Remembering 2006

*grandmama @ work here... long-winded... be warned*

The time of man on earth is short, and I almost do not remember a year in which He has not used significantly. 2006 is no exception. Am thankful for this time and space I have to remember 2006, more aptly to remember the hand of the Lord my God this past year.

If I can use a word to sum up this year, it would be baptism. Baptism of life, baptism for my soul. Having sunk to the depths of emotional pits, having emerged with a new lease of life. Grateful for every refining process He has put me through this year, and almost raring and ready to start 2007.

Early this year, had a brief taste of what it is like being in a relationship- the joy and the pain; the lessons learnt about God, myself and other-centeredness; and simply the practical experience of dating. Things changed, dreams were shattered and till then, heartache never had a more real sensation. Yet at the same time, the grieving process gave me so much more. All those who came by to spend time with me, all who cried with me, all who helplessly fed me ice-cream, all who prayed with me, all whom I know felt pain for me. Thank you.
And to this end, I want to praise God for His baptism through this. Learning so much about the extent of His love and sacrifice, seeing how He has refined me through this- granting me a new field of ministry of empathy, giving me new lenses to see the whole world of relationships. In the words of a very good friend, there are lessons a broken heart learn that can never be taught otherwise. And I am very very glad to have learnt them, hopefully. And I will praise Him because I see now, how he has used this first relationship to prepare me for this last (God willing, hopefully :p) one I will have in this life.

And of course came Beijing. here, where I am unknown and having nothing to mark myself… where I am almost certain if I am lost, no one would know; where I have no family, no past, no credentials to show of- stripped bare. And so many a nights sitting on my bed crying coz of home-sickness and a genuine loneliness. But yet these moments assured me, more real than ever, of His presence in my life. That His eyes have never left me, that I am known by Him and am His. The intimacy I could never know of at home. So I praise Him for this baptism of my relationship with Him.
And not to mention His gracious spoiling of His daughter by bringing so many people from home to visit me- Grace, Edmund, Uncle John, Auntie Hedy and AnnWei, Dad, Mum and Dagu, Xianghui, Lishan, my lil Moomoo, Baoyu (over a phone call), Charlotte, Simon, Chew Chern… The online presence of those back at home never left me too- your care and love always evident (you know who you are). And the wonderful people He has brought into my life here- my colleagues, brothers and sisters in church, and a very significant Art-her (hahahha pun intended).
I know Him as my good Father, beyond a doubt He is good. Good to me. Thank you.

Church- am almost humbled by how gracious He has been to me. Almost felt guilty settling in BICF- if I was taking the easy way out and not doing more for the local church in China. But yet He has poured out His blessings so abundantly to me through this weak and selfish decision of mine.
Allowing Arthur and me to meet, allowing me to still feel like I can be giving to His body in a small way through ISOT, allowing me to be in a small group who loves to pray and taught me so much with their lives, allowing me to be the undeserved beneficiary of so much love and friendships. The acceptance and love extended to a stranger- whom they know not what good she is and where she is from.
Not to mention the multiple times He has allowed me to testify for Him in my broken Chinese and all- not so much good I did for that person, but rather renewing my boldness to proclaim this power of God. And it is true, He has done so much for me through China than I have for Him… But I guess this is what it’s all about isn’t it.

And work has been almost amazing as well. I was taught nothing is too small for God; but I don think I ever believed it. I find it in place to pray for “big things”- things for other people, things for the world; or “holy things”- things for the church, things for Him; so I passively trust His sovereignty in my life.
I do recognize the favor He has granted me with all my bosses through my working life thus far, but the evidence of His presence and help at work has never been more real this last six months. To be praying for a colleague with a medical condition, and see her picking up right after; having the chance to share the gospel and talk deep with my colleagues; seeing how He opens my eyes to potential problems at work and enabling me to resolve them before blow-ups; convicting me when I have been complaining too much, vindicating me in kind in some occasions. He is “for me”!

Have much much more to say, but one last mention is of course finally allowing us to meet and fall in love. One who supersedes my best dream and imagination, one who has been so carefully crafted and made to fit another, one whose life has been so intricately designed to cross the paths of another… What am I left to conclude? That One Higher has written this amazing story and graciously allowed me to play a part and enjoy a love I do not deserve.

I knew then my God is good and He loves me. But I know now how He knows me by name, loves me so intimately and plans my days so intricately, that His eyes and hands are upon my life. And when you know that He is for you, you emerge alive, and new, on wings.
And you praise Him for the dark valleys, praise Him for the sticky pits, praise Him because you will never have to doubt His heart is for you even when the next storm brews.

But of course this entire life is one long baptism- till we emerge in His likeness at the end. And I know there is much to refine in me still. So for 2007, I pray more than ever to live the days before His eyes, to know Him better, love Him deeper, to shine and testify for Him before man, to desire nothing else but His will be done in my life, to follow wherever He may lead. To still, be the miry clay in His hands.