearing sweet Kate talk. Such precious memories. It is bittersweet to know that these dear friends are laboring in the Gospel work so far away and not being able to do more for them. But it fills me with unspeakable pride to know that their labor and sacrifices will not be in vain, as they give their life to bring God’s kingdom to Albania. Great will be their treasures in heaven!

·       The Joy of doing His work – It was a much needed and welcomed mental break from my corporate job. It confirmed what I already know – that I will not miss the corporate hustle bustle when I finally have the chance to do something else some day. There was also a simplicity in waking up, and going to camp each day. Even though planning, juggling schedules and coordinating calendars are inevitable in every day “real life”, my prayer is that the simple joy of being present in each moment and let “tomorrow worry about itself” will not be lost.

·       The Body of Christ working together – There is work that Arthur and I used to be able to do, but now cannot given physical limitations, we praise God for the youth in our group who play tirelessly with the little ones. There is work that we might still be able to do, but it is time to let the next generation take over. There is work that we are gifted to do today that we were not able to when we were younger, and that we ought to lean more into. The Body of Christ works together – with different spiritual gifts, with different generations, what joy!  

·       Moving towards God as a family – we have heard the triangle analogy that as the couple moves towards God, they also move towards each other. I believe this is true of the family as well. We think about teaching the Bible, modeling Christ to the children and investing in our relationship with them, all of these are good and important. But more importantly still, is us moving towards God and nudging them to do the same. This trip is a small attempt to do that, to choose Him first – with our time and money. We’re on an adventure as a family, to lay aside preferences and do whatever it takes. To be on mission together, in whatever form it takes in our various life stages. I am proud of the kids sharing their parents, enjoy being with the team, playing well with the Albanian kids; I am overjoyed that Arthur is refreshed; and I am thankful that we got to do life together (meltdowns and all) in a foreign land. 

Thank you Lord for this gift, this adventure and the many lessons. Please continue to increase in us and our family.

1 Sam 7:12 "Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, 'Thus far the Lord has helped us.'"

Productivity Idol?

On weekends or on a holiday, I start the day wondering "What can we do today? Let’s make a checklist together on what we are doing today” (homework, cleaning, etc.) It’s a good day when I feel productive. One Saturday Elliot asked me, “Why are you scheduling so many things over the weekend? I just want to rest. Why can’t we just have a Saturday when we’re doing nothing? Why can’t we just have a weekend where we are not going places and doing things. I just want to sit and read.” 
His question got me thinking.. Why do I feel the compulsion to make a checklist? Why does checking things off the list make me feel so good and accomplished? Why do I want to fill the weekend with doing things? 

Rest is not doing nothing. Right? I've settled in my mind that rest is doing something else other than the usual work; just as retirement is just about picking seashells. Weekends are precious times when I don’t have to be doing my day job, and I want to make the most of it! What's so bad about that?

The other side of the coin however, is that I can also feel like a day is wasted if I’ve not checked things off the list, and frustrated with the kids of my expectations of what the day looks like is not met. I feel most productive when I have a checklist and get things done. It’s almost like the worth of a day or my perception of what is a good day is tied to accomplishing things. My identity and worth seems to be tied to accomplishments and productivity, more than i'd like to admit. This causes me to waste moments to rest with and enjoy being with the family. 

If I just don’t know how to rest, and I have to fill my time with activities, then my identity is more in the doing and checking off lists rather than the being.. And with this productivity idol, I wonder if I may be functionally believing that my value comes from being able to do something, contribute or be of use to someone else. That I am defined by what I do instead of who I am. It’s sometimes hard to not tie my self worth to what I can do. In the corporate world, you have to list the ways you’ve hit your OKRs (objectives and key results). In each meeting, I think about what I can bring to the table. In each conversation, I think about how I can make a difference. But God is more concerned with who I am rather than what I do. And this extends beyond a weekend checklist, it goes to the core of how I view my identity.

Jesus’ interactions with Mary and Martha often speaks to me here. This is the account in Luke 10 where Jesus was at Mary and Martha’s house. Mary was sitting by Jesus’ feet listening to what He was saying, while Martha was distracted by all the preparations. And Martha, overwhelmed by all that she has to do, came to Jesus and said “Why don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” Jesus gently replied Martha, “You are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed… Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her.”

This account contrasts the busy Martha and the restful Mary who chose listening to Jesus over working. The doing vs. being. What would I choose if I were in their shoes? As much as I would like to choose like Mary did, and I’m definitely more Martha than Mary. Again serving and doing all the preparations is not a bad thing, but it’s clear that Martha started to get frustrated with Mary for not helping her, and even upset with Jesus for not caring enough about her to do something about that. Have I been in those shoes? Yes! 

Jesus gently teaches Martha that she is distracted, worried and upset about the many less important things, that are unnecessary. Is it nice to prepare a nice meal or space for Jesus, yes sure! But it is far better to spend time with Him, sitting by His feet and be with Him. What Martha does will last for a while and the moment will pass. But what Mary gains by listening to Jesus will stay with her forever.

The Gospel and Jesus’ correction of Martha speaks to my self-centeredness when I get upset with my family for not meeting my expectations. What would I choose if I have time to rest with my family? Filling it up with activities or can I focus on just being with them? Is my heart and mind with them or the checklist I want to accomplish? Am I using the time to point them to Jesus or have them meet my expectations? 

In pointing out that Mary has chosen what is better, Jesus points out that being with Him and listening to Him, is more important than doing things for Him. The Gospel is so clear that my life is not about what I do for God, but what he’s done for me. It takes faith to believe that my worth is not tied to what I do. He does not see me and love me for what I can do for Him, but because of who He is!

He loves me out of his character and that love doesn’t change with me being less productive. My identity is not tied to the number of items I can cross off on that checklist, but as a child of His. He wants me to enjoy him and be with Him, to focus on the being than doing. It floors me every time to think of God saying to me, “Child, you do not have to prove yourself to me. You’re valuable to me, just as You are – I sent my Son to die for you. Your worth is defined by Me – I made you, formed you in your mother’s womb, chose You, saved You.”

And what wonderful news that is! The productivity idol is insatiable. I can keep doing more, the checklist can get longer. If my works define me, then I’m never good enough, I’ll never do enough. Hallelujah that my identity and worth is in Jesus, proven by His finished work on the cross. I can rest in that. Thank you Jesus! And help me to keep remembering that!

I still make my lists. But one difference now is that I don’t let that dictate my day, define the worth of my day or how I’m feeling. This means that when Elliot asks, “Mom can you play with me?” I can stop and play with him. I can choose that time with him, prizing that over what I want to get done. And if by the end of the day, I crossed off only 1 thing on that checklist, or nothing at all, that’s ok – to give myself grace and not feel frustrated about “a wasted day”, especially if I’ve chosen to being with my family or a friend, over doing something.

My life defined..  
Not by the lists i've made or mountains climbed
But by I've been crucified with Christ.

Lost in the woods

 I've been feeling lost of late. 

Maybe it's mid-life crisis - hitting the mid 40s and realizing that I'm halfway to meeting my maker and wondering if I've lived the life that He wanted me to. Maybe it's prolonged naval gazing and taking eyes off my Jesus, my family and my neighbor for far too long - not spending enough time digging deep into His Word and relationships. Maybe it's discontentment or the 7 year itch and almost time for change. 

And so I've been circling around the "Should I do my Executive MBA?" question. If it's the learning, there are other ways to learn. If it's the option to do something different in the future, that's kicking the can down the road. If it's just to check the box, why do I want to check that box? At the end of the day,  that's really a mask for "What do I want to do with my life?" Where do I want to be in 10 years? What are my gifts? What problems do I want to be solving? What is my Why?

The chief end of man is to enjoy God and glorify Him forever. 

But how I ask

There is no answer. 

Make disciples of all nations, feed my sheep, shine like lights.

But who and where I wonder

What if I don't want that enough

Am I to stay put forever.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and ye shall find

I'm asking and seeking Lord

Please answer.

I know I'm Yours and You know me

But what does this mean

Does anything else matter

Am I to just be content regardless

Is it always in the striving, and never the arriving

Is this me or is this you

I can hide behind my list of to-do's and do the next thing

I can skim the surface 

But a part of me is seeking and yearning 

It's time to dig deep.

What is my why?

A house and a yard is far too small

The next weekend?

Fun at the next vacation is short lived

A certain rhythm of life but to what end

It's not a certain job or title

I'd like to make a difference

I'd like to lead and inspire

But who am I that I should matter

All is naught if the Lord is not at the center

Who is my why? 

Mya, Elliot and Arthur

My family in Singapore and here

The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit

The church and my neighbor 

Perhaps that's where my energy is better spent

To seek my why not in what but who

To spend my energy building relationships that matter

He must increase and I decrease too

For the chief end of man is to enjoy God and glorify Him forever.

A year in years

This year has gone by all too quickly – with so much activity all around, too much work and too little here.

On the world stage, wars have broken out with Russia invading Ukraine and Hamas invading Israel. World peace seems more fraught than ever. Surprise fireworks one night had me worried about war possibly breaking out right in my neighborhood. Singapore’s reputation of a “clean government” was stained by political scandals and a new president was sworn in. Beloved Queen Elizabeth died and King Charles was coronated King.

⁶ You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. ⁷ Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. ⁸ All these are the beginning of birth pains. ~ Matthew 24

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. ~ Ps 20:7

In the Christian world, Tim Keller died. He’s pastored me, taught me, and shaped me through his sermons and books; and though he does not know me, he’ll always be a pastor to me. The legacy that he’s left behind with TGC, and the many lives he has touched will live on. Thank you for making Jesus and the Gospel so beautiful and glorious for this generation and the many generations to come, Tim. I miss you!

“The gospel is that I am so sinful that Jesus had to die for me, yet so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. I can’t feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone.”

“The gospel says you are simultaneously more sinful and flawed than you ever dared believe, yet more loved and accepted than you ever dared hope.”

And in little world of the Kok family, Arthur and I are in our “teen years” now – 15 years of being married! Mya forayed into the double digit world into her “tween years” – turned 10, got her ears pierced, and got to read the Goblet of Fire. And dearest Elliot continues to keep me on my knees, begging and pleading with the Lord, ever the reminder that God gives us what we need.

The Lord has also blessed us with many wonderful memories – of first experiences like skiing and Mya’s first sleep away camp, of sneaking in some play in midst of work in London and Sweden, of playful summer vacations and road trips, of the magnificence of His creation like the Adirondacks and Niagara falls, of a lot of singing to musicals like Percy Jackson and Matilda, of movie night with The Mighty Ducks and The Chosen, of family visiting (thank you yee yee!)…

But of them all, our 15 year anniversary celebration at TGC conference was a highlight for the year. Many may think spending our 15 year anniversary at the TGC conference was an odd choice. But the Lord spoke to our hearts personally in so many ways on our journey leading up to it, refreshed us while we were there despite the stressful week with Cirrus going live and the Wheaton home-coming, and through the teaching on Exodus “Hope in the wilderness”. He reminded me of who my heart truly sings for, and living according to my priorities.

The year fleeted by all too quickly, but so full at the same time as I look back. So many lessons to ponder over, so much to give thanks for. And here’s my prayer as I look to 2024…

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. ¹³ Relent, Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants.¹⁴ Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. ¹⁵ Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble.¹⁶ May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children. ¹⁷ May the favor^[a] of the Lord our God rest on us; establish the work of our hands for us— yes, establish the work of our hands.” ~ Psalm 90

Goodbye 2022, Happy New Year 2023!

 Turning the page on the calendar, it's a new day, a new month, a new year. 2022 has slipped away and 2023 crept right in. It's been 2 years, but it's the first time Covid has made an appearance in our household. So instead of singing auld lang syne with friends, we've done our own little countdown and toast on the hour. The kids were excited about being able to drink grape juice out of wine glasses, and Mya even woke up at 12pm CST to usher in the new year with us.  

2022 for me is well captured by the GRATEFUL acrostic. I am thankful to the Lord for - 

God and His Word (esp. the minor prophets, 1 Peter and TGC's Good Faith Debates )

Renovation and new kitchen

Arthur, Mya and Elliot, and coming home to them each day (esp hard ones!)

Trips to Charlotte, Singapore (MBS, yay!), London, Zurich and Giessen

Endurance, help and favor from God at work

Finishing up at OTB for Arthur and hopes of a fresh beginning vocationally

Uneventful mammogram and biopsy (phew!)

Life Group and the Orchard, despite hard times with Chicago and Pastor Scott leaving

Mya and Elliot have also made more progress in the Chinese language. Mya is able to converse more with Po-po, Gong-gong and Yee-Yee in Chinese. I was proud to see the kids rock the Singapore public transport system - buses 88 and 13 to Bishan MRT, oh yeah! And enjoying hawker food like satay and wonton noodles. They've also plunged right into the world of Hogwarts and made imaginary friends with Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley. The family embarked on 2 new sports this year, with taekwondo in the spring and soccer in the fall. 

New experiences and kitchen aside, we've not made very much progress in a few of the weightier things I'm afraid. As I look back at last years' post, Arthur and I have not been exercising or praying very much together - at least not after "returning to office". We've not been very consistent or diligent in ways that will help form character and Christ in the kids. Neither have we shared the Gospel with more people - though Arthur's time with Steve has been fruitful to help him get plugged in with the church.

So with that, as I look forward to 2023 and answer Pastor Colin's call for the church to grow in love. Praying that God will help me to love faithfully with the "small" daily things - 

1. Love Him and enjoy time in His Word and devotions more
2. Love Arthur by encouraging his God-given gifts
3. Love Mya and Elliot by being more creative in "Mommy's school" and be more disciplined about disciplining them 

4. Love the church more by meeting up with the ladies in my life and praying with them

5. Love my neighbors more by getting to know them

6. Love my family in Singapore more by checking in more often 

7. Love the world more by seeking out the mountain He wants me to help move 

May God revive His church with an fresh outpouring of faith, hope and love for Him and our neighbor!

Happy Christmas

Experiencing Christmas through 3 different songs this year. 

First, Mary's song in Luke 1

⁴⁶ And Mary said: “My soul glorifies the Lord ⁴⁷ and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, ⁴⁸ for he has been mindful    of the humble state of his servant.

Mary starts her song by glorifying God – because He has given her a child and fulfilled His promises to her and Israel. In Isaiah 42:8, the Lord says “I am the Lord; that is my name; my glory I give to no other”. God Himself is full of glory, we cannot give Him more glory, than what He already has. When we glorify God, we are acknowledging His greatness, declaring His magnificence to others, and giving weight to Him. For all that He is and all that He has done. May we as Paul exhorts in 1 Cor 10:31, "whether we eat or drink, or whatever we do, we do it all for the glory of God.”

Mary’s spirit rejoices in God her Savior. This is a peculiar response, if you consider her circumstances from the human point of view. There she is, a single teenage girl carrying a baby. What would others say at that time and in that culture? But yet as she considers God’s plan of salvation through her, she rejoices in God her Savior. In the Bible, rejoicing is more often a command. An exhortation and a choice, than a description of what was happening. It is often in the context of trials and suffering. In our life, there will undoubtedly be trials, sacrifice, suffering, heartache, pain and tears. During those times, may we hold on to joy, by keeping our eyes on God and not our circumstances. To rejoice in hope, because God is our Savior. 

Mary glorified the Lord and rejoiced in God her Savior, because God has been mindful of her. He has looked on her, His eyes are on her. Likewise, Immanuel assures us that God is mindful of us. His eyes are on us. He looks upon us with such joy, such love, such compassion, such worth.And He has given us His Son to prove that. That He was willing to send His only Son from His side, to give Him up for us all. And if He is willing to do that for you, how will He not also graciously give us all things that we need for life and godliness. 

Second, Simeon's song in Luke 2, after he meets Jesus

²⁸ And Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying ²⁹ Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you may now dismiss your servant in peace ³⁰ For my eyes have seen your salvation, ³¹ which you have prepared in the sight of all nations: ³² a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and the glory of your people Israel." 

Simeon's single life long dream to see Jesus has always moved me. For him, to live is to see Christ. And when he has laid eyes on the Savior, experienced God's fulfillment of His promise to him, he was ready to depart. Talk about the sufficiency of Christ. We have that and so much more, may that be enough for me!

Third, Christmas Bells by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882)

Chancing upon this carol during family worship has been special. It is God's special personal song for me this year. In light of the war in Ukraine, of all that is still wrong with this world, the poet's honest wrestling during the Christmas season rings true for so many today. 

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
    And wild and sweet
    The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
    Had rolled along
    The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Till ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
    A voice, a chime,
    A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
    And with the sound
    The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent,
    And made forlorn
    The households born
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
    "For hate is strong,
    And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
    The Wrong shall fail,
    The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men."

Summer Sabbatical 2022

My second Sabbatical formed the bookends of this summer. The first half was spent mostly in Singapore playing tourist in my home country, and the second half in Chicago playing stay-at-home mom. The first half felt more productive, mainly because I was able to help Daddy and Mummy declutter that one room; and the second half had me starting a bunch of projects that sit unfinished on this last day of my Sabbatical. What I enjoyed most of this Sabbatical though, was just being able to give some more time to my role as a wife, mother, daughter, sister (wish I did more!), friend and church member. All things I prize more than being a responsible worker and manager. With days becoming shorter and the clock ticking, I’ll have to better allocate time, energy and mental space to things that matter more for eternity. How easy it is to get caught up in the hum-drum of work, and I am thankful that this Sabbatical helped me slow down and reminded me to prioritize the important.

 **

“Fix these words of mind in your hearts and minds.. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deuteronomy 11:18-19

We need time to sit at home with our children, to walk along the road with them, to lie down with them and get up with them; how else are we to teach our children the Word of the Lord? And the few moments that are most precious to me this summer were precisely that.

Elliot did not make it very far on our Saturday morning jog when he had to stop. A dead bunny by the roadside sucked the spring out of his steps. With his head drooped and his feet trudging, he barely eeked out the words when I ran back to him, “I am so sad Mommy”. And a conversation about our eternal hope in Christ ensued. There was no assurance of the bunny making it into heaven; but we prayed and thanked God for the hope that we have- that one day, there will be no more death, sadness and tears when we are with Him in the new heaven and new earth. And then he ran again. But it was not long before another conversation about money interrupted my plans to be healthy that morning.

“I did not used to be like that Mommy…” Mya rubbed her eyes we lay down beside each other on her bed. Earlier that evening, the older one went bananas over my comment about Elliot having a 40 minute long bus ride each way to school. “You only care about Elliot! Oh poor Elliot! You think I have an easy bus ride?” I pointed out the mean, ugly heart that the jealousy stemmed from; and she hid herself in the bathroom to calm down. She did not want to hear a sermonette that night, but I was glad to lay beside her and tell her “I was and I am like that too.”

Having the chance to send the kids off to school in the morning, and being home to welcome them when they get back is precious. Instead of getting ready for work or being already gone on the train, I get to see these little ones board their school bus and tell them that I love them as they go off to learn about and face that big world out there. And being around to hear about their day when they get home, prepping snacks and spontaneous sushi dinners together just makes my heart full. I want to be here to tell them that they do not have to sneak around for more screen time in the dark, warn them of pressures they'll face at school and remind them to be little lights for Jesus whenever they can. 

And as we sit down for family worship in the evenings, it was wonderful to take time to breathe and rest together. There were no activities to rush to after dinner, and no other place we had to be other than there beside each other – reading, singing hymns and praying together.

***

I have so enjoyed TGC’s Good Faith debates. So thankful to the Lord for this group of like-minded brothers and sisters whom I don’t know personally, but am so glad to call “my people, my tribe”!

Happy Valentine's Day and Belated Birthday to my little valentines

 2 overdue birthday posts that doubles up as my Valentines' Day letter to my little ones this year. 

And of course a very Happy Valentine's Day to my earthly valentine whom I hope will be my best friend through all eternity, and to my Heavenly Valentine whom I long to meet face to face one day.

Happy 6^th Birthday, Elliot!

Dearest Elliot,

Six years old today! We had a few friends over – your classmate Freddy and our old neighbors Miles and Cole, for a playdate after school. Mya and I made you a Flash cake, and you were so excited about that. Your birthday is a special day and we are so glad that we get to celebrate you in a special way today!

As Daddy and I look at the pictures and videos of your first few years, I remember being worried about you not talking! You little mind was taking everything in – Daddy’s effusive expressions and tickling, Mya’s singing and talking, and Mummy’s reading and funny sounds. And now, you speak so clearly what’s on your mind – be it when you’re praying or playing, angry or happy. Thank you for letting us know what you’re thinking and feeling, I pray that will not change – that even when you’re sixteen or thirty six, you’ll still let us know what’s on your heart.

Your “no-filter” is such a precious quality, especially when they come out in your prayer. I love to hear your pray. Your superlatives when you’re mad make me laugh and cry – “you will never see me again! I will not talk to you ever again!” Nothing you can say child, can make us love you less. Daddy and I pray for God’s wisdom to steward your honesty, and yet also teach you self-control and other centered-ness – that you will show us all how to own and speak the truth in love.

Your reckless abandon (and sometime destruction) is not because you don’t care though. You care deeply about what others think, which causes you to be embarrassed some times. I’m still trying to figure out if there is a specific trigger; and the best I can come up with is probably when your pride is wounded or when attention is drawn to you unexpectedly. Oh son, we’re still learning how best to parent  you every day. But my prayer is that you will learn the freedom of self-forgetfulness, to look and think of yourself less and more of Christ each day.

Now that you’ve started kindergarten and are learning Chinese, I like how you do the motions alongside the words! 大！小！力！I can’t wait to discover the passions and gifts God has given to you as you learn and grow in knowledge.

Speaking of knowledge, your knowledge of all things super-heroes has far surpassed me. You’re such a “boy’s boy”. Your love for superheroes, Ninjagos, the color blue (and Bluey), Star Wars, Sonic Boom and rappy loud music! You challenge my tastes and preferences, or should I say “expand my horizons.” You speeding around the house like the Flash, or kung-fu fighting the air, karate-kicking the walls and wrestling Daddy and Mya; are things that I’m going to try to enjoy now coz I know I’ll miss them when you grow up. You’re also cheeky and gross sometimes, I hope and pray you’ll enjoy all the gifts that God has given to us in God-honoring ways.

Beneath your “tough-guy” exterior is a precious tender heart. You were sad the other day after a dream about daddy dying; and after Pete’s Dragon last night, when you remembered Pete’s parents dying. And even though you enjoy frustrating your sister, your adoration for Mya is evident; taking after her interests in Narnia, Dragon Masters and wanting to follow her around.  

Oh son, I love you so very much! Daddy loves you, Mya loves you and King Jesus loves you most of all. I pray you’ll grow up loving Jesus and be a man after His heart; with noble character and honor; and shine brightly for Him every day.

Happy 8^th Birthday Mya!

Dearest Mya,

Happy Belated birthday! I’ve had this letter in the works now for so long, and it’s taken a long time to complete it – sorry sweetheart!

As I think about your 8^th year, I am amazed at how much you’ve learnt and developed. I’m torn between wanting to see how God is molding and shaping you, and not wanting you to grow up too quickly! Time is slipping through our hands so fast. I miss the little baby who refuses to sleep on her own and would cry till she threw up, the little toddler running in circles around the house, the little sister who would sing to her baby brother, the little mind who could memorize so many psalms… even till today! She’s growing up to be a little lady who has to start using facial wash, who enjoys spas and getting her nails done, and who likes dressing up a little to go on a date with her daddy.

Pride fills me up as I think about you starting 2^nd grade, writing mini Chinese essays. You learning piano and writing songs. You doing somersaults on the trampoline. You roller-blading and then being able to skate on the ice at first try. You can do so things I can’t my darling! Not to mention your natural dance moves, jokes, magic shows, family services and home video productions (Rapunzel! Queen Ester, …). Your ability to pick up lyrics also amazes me.

I love your creativity, boldness to try new things and fun-loving personality. When you get so excited about the rides at Six Flags; or a part in a movie, you cannot stop bouncing on the couch. You squeal and your eyes light up. I pray you’ll never lose that sense of wonder and spark in your eyes my dear. Each day and moment is a gift from the Lord to be enjoyed, and it fills Him up with so much delight to see His daughter embracing the gifts He has given.

This is also the year you fell in love with reading on your own. Daddy was waiting for this switch to be turned on. You have made him so happy. Our “reading and hair” time in the evenings are precious to me – not only because I can braid and try out hair styles on my real-live doll; but also because I get to learn about women who change the world with you, or get lost in another world with you, be it Narnia or a land with dragators.  

There have been a few difficult things and conversations this year too. With grades and teasing in school, unnecessary comparisons I make that hurt your feelings, concerns about 公公’s salvation, or just the daily reality of sin in us and the world. Sometimes, it makes you ask “Do you love me? Will you still love me?”

I want you to know Mya, that nothing will ever stop Daddy and me from loving you. Ever. Even when we hurt you or you hurt us, or when it seems to you that we don’t. We do and we will. Don’t give heed to the lies that Satan whispers in your ears – just as it did to Eve. God loves you and will always love you. We love you and will always love you. As you grow up, you’ll have more questions; the world will make you doubt yourself, God’s love and these truths that you grew up with.. But know my sweetheart of hearts, that He has us in His hands. “For neither heights nor depth, angels nor demons, nor can ever separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Happy Valentines and Belated Birthday my kiddos! You have my heart and always will.  

Community

 Poems from Martin Luther King Jr. Day at the Chicago History Museum

- From Mya

Community is where people live
The friends that lift you up day after day
The love, the care of your friends and family
These are your community

- From Arthur

A place of comfort and connection 

Of cringing and complexity

Busy and messy and beautiful

Diverse and united

Of belonging and becoming and believing

Where shared purpose and sacrifice creates safety

Where suffering creates strength

Where life becomes alive

Where we be known and know

Working together, stronger together, shining together

We are made to belong to one another

Community is destiny and sweetest reality

Community is home

- From Xiu

People we know

Places we go to

Sights we behold

Smells that fill our nose

The workers and first responders

The school, stores and hospitals

Kids playing, adults rushing by

The local bakery and its apple pie

The homeless in the corner

His bed that we just passed by

The creases that edge her eyes

Tobacco puffs and dinner from a new nights

Family, friends and familiar faces

Yesterday's wounds and hope for the future

Strangers becoming neighbors

The fragrance of Christ binding us together

- From Elliot

Goodbye 2021, Hello 2022

2021 was a year that started with the news of the deaths of my massage therapist friend Happy Vesse, my fourth uncle and my friend Andrew’s brother Matthew. It proceeded with many conversations – about race (George Floyd), politics (US election) and health (Covid, masks and vaccinations). It also revealed the fragility of the church and the faith of many; and begets the question – what is the foundation and unity of the church ultimately based on? What is my commitment to Christ and His Bride, and my love for my neighbor ultimately based on?

I spent much of 2021 studying for CFA Level III and took it twice; which is quite enough. Being called to be on the Orchard’s church board is both an honor and responsibility. And God had to shake the work stress out of me with a candida infection. Arthur moved on from Momentum and the residency, to start a translation project manager role at UTB. His ministry plate has also never been more full – doing Bible studies with Steve Wang, Jason and Jacob, and leading LIFE Group and Orchard Kids. Mya started second grade, found her groove with reading and telling jokes, began exploring piano and had her first tooth extraction. Elliot started Chinese Immersion with Ms Chin and Mrs Floyd, began to read and build his Marvel-pedia knowledge and lost his first 2 teeth.

It is quite true that they say we overestimate what we can do in a day, and underestimate what we can achieve in a year. In midst of the lows and heavy topics, we still managed some highs and frivolous fun. And with that, I look to 2022 with anticipation.  

A trip to Singapore, God-willing? A new kitchen perhaps? More hobby, silly-fun and Mummy-school time hopefully? Beneath the cream and fluff, here’s my hope and prayer for the weightier things –

1.      That I would seek God more in prayer and in Word – to seek Him first in all things, not relying first on the means He has given though conventional wisdom and the counsel of others.

2.      That I might fill out the sketches of what a church that welcomes, ministers to and celebrates diversity look like

3.      That Arthur and I will pray together more, and I may love, serve and help Arthur better

4.      That as parents, we will be more consistent and diligent; and help form character and Christ in the kids

5.      That we as a family will make new neighbors, share the Gospel with 1 more person than last year, enjoy God more together and look at screens less.