Price Caspian & The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

I’ve been delightfully wrapped up in the world of Narnia, as I read the C.S Lewis classic to Mya and Elliot. Maybe it’s reading aloud, maybe it’s because I’m older, maybe it’s because I know the Bible better; the chronicles have become all the more precious, rich, layered and haunting at the same time. The stories hearken truths in the Scripture,  the words serve their purpose in the book but also point us to the meta reality – beyond Narnia, beyond England, beyond the reader’s world to the heavenly city in Aslan’s country. 

Just as Aslan said to Edmund at the end of “The Voyager of the Dawn Treader” - “This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.” Lewis has accomplished this purpose in spades. 

***

Here are 2 of my favorite moments in Price Caspian. 

“Aslan" said Lucy "you're bigger".

"That is because you are older, little one" answered he.
"Not because you are?"
"I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger.”

Lucy has in fact grown bigger. Yet in God’s grace, Aslan seemed so much bigger. Aslan is the same, but Lucy now has clearer eyes to see. For as a child, we see as a child. The same could not be said for Peter, Susan and Edmund; who did not see Aslan initially. There were blinders in their eyes. The effect of age for one, grew eyes of faith to see how much greater God truly is; and yet for another, caused blindness and failure to see Him for who He truly is.

May I find you bigger with each year I grow Lord, and have eyes to see You for who You are.

**

“Hush!” said the other four, for now Aslan had stopped and turned and stood facing them, looking so majestic that they felt as glad as anyone can who feels afraid, and as afraid as anyone can who feels glad. … Then, after an awful pause, the deep voice said, “Susan…. You have listened to fears, child,: said Asland. “Come, let me breathe on you. Forget them Are you brave again?”

“And now, where is this little Dwarf, this famous swordsman and archer, who doesn’t believe in lions?” .. Aslan pounced. Have you ever seen a young kitten being carried in the mother cat’s mouth?

The dwarf flew up in the air. He was as safe as if he had been in bed, though he did not feel so. As he came down, the huge velvety paws caught him as gently as a mother's arms, and set him -- right way up, too -- on the ground.
"Son of Earth, shall we be friends?" asked Aslan.
"Ye-- uh, Yes," panted the dwarf, for he had not yet got his breath back.”

Susan throughout their journey to Aslan’s How refused to believe Aslan was with them and guiding them. She insisted on following her instincts and conventional wisdom, throwing shade on Lucy many a times. Trumpkin the Dwarf on the other hand, did not and refused to believe that Aslan is real and exists. Towards both, I shook my head many a times – “wait till you finally see Aslan! You will have your reckoning!”

Aslan’s reaction caught me offguard. And once again I was humbled and broken by grace. Aslan did not call them to account, not a chiding remark, not a single word about how wrong they have been. He just embraced them, helped them move past themselves towards a restored relationship with him. How foreign grace is to those who want justice, how little did I understand grace. Is He really that good?

 

***

I have been surprised how The Voyage of the Dawn Treader has captured my heart and imagination so deeply. Watching the motion movie for the first time might have something to do with it. But I think it’s because life is more like a journey with many twists and turns, ups and downs; than having everything lead up to that one epic confrontation or climactic battle. The Voyage of the Dawn Treader's pacing might be atypical and odd at first read, but then you find yourself reliving the journey many times after you close the book.  

**

“But who is Aslan? Do you know him?"
"Well-he knows me," said Edmund. "He is the great Lion, the son of the Emperor-beyond-the-Sea, who saved me and saved Narnia.” …

“Then the lion said – but I don't know if it spoke – You will have to let me undress you. I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.

"The very first tear he made was so deep and I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know – if you've ever picked the scab of a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away.”

What a profound picture of the process of sanctification. Eustace became a dragon after having dragonish thoughts over treasure, he became what his heart treasured and he could not “un-dragon” himself. It is him surrendering to Aslan, letting Aslan do his work on him, that his scales were finally peeled away. And so it is for us - that Jesus has to come and peel away the idols that has enslaved us.

**

“Where sky and water meet. Where the waves grow sweet. Doubt not, Reepicheep, to find all you seek, there is the utter east.” …

“This,” said Reepicheep, “is where I go on alone.”.. Then he took off his sword (“I shall need it no more, “ he said) and flung it far away across the lilied sea…. Then he bade them goodbye, trying to be sad for their sakes; but he was quivering with happiness.

Throughout the voyage, Reepicheep had one goal – to go to Aslan’s country. He thought of it night and day, he sang of it, he would not be deterred even if he had to paddle and go on alone in his little coracle. All he wanted to do was to go to Aslan’s country. Oh, the joy he had when he finally found it! He threw off his trusty sword that accompanied him on many battles, despite the “unknown territory”, for he knew there was no more fighting in Aslan’s country. As much as he loved his friends, he was ready to leave them all behind; for all his life’s longing is now to be fulfilled before him.

I must confess that I’ve had many thoughts about what it would be like to walk through the valley of the shadow of death – there is some fear and trepidation and unshakable dread. On good days, the hope and joy of heaven and seeing Jesus helps lift the dark clouds away. But this noble little mouse, this little mouse with a lion’s heart, has challenged my love and longing for heaven. Perhaps, if my life’s goal and true longing is to go to be place where Jesus has prepared for us; perhaps, I might quiver with happiness as I take my final breath.  

***

Most people who know me, know that I love happy endings. But it's not just about happy endings, it is about certain, definite, sure, happy endings. When Aslan appears, the fight is over. There is certain victory. Light will triumph, darkness does not stand a chance. There is no faltering with my Hero from Heaven, He has won decisively and triumphantly. So why not happy endings?  

2020 Thanksgiving Diary (I)

 "Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His Name. For the Lord is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations.” Psalm 100:4-5

“If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and He will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if He does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” Daniel 3:17-18

As I picture entering God’s gates with the “battle scars” from this year of Covid, I am thankful for the refining that He has done this year – not just to me, but for the world. Generations come and go, but He alone is forever; His goodness, His love and His faithfulness. He deserves all thanks, praise and honor; not for the deliverance and gifts He will provide, but because He is worthy. This post will get too long if I list all the ways I am thankful, but I will attempt to gather the threads that I think He is weaving in this little life of mine this year and my hopes for the next.

Arthur and Marriage

The year started with a health scare that had Arthur having to get an MRI on his brain. Even though there were no symptoms that warranted fretting over, the optometrist’s concerns were enough to drive me to plead God for more time with Arthur. And then Covid struck, my prayers for more time were answered in an unexpected way. More meals together, time to workout in the morning together, more relentless days juggling kids and work together, more tough conversations; I’ve loved every moment of it. I am so very thankful for this man who turned 40 this year, and pray that we will get to spend the next 40 years or more growing together.

There are 2 thorns in this bed of roses that I hope to work on next year as a wife.

I was asked recently how a decision of mine would impact Arthur and his calling. I have not thought about my role in his calling in a long time, and this was a good wake-up call for me. I think this is why our tag-teaming partnership has felt a tat lackluster. I want to spend less energy figuring out our schedules to give each other time and space to work, and more time praying for and helping with Arthur’s calling.

It was difficult to hear when Arthur shared that he is wary about sharing some spiritual things with me, because of how this contrarian wife would respond. Even though she has come a long way from giving too many "constructive criticisms" on his sermons too quickly, and "crying foul" about him wanting to hold back; I want to prove with time and gentleness, that my heart can sing with his on the things that he hold so dear.   

Kids and Motherhood

The parenthood train keeps moving forward and it feels like we are at a new station. Mya’s silent treatment (I’ll pretend not to hear you by not responding), logical deduction (“why do I have to listen to you?”, “seriously?!!”), eye rolls and passionate cries for justice (“it’s not fair!”), is reminiscent of my youthful antics; but isn’t this a little early? Like she is me from yesteryear, I am my mother then. Homework sagas, yelling, nagging, impatient, comparing her with others – God help me please! As for Elliot, the tiger within still needs more taming and the bitter juice of shame extracting. So many times this year, it feels like I’ve come to the end of myself and all I can do is get on my knees.

Still, I am thankful to be their mama and grateful for every day with them. The hugs and kisses, smiles and laughs, cries and tantrums, the throw-ups, home-made videos, card/magic tricks, jokes, battles, pranks, games; the way they take on a new challenge, language, experience or sport; the deeper questions they are asking. I am thankful for the many ways they have inspired me, challenged me to grow and gifted me with the colors they add to each day.

Lord, please help me treasure these days. To not be in a hurry to move out of this station, but to lean into all the lessons that this stop has to offer. To fix my eyes on you and not on others, to not make comparisons and lose patience. Please use me to nurture these seedlings, so that they can bloom and thrive for your glory.

To be continued…

Covid-19

When 2020 dawned, there was much optimism as the world turned the page into a new decade. The stock markets were riding a 10-year bull and it seemed almost invincible. We were all so confident about the future, the dreams and projects we planned. And in dramatic fashion, it all came crashing down.

As thick dark clouds continue to shroud the sun and loom on the horizon, this eternal optimist finds their silver lining in her little piece of the sky.

Life matters, living matters. Debates on abortions, guns and euthanasia tend to dominate political debates and headlines, especially during the US elections. “I will do what I want with my life, my body and my possessions, and that is my right.” And these topics divide – families and neighbors. Yet in the face of Covid-19, we all agree that we want the death rates to drop. We practice social distance, for ourselves and our neighbors. We want to live, and not succumb to the virus. Let us agree that we are more united in our view that life is sacred, than our choices. Let us see that we are willing to do more that we thought we would, to preserve the life of others. Let us remember this as we move forward, and not forget. “So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them… God saw all that He had made, and it was very good.” Gen 1:27, 31

Death and disease know no master. Nor fame, nor power, nor riches, nor country, nor race; and they are our common enemy. Even though each country is fighting the battle within their borders, and there may have been some finger pointing, there is a sense that the world is united in fighting the corona virus together. This is no longer a battle that they are fighting, we are all in this together. We all see that death is the great equalizer, that the rich and famous are not immune. Leaders may rewrite constitutions to secure their reign forever, or boast that they are immutable; yet they are helpless when the corona virus ravage their nation. When things are going well and we are happy on our own merry way, we forget that being able to take a full breath is grace. May we be humbled, and know in our hearts, that we are not in control. We can only strive to be the best stewards we can be, with what we have been given.  And if a mortal might so be chosen to be clothed with immortality, to hold fast the belief that “death has been swallowed up in victory”. I Cor 15:54

There is no judgement in fear, but there is hope in “one for the other”. Stockpiling in Singapore first drew chiding from the ministers, that the behavior was “Sia-suay” (disgraceful) and reminiscent of “third world behavior in a first world country”. There was no such social commentary in the States. I surmise that this is due to the collectivistic Asian society, where the greater public good is more important than one’s personal good. I am proud of my little nation – not just her efforts to curtail the spread, but also her desire to handle adversity with grace. More still, I hope that this grace extends in social media. Commentary on how nations are handling the situation are unhelpful, we are all trying. We are all afraid, yes. But let’s help each other be wise and informed, and not breed paranoia.

Be thankful, for the much that we have been given and for our loved ones. In my own little life, I wanted more – a new laptop, more money, better prospects and a growing portfolio. Nothing like the crowned virus to put things in perspective. In a climate where children might go hungry because school is out, employees are laid off because stores are shut, and we cannot even give hugs to comfort others… I am thankful for the work I have and still be able to provide for my family. I am thankful that I have my husband in my arms and kids on my lap. I am thankful that the family in Singapore and the US are still healthy to-date. I am thankful for my church family. I am thankful for technology to stay connected. I am thankful that God has me where I am. I am thankful, period. Lord, help me remember and keep my contentment in check, always.

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Relent, Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants. Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years we have seen trouble. May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children. May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us, establish the work of our hands for us – yes, establish the work of our hands.” ~ Psalm 90:12-17

Happy Good Friday!

Why is this day different from any other day? This is the day we remember THE DAY, alongside a few others, that made all other days matter. And so this day Lord, help me remember You.

The spiritual lesson that I’m still processing relates to the phone scam that I was involved in last week, 4/11. A few things I lost through that are –

• My personal details – name, passport number, phone numbers, address and date of birth.
• My pride, or at least a fraction of it. I was incredulous when my mother went a little too far in another scam that she was roped into many years ago, but now, I know I am equally susceptible. Was I foolish? Absolutely. But now, I’m a little more empathetic to scam victims.
•  A little sanity – now when I see an unknown number, my heart skips a beat. I wait for it to go to voicemail, check the voicemail and then block the number. I want to call back and just listen to who it is. I will look up the number online and report it as scam. And I have been getting a few of these calls each day. And a part of me wonders if that might just be true – someone used my details to create fake passport and create a money laundering bank account. Now I am a suspect in an investigation.
• A little sense of security – I am a little worried someone would just show up at the door and take me away. I am worried that someone is out there creating fake passports and misusing my personal details. I am worried about the unknown. Maybe, I should not go to China any more. 

And even though it’s Good Friday, and Christ died for the sins of the scammer and mine; I cannot help but want the scammer to be brought to justice. I want him to be caught, sent to jail, and either repent or burn in hell. As much as I hate how foolish I was, I hate even more his lies, scams and the things he took away from me. Yet on this day, I will feel rich because of the things I gained –

• An appreciation of the insidious effects of sin – it wants to pull me in, it wants me to doubt the truth, it wants me to listen only to it and not those I love and trust. It is relentless and breeds fear. It builds up a false reality and lies to keep me in it. It is deep and dark and awful and ugly.
• Experiencing “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal” – nothing on this earth is truly mine, even my “physical identity” is not safe. This does not mean that we do not try to protect our IDs or privacy, but all that can be taken away from us in an instance. When I was imagining the reality of being thrown in jail in China, I thought about losing the life that I’m currently living in an instant. No job, no family, no “future”. And the only thing I can take with me? Christ. At least that, no one else can take that away from me.
• Deepened my belief about letting the light shine in – the scammer wanted me to be in a quiet place and warned me not to tell anyone or I will implicate them. And for 1.5 hours all I heard were the lies, so much so that I started to believe in it and not want to tell Arthur. But after I called him and fact-checked with my Chinese colleagues, I could at least start entertaining the possibility that that was a scam. God has put people, community in our lives, we need to let others in, we need to let light in.
• Listen to my H-h-usband – Arthur told me not to pick up the phone or entertain those calls. I listened for a day, and then did the very thing he told me not to, the very next day. And now I need to listen, to the truth that he is telling me, that it’s a scam. I need to listen to my heavenly Husband, who bled and died for me; so I can have my safety, security and identity in Him; and not live with fear in the background. If God is for me, who can be against me? not worry about your life. Do not worry about tomorrow.

Psalm 139

1 You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.

19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked! Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,  and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Up, please!

We’re trying to teach Mya “please” and “thank you” these days. It’s been a progression from teaching her to raise her hands in the air, to say “up!” and now to suffix a “please” when she wants to be picked up. She’s caught on but not without a few weeks of resistance. Oh child, if only you knew the power of these magic words!

“Up please!”

“Ok Mya!” And she’s elevated off the ground into our arms.

I’ve forgotten the beauty of this seemingly mundane action until I was reminded by Tenth Avenue North at a concert recently.

**

Arthur, Min and I went to the Chris Tomlin and Tenth Avenue North concert at Willow Creek on Friday night. It was our first outing without Mya in the last few months, thanks to Gina for baby-sitting. Even though I was a sick puppy, my soul was well nourished; and I left a bigger fan of these brothers in Christ than I was entering.

It was good and necessary to be reminded of God’s majesty, splendor, greatness, love and grace. How easily the human mind forgets – 

the God of angel armies is for us and who shall be against us; 

His hands that hold the stars also hold our weak feeble hearts; 

the staggering grace when His love ran red so our sins can be washed white; and that 

He loves us, He loves us, He loves us.

These are truths I know in my head, and have somehow made small overtime in my heart. God knew what I needed to be shaken out of my bird brain and chicken heart.

Back to the subject at hand, Tenth Avenue North had us raise our hands during one of their songs. Mike said (something to this effect), “We’re not raising our hands to show off or anything. We’re raising our hands because this is what a child does when he/she wants to be picked up by his/her father.”

Yes Heavenly Daddy, Up please!

**

May I not forget that I am that little child wanting and needing to be picked up by my Heavenly Father, each time I see Mya’s eyes looking up expectantly at me.

May I know the tenderness that God has for me, that is a million times more than what I feel towards Mya in my best moment. And at my worst, let me not take for granted Mya’s dependence and affection, and always treasure this beauty that will not last forever.

May I always be that little child being dependent on the Father, coming to Jesus and living in the Spirit always. God, up please!

Up please!

Lessons Mya taught #5 & 6

There are 2 firsts that Mya experienced today – first haircut at the salon, and first time tumbling down the stairs.

I wondered if she’ll be “her mother’s daughter” and enjoy going to the salon. As a first timer, and with a little help from a Sesame Street video, there was some fussing and protests – but not a whole lot and not the whole time. A good possibility that she might grow into it, don’t you think? Hopefully she’ll like her next outing at the home salon better.

The second first leads me to the next lesson.

Lesson #5 – I’m there to catch you when you fall

“Oh Mummy, look! I’m going up the stairs again. You’re gonna stop talking to Grandma and come after me right?”

“Oh! You’re not coming? Ok I’m going up…”
“Are you coming? Oh oh …." (pom, pom, pom...)
“You caught me! Hmm.. ok. I guess you were waiting for me down here. Let’s try again. Up I go…”

My heart still tightens when I think about Mya’s tumble. But the fearless one proved that was no more than a little restart to her conquest of the stairs. I’m sure the carpet and me catching her before she hit the ground helped.  Still, she reminded me that not every fall has to hurt so bad or end up in wails; especially when someone’s there to catch you. Falling ain’t that bad, when there’s someone to break the fall.

I will not always be able to catch Mya in time, and she may not always find cushion for her tumbles. But I know that there is Someone who will always catch her when she falls. Physically, emotionally, mentally, morally, and in every other conceivable way – she may fall, but she is safe. The big wide safety net that the Father casts over and under His children will always be there for His children. Thank you Lord!

Lesson #6 – Tough love

We’re trying to sleep train Mya – so that she can sleep on her own through the night. The obstinate little one has tried puking, wailing for almost an hour and simply playing in her crib to wear us down. Some efforts work better than the others – puking for instance, gets instantaneous reaction.

“But child! We are committed to helping you sleep better ok? It’s for your own good! You don’t understand now, that’s ok. Just know that we love you, and we hear you; even when you don’t see us in your room. It’s hard, we know; but it’s hard for us too. Let’s keep trying ok?”

It takes so much to train and discipline a child! Tough love is tough not only on the recipient, but also the giver. Only God in His holy love can love as the Perfect Parent – knowing when tough love is needed, what the best vehicle is, to not be swayed back and forth out of “soft-heartedness”, to respond appropriately in every situation, to not “feel bad/guilty” for doing too much or too little or too late, to not be insecure about parenting.
What if God did not relate to us as a Father? What hope do parents have to parent well, without Him as a role model and be the Perfect Parent to our kids when we fail?

And thank you Lord for loving us enough to discipline your children. Don’t take your rod and your staff and your storm away, ever.

Jesus, don't You keep me from that storm
I wanna walk that sacred ground;
For You are Master of it all
And I am but a lost and found.

~ Lost and Found, Robin Mark (one of my favorite songs, ever)

Lessons Mya taught #3 & 4

Lesson #3 – “Honor your parents….”

People say that when we become parents, we will appreciate our parents more. I wondered if there was something wrong with me, when I failed to appreciate that sentiment since Mya was born. But today, I finally felt it. Keenly and acutely.

Daddy and Mummy went back to Singapore today. As the paradox of relationships would have it, I missed and treasured them more these last 2 days than any day in the last 3 months when they were here. The help that they (especially Mummy) extended, the support they gave, how she unconditionally served us, how tenderly and lovingly she took care of me and Mya… Reliving the times we had together is bittersweet. Saying goodbye was harder than I thought, and I miss them so very much already.

And as I project the tender loving care I have towards Mya, on them; I felt my parents anew. I never got to see or know them when I was a baby. But seeing them with Mya now, I know a little better what they were like with me then. It pains my heart to think that Mya would not know or remember these times her grandparents had with her. But at least I do. I guess that's one of the beauty of grand-parenting. It is food for the parent's soul too.

I’m so thankful to at least be reminded now of the love and tenderness that my parents have towards me. It’s not easy to remember that in the midst of Asian subtlety and conservativeness – Mummy still told me not to cry, even when she knew those tears were for her. I can only pray that God will help me hold onto these feelings, the next time I squabble with my parents. :p

Lesson #4 – Leaving…

 

I asked Arthur yesterday when we’ll be moving Mya to her room, so that I can prepare myself emotionally. He probably thought I was joking, but I wasn’t.

After cleaning out the guest bedroom this afternoon, and rearranging the furniture; Arthur suggested we move her today since things are ready. I bawled.

“But I’m not ready for her to leave yet!”

“But she’s just in the room next door.”
“I know, but I’m just not ready to say goodbye to her sleeping in our room.”

The tears worked, and little Mya will get to sleep in our room till next Friday.

Someone once surmised that what it means to be a parent is to teach your child to live without you. Another told me that parenthood is a journey to prepare them to leave and be independent. It’s so hard, too hard. I’m not ready for Mya to grow up yet.

How did the Father send His Son to earth? Jesus’ cries on the cross wasn’t the first time the Father felt apart from His Son. Surely not. Surely His heart ached a little on Christmas. But yet, He sent His angels to sing and rejoice. How great the Father’s love for us!

Lessons Mya taught #1 & 2

Thence begins my education in the “school of Mya”. I’ll be chronicling the lessons that my little one will teach me (or rather God will teach me through her), and here are the first 2 lessons..

Mya sometimes wails loud and hard, as she’s on the changing table. And I mean loud and hard, like the sky was falling. She’s hungry, and there I am struggling to finish changing her diaper, and put her clothes back on. 

“But little one, you know that no matter how long or how loud you wail, Mummy can only nurse you when I’m ready right? I need to put on your diaper, and your clothes; wash my hands and settle down with the nursing pillow. So wait child, please. Please don't cry so hard...”

Lesson #1 – No matter how we loud and hard we wail at God, shake our fists or stomp our feet; He will only give us what He wants according to His own timing and will.

Although I love nursing Mya, and it’s great for building a bond; but I’m not sure if I like being known as the “milkmaid” or “cow” to her. I can rarely carry or burp her when she is awake, without her bouncing her head around, looking for the “milk machines”. 
To be honest, I’m getting a little jealous of the fact that Arthur and Mum can put her to sleep better than I can; and they get to carry her “without her wanting something from them”.

Lesson #2 – Going to God in prayer only when I want something, is like Mya being in my arms “only for milk”. If I’m a little jealous in only 5 weeks, how does God feel being treated like the “milk machine” our whole lives? Why can’t we just sit in His arms, rest in His presence, play with Him, and just simply BE with Him?