Missions Week

“What it is that I want to do with my life?” In light of everything that’s going on in the various corners of the world- the hunger & poverty in the third world countries, the terror & hopelessness in war-ton, disaster-stricken countries, the need of the Gospel in the obscure villages, do I just want to be sitting behind my desk in comfortable Singapore and be engaged in vehicles that promote materialism?

I must confess first that my mind & will is smaller than my heart. My heart says I want to go to Africa, I want to join World Vision and go do something for a community who does not know God’s love, I want to be alongside with the children & desolate in their pain & let them know He has not forgotten them. But honestly, my mind just doesn’t go as far. Ask me anytime what i really want to do with my life, I have only two simple dreams. One- to just spend a year studying theology abroad, to finally get a taste of studying abroad and to study what I’m really interested in. Two- to be the little woman who only wants to be a good wife & mother, but this is so ridiculously contingent that I know it makes no sense to hope for it at all.

My constant tension between desiring this life to be bigger than what it is, but yet also delighting in the prospects of it being small. What is the cost between relinquishing your dreams to pragmatic reality? What is the cost of pursuing my Christian dreams in light of the concerns this world has? God help me. I feel I’ve lost that little girl that once resided in me, the ability to love and feel joy welling from inside, and the hope to be able to embrace life swings from mountain high to valley low in split seconds.

The messages this mission week seems to be His affirming of all that He’s been telling me in the depths of my thoughts.

I know not what the future holds or how Your plan is going to unfold, but all I know is I am created for You- to love, to know, to worship, to serve You.
To witness to the world of a God who is living and true, who is love and grace and truth.
There are big things people can do to testify, and perhaps You’re edging this reluctant girl there too.
But what is it to me the things You do to them, what is it to me the things You give them, I have my lot too.
Till then, have me in this little life, to behold only You each day.
For every person I meet, to show Your love to them & give them my brightest smile.
For every thing I do, to do simply for You.
For each moment I enjoy, to thank You for it.
For each second I feel pain, to let praise arise from within.
But there is a difference between knowing and reckoning.
Move me O Lord beyond knowing these and truly living my life in surrender at Your feet.

The theme song this Missions Week been resounding in my head. It’s a frantic grasp so I will not forget what life truly means, or rather the only meaning it has truly.

主， 告诉我， 如何献上我的生命， 带希望入人群中
主， 告诉我，如何付出我的关怀， 将温暖带入世界
我看到灵魂中的忧伤， 孤独中人的心在角落颤抖
差遣我，差遣我，我愿付出我所有
差遣我到需要你的人群中
充满我，充满我，用你爱来充满我，
再一次紧握他们的手。

At least, it’s helped me see Beijing as my first mission trip :) Help me Lord to be a blessing to the church there, even as they be Your blessing to me. Help me Lord to be a light to the traveler and passer-by. But first starting from here and now, help me to be Your love to those around. God help me please.