4 days on my own

Arthur was in Kansas City last week for 4 days, and I nearly lost my mind. 4 days trying to juggle the kids and work, I became the mean witch so far from Mary Poppins.

Did I raise my voice and practically yelled at them? Check.

Did I say things I wish I didn’t? Yup.

Did I put them in front of a TV show more than I should have? Guilty.

Did I busy cleaning around the house instead of spending time with them? Uh-huh.

I felt like an utter failure. For not being able to enjoy my kids as much as I should have. For not being as patient with them as I should have. For saying the things I never wanted to say to them. For speaking in a volume I never wanted to speak to them in. For being a simmering volcano, with one too many eruptions. I was practically a high strung nut case. Feeling behind at work, feeling behind in parenting, feeling behind in home-making. Feeling behind in practically everything.

That is not to say the kids were innocent white doves while I went bersek. They were sinful children all right – testing their limits, procrastinating, lounging, talking back, being defiant, wanting to be the parent, all of the above. My sin does not absolve theirs, and their sin does not absolve mine. Oh, how long suffering and compassionate our Father in Heaven.

I always say that the stay-at-home-parent’s job is the hardest in the world. I knew it then, I know it now. My hats off to all you stay-at-home parents and all the single parents. I cannot do what you do. And God knew.

I am so thankful being a working mom, and so thankful to Arthur for being the one who juggles the demands of work and kids every single day. Thankful that my children forgive my failings and bear it like no one could; thankful knowing that I’m a sinful mother in need of as much grace as my little ones do.

I’m gonna do this again. Watch them on my own while Arthur is away. Lose my mind and fail again. But, I will rise to the challenge, I will. One day at a time. One ball at a time. One crumb at a time. One breath at a time. One mistake at a time. Holding on to each time I notice Him showing up in a very tangible way. And I know His grace will be sufficient, for us all.  

1917 N Spruce Terrace

It was unexpectedly emotional when the “For Sale” sign was put up in front of our current home – 1917 N. Spruce Terrace, AH IL 60004. I was not there when they did it, but tears streamed down my cheeks when Arthur called to inform me. Had I been there, every inch they sunk the peg into the ground, would have been an inch a nail was hammered into my heart.

It was again unexpectedly emotional when our realtor texted us that the couple who bought our house are excited about it. The house closed today. I was not there when they signed the papers, but tears welled up in my eyes. I felt every ounce of pain that Mya had within her when we said goodbye to the house. She was inconsolable, hugging our favorite tree, kissing the last wall before we walked out the door, for good.

This is the first house Arthur and I “owned”. I remembered vividly praying that God would use this space that He has blessed us with, and He answered that prayer in ways more than what we could have asked for. Families coming for months or a weekend, friends here to hang out or stay for a while, strangers becoming friends, friends making this home their own, gatherings, lunches, dinners, life group meetings, birthday parties. God has blessed us with much rich fellowship, laughter and tears in this little home. Memories made and deeply treasured. We are humbled that God has entrusted this space to us for the last 4 years.

This is the house in which Mya lived most of her life to-date, and that’s the only home Elliot has ever known. This is where they learnt to walk and talk, dressed-up and played make-believe, rode kitchen chairs trains and cardboard boats, got time-outs and spankings, read countless books, somersaulted, straddled on the ceiling, fought and giggled, laughed uncontrollably. They fell in love with playing outside here – swinging and kicking balls in the backyard, riding their bike, car and scooter on the sidewalk, playing with the water table, going to the park, climbing trees. God has blessed them with so many moments of fun in the neighborhood. We are so thankful for that.

We will remember our neighbors – Nancy, Wendall and Rosalee. Even though they’ve really enjoyed having us (especially Arthur), they will spur us to be better neighbors in the future.

This has been quite a journey for us. Leaving behind what we once loved, moving forward to a place unknown (kinda), learning anew what is temporal and permanent, cherishing what we have and had. We pray the same prayer that God will use our new space for His work and His people, that it will be a place of rest and refreshment for the sojourners and that we will steward it for His glory!  

Dedicated Move

Sorry it’s been a while since I wrote. Things have been a little crazy recently with work – I’m feeling like a true Singaporean again. And not to mention a major move!

Oh yes, the move. I’ll spare you the details here. But all I can say is that God made a way! He provided a way apart from the law, so that we might fulfill the law – albeit in the letter and not the spirit. A stark reminder again that there is no grace in the law or any governments, except the One who is full of love, grace and truth.

And so it is our prayer that our new abode will be used by Him, to be a refuge and a resting place, for all who will pass through or come to stay. The big move will be on the 31^st May. Come along to help or pray with us!

Our little daughter was dedicated to the Lord on the 7^th month birthday, and Mother’s Day 2014! She was a tat squirmy in front of the congregation, likely because she was hungry, but that helped spare me the tears.

Raising a child is hard enough, but raising a child in the Lord? God help us! It might be the heaviest of responsibilities, being entrusted with our child’s heart, but it can also be one of the most fruitful and fun things in the world. Did I tell you I love being Mya’s mummy? I love her and love playing that role in her life. What a gift I've been given!
I am thankful that we’re not doing this alone, but with our immediate & extended family, church family and friends who love us so. Thanks for being on the journey with us!
And Lord, though we dedicate her to you, only You can make her Yours. Please do Lord, work in her to choose to love and obey You, and be with and in her all the days of her life.