Perhaps he was never ready for the dance, his feet still sore from the previous one. Perhaps i started the dance too early, knowing the scars but wanted to take a chance. Perhaps as he said i just was not right. Perhaps i was such a klutz, fumbled and stepped on his toes too often and spoilt the dance. Perhaps he had always focused on the steps to perfect his dance and never me. Perhaps i was too slow to warm up, got overwhelmed by the experience and enjoyed the moment too much.
I have not the complete answer. There are moments I wished I have the answers from his point of view. But I guess that’s just pure self-centeredness, to want to know if I mattered at all. And I am not sure if I am gonna be able to handle the answer he gives. So if I still love him as a friend, and I do, it is better to leave the questions as they are. To allow him all the time and space for the wounds to heal. And having experienced a small fraction of what he went through, there is no excuse for me to make things harder for him.
Many asked if I would I dance again. Guess my stand is still the same as before. There is no assurance from His Word that I would find that partner in my life journey, but I know my heart and my days are in His hands. What I cannot see in front, I can hope and dream about, but there is no basket that I can put my eggs in. So the dreamer would once in a while be swept into the wistful mood, but the castles remain in the air.
His ways are beyond mine. And contentment can only come in seeking to live each day in and for Him, and this is what I can do. To live my life and play my roles Today- tomorrow is in His hands, not mine. And He is Sovereign, He who is the Lord of all creation is also the Lord of our hearts. In His time, He will bring two hearts together, knit them as one in His own way- to His praise and glory. Till He does that for me, I shall just try to keep my rest in Him. For I was made first, for Him.
2 comments:
You deserve someone who can dance with you passionately, with you and you only. Who together with you will light up the dancefloor in perfect chemistry.
Its one thing to dance perfectly in well rehearsed textbook synchronised steps. But even in perfect textbook synchronised steps, a dance is just lacking when without the factor 'X'.
Save the last dance, for someone will come. One without baggage, history and whom will make decisions in wisdom calm.
In fact that someone is always around - I'm glad in Jesus perfect contentment you have found.
heh yeaps, totally agreed :) the lady finds no stigma in a partner who does not fit, nor a partner who does not want to dance. Neither's a bad dancer but just aint good for each other at that time. Takes two to tango, so it's good as well that the dance ended early. Save the building frustration in being in a dance that's sticky icky.
Not too sure about the deserve part. It's never about deserving i guess- a willing, committed partner suffices :)
And the beauty of it is that in midst of these human choices & "screw-ups" we make, it is the Master's design. Preparing us for the Ultimate Perfect Dance that He has been choreographing through all ages! Yipee!
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