4 days on my own

Arthur was in Kansas City last week for 4 days, and I nearly lost my mind. 4 days trying to juggle the kids and work, I became the mean witch so far from Mary Poppins.

Did I raise my voice and practically yelled at them? Check.

Did I say things I wish I didn’t? Yup.

Did I put them in front of a TV show more than I should have? Guilty.

Did I busy cleaning around the house instead of spending time with them? Uh-huh.

I felt like an utter failure. For not being able to enjoy my kids as much as I should have. For not being as patient with them as I should have. For saying the things I never wanted to say to them. For speaking in a volume I never wanted to speak to them in. For being a simmering volcano, with one too many eruptions. I was practically a high strung nut case. Feeling behind at work, feeling behind in parenting, feeling behind in home-making. Feeling behind in practically everything.

That is not to say the kids were innocent white doves while I went bersek. They were sinful children all right – testing their limits, procrastinating, lounging, talking back, being defiant, wanting to be the parent, all of the above. My sin does not absolve theirs, and their sin does not absolve mine. Oh, how long suffering and compassionate our Father in Heaven.

I always say that the stay-at-home-parent’s job is the hardest in the world. I knew it then, I know it now. My hats off to all you stay-at-home parents and all the single parents. I cannot do what you do. And God knew.

I am so thankful being a working mom, and so thankful to Arthur for being the one who juggles the demands of work and kids every single day. Thankful that my children forgive my failings and bear it like no one could; thankful knowing that I’m a sinful mother in need of as much grace as my little ones do.

I’m gonna do this again. Watch them on my own while Arthur is away. Lose my mind and fail again. But, I will rise to the challenge, I will. One day at a time. One ball at a time. One crumb at a time. One breath at a time. One mistake at a time. Holding on to each time I notice Him showing up in a very tangible way. And I know His grace will be sufficient, for us all.