Out of the Station

After thinking things through for the past two weeks, moving from regrets and "if-only"s, to blaming myself for taking & slipping chances, to tossing possibilities of "what-if"s, am now accepting the fact that we might not have been THAT right for each other.
However, just as i never had specific expectations of relationships, i cannot also put a finger to what was incompatible because i always embraced differences. And it would also be a sheepish renunciation of my early claims that he felt so right. Perhaps i emabraced differences too much or i was too proud, such that i would deliberately not conform to his taste- so that's another of my bad.

But i guess the fact that i never had the safe environment to be totally myself around him, and he was never were ready to accept something/someone different just failed us. So even if not now, i also cannot tell for certain what might happen if we hung in there longer. :) so yeaps, well at least that's reason enough for me to move on and not look back in regret- well, i never did.
And hopefully that will also be a good enough reason for him to not feel bad about me at all. (heh if he did la.. ) That is at least what i will take as the official reason for the end, instead of blaming him for his immaturity and sincere mistake. When we try to find out what's wrong and who's to blame, there will always be tinge of regret and we will never move on. i do not believe in coping mechanisms, so that is what i honestly feel. :) and hey, that's what the entire courtship process is for right? we are all young adults who can be more accepting of the fact that "we did not work out".

The roads we have travelled make us who we are today, and there is no futile distance covered- for you enjoyed it or endured it while it lasted. We pick up lessons from the turns in the journey, and hopefully will be for the wiser to embrace the adventures ahead! And never shun or shut away the past because we cannot- know it, cherish it and grow from it.

Would love to tell him all of the above so he need not feel bad any longer. I wonder if he ever did though.. But ah well, it does not matter now. Pain was my choice to love, he could not have caused it. So well if you do happen to know him, let him know k? i need to keep my bargain of being in cold turkey, for those who have been so close for me all this time.