Just want to say a thank YOU, i know you'll know it's you
It meant the world to me, that i had a wise ally in you
Knocked on many doors, many opened it halfway through
To them i'm definitely grateful
But you got your hands dirty, slogged in your fatigue
Did so much you didnt have to do
And perhaps you have done much more than i know
Gave more than i received
Will not trivalize my gratitude with words and gifts
They're insufficient for what i truly feel
So allow me to carry this debt of grace
And nurse this simple thank you
Will speak nay of repayment
For that i cannot and do not want to do
But please allow me to indulge myself every now and then
To do a little something for you
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
i will praise You
i will praise You
no matter what, no matter when
i will praise You
even when i don understand
i want to praise You
in midst of difficult circumstance
i want to praise You
even when it seems strange to man
~
i praise You
for who You are, the great I AM
i praise You
for You are good to the very end
i praise You
for everything You have done
i praise You
for You are You, my God and friend
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Cornies
very unabashedly, i'll admit that my silence has everything to do with my significant other... who was here and left two days ago.. :p so to those who have been coming on to check for updates, sorry for the disappointments!! will try to get the pictures done soon and post them k? :)
so well, while clearing my 350 mails (!!!) in my office inbox yesterday- glad i read through some of those forwarded messages... its kinda outdated now, but this was sent by a colleague in light of the valentine's day last week.. i have to admit, these cornies still pack a pretty good reminder every now and then... read them if you have the time :) if not, well wait for my next entry!!
To My Friends Who Are...........SINGLE
Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it. Love can make you happy but often it hurts, but love's only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it. So take your time and choose the best.
To My Friends Who Are............NOT SO SINGLE
Love isn't about becoming somebody else's 'perfect person.' It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.
To My Friends Who Are............PLAYBOY/GIRL TYPE
Never say 'I love you' if you don't care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart. Never look in the eye when all you do is lie. The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall and it works both ways...
To My Friends Who Are............MARRIED
Love is not about 'it's your fault', but 'I'm sorry.' Not 'where are you', but 'I'm right here.' Not 'how could you', but 'I understand.' Not 'I wish you were', but 'I'm thankful you are.'
To My Friends Who Are............ENGAGED
The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other.
To My Friends Who Are............HEARTBROKEN
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.
so well, while clearing my 350 mails (!!!) in my office inbox yesterday- glad i read through some of those forwarded messages... its kinda outdated now, but this was sent by a colleague in light of the valentine's day last week.. i have to admit, these cornies still pack a pretty good reminder every now and then... read them if you have the time :) if not, well wait for my next entry!!
To My Friends Who Are...........SINGLE
Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it. Love can make you happy but often it hurts, but love's only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it. So take your time and choose the best.
To My Friends Who Are............NOT SO SINGLE
Love isn't about becoming somebody else's 'perfect person.' It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.
To My Friends Who Are............PLAYBOY/GIRL TYPE
Never say 'I love you' if you don't care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart. Never look in the eye when all you do is lie. The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall and it works both ways...
To My Friends Who Are............MARRIED
Love is not about 'it's your fault', but 'I'm sorry.' Not 'where are you', but 'I'm right here.' Not 'how could you', but 'I understand.' Not 'I wish you were', but 'I'm thankful you are.'
To My Friends Who Are............ENGAGED
The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other.
To My Friends Who Are............HEARTBROKEN
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
for hiring... :p
in midst of my preoccupation of being the overworked and underpaid staff, i have been blinded to the silver linings of my current job. contentment is what this disgruntled and dissatisfied employee seeks now most to find.
in a desperate attempt to find a better paying job, i have almost forsaken wisdom and went job hunting foolishly. tried convincing myself that i will be able to survive anything and would take anything "as long as it pays better". and of course the gracious and merciful Father did not have me trapped in those nonsense for too long.
yes, money matters more now- but how can i allow it to matter more than having time for relationships? how can i allow it to matter more than being able to be there for people? how can i allow it to matter more than ministry? how can i allow it to matter more than my sanity and well-being? how can i allow it to matter more than enjoying what i do (though job satisfaction in this fallen world is not a priviledge everyone enjoys, but it does have a direct bearing on one's ability to be godly at work honestly)?
thankful for the really bad interview i had with a bank (more to do with my retardedness on financial management- i will acknowledge my inadequacies, but i also want to in all honesty recognize the bad fit between the job and my personality);
thankful for my dear Art who keeps reminding on where my gifts and passion really lies;
thankful for His timely reminders in showing me what He has given me through my current position, and His rebukes on my bad attitude and folly thus far.
so, i shall strive to continue to learn contentment again at work- but still keep my eyes roving for opportunities to up my market value (hahahha, is there one in the first place?). and well, you heard it here- so if you know of any good openings to offer, please tell me... i'm for hiring!!!
just a silly exercise i did tonight- thinking about all the jobs i have done so far in my life: admin duties in the construction industry, selling cheesecake (something i'm most proud of to date, hahaha), street sales, tuition teacher, audit, data management... EEKS... BORING...
though i'm not complaining about all the above, but i realize i probably have only two thirds of my life left to do something about some of my deepest desires and wild ideas...
serious ones warrant a quick mention (or not :p)- just having more time in ministry, and being a wife and a mother- SO AMBITIOUS!!!
but what i'd really love to have a go (maybe not too wild to you at all)- to be a waitress in a cozy friendly restaurant, to stand behind the counter at O'Briens and make sandwiches, to be a deejay and make everyone listen to my favourite music, to be a freelance columnist, to be a tour guide...
i'm for hiring!!!
in a desperate attempt to find a better paying job, i have almost forsaken wisdom and went job hunting foolishly. tried convincing myself that i will be able to survive anything and would take anything "as long as it pays better". and of course the gracious and merciful Father did not have me trapped in those nonsense for too long.
yes, money matters more now- but how can i allow it to matter more than having time for relationships? how can i allow it to matter more than being able to be there for people? how can i allow it to matter more than ministry? how can i allow it to matter more than my sanity and well-being? how can i allow it to matter more than enjoying what i do (though job satisfaction in this fallen world is not a priviledge everyone enjoys, but it does have a direct bearing on one's ability to be godly at work honestly)?
thankful for the really bad interview i had with a bank (more to do with my retardedness on financial management- i will acknowledge my inadequacies, but i also want to in all honesty recognize the bad fit between the job and my personality);
thankful for my dear Art who keeps reminding on where my gifts and passion really lies;
thankful for His timely reminders in showing me what He has given me through my current position, and His rebukes on my bad attitude and folly thus far.
so, i shall strive to continue to learn contentment again at work- but still keep my eyes roving for opportunities to up my market value (hahahha, is there one in the first place?). and well, you heard it here- so if you know of any good openings to offer, please tell me... i'm for hiring!!!
just a silly exercise i did tonight- thinking about all the jobs i have done so far in my life: admin duties in the construction industry, selling cheesecake (something i'm most proud of to date, hahaha), street sales, tuition teacher, audit, data management... EEKS... BORING...
though i'm not complaining about all the above, but i realize i probably have only two thirds of my life left to do something about some of my deepest desires and wild ideas...
serious ones warrant a quick mention (or not :p)- just having more time in ministry, and being a wife and a mother- SO AMBITIOUS!!!
but what i'd really love to have a go (maybe not too wild to you at all)- to be a waitress in a cozy friendly restaurant, to stand behind the counter at O'Briens and make sandwiches, to be a deejay and make everyone listen to my favourite music, to be a freelance columnist, to be a tour guide...
i'm for hiring!!!
Thursday, February 01, 2007
VVIA
VERY VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
you heard it here first...... my art's coming on 13th Feb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!
media n me
The size of your world depends a lot on the media- you know that? nope, not talking about a Truman show where your world is fabricated by the media; nor am I passing on a snide on the media and its pervasiveness in our lives… but in a very positive objective sense- the size of the world you know about is correlated to how much you allow the media to bring to you!
imagine a week that went by without reading the papers, without watching the news; and your life revolves only around your daily routine. that world would be a very safe one- in the absence of dramatic events. It would be a safe world to live in, with familiar problems you are accustomed to. You’re happy and contented and you wouldn’t know what you have missed at all! “World peace” isn’t such a far-fetched concept after all, you’d think.
but when you switch on the radio and listen to the news, or turn on the TV to watch what’s happening in another corner of this planet- your world suddenly reaches to the other end of this earth. of course, your response to it can either be to constrict that piece of information as something you watched on TV- so your world still remains as it used to be, or you allow your world to be affected by what you just came into contact with- and sadly utopia never seemed further away.
what on earth am I saying? honestly, I don know. just a random reflection on one’s ability to oblivion I guess. Conclusion: staying away from the media helps one to stay oblivious. And what’s the end result? Hmm.. being safer in a small cozy world or being branded an ignorant frog in the well. Which is better- I guess everyone makes their own choice.
imagine a week that went by without reading the papers, without watching the news; and your life revolves only around your daily routine. that world would be a very safe one- in the absence of dramatic events. It would be a safe world to live in, with familiar problems you are accustomed to. You’re happy and contented and you wouldn’t know what you have missed at all! “World peace” isn’t such a far-fetched concept after all, you’d think.
but when you switch on the radio and listen to the news, or turn on the TV to watch what’s happening in another corner of this planet- your world suddenly reaches to the other end of this earth. of course, your response to it can either be to constrict that piece of information as something you watched on TV- so your world still remains as it used to be, or you allow your world to be affected by what you just came into contact with- and sadly utopia never seemed further away.
what on earth am I saying? honestly, I don know. just a random reflection on one’s ability to oblivion I guess. Conclusion: staying away from the media helps one to stay oblivious. And what’s the end result? Hmm.. being safer in a small cozy world or being branded an ignorant frog in the well. Which is better- I guess everyone makes their own choice.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
苏菲亚的愿望 (JS)
sophia 离开了她的家
为了一个遥不可及的梦想
挥别了 深爱她的爹娘
还有从小看她长大
巷子口杂货店的张妈妈
sophia 她不太会说话
对这世界总有些奇怪想法
虽然说 没有人了解她
也许梦想中的城市
会有她的舞台绽放光芒
原谅她 只有这一个愿望
就像每一个孩子一样 很难吗
还要付出什么代价
上帝才能够成全她
她沉重的行囊 装着小小愿望
陪着她 这一路闯荡
也许挣扎 也许害怕
无所谓吧 下一步是天堂
这闪亮的城市 却看不见星光
忽然她 眼泪就落下
世界太小 梦想太大
难道人生是残酷的笑话
sophia... sophia
sophia 剪掉了长头发
单纯脸颊画上了鲜艳的妆
虽然她 不认识那个她
她却不断说服自己
这样的情况还不算太差
他们说 实现梦想的筹码
就是输掉一点点自己
但是她 看着镜子里面的她
怀疑这是她要的吗
她沉重的行囊 装着小小愿望
陪着她 这一路闯荡
也许挣扎 也许害怕
无所谓吧 下一步是天堂
这闪亮的城市 却看不见星光
忽然她 眼泪就落下
世界太小 梦想太大
难道人生是残酷的笑话
sophia... sophia
你或许听说过她 sophia
或其实你也是她
给她一点安慰吧
她沉重的行囊 装着小小愿望
陪着她 这一路闯荡
也许挣扎 也许害怕
无所谓吧 下一步是天堂
这闪亮的城市 却看不见星光
忽然她 眼泪就落下
世界再小 梦想再大
人生不会是残酷的笑话
她沉重的行囊 装着小小愿望
陪着她 这一路闯荡
世界再小 梦想再大
唯一不变的是她 sophia
为了一个遥不可及的梦想
挥别了 深爱她的爹娘
还有从小看她长大
巷子口杂货店的张妈妈
sophia 她不太会说话
对这世界总有些奇怪想法
虽然说 没有人了解她
也许梦想中的城市
会有她的舞台绽放光芒
原谅她 只有这一个愿望
就像每一个孩子一样 很难吗
还要付出什么代价
上帝才能够成全她
她沉重的行囊 装着小小愿望
陪着她 这一路闯荡
也许挣扎 也许害怕
无所谓吧 下一步是天堂
这闪亮的城市 却看不见星光
忽然她 眼泪就落下
世界太小 梦想太大
难道人生是残酷的笑话
sophia... sophia
sophia 剪掉了长头发
单纯脸颊画上了鲜艳的妆
虽然她 不认识那个她
她却不断说服自己
这样的情况还不算太差
他们说 实现梦想的筹码
就是输掉一点点自己
但是她 看着镜子里面的她
怀疑这是她要的吗
她沉重的行囊 装着小小愿望
陪着她 这一路闯荡
也许挣扎 也许害怕
无所谓吧 下一步是天堂
这闪亮的城市 却看不见星光
忽然她 眼泪就落下
世界太小 梦想太大
难道人生是残酷的笑话
sophia... sophia
你或许听说过她 sophia
或其实你也是她
给她一点安慰吧
她沉重的行囊 装着小小愿望
陪着她 这一路闯荡
也许挣扎 也许害怕
无所谓吧 下一步是天堂
这闪亮的城市 却看不见星光
忽然她 眼泪就落下
世界再小 梦想再大
人生不会是残酷的笑话
她沉重的行囊 装着小小愿望
陪着她 这一路闯荡
世界再小 梦想再大
唯一不变的是她 sophia
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Sunday, January 21, 2007
In all honesty...
Chew Chern asked me at the end of the STEP training on Wednesday, “so how did you find it?”
I replied “hmm.. good. I know why he (Rev William Taylor, Rector, St Helen's Bishopgate, London, UK) focused on what he did.”
"hmm.. ok.. "And she gave me a look expecting more…
I was like “Hmm… that’s about it”. Hope I didn’t disappoint her. :p
I can honestly identify with her sentiment at that point in time. I guess I know what I could have said to sound more encouraging, or saying something that might cause her to feel a little better? but pride (maybe?) in me just resists the temptation of feeding expectations. will share more about the good reminders from the session in a later entry, but this interaction in itself gave me much to chew upon. (chewing chew chern,,, chew chew hahaha..)
I recall a time when I wanted so badly to see lives to change right after a bible study I had led. Week after week I would be hoping and praying that the Holy Spirit would use ME to touch their lives and change them forever. Days when I invite someone to a talk and expect them to also rave about it as I did, and that they would have grown by leaps and bounds after that magical sermon. Hoping and praying that the Holy Spirit would use ME to bring them to that special conversion experience.
And my… none of my friends and close ones (yes I think I still consider them dearly loved) would even give me an ounce to feed my ego. “it’s ok, not too bad”, “err… like that lor”, “… nothing new” Pretty brutal for a young “leader” at that time, i'd think. Cruel for an enthusiastic spirit. Razed my pride and confidence to the ground, grueling my self-worth to new lows with every cold/luke-warm comment. I may be that lousy, honestly.. but still... it's kinda disappointing... I have wondered on many accounts why could they not be kinder to me, say something to make me feel better.. But would purpose would that have served? Would that have caused me to ask the questions I did?
Was I serving God or man or me? What drove my ministry? Did I do things so people would give me a pat on my back? Did I do things because I thought that might be what my pastor or leader would like me to do? Would I stop doing what I believe to be true because there seemed to be no fruit? What really mattered? Why did it matter? How should it matter? WHO really matters?
And standing at this point, I am mighty glad for the lessons God used their honesty to teach me. The refining of motivations, strengthening of perseverance, cleansing of my heart, and rooting of my self-identity and self worth in Him. to recognize Him as my first and primary audience in all that I do.
But also, their honesty also showed this eager-to-please beaver one of the most important lessons in her life. To simply be herself- and not who others make her out to be, to say what she really wants to say- and not what others want to hear, and to be honest with herself and to those around.
It’s not a “no self-control, just do it” propaganda. Actions and words still have to be girdled by love.. but they showed me, and gave me the environment to see the freedom there is in not having to put on a mask, and one can be loved and accepted for who that person is- whether or not he/she contributes to my ego or pride. It pushes me to want to give that environment to everyone I meet.
I replied “hmm.. good. I know why he (Rev William Taylor, Rector, St Helen's Bishopgate, London, UK) focused on what he did.”
"hmm.. ok.. "And she gave me a look expecting more…
I was like “Hmm… that’s about it”. Hope I didn’t disappoint her. :p
I can honestly identify with her sentiment at that point in time. I guess I know what I could have said to sound more encouraging, or saying something that might cause her to feel a little better? but pride (maybe?) in me just resists the temptation of feeding expectations. will share more about the good reminders from the session in a later entry, but this interaction in itself gave me much to chew upon. (chewing chew chern,,, chew chew hahaha..)
I recall a time when I wanted so badly to see lives to change right after a bible study I had led. Week after week I would be hoping and praying that the Holy Spirit would use ME to touch their lives and change them forever. Days when I invite someone to a talk and expect them to also rave about it as I did, and that they would have grown by leaps and bounds after that magical sermon. Hoping and praying that the Holy Spirit would use ME to bring them to that special conversion experience.
And my… none of my friends and close ones (yes I think I still consider them dearly loved) would even give me an ounce to feed my ego. “it’s ok, not too bad”, “err… like that lor”, “… nothing new” Pretty brutal for a young “leader” at that time, i'd think. Cruel for an enthusiastic spirit. Razed my pride and confidence to the ground, grueling my self-worth to new lows with every cold/luke-warm comment. I may be that lousy, honestly.. but still... it's kinda disappointing... I have wondered on many accounts why could they not be kinder to me, say something to make me feel better.. But would purpose would that have served? Would that have caused me to ask the questions I did?
Was I serving God or man or me? What drove my ministry? Did I do things so people would give me a pat on my back? Did I do things because I thought that might be what my pastor or leader would like me to do? Would I stop doing what I believe to be true because there seemed to be no fruit? What really mattered? Why did it matter? How should it matter? WHO really matters?
And standing at this point, I am mighty glad for the lessons God used their honesty to teach me. The refining of motivations, strengthening of perseverance, cleansing of my heart, and rooting of my self-identity and self worth in Him. to recognize Him as my first and primary audience in all that I do.
But also, their honesty also showed this eager-to-please beaver one of the most important lessons in her life. To simply be herself- and not who others make her out to be, to say what she really wants to say- and not what others want to hear, and to be honest with herself and to those around.
It’s not a “no self-control, just do it” propaganda. Actions and words still have to be girdled by love.. but they showed me, and gave me the environment to see the freedom there is in not having to put on a mask, and one can be loved and accepted for who that person is- whether or not he/she contributes to my ego or pride. It pushes me to want to give that environment to everyone I meet.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Homecoming
Back at home.. it’s of course nice to once again be in the arms of family and dearly loved friends. but the sentiments are mixed especially when you have half your heart elsewhere. :p haha yes, most unabashedly with my significant Ar-ther in Beijing. just a couple of random thoughts on being home so far…
believe it or not- there are changes to this garden city. not huge ones, but changes nonetheless. tweaks to the familiar shopping hangouts, surprises round the corners, new roads, new tunnels. cannot wait to visit these places and know this island at the back of my hand again. but of course the beauty of nostalgia rises in you as you pass by familiar spots. and my favorite activity of “contemplating the city” takes on a new dimension as I wait to share it with a loved one.
pastor zhang spoke on “fishing the Chinese-speaking Singaporeans” yesterday. I want to say as much as I totally agree with all that he said, I want to say that we’re not “picking up leftovers”- as in not that we’re doing a ministry that no one (i.e. the “English speaking church”) wants to do… coming back from Beijing, I honestly honestly believe that we’re “at the forefront” of this generation. Singaporeans today, driven by the Chinese economy, WANTS to speak Chinese. being fluent in mandarin is no longer perceived as a “cheena-passe” thing. it’s the “way to go”! We’ll be a church that sends His bilingual army into the land of bountiful harvests!! This warrants more discussion, maybe another entry on it another time.
the LDR (long-distance relationship) is a lot more emotional than I expected it to be. I will not say harder because it is not daunting nor am I fearful of the prospects. But this drama queen spent two nights bawling- and my sister cries “please save the trees” hahaahah…. I never expected to cry this hard from missing someone. And just on day one, this neurotic insecure wreck actually started to wonder if she should be a burden to her man. Day ONE… I know.. MAD and CRUEL… So I put this here so that if I ever ever fall into those moods ever, those around me can remind me that, even I think that THAT is insane and it is NOT something I want, ever. And also, just a public apology for being so BRUTAL to my loved one. *sorry hons, please forgive me :p*
even though I say half of my heart is with my man in another land, but don misunderstand me. I am excited excited excited and know know know that this season apart will be fruitful fruitful fruitful. Not only for us individually, our ministries but also for our relationship. so hey you at home, don ever think you only have half of me! I am here 100% doing my little bit for His Kingdom, so will he! to quote him- we Christians are pretty adept in living in two realities: for the present and now coz that is where I am, and also for the future and fulfillment of something better :)
I have not forgotten the questions on my future, the lessons of faith and my heart’s desires. But all too easily, the “must-do”s and “do-first”s may sweep me to settle. so I pray that my heart will be still before my Lord, my eyes will be open to see His plan unfold, my ears will be sensitive to hear Him speak, my hands and feet be willing to follow… His will be done...
believe it or not- there are changes to this garden city. not huge ones, but changes nonetheless. tweaks to the familiar shopping hangouts, surprises round the corners, new roads, new tunnels. cannot wait to visit these places and know this island at the back of my hand again. but of course the beauty of nostalgia rises in you as you pass by familiar spots. and my favorite activity of “contemplating the city” takes on a new dimension as I wait to share it with a loved one.
pastor zhang spoke on “fishing the Chinese-speaking Singaporeans” yesterday. I want to say as much as I totally agree with all that he said, I want to say that we’re not “picking up leftovers”- as in not that we’re doing a ministry that no one (i.e. the “English speaking church”) wants to do… coming back from Beijing, I honestly honestly believe that we’re “at the forefront” of this generation. Singaporeans today, driven by the Chinese economy, WANTS to speak Chinese. being fluent in mandarin is no longer perceived as a “cheena-passe” thing. it’s the “way to go”! We’ll be a church that sends His bilingual army into the land of bountiful harvests!! This warrants more discussion, maybe another entry on it another time.
the LDR (long-distance relationship) is a lot more emotional than I expected it to be. I will not say harder because it is not daunting nor am I fearful of the prospects. But this drama queen spent two nights bawling- and my sister cries “please save the trees” hahaahah…. I never expected to cry this hard from missing someone. And just on day one, this neurotic insecure wreck actually started to wonder if she should be a burden to her man. Day ONE… I know.. MAD and CRUEL… So I put this here so that if I ever ever fall into those moods ever, those around me can remind me that, even I think that THAT is insane and it is NOT something I want, ever. And also, just a public apology for being so BRUTAL to my loved one. *sorry hons, please forgive me :p*
even though I say half of my heart is with my man in another land, but don misunderstand me. I am excited excited excited and know know know that this season apart will be fruitful fruitful fruitful. Not only for us individually, our ministries but also for our relationship. so hey you at home, don ever think you only have half of me! I am here 100% doing my little bit for His Kingdom, so will he! to quote him- we Christians are pretty adept in living in two realities: for the present and now coz that is where I am, and also for the future and fulfillment of something better :)
I have not forgotten the questions on my future, the lessons of faith and my heart’s desires. But all too easily, the “must-do”s and “do-first”s may sweep me to settle. so I pray that my heart will be still before my Lord, my eyes will be open to see His plan unfold, my ears will be sensitive to hear Him speak, my hands and feet be willing to follow… His will be done...
Monday, January 08, 2007
Announcement
Hahaha.. actually nothing very much to say, just needed somewhere to make a BIG deal out of this day...
Arthur's finally coming back!!! YAY!!!
But already missing him from our next time apart... ah well, just enjoy these couple of days while it's here.. and cry later.. wahahaha....
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Things You say...
Dear God,
how can man live a life for you today, with tomorrow in sight? how do I live a life of faith for you this year, while balancing preparations for the years after? I know you say do not worry about tomorrow and I know I will find you there providing still next year, so I ask of you this day, to tell me loud and clear.
I know you have given me good options, plausible possibilities- once again evidence of Your good provision. it’s an answer to my heart’s desire, it’s a dream come true, it’s a way out of my dire circumstances, it’s a sensible thing to receive if given, and it’s a place I can see you at work, it’s from you I am sure. I’ve wondered if this was a test, but you have reminded me you’re no accuser, no deliberate tester.
You are my loving Heavenly Father, and gave me Your best. You did not withhold Your Son, Your only son. And now You show me, You will always open a way for me- and truth be told, that is all I have but also the very best.
Like the woman who dropped the two copper coins, I want to give you all I have Lord. I want to give you the only way You have given to me for this circumstance. Like Abraham who laid His best on the altar, I want to surrender Your answer to my heart’s desire and possible fulfillment of a dream to you. Like a warrior who 自断后路 (leaving no course of retreat), will I have the courage to take that step of faith? Help me Lord, show me Thy way.
it’s a strange kind of morbidity, I never seem to be able to see past tomorrow. And so I ask if there might be anything I might regret if tomorrow never comes. If this year was my last, how will I live it? I will settle things at home and then join Art back here. I have not done a perfect job, but at least I have tried my best in all my weaknesses to fulfill the God-given responsibilities to my parents and sister in my last twenty five years. And now, He has given me the man for whom I can try to fulfill the God-given responsibilities to a woman since Eve. Not changing responsibilities, not in the least. Just new responsibilities, additional responsibilities. I want to serve alongside with him, wherever he chooses to be- so he can put his whole heart into Your work here, and not have to deal with my absence; and we can together labor and just be beside each other as You have graciously allowed us to.
Is it not with abandonment that the early church lived such radical lives? Waiting for Your return, living like there was no tomorrow, praying your Kingdom come… Your Kingdom is what I want to be living and working for Lord. i know its not about the fulfilling of a great “ministry” plan next year, , it’s simply living each day in that place where You rule- over my every thought, every deed. Lead my steps Lord, lead me to do the things You want me to do.
I am excited about Your work here Lord, You are at work- but living in Beijing will be a cross I have to carry if You bring me here :p. I am excited about Your work at home, You are at work- everywhere. So pray tell, which piece of the puzzle do I fit in now?
Just ramblings Lord, I am not anxious. Waiting to see You unravel Your plan in me, just trying to make sense of all the voices thus far. You tell me things loud and clear, please graciously do so for me this time round. Praying You’ll have me listen to You in the deepest of my hearts and obey.
how can man live a life for you today, with tomorrow in sight? how do I live a life of faith for you this year, while balancing preparations for the years after? I know you say do not worry about tomorrow and I know I will find you there providing still next year, so I ask of you this day, to tell me loud and clear.
I know you have given me good options, plausible possibilities- once again evidence of Your good provision. it’s an answer to my heart’s desire, it’s a dream come true, it’s a way out of my dire circumstances, it’s a sensible thing to receive if given, and it’s a place I can see you at work, it’s from you I am sure. I’ve wondered if this was a test, but you have reminded me you’re no accuser, no deliberate tester.
You are my loving Heavenly Father, and gave me Your best. You did not withhold Your Son, Your only son. And now You show me, You will always open a way for me- and truth be told, that is all I have but also the very best.
Like the woman who dropped the two copper coins, I want to give you all I have Lord. I want to give you the only way You have given to me for this circumstance. Like Abraham who laid His best on the altar, I want to surrender Your answer to my heart’s desire and possible fulfillment of a dream to you. Like a warrior who 自断后路 (leaving no course of retreat), will I have the courage to take that step of faith? Help me Lord, show me Thy way.
it’s a strange kind of morbidity, I never seem to be able to see past tomorrow. And so I ask if there might be anything I might regret if tomorrow never comes. If this year was my last, how will I live it? I will settle things at home and then join Art back here. I have not done a perfect job, but at least I have tried my best in all my weaknesses to fulfill the God-given responsibilities to my parents and sister in my last twenty five years. And now, He has given me the man for whom I can try to fulfill the God-given responsibilities to a woman since Eve. Not changing responsibilities, not in the least. Just new responsibilities, additional responsibilities. I want to serve alongside with him, wherever he chooses to be- so he can put his whole heart into Your work here, and not have to deal with my absence; and we can together labor and just be beside each other as You have graciously allowed us to.
Is it not with abandonment that the early church lived such radical lives? Waiting for Your return, living like there was no tomorrow, praying your Kingdom come… Your Kingdom is what I want to be living and working for Lord. i know its not about the fulfilling of a great “ministry” plan next year, , it’s simply living each day in that place where You rule- over my every thought, every deed. Lead my steps Lord, lead me to do the things You want me to do.
I am excited about Your work here Lord, You are at work- but living in Beijing will be a cross I have to carry if You bring me here :p. I am excited about Your work at home, You are at work- everywhere. So pray tell, which piece of the puzzle do I fit in now?
Just ramblings Lord, I am not anxious. Waiting to see You unravel Your plan in me, just trying to make sense of all the voices thus far. You tell me things loud and clear, please graciously do so for me this time round. Praying You’ll have me listen to You in the deepest of my hearts and obey.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
mmmaaaaa....
you’ve been incredibly brave, incredibly strong
makes me proud to see, you standing in the storm
take a rest soon, lay your weary head
it’ll all blow away soon baby
and you wont be alone.
makes me proud to see, you standing in the storm
take a rest soon, lay your weary head
it’ll all blow away soon baby
and you wont be alone.
speechless
even though I’ve gone about the carousel of pain and grief many times over my last 25 years, I find myself none the wiser. no better word for a hurting heart, no more-effective balm for the soul in pain. equally helpless, equally speechless, if not more. knowing deeper with each experience, the inability for me or any man to be any remedy.
I want to say sorry that I’m so useless to you, and that I cant do anything to make you feel better. I can only promise that I want to be there for you in your shattered dreams, not sure if being there helps at all, but I want to be if you just let me stick around.
someone who may mouth seemingly hollow words and cliché comforts.. or clumsily sit around and say not a word, but this someone will not run should you just want to scream and shout, will not be hurrying you to be ok, and will just be quietly listening and praying…
because in different ways He has brought her through the cycle too, and she understands really. and she knows, He is the only one who can mend the broken heart, lift the downcast spirit, reach the deep where no one can and bring the light of the day after the dark night. She knows it to be true, that there will be one day when the skies will be blue again.
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our pain, but we have one who has struggled in every way, just as we have--yet never gave up (trusting in His goodness and love). Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
*hopefully i wont be struck down by lightning for "mis-using" the Word of God*
I want to say sorry that I’m so useless to you, and that I cant do anything to make you feel better. I can only promise that I want to be there for you in your shattered dreams, not sure if being there helps at all, but I want to be if you just let me stick around.
someone who may mouth seemingly hollow words and cliché comforts.. or clumsily sit around and say not a word, but this someone will not run should you just want to scream and shout, will not be hurrying you to be ok, and will just be quietly listening and praying…
because in different ways He has brought her through the cycle too, and she understands really. and she knows, He is the only one who can mend the broken heart, lift the downcast spirit, reach the deep where no one can and bring the light of the day after the dark night. She knows it to be true, that there will be one day when the skies will be blue again.
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our pain, but we have one who has struggled in every way, just as we have--yet never gave up (trusting in His goodness and love). Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
*hopefully i wont be struck down by lightning for "mis-using" the Word of God*
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
*snow*
***
stood in my first snow this weekend
what a sight to behold
snowflakes falling from the heavens
landing on my coat
what a sight to behold
snowflakes falling from the heavens
landing on my coat
every flake a unique design
mystery of creation untold
begets deep wonder from within
joyful smiles in the cold
watched the white showers through my window
gentle stars flickering down
each owns only a brief moment on my pane
then disappears down memory lane
***
Monday, January 01, 2007
Starting 2007
A famine of blog entries and then one too many... but this holiday just gives me a lil more time to collect my thoughts... so well here i am again, with my second post of the day :p
STILL reading Spirit of Truth by David Jackman for QT (i know! hopelessly slow reader...), at his exposition on 1 Cor 12:27-14:1 ~ Love- the Spirit's Lifestyle, today. Remembered at PT's conference some years back, how that sermon challenged everything i know about love. And as Xun recounted- it's a common sight for people to be breaking down when singing worship songs as part of the emotional experience, but there at the conference people were paralysed, convicted, breaking down hearing and being confronted with the Word. The Spirit using the Living Word when faithfully taught to cut hearts and turn them to Him...
And reading it again today, it stirs up not just memories, but more strongly the desire to know Love deeper, to know how to love deeper... so starting 2007, with love... just a couple of gems to share with you.
STILL reading Spirit of Truth by David Jackman for QT (i know! hopelessly slow reader...), at his exposition on 1 Cor 12:27-14:1 ~ Love- the Spirit's Lifestyle, today. Remembered at PT's conference some years back, how that sermon challenged everything i know about love. And as Xun recounted- it's a common sight for people to be breaking down when singing worship songs as part of the emotional experience, but there at the conference people were paralysed, convicted, breaking down hearing and being confronted with the Word. The Spirit using the Living Word when faithfully taught to cut hearts and turn them to Him...
And reading it again today, it stirs up not just memories, but more strongly the desire to know Love deeper, to know how to love deeper... so starting 2007, with love... just a couple of gems to share with you.
So, when Paul tells the Corinthian church that spiritual gifts exercised without Christian love are a contradiction in terms, this is not just a narrow opinion designed to deal with a local incident. The whole prupose and privilege of New Covenant Christianity is at stake. Only the indwelling Spirit can create the love which is the mark of authentic Christ-likeness. ... Only love counts with God, because that alone is the hallmark of the Holy Spirit's activity. The vitality of a church then is not measured by its size, or the commitment of its members. Nor are its doctrinal soundess, its properity, or even its manifestation of spiritual gifts the ultimate criteria of its worth, before God. All these goals or standards are nothing, without love.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Love always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres. This is the Spirit's lifestyle. Christian love upholds and supports everyone within the fellowship, in every situation. It never loses faith. This does not mean that Christian love is endlessly gullible, but, in Calvin's words, "it would rather be deceived by its gentleness of heart than injure a brother by suspicion."
The characteristic of love is that it is always ready to think the best, to put the most favorable construction on everything. This is why love never fails. It is indestructible; nothing can overcome it. No hardship or rebuff ever makes such love stop loving. The essence of "agape", the distinctive NT term which originates in and is modeled on God's love for us, is that it looks neither for worthiness in the object of its love nor for reciprocation from it. God loves because he is love and we love because he first loved us.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
The gifts are needed now, and graciously provided by God, to meet certain needs, but at their very best they can do so only imperfectly. When perfection comes, they will be obsolete. But love will not! That is Paul's point in v13. Love alone remains eternally. ...
Paul's argument is that gifts will cease. They are part of this world, not of the eternal realities. How foolish it would be, then, to major on what is temporal and transient, rather than on the eternal reality of love. That will never end. Even now faith, hope and love matter more than gifts or ministries. But faith will be replaced by sight and hope will be lost in fulfillment. Only love lasts forever, because it is the currency of heaven, the Spirit's life-style. The Kingdom of God is eternal, present-tense love, which is why love is the most excellent way.
"Love ever lives, forgives, outlives,
And ever stands, with open hands,
And while it lives, it gives,
And while it gives, it lives,
For this is love's prerogative-
To give and give and give."
And while it lives, it gives,
And while it gives, it lives,
For this is love's prerogative-
To give and give and give."
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Remembering 2006
*grandmama @ work here... long-winded... be warned*
The time of man on earth is short, and I almost do not remember a year in which He has not used significantly. 2006 is no exception. Am thankful for this time and space I have to remember 2006, more aptly to remember the hand of the Lord my God this past year.
If I can use a word to sum up this year, it would be baptism. Baptism of life, baptism for my soul. Having sunk to the depths of emotional pits, having emerged with a new lease of life. Grateful for every refining process He has put me through this year, and almost raring and ready to start 2007.
Early this year, had a brief taste of what it is like being in a relationship- the joy and the pain; the lessons learnt about God, myself and other-centeredness; and simply the practical experience of dating. Things changed, dreams were shattered and till then, heartache never had a more real sensation. Yet at the same time, the grieving process gave me so much more. All those who came by to spend time with me, all who cried with me, all who helplessly fed me ice-cream, all who prayed with me, all whom I know felt pain for me. Thank you.
And to this end, I want to praise God for His baptism through this. Learning so much about the extent of His love and sacrifice, seeing how He has refined me through this- granting me a new field of ministry of empathy, giving me new lenses to see the whole world of relationships. In the words of a very good friend, there are lessons a broken heart learn that can never be taught otherwise. And I am very very glad to have learnt them, hopefully. And I will praise Him because I see now, how he has used this first relationship to prepare me for this last (God willing, hopefully :p) one I will have in this life.
And of course came Beijing. here, where I am unknown and having nothing to mark myself… where I am almost certain if I am lost, no one would know; where I have no family, no past, no credentials to show of- stripped bare. And so many a nights sitting on my bed crying coz of home-sickness and a genuine loneliness. But yet these moments assured me, more real than ever, of His presence in my life. That His eyes have never left me, that I am known by Him and am His. The intimacy I could never know of at home. So I praise Him for this baptism of my relationship with Him.
And not to mention His gracious spoiling of His daughter by bringing so many people from home to visit me- Grace, Edmund, Uncle John, Auntie Hedy and AnnWei, Dad, Mum and Dagu, Xianghui, Lishan, my lil Moomoo, Baoyu (over a phone call), Charlotte, Simon, Chew Chern… The online presence of those back at home never left me too- your care and love always evident (you know who you are). And the wonderful people He has brought into my life here- my colleagues, brothers and sisters in church, and a very significant Art-her (hahahha pun intended).
I know Him as my good Father, beyond a doubt He is good. Good to me. Thank you.
Church- am almost humbled by how gracious He has been to me. Almost felt guilty settling in BICF- if I was taking the easy way out and not doing more for the local church in China. But yet He has poured out His blessings so abundantly to me through this weak and selfish decision of mine.
Allowing Arthur and me to meet, allowing me to still feel like I can be giving to His body in a small way through ISOT, allowing me to be in a small group who loves to pray and taught me so much with their lives, allowing me to be the undeserved beneficiary of so much love and friendships. The acceptance and love extended to a stranger- whom they know not what good she is and where she is from.
Not to mention the multiple times He has allowed me to testify for Him in my broken Chinese and all- not so much good I did for that person, but rather renewing my boldness to proclaim this power of God. And it is true, He has done so much for me through China than I have for Him… But I guess this is what it’s all about isn’t it.
And work has been almost amazing as well. I was taught nothing is too small for God; but I don think I ever believed it. I find it in place to pray for “big things”- things for other people, things for the world; or “holy things”- things for the church, things for Him; so I passively trust His sovereignty in my life.
I do recognize the favor He has granted me with all my bosses through my working life thus far, but the evidence of His presence and help at work has never been more real this last six months. To be praying for a colleague with a medical condition, and see her picking up right after; having the chance to share the gospel and talk deep with my colleagues; seeing how He opens my eyes to potential problems at work and enabling me to resolve them before blow-ups; convicting me when I have been complaining too much, vindicating me in kind in some occasions. He is “for me”!
Have much much more to say, but one last mention is of course finally allowing us to meet and fall in love. One who supersedes my best dream and imagination, one who has been so carefully crafted and made to fit another, one whose life has been so intricately designed to cross the paths of another… What am I left to conclude? That One Higher has written this amazing story and graciously allowed me to play a part and enjoy a love I do not deserve.
I knew then my God is good and He loves me. But I know now how He knows me by name, loves me so intimately and plans my days so intricately, that His eyes and hands are upon my life. And when you know that He is for you, you emerge alive, and new, on wings.
And you praise Him for the dark valleys, praise Him for the sticky pits, praise Him because you will never have to doubt His heart is for you even when the next storm brews.
But of course this entire life is one long baptism- till we emerge in His likeness at the end. And I know there is much to refine in me still. So for 2007, I pray more than ever to live the days before His eyes, to know Him better, love Him deeper, to shine and testify for Him before man, to desire nothing else but His will be done in my life, to follow wherever He may lead. To still, be the miry clay in His hands.
The time of man on earth is short, and I almost do not remember a year in which He has not used significantly. 2006 is no exception. Am thankful for this time and space I have to remember 2006, more aptly to remember the hand of the Lord my God this past year.
If I can use a word to sum up this year, it would be baptism. Baptism of life, baptism for my soul. Having sunk to the depths of emotional pits, having emerged with a new lease of life. Grateful for every refining process He has put me through this year, and almost raring and ready to start 2007.
Early this year, had a brief taste of what it is like being in a relationship- the joy and the pain; the lessons learnt about God, myself and other-centeredness; and simply the practical experience of dating. Things changed, dreams were shattered and till then, heartache never had a more real sensation. Yet at the same time, the grieving process gave me so much more. All those who came by to spend time with me, all who cried with me, all who helplessly fed me ice-cream, all who prayed with me, all whom I know felt pain for me. Thank you.
And to this end, I want to praise God for His baptism through this. Learning so much about the extent of His love and sacrifice, seeing how He has refined me through this- granting me a new field of ministry of empathy, giving me new lenses to see the whole world of relationships. In the words of a very good friend, there are lessons a broken heart learn that can never be taught otherwise. And I am very very glad to have learnt them, hopefully. And I will praise Him because I see now, how he has used this first relationship to prepare me for this last (God willing, hopefully :p) one I will have in this life.
And of course came Beijing. here, where I am unknown and having nothing to mark myself… where I am almost certain if I am lost, no one would know; where I have no family, no past, no credentials to show of- stripped bare. And so many a nights sitting on my bed crying coz of home-sickness and a genuine loneliness. But yet these moments assured me, more real than ever, of His presence in my life. That His eyes have never left me, that I am known by Him and am His. The intimacy I could never know of at home. So I praise Him for this baptism of my relationship with Him.
And not to mention His gracious spoiling of His daughter by bringing so many people from home to visit me- Grace, Edmund, Uncle John, Auntie Hedy and AnnWei, Dad, Mum and Dagu, Xianghui, Lishan, my lil Moomoo, Baoyu (over a phone call), Charlotte, Simon, Chew Chern… The online presence of those back at home never left me too- your care and love always evident (you know who you are). And the wonderful people He has brought into my life here- my colleagues, brothers and sisters in church, and a very significant Art-her (hahahha pun intended).
I know Him as my good Father, beyond a doubt He is good. Good to me. Thank you.
Church- am almost humbled by how gracious He has been to me. Almost felt guilty settling in BICF- if I was taking the easy way out and not doing more for the local church in China. But yet He has poured out His blessings so abundantly to me through this weak and selfish decision of mine.
Allowing Arthur and me to meet, allowing me to still feel like I can be giving to His body in a small way through ISOT, allowing me to be in a small group who loves to pray and taught me so much with their lives, allowing me to be the undeserved beneficiary of so much love and friendships. The acceptance and love extended to a stranger- whom they know not what good she is and where she is from.
Not to mention the multiple times He has allowed me to testify for Him in my broken Chinese and all- not so much good I did for that person, but rather renewing my boldness to proclaim this power of God. And it is true, He has done so much for me through China than I have for Him… But I guess this is what it’s all about isn’t it.
And work has been almost amazing as well. I was taught nothing is too small for God; but I don think I ever believed it. I find it in place to pray for “big things”- things for other people, things for the world; or “holy things”- things for the church, things for Him; so I passively trust His sovereignty in my life.
I do recognize the favor He has granted me with all my bosses through my working life thus far, but the evidence of His presence and help at work has never been more real this last six months. To be praying for a colleague with a medical condition, and see her picking up right after; having the chance to share the gospel and talk deep with my colleagues; seeing how He opens my eyes to potential problems at work and enabling me to resolve them before blow-ups; convicting me when I have been complaining too much, vindicating me in kind in some occasions. He is “for me”!
Have much much more to say, but one last mention is of course finally allowing us to meet and fall in love. One who supersedes my best dream and imagination, one who has been so carefully crafted and made to fit another, one whose life has been so intricately designed to cross the paths of another… What am I left to conclude? That One Higher has written this amazing story and graciously allowed me to play a part and enjoy a love I do not deserve.
I knew then my God is good and He loves me. But I know now how He knows me by name, loves me so intimately and plans my days so intricately, that His eyes and hands are upon my life. And when you know that He is for you, you emerge alive, and new, on wings.
And you praise Him for the dark valleys, praise Him for the sticky pits, praise Him because you will never have to doubt His heart is for you even when the next storm brews.
But of course this entire life is one long baptism- till we emerge in His likeness at the end. And I know there is much to refine in me still. So for 2007, I pray more than ever to live the days before His eyes, to know Him better, love Him deeper, to shine and testify for Him before man, to desire nothing else but His will be done in my life, to follow wherever He may lead. To still, be the miry clay in His hands.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Winks
Sorry sorry sorry! I think they blocked MSN in office. Sigh… so those whom I have not chatted with in ages, sorry!!! Keep me posted, email me...
Anyway here’s just two random chewies for you… a revised rendition of a poem I wrote years ago, and a silent conviction He has placed of late.
Been doing training so often these days and I am pretty amazed. Give me any person at anytime, with the training materials and there I am rattling off with much ease and confidence. I know my stuff, I know it at the back of my hand, I know it because I work with and on it all day. Made me wonder about my skillfulness in handling God’s Word.
I used to marvel at people who quote scripture off-cuff, easily at anytime. I thought it required lots of memorizing. But now I can see how it happened. They know the Word, they know it at the back of their hand, they know it because they work with and on it all day.
My adeptness with my work stirs in me a desire to be equally, if not more skilled in His Word. I want to not train skills in using Reuters’ technology, but be there in the field training in godliness alongside with my fellow brothers and sisters. And as I sit there putting in my best for work, I want so much more to be putting that best and more for ministry in church. But will abide His time and way.
Anyway here’s just two random chewies for you… a revised rendition of a poem I wrote years ago, and a silent conviction He has placed of late.
***
Melancholy
A man’s worst enemy
Sets me binging, Easily crying
Wild thoughts race
Multiple personas come on stage
Cant decide which I want to be
All come overwhelm me
Screaming in my head
Indulging in grey
Deciding to snap out of it
Suddenly
Melancholy
A man’s worst enemy
Sets me binging, Easily crying
Wild thoughts race
Multiple personas come on stage
Cant decide which I want to be
All come overwhelm me
Screaming in my head
Indulging in grey
Deciding to snap out of it
Suddenly
Melancholy
***
Been doing training so often these days and I am pretty amazed. Give me any person at anytime, with the training materials and there I am rattling off with much ease and confidence. I know my stuff, I know it at the back of my hand, I know it because I work with and on it all day. Made me wonder about my skillfulness in handling God’s Word.
I used to marvel at people who quote scripture off-cuff, easily at anytime. I thought it required lots of memorizing. But now I can see how it happened. They know the Word, they know it at the back of their hand, they know it because they work with and on it all day.
My adeptness with my work stirs in me a desire to be equally, if not more skilled in His Word. I want to not train skills in using Reuters’ technology, but be there in the field training in godliness alongside with my fellow brothers and sisters. And as I sit there putting in my best for work, I want so much more to be putting that best and more for ministry in church. But will abide His time and way.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
2 months +1 day
This is a self-indulgent piece. it may sound selfish in light of everything that’s happening in my life right now, and a little “out of the blue” since there are so many other things I can be writing about- my sister’s visit two weeks ago, Simon and Charlotte’s time with me here last week, meeting up with Chew Chern in Beijing, the ISOT Christmas party that just passed, reflections on the upcoming Christmas season, follow up thoughts on ministry, updates on situations at work… but… here I just want to remember a very significant two months and one day of my life..
yes, very quickly it’s gonna be one day short of nine weeks :p the story of us… *blush blush* nope, not gonna bore you with our story here- much more entertaining if you ask him to tell you in person hahahah, and I know he would love to oblige- at my expense.. but just want to give a short tribute to the man of my life in this precious space of mine, as I think about him…
Second to Christ, he is God’s staggering, personal goodness to me in flesh- I am blown away by how good God is to me by bringing him into my life. Can someone be so right?
He gives me the freedom to be the woman I want to be for God and for him- he “makes me feel alive”. Finally finding someone who loves me for my love for Him, and who loves me for me…
He knows and understands my thoughts in a way no one has ever- though moomoo you fulfill that yet on another level of course. Strange little habits and thoughts God has planted in us both, sweet…
He is everything I have ever hoped or dreamed of- not perfect by man’s standards definitely but perfect for me.
And I love him- in all his insecurities, in all his fumblings, in all his whimsicals, in all his insensitivities, in all his failings, in all his whining…
And very tacky but “I love him for the man he is, I love him for the man he wants to be, I love him for the man he almost is, I love him, I do”
Perhaps too strong a language for just two months, perhaps you might dismiss this as honeymoon candy, perhaps you think I’m crazy and treading on thin ice here with my heart again... it’s ok :p
I never thought I’d dare to give my heart again to someone I could lose- but He made me so. Don worry about me being in la-la land with the above professions. I say what I said in full view of storms that might potentially brew in the future, I say that with my feet firmly on the ground, I say that with knees knuckled- in gratitude and in total dependence on Him to bring us through. I say that in faith of our Daddy's goodness- that He is the one who brought us together, and He will have His perfect will be done...
And in light of man’s inability to see or control the future, I can say with absolute confidence that no matter what happens, he and us is His gift for this daughter of His. A gift that is good, a gift that has touched and changed my life forever, a gift that is precious and treasured. A gift that will resound in eternity, even though I may possess it only for a while on earth- but I hope and pray it’ll be for all my while on this journey here.
Hey dear,
Thank you for being who you are,
Thank you for spotting me from afar.
Thank you for being in my life,
Thank you for your love that makes me come alive.
So sorry this season has been so busy for you and I have so doubled the clutter… thank you for giving me space in your world.
yes, very quickly it’s gonna be one day short of nine weeks :p the story of us… *blush blush* nope, not gonna bore you with our story here- much more entertaining if you ask him to tell you in person hahahah, and I know he would love to oblige- at my expense.. but just want to give a short tribute to the man of my life in this precious space of mine, as I think about him…
Second to Christ, he is God’s staggering, personal goodness to me in flesh- I am blown away by how good God is to me by bringing him into my life. Can someone be so right?
He gives me the freedom to be the woman I want to be for God and for him- he “makes me feel alive”. Finally finding someone who loves me for my love for Him, and who loves me for me…
He knows and understands my thoughts in a way no one has ever- though moomoo you fulfill that yet on another level of course. Strange little habits and thoughts God has planted in us both, sweet…
He is everything I have ever hoped or dreamed of- not perfect by man’s standards definitely but perfect for me.
And I love him- in all his insecurities, in all his fumblings, in all his whimsicals, in all his insensitivities, in all his failings, in all his whining…
And very tacky but “I love him for the man he is, I love him for the man he wants to be, I love him for the man he almost is, I love him, I do”
Perhaps too strong a language for just two months, perhaps you might dismiss this as honeymoon candy, perhaps you think I’m crazy and treading on thin ice here with my heart again... it’s ok :p
I never thought I’d dare to give my heart again to someone I could lose- but He made me so. Don worry about me being in la-la land with the above professions. I say what I said in full view of storms that might potentially brew in the future, I say that with my feet firmly on the ground, I say that with knees knuckled- in gratitude and in total dependence on Him to bring us through. I say that in faith of our Daddy's goodness- that He is the one who brought us together, and He will have His perfect will be done...
And in light of man’s inability to see or control the future, I can say with absolute confidence that no matter what happens, he and us is His gift for this daughter of His. A gift that is good, a gift that has touched and changed my life forever, a gift that is precious and treasured. A gift that will resound in eternity, even though I may possess it only for a while on earth- but I hope and pray it’ll be for all my while on this journey here.
Hey dear,
Thank you for being who you are,
Thank you for spotting me from afar.
Thank you for being in my life,
Thank you for your love that makes me come alive.
So sorry this season has been so busy for you and I have so doubled the clutter… thank you for giving me space in your world.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Obedience-Based Decisions
An article from "TGIF Today God Is First", by Os Hillman... not an "impressive" or "intellectual" piece per say.. nor a new message that will blow one away.. but want to share this with you coz it invoked thoughts along a couple of lines that are very close to my heart..
praying that it'll be an encouragement for those who might be weary, and an alert for those who might be discouraged in ministry... that it'll be a reminder for those who might be facing cross-roads of any sort... that it'll be Daddy's "shake-shake" for those who are "caught-up in sacrifice" :)
We are witnesses of these things, and so is the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to those who obey Him. - Acts 5:32
So often we as a society equate numbers with success. The larger the conference, the more successful we deem it. The larger a church, the more we believe that God is blessing. And so on.
I recall planning a conference one time. Registrations were not where I felt they needed to be a few weeks before the date of the event. It wasn't long before I began to get "under the pile" about the level of attendance. My friend, who was organizing this conference with me, called and asked how I was doing. I had to confess where I was. He immediately reminded me of my own teaching in this area.
We are all called to be led by the Spirit, not by outcomes. "If God called us to put on this conference, then the outcome is up to Him if we have done our part." He went on to explain how he learned this lesson in a similar way a few years earlier.
He and a friend were led to host a Bible study group. His friend was to speak. It was nine o'clock and they were the only two people there. His friend was discouraged and was ready to leave."No," said my friend. "We have done what the Holy Spirit directed." He then stood up and began to welcome people as though there were many in the room. (No one was in the room.) He introduced his friend and they began the meeting.
A few minutes later, people began to straggle in. By the time the meeting was over, ten had shown up, and one man in particular was impacted by the meeting.
Being led by the Spirit often means we must not use the world's standard for success as our measuring stick. You never know what an act of obedience will yield at the time. We must leave results to God. Our role is to obey. His role is to bring results from our obedience.
Do you make decisions based on the potential outcome or by the direction of the Holy Spirit in your life? Do you overly evaluate the pros and cons without consideration to what the Holy Spirit might be saying deep inside? We are all prone to make decisions based on reasoning alone. Ask God to give you a willingness and ability to hear the Holy Spirit and to obey His promptings.
***
i recall a chiding... so often we are tempted to measure the "succeess" of a meeting in church by numbers.. but honestly, if we do not have true believers who are genuinely after God's heart- but just people who might be there for an emotional experience or fulfilling a certain obligation and all- we have nothing more but a "church-full" of corpses... dead in the spirit, dead to God... and then the more the numbers, the larger the failing of the leader, aint it? *shudder*
and so at all times remember all He seeks is "a broken spirit and a contrite heart"... see the church from His eyes... one heart that is pure and true is worth more than a million that are not... let Him tell you what success in ministry is on the last day... meanwhile just plug on faithfully my dear pilgrims... :)
***
*pinch pinch* for me to just keep praying and waiting.. and praying and waiting... and not to try to come up with too many "brillant" ideas for the future, or plan too much by rationale... *silence*...
praying that it'll be an encouragement for those who might be weary, and an alert for those who might be discouraged in ministry... that it'll be a reminder for those who might be facing cross-roads of any sort... that it'll be Daddy's "shake-shake" for those who are "caught-up in sacrifice" :)
We are witnesses of these things, and so is the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to those who obey Him. - Acts 5:32
So often we as a society equate numbers with success. The larger the conference, the more successful we deem it. The larger a church, the more we believe that God is blessing. And so on.
I recall planning a conference one time. Registrations were not where I felt they needed to be a few weeks before the date of the event. It wasn't long before I began to get "under the pile" about the level of attendance. My friend, who was organizing this conference with me, called and asked how I was doing. I had to confess where I was. He immediately reminded me of my own teaching in this area.
We are all called to be led by the Spirit, not by outcomes. "If God called us to put on this conference, then the outcome is up to Him if we have done our part." He went on to explain how he learned this lesson in a similar way a few years earlier.
He and a friend were led to host a Bible study group. His friend was to speak. It was nine o'clock and they were the only two people there. His friend was discouraged and was ready to leave."No," said my friend. "We have done what the Holy Spirit directed." He then stood up and began to welcome people as though there were many in the room. (No one was in the room.) He introduced his friend and they began the meeting.
A few minutes later, people began to straggle in. By the time the meeting was over, ten had shown up, and one man in particular was impacted by the meeting.
Being led by the Spirit often means we must not use the world's standard for success as our measuring stick. You never know what an act of obedience will yield at the time. We must leave results to God. Our role is to obey. His role is to bring results from our obedience.
Do you make decisions based on the potential outcome or by the direction of the Holy Spirit in your life? Do you overly evaluate the pros and cons without consideration to what the Holy Spirit might be saying deep inside? We are all prone to make decisions based on reasoning alone. Ask God to give you a willingness and ability to hear the Holy Spirit and to obey His promptings.
***
i recall a chiding... so often we are tempted to measure the "succeess" of a meeting in church by numbers.. but honestly, if we do not have true believers who are genuinely after God's heart- but just people who might be there for an emotional experience or fulfilling a certain obligation and all- we have nothing more but a "church-full" of corpses... dead in the spirit, dead to God... and then the more the numbers, the larger the failing of the leader, aint it? *shudder*
and so at all times remember all He seeks is "a broken spirit and a contrite heart"... see the church from His eyes... one heart that is pure and true is worth more than a million that are not... let Him tell you what success in ministry is on the last day... meanwhile just plug on faithfully my dear pilgrims... :)
***
*pinch pinch* for me to just keep praying and waiting.. and praying and waiting... and not to try to come up with too many "brillant" ideas for the future, or plan too much by rationale... *silence*...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)