Happy 13th Birthday, Mya!

Dearest sweet Mya, my teenage daughter, “I’m so glad we live in a world where there are Octobers”. I’ve so enjoyed putting together your Anne of Green Gables movie birthday party with Olivia, Aria and Jenna;  and watching Miss Congeniality (your first PG13 movie!) with you to celebrate. Thank you for sharing your birthday weekend with Matt and Diana’s visit even if you did not know them, and picking Daruma for your birthday dinner.

I’m ever so thankful to God that you’re ours, and we get the front row seat to watch how God is growing you. Your big and small questions about theology, politics and the world, love for your friends and youth group, desire to volunteer whether to the little cubbies or elderly or for the earth, willingness to pray, and deep empathy… I love the heart that He’s forming in you. I know that there will be some lessons that will just have to be learnt the hard way, and roads that you’ll have to travel for Him to get you there. It is my prayer that He’ll make you His and you’ll make Him yours, no matter what.

I know we put you through the ringer – being one of the very few in your circles for not having a phone, encouraging you audition for the school play only not to be cast, going to places and events where you’d rather not be at, wanting you to try something different every year (the Young Writer’s conference, what will the life of a wrestling manager be like?)… You’ve risen to every occasion, well almost. Dare to be different my dear girl, the world will want you to be like it, your heart that seeks approval will want to just fit in. But there’s too much at stake to just go with the flow. Stand on the firm foundation of Christ, stick to your convictions of what’s true and right; and fight for justice and love, then intentionally “become all things to all people, so that by all means we might save some… for the sake of the gospel” (1 Cor 9:22-23)

You’ve read more fiction books than I ever have and wrote many exciting essays (the suspense-filled fairy folk) that rolled the socks off your teachers. You’ve introduced me to new things that I otherwise would not have enjoyed. Whether it’s Jane Eyre or Persuasion, I love your thoughtful choice of heroines. Thank you for making me read your Anne books – though I average a miserly 1 a year, and re-experiencing Shakespeare! You also got me to know Corrie Ten Boom more with your “Hiding Place” book club. You’re the “girl-friend” that I get to do things with, whether it’s musicals like Les Miz or Hamilton, or concerts like Ellie & Drew Holcomb (with the fam) or Steven Curtis Chapman (with daddy), or fluffy rom-coms. I love your range for books, movies, songs, pop-culture, etc. Keep experiencing what literature, the arts and culture have to offer dear one, they’ll expand  your world and take you into worlds you otherwise would not have gone – even some painful, dark ones. But keep finding the light in them! I hope we finish “Till we have faces” this year!!

“I’m so glad I get to live in a world where there is my Mya Faith.” I love you so much, my precious daughter! We love you so very much, our teenage queen.

Mya’s tales

Fizzy the Lizard came to us from China, so Mya says. He (sometimes she) came up to Mya and asked to be her friend. And the rest was history. Ever since, he has been her good friend and she, his. She carries her in the palm of her hand sometimes, but most frequently runs around with him in the scoop of her hands. Fizzy likes meat, vegetables and rice krispies. Mya puts him to bed and takes very good care of him, sometimes more so than her brother Elliot! Fizzy has 2 good friends – a bunny who is his nurse, and a squirrel.

Mya also has 2 cats at home (no we don’t!). They can’t eat strawberries because they make them sick.

#firstimaginaryfriends

**

“Daddy is mean and bad. But Mummy is sweet and funny – that’s why I like Mummy..”.

#girlsrock

**

At dinner tonight,

“Mya, say go (Cow)Boys!”

“No, I can’t! I can only say ‘go, girls!’”

#girlsrock

Miss Independent

My precious miss Mya is providing me with much comic relief, awesome wonder, exasperated worries and tears these days. Here are a couple of her quotable quotes…

“I want to do it myself” – one of Mya’s pet phrase of late. Climbing into her car seat, getting up and down the bus for church, squeezing her toothpaste, opening the door of the fridge, climbing up onto the bathroom sink, reaching for something on the top shelf (she would reverse any attempts to make the object easier to reach, and then go for it again herself)… No, don’t help me! I'm Miss Independent!

“Don’t cut it!” – Mya likes her apple, pear, strawberry, orange, bread… whole. Don’t even try giving her half of a banana, she will go bonkus. She went through an entire bag of apples all by herself, biting into each one of them and refusing to let me slice even one.

“Three more … ok?” – M&Ms, raisins, Kai-Lan, Dora, Veggie Tales… She says it with her voice slightly raised and big eyes rolled upwards and sideways at “ok?”, like Miss-know-it-all. Like any toddler, it does not really stop at 3. She is getting pretty good at negotiating.  

“That’s Mya’s Daddy” – Mya blurted out when she saw Arthur hold Elliot one evening.

“How about let’s leave Didi in the crib?” – In midst of all the hugs and kisses that she showers on Elliot and her wanting to hold and burp him; a sure sign that the transition to being an older sister is not all roses.

“Don’t leave me Mummy…” – This one got to me instantaneously when she first said this, shortly after i came back with Elliot. I missed time with Mya throughout the 9 months of pregnancy, and then had to be gone to deliver, and then be gone again for the bilirubin saga… I wasn’t the only one who noticed. This is used more recently when she wants me in her room when she goes to bed.

“I am a beautiful princess..” – she sings, twirling round and round in the living room. Yes, you are my beautiful princess, precious. Don’t grow up too fast now, I love you!

Random pickings from Mya’s little life

Guess what Mya’s favorite vegetable is these days. “Raaadish, raadish, radish!” And like any "typical Asian" kiddo, seaweed is a close second.

What was an attempt to use up the Daikon radish in the fridge, became a huge win with Mya. I simply boiled the radish with carrots in a chicken, pork and canpoy stock. I would say it’s delicious though Arthur would probably beg to differ. Thankfully, Mya agreed with me. It was a “small price to pay” for me to share the soup with her, as I was on cloud nine with her getting closer to fulfilling her vegetable quota for the day.

As for seaweed, she likes it on its own, she likes it on her porridge. She likes the big sheets as well as the little crumbles. "Sweed? seweed? Seaweed? Please?"

***

I was told it was going to happen, and it finally did. Twice now. Mya fell down on her face, bruised her upper lip and sustained some loss of blood. Thankfully I only got to see the swollen lip and dried blood after the fact, and she healed pretty quickly both times. Still, there was a little aching in my heart to see her “injury” and know that this will not be the last time she’ll be hurt and I will not be able to protect from the pain in this life.

Up, please!

We’re trying to teach Mya “please” and “thank you” these days. It’s been a progression from teaching her to raise her hands in the air, to say “up!” and now to suffix a “please” when she wants to be picked up. She’s caught on but not without a few weeks of resistance. Oh child, if only you knew the power of these magic words!

“Up please!”

“Ok Mya!” And she’s elevated off the ground into our arms.

I’ve forgotten the beauty of this seemingly mundane action until I was reminded by Tenth Avenue North at a concert recently.

**

Arthur, Min and I went to the Chris Tomlin and Tenth Avenue North concert at Willow Creek on Friday night. It was our first outing without Mya in the last few months, thanks to Gina for baby-sitting. Even though I was a sick puppy, my soul was well nourished; and I left a bigger fan of these brothers in Christ than I was entering.

It was good and necessary to be reminded of God’s majesty, splendor, greatness, love and grace. How easily the human mind forgets – 

the God of angel armies is for us and who shall be against us; 

His hands that hold the stars also hold our weak feeble hearts; 

the staggering grace when His love ran red so our sins can be washed white; and that 

He loves us, He loves us, He loves us.

These are truths I know in my head, and have somehow made small overtime in my heart. God knew what I needed to be shaken out of my bird brain and chicken heart.

Back to the subject at hand, Tenth Avenue North had us raise our hands during one of their songs. Mike said (something to this effect), “We’re not raising our hands to show off or anything. We’re raising our hands because this is what a child does when he/she wants to be picked up by his/her father.”

Yes Heavenly Daddy, Up please!

**

May I not forget that I am that little child wanting and needing to be picked up by my Heavenly Father, each time I see Mya’s eyes looking up expectantly at me.

May I know the tenderness that God has for me, that is a million times more than what I feel towards Mya in my best moment. And at my worst, let me not take for granted Mya’s dependence and affection, and always treasure this beauty that will not last forever.

May I always be that little child being dependent on the Father, coming to Jesus and living in the Spirit always. God, up please!

Up please!

Dedicated Move

Sorry it’s been a while since I wrote. Things have been a little crazy recently with work – I’m feeling like a true Singaporean again. And not to mention a major move!

Oh yes, the move. I’ll spare you the details here. But all I can say is that God made a way! He provided a way apart from the law, so that we might fulfill the law – albeit in the letter and not the spirit. A stark reminder again that there is no grace in the law or any governments, except the One who is full of love, grace and truth.

And so it is our prayer that our new abode will be used by Him, to be a refuge and a resting place, for all who will pass through or come to stay. The big move will be on the 31^st May. Come along to help or pray with us!

Our little daughter was dedicated to the Lord on the 7^th month birthday, and Mother’s Day 2014! She was a tat squirmy in front of the congregation, likely because she was hungry, but that helped spare me the tears.

Raising a child is hard enough, but raising a child in the Lord? God help us! It might be the heaviest of responsibilities, being entrusted with our child’s heart, but it can also be one of the most fruitful and fun things in the world. Did I tell you I love being Mya’s mummy? I love her and love playing that role in her life. What a gift I've been given!
I am thankful that we’re not doing this alone, but with our immediate & extended family, church family and friends who love us so. Thanks for being on the journey with us!
And Lord, though we dedicate her to you, only You can make her Yours. Please do Lord, work in her to choose to love and obey You, and be with and in her all the days of her life.

6 months

Mya’s half way through the first year of her life. Where did all the time go? My little sweetheart is growing up so quickly in front of our very eyes.

Then her head flopped around when we carried her, now she can hold her head up so straight and turns it around whenever she wants to so effortlessly.

Then she cried when we gave her tummy time and each session is one minute too long, now she rolls over both ways and can easily stay on her tummy for ten minutes.
Then her legs could barely touch the bottom of the mobile that she was in, now she can use the base as leverage and bounce gently off of it.
Then she layed so nicely still when I leave her on the floor or change her diaper, now she scoots and rolls around so stealthily to the other corner, and squirms and turns when she is on the changing table.
Then she fitted so nicely in Arthur’s hand, now his both hands are full when she’s in his arms.

 

We successfully held out to the 6 months mark, to start Mya on her “solids”. Not because she or her mummy wasn’t ready, but because her daddy wasn’t. His little girl is growing up too fast and he did not want to cross another milestone too quickly. I was persuaded, and my urge to feed her when I see her eyes tracking every bite we take, was put to rest. My heart melted too, and this is one story I will tell very fondly over and over again.

I woke up excitedly on April 11^th (happy birthday moomoo!) – this is the day when Mya will “start eating”! It will be so fun to start sharing all the fun flavors in the worldwith her , and this is the beginning of the journey. What a momentous moment. With the camera on standby, I prepared her rice cereal and was thrilled to feed her with a spoon. But lo and behold, her tiny hand grabbed the spoon and pushed it away. I tried again, and her strong hand ensured that the milk and cereal landed everywhere else but her mouth.

You’re supposed to be excited to eat! I don’t know why I did not expect her to protest. Haven’t I seen kids at meals? The third attempt met with the same response, and Arthur suggested trying to put the watery mixture in a bottle. That did not work either. Sigh!

So the day that I had expectantly waited for passed by uneventfully, for Mya did not really start eating. Maybe the rice cereal is not delicious. Maybe oatmeal and congee might work better. Let the experimentation begin! Nonetheless, this is a timely reminder that Mya will not always act in the way I want her to, she is not my little puppet.

At 6 months, as I reflect on how Mya has miraculously grown, the necessary conclusion that I arrived at is: we can but plant and water the seeds in Mya’s life, God is the One making her grow. I am amazed and humbled to witness the sacred mystery of life growing - one that i went through, but did not get to see, and now I see. And I am so very glad that her life is not in any human hands, but in the Potter’s. And whilst I love her to death, His death is the only one that can save her for eternity. Thank you Lord!

Another milestone...

I remember telling myself that I cannot let every entry be about Mya! Being a mother is a huge part of my identity, but not the only one. Yet, I find myself falling into that pattern. And surprisingly, I'm ok with that!
She broke into our world, and is a constant source of inspiration by her sheer presence. Authors and poets have written about far lesser things, so I shan't stinge on this well of love, beauty and joy. :) Even if it's the littlest of things, it's still worth remembering.

Today marks another milestone, we sent Mya to our baby-sitter's and left her there for more than 6 hours. Not that we've not left Mya with family or others before, but in those cases, she's usually home or at Grandma/Grandpa's; and Mummy and Daddy is not too far to rush to her side.
Today, she's out of her comfortable surrounding, and both Daddy and Mummy are at work. So she's there, learning to live and survive, without us close by. I'm so proud of her, but still, my heart was torn a little. Another step she's taken further from us. 

Many more milestones will come for sure - rolling over, sitting up, eating, tasting, etc. Sometimes, I find myself urging her to get there faster - especially when Mah-mah checks in, or when I hear other 4 month olds already getting there.
But my good and faithful Arthur reminded me... Every new milestone is a chapter of her life closing, and there's no turning back. We've not savored the past 5 months worth of golden moments as they deserve, why will we want her to grow faster? Ouch.

“Every milestone is a bitter sweet melting pot of pride that they are growing and getting smarter, and sadness that they can’t stay a small, chubby and innocent baby forever.”
I read this on another mummy's blog the other day. She captured this nagging feeling that I have so eloquently. Growing pains, is not experienced only by the child - the parent hurts as much too.

How can I...

How can I hold her tighter
How can I kiss her more
How can I cuddle her closer
How can I love her more

How can I squeeze her tighter

How can I tickle her more
How can I hug her closer
How can I love her more

Maybe when she’s older

Maybe when there’s more of her
Maybe after we’ve shared a thousand giggles
Maybe after we've hurt each other a million times
Maybe I’ll know then what I cannot imagine now
I can love her so much more

Happy 5 months, Mya! Our lives have been brighter because of you. We love you so very very much!

 

 Wahahahaha.. :)

 

In my daughter's eyes...

My Daughter's Eyes - Martina McBride
In my daughter's eyes,
I am a hero,
I am strong and wise,
And I know no fear,...
But the truth is plain to see,
She was sent to rescue me,
I see who I want to be,
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes,
Everyone is equal,
Darkness turns to light,
And the world is at peace,
This miracle God gave to me,
Gives me strength when I am weak,
I find reason to believe,
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand around my finger,
How it puts a smile in my heart,
Everything becomes a little clearer,
I realize what life is all about,
It's hanging on when your heart has had enough,
It's giving more when you feel like giving up,
I've seen the light,
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes,
I can see the future,
A reflection of who I am and what will be,
And though she'll grow and someday leave,
Maybe raise a family,
When i'm gone I hope you see,
How happy she made me,
For i'll be there,
In my daughter's eyes