James 3,4

Typed this passage as a warning to myself in light of a recent disappointment. Cannot help but be humbled once again on the wisdom of God revealed in His Word. Read with me, even if you might be familiar with the passage already- it might just speak to you again today.

“… We all stumble in many ways… Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue is also a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness.
Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear fig? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
… Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight…”

Dear Lord, my heart is often prone to wander from you. So when i face man, i carry my throne into our interactions. My selfish heart that desires to assert itself, instead of You- who love and bless. Forgive me Lord each time i fail and kill Your beloved with my self-centeredness, spewing out unkind, brutal words with my violent tongue- murdering the other soul. Help me Holy Spirit to be a peacemaker- and reveal to man to glory of God even in my weakness. I ask this in the name of my Lord Jesus Christ for His sake. Amen

The parable of the prodigal son

The parable of the prodigal son arose a couple of times during this season of Lent. There are many ways of looking at this parable, and the angle changes with our relationship with our Father as we grow. Some attribute this to the beauty of narratives- allowing the reader to read his/her experiences into the story. True to some extent, but yet this speaks to me even more of the wisdom of Jesus and displays so clearly the “life” of the Living Word.

A first encounter with the parable, it is not difficult to identify with the prodigal son- who asked for his inheritance even before his father is dead, went off to squander off the money, found life in his dire straits worse off than his father’s servants and went back home to beg his father to take him in as a worker.
~ As a sinner who has been found by God, I am the prodigal son who does not deserve the grace and love of my Father. The loving Father keeps no record of wrong: my “wishing that He was dead”- so I can live life my way; my self gratification in the pleasures of the flesh.
And He receives me so freely, taking me in not as a worker but as his son- giving me the status without my having to work for it, and returning to me the son-ship I spurned. Taking me in my broken-ness and shame, more than willing to make me His again.
The cross was for the prodigal me.

And having been “in the House” for some time, one started identifying with the older son- who refused to go in for the celebrations when his younger brother returned, and when invited by his father to share his joy, accused his father for forgetting him and not giving him his dues.
~ As the sinner who put on the robe of “self-righteousness” and wore so comfortably the acts of good deeds, I am the elder son who knows not the heart of my Father. I have traded relationship for religion, faith for deeds, grace for wage, love for respect, son-ship for slavery, my Father for but a master.
The loving Father beckons time and over again, “All I have is yours, come in”. Taking me in despite my wrongs and misconceptions, despite my pettiness and jealousy, despite my selfishness and rebellion, more than willing to right the relationship with me again.
The cross was for the older son-me.

And any study of the parable would not be complete without the contemplation of the father.
The father who gave the son who cursed him to die his inheritance, without a word of reprimand. The father who watched his son step out of the door of the house into the outside world, silently praying he would not wander too far before turning back. The father who gave his son free will to choose his course, enduring heartache and pain. The father who stood by the door each day, watching for his son to return. The father who received without question the son who came home. The father who celebrated, even though the son returned because of self-interest.
The father who saw his son’s heart growing distant as he tried to earn his gifts. The father who was never knew nor understood by his son who was at his side. The father who risked rejection to make peace.
The father who desired so so much to be in a relationship with his sons- even if it meant a dear cost.

I am the younger son and the older son. But yet to all wretchedness, the Father’s response is the same. He demonstrates His love. He desires reconciliation. He wants us back home. So much so, God became a man and died on the cross the death that was mine. So much so, the Father would give His only son to punish Him for the sins of His enemy- me. So much so Jesus conquered death to free me forever from the bondage of death.

Freely He gave the gift of life. Freely He paid the price. And so freely, He desires us to believe- and whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. Will you come home today?

Because of you

A friend shared this song with me on his blog long time ago. finally got down to finding the clip and watching the MTV. painfully poignant. but i like the message of hope in midst the mess of her past- that the her past wont dictate her actions for the future family.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bqj-n0IG1Ik

I will not make the same mistakes that you did

I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery

I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side So I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side So I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid

I watched you die I heard you cry Every night in your sleep
I was so young You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else You just saw your pain
And now I cry In the middle of the night For the same damn thing

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side So I don't get hurt
Because of you I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you

Dining woes

Although the table conversation at dinner was every bit engaging and the company was delightful, but it was what was going on at the next table that added the extra spark to the evening.

I do not think that the man and woman on the next table are an item- and very likely it was the man who asked the woman out. She was all made-up, donning an all black ensemble- spaghetti strap top and linen trousers. He was in his dark navy working shirt and grey pants.

So they placed the order for their food. She ordered spaghetti and prawns tossed with garlic-olive oil and sun-dried tomatoes, and he ordered a sirloin steak with broiled vegetables and mashed potatoes. Shortly after, a nice char-grilled steak was served before him, and the waiter served her with a plate of nicely mixed tomato pasta, sprinkled with parmesan cheese.

The pasta was clearly too red for aglio-olio’s own good, even if the chef was generous with his serving of sun-dried tomatoes. After a few mouthfuls, she realized that this was not her order. She called for the waiter and told them that they got her order wrong. They had to send the pasta back to the kitchen and have it redone.

So there she was waiting for the pasta while he was happily putting nicely cut bite-sized beef cubes into his mouth, making short comments about his food every now and then, totally oblivious to his hungry partner. She called the waiter over and asked for her chocolate shake.

He must have realized she was hungry, so he offered her a cube of steak on his fork. She shook her head on his first attempt, so he put the reject into his mouth. Undiscouraged, he tried again- and she shook her head again. Third try, “you really should try this, it’s not bad”. Her chocolate shake came and she started sipping on it. So Mr Clueless eagerly finished his dinner, cleaned his mouth with the napkin and shone her a stunning smile of satisfaction. “The steak was really not bad”. A few minutes later, the waiter brought the spaghetti for the lady, and cleared the man’s plate away.

***

Could the man not have waited for the lady’s dinner to be served before he continued with his dinner? How could any gentleman let a hungry lady watch him eat?

Mr Nice may not want to trouble the cook to heat up his food again, or he must be really hungry. But could he not have slowed down, take longer pauses and finish his dinner with or after his fair lady? How fun is it for a dinner for two when one eats after another? Gee.

Could he not have cleared his plate later? He has successfully made her look like a glutton when she is the only chomping on her noodles while his dining space on the table is bare. :(

***

Making too much a fuss out of a restaurant's mistake? Perhaps. Reading too much into a simple dinner went wrong? Maybe.

But just wondering.... Men- what would you have done in his shoes? Ladies- what would you have liked in her shoes?

Way back into love

Watched Music & Lyrics last night, my first movie in the theatres in at least 7 months!!!

i take it as a celebration for you, laughed really loudly- haven done that in a while now, i laughed for you- because that's how you make me laugh :) happy birthday!

wanna share the song in the movie with you, really catchy music and really nice lyrics :p

http://gootube.net/way-back-into-love.php

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

Christian nations?

Read somewhere in the papers last week about the Buddhists in Thailand giving pressure to the new government to make Buddhism the state religion. I thought it always has been and will be, so I didn’t quite get what the fuss was about. Maybe there was still no constitution set in place in light of the political un-stability. Anyhow, that is not the main point. That article made me wonder if Christians would ever make such news.

I have no desire for attention simply for the sake of doing so, nor am I hoping that we someday would. After all, Paul teaches us to pray for all those in authorities so that we can lead quiet and peaceful lives. (1 Timothy 2:1,2) And most importantly, the kingdom of God is universal and advancing truly and surely- whether or not the world recognizes it.

But when I think about the Buddhists and Muslims who would fight to their death to make sure their religion are not side-lined, and how quiet Christians have been comparatively.
The governments of these states not budging even in light of economic pressures, but powerhouse countries with significant Christian heritage and presence like the US and UK not daring to make Christianity a state religion for fear of sensitivities associated?
Perhaps it has to do with the principles on which the countries are founded, perhaps the truth of the narrow way and those who inherit the kingdom are “few” is more real than it can be, perhaps….
But it makes me wonder if we Christians dare to make a difference in this world at all, not to mention the terrible testimonies we sinners are….

And as I am typing this right now, He is rebuking me of how flawed my thinking is. Indeed, Jesus did not come with a political agenda to be a political leader. He came to usher in the kingdom of God- that is in invisible. He needed no platform to show who He is, He needed no external powers to empower Him, He need not make a statement. Why should I desire for that?

As much as I am aching so much for the world to see the beauty of a nation living under God today, they one day will, wont they? Praise God for the “low visibility” of “Christian nations” today, because this tells me our church leaders know and are focusing on what is more important. (This is not to say that the Church is not doing its role to tell the world of what the Creator’s heart is)

But let us endeavor more to be like the servant king who came in humility- to serve and not be on a power-grabbing agenda. To proclaim His Word and bring light into this world. To have the world know us not by any external power or adornments, but simply by the lives we live for Him. To His glory forever, Amen!

When he was here...

thank you :)

Just want to say a thank YOU, i know you'll know it's you
It meant the world to me, that i had a wise ally in you
Knocked on many doors, many opened it halfway through
To them i'm definitely grateful

But you got your hands dirty, slogged in your fatigue
Did so much you didnt have to do
And perhaps you have done much more than i know
Gave more than i received

Will not trivalize my gratitude with words and gifts
They're insufficient for what i truly feel
So allow me to carry this debt of grace
And nurse this simple thank you

Will speak nay of repayment
For that i cannot and do not want to do
But please allow me to indulge myself every now and then
To do a little something for you

i will praise You

i will praise You

no matter what, no matter when

i will praise You

even when i don understand

i want to praise You

in midst of difficult circumstance

i want to praise You

even when it seems strange to man

~

i praise You

for who You are, the great I AM

i praise You

for You are good to the very end

i praise You

for everything You have done

i praise You

for You are You, my God and friend

Cornies

very unabashedly, i'll admit that my silence has everything to do with my significant other... who was here and left two days ago.. :p so to those who have been coming on to check for updates, sorry for the disappointments!! will try to get the pictures done soon and post them k? :)

so well, while clearing my 350 mails (!!!) in my office inbox yesterday- glad i read through some of those forwarded messages... its kinda outdated now, but this was sent by a colleague in light of the valentine's day last week.. i have to admit, these cornies still pack a pretty good reminder every now and then... read them if you have the time :) if not, well wait for my next entry!!

To My Friends Who Are...........SINGLE
Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it. Love can make you happy but often it hurts, but love's only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it. So take your time and choose the best.

To My Friends Who Are............NOT SO SINGLE
Love isn't about becoming somebody else's 'perfect person.' It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.

To My Friends Who Are............PLAYBOY/GIRL TYPE
Never say 'I love you' if you don't care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart. Never look in the eye when all you do is lie. The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall and it works both ways...

To My Friends Who Are............MARRIED
Love is not about 'it's your fault', but 'I'm sorry.' Not 'where are you', but 'I'm right here.' Not 'how could you', but 'I understand.' Not 'I wish you were', but 'I'm thankful you are.'

To My Friends Who Are............ENGAGED
The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other.

To My Friends Who Are............HEARTBROKEN
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.

for hiring... :p

in midst of my preoccupation of being the overworked and underpaid staff, i have been blinded to the silver linings of my current job. contentment is what this disgruntled and dissatisfied employee seeks now most to find.

in a desperate attempt to find a better paying job, i have almost forsaken wisdom and went job hunting foolishly. tried convincing myself that i will be able to survive anything and would take anything "as long as it pays better". and of course the gracious and merciful Father did not have me trapped in those nonsense for too long.

yes, money matters more now- but how can i allow it to matter more than having time for relationships? how can i allow it to matter more than being able to be there for people? how can i allow it to matter more than ministry? how can i allow it to matter more than my sanity and well-being? how can i allow it to matter more than enjoying what i do (though job satisfaction in this fallen world is not a priviledge everyone enjoys, but it does have a direct bearing on one's ability to be godly at work honestly)?

thankful for the really bad interview i had with a bank (more to do with my retardedness on financial management- i will acknowledge my inadequacies, but i also want to in all honesty recognize the bad fit between the job and my personality);
thankful for my dear Art who keeps reminding on where my gifts and passion really lies;
thankful for His timely reminders in showing me what He has given me through my current position, and His rebukes on my bad attitude and folly thus far.

so, i shall strive to continue to learn contentment again at work- but still keep my eyes roving for opportunities to up my market value (hahahha, is there one in the first place?). and well, you heard it here- so if you know of any good openings to offer, please tell me... i'm for hiring!!!

just a silly exercise i did tonight- thinking about all the jobs i have done so far in my life: admin duties in the construction industry, selling cheesecake (something i'm most proud of to date, hahaha), street sales, tuition teacher, audit, data management... EEKS... BORING...
though i'm not complaining about all the above, but i realize i probably have only two thirds of my life left to do something about some of my deepest desires and wild ideas...

serious ones warrant a quick mention (or not :p)- just having more time in ministry, and being a wife and a mother- SO AMBITIOUS!!!
but what i'd really love to have a go (maybe not too wild to you at all)- to be a waitress in a cozy friendly restaurant, to stand behind the counter at O'Briens and make sandwiches, to be a deejay and make everyone listen to my favourite music, to be a freelance columnist, to be a tour guide...

i'm for hiring!!!

VVIA

VERY VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

you heard it here first...... my art's coming on 13th Feb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

media n me

The size of your world depends a lot on the media- you know that? nope, not talking about a Truman show where your world is fabricated by the media; nor am I passing on a snide on the media and its pervasiveness in our lives… but in a very positive objective sense- the size of the world you know about is correlated to how much you allow the media to bring to you!

imagine a week that went by without reading the papers, without watching the news; and your life revolves only around your daily routine. that world would be a very safe one- in the absence of dramatic events. It would be a safe world to live in, with familiar problems you are accustomed to. You’re happy and contented and you wouldn’t know what you have missed at all! “World peace” isn’t such a far-fetched concept after all, you’d think.

but when you switch on the radio and listen to the news, or turn on the TV to watch what’s happening in another corner of this planet- your world suddenly reaches to the other end of this earth. of course, your response to it can either be to constrict that piece of information as something you watched on TV- so your world still remains as it used to be, or you allow your world to be affected by what you just came into contact with- and sadly utopia never seemed further away.

what on earth am I saying? honestly, I don know. just a random reflection on one’s ability to oblivion I guess. Conclusion: staying away from the media helps one to stay oblivious. And what’s the end result? Hmm.. being safer in a small cozy world or being branded an ignorant frog in the well. Which is better- I guess everyone makes their own choice.

苏菲亚的愿望 (JS)

sophia 离开了她的家
为了一个遥不可及的梦想
挥别了 深爱她的爹娘
还有从小看她长大
巷子口杂货店的张妈妈
sophia 她不太会说话
对这世界总有些奇怪想法
虽然说 没有人了解她
也许梦想中的城市
会有她的舞台绽放光芒

原谅她 只有这一个愿望
就像每一个孩子一样 很难吗
还要付出什么代价
上帝才能够成全她

她沉重的行囊 装着小小愿望
陪着她 这一路闯荡
也许挣扎 也许害怕
无所谓吧 下一步是天堂
这闪亮的城市 却看不见星光
忽然她 眼泪就落下
世界太小 梦想太大
难道人生是残酷的笑话
sophia... sophia

sophia 剪掉了长头发
单纯脸颊画上了鲜艳的妆
虽然她 不认识那个她
她却不断说服自己
这样的情况还不算太差
他们说 实现梦想的筹码
就是输掉一点点自己
但是她 看着镜子里面的她
怀疑这是她要的吗

她沉重的行囊 装着小小愿望
陪着她 这一路闯荡
也许挣扎 也许害怕
无所谓吧 下一步是天堂
这闪亮的城市 却看不见星光
忽然她 眼泪就落下
世界太小 梦想太大
难道人生是残酷的笑话
sophia... sophia

你或许听说过她 sophia
或其实你也是她
给她一点安慰吧
她沉重的行囊 装着小小愿望
陪着她 这一路闯荡
也许挣扎 也许害怕
无所谓吧 下一步是天堂

这闪亮的城市 却看不见星光
忽然她 眼泪就落下
世界再小 梦想再大
人生不会是残酷的笑话
她沉重的行囊 装着小小愿望
陪着她 这一路闯荡
世界再小 梦想再大
唯一不变的是她 sophia

Some fish for curious cats...

In all honesty...

Chew Chern asked me at the end of the STEP training on Wednesday, “so how did you find it?”
I replied “hmm.. good. I know why he (Rev William Taylor, Rector, St Helen's Bishopgate, London, UK) focused on what he did.”
"hmm.. ok.. "And she gave me a look expecting more…
I was like “Hmm… that’s about it”. Hope I didn’t disappoint her. :p

I can honestly identify with her sentiment at that point in time. I guess I know what I could have said to sound more encouraging, or saying something that might cause her to feel a little better? but pride (maybe?) in me just resists the temptation of feeding expectations. will share more about the good reminders from the session in a later entry, but this interaction in itself gave me much to chew upon. (chewing chew chern,,, chew chew hahaha..)

I recall a time when I wanted so badly to see lives to change right after a bible study I had led. Week after week I would be hoping and praying that the Holy Spirit would use ME to touch their lives and change them forever. Days when I invite someone to a talk and expect them to also rave about it as I did, and that they would have grown by leaps and bounds after that magical sermon. Hoping and praying that the Holy Spirit would use ME to bring them to that special conversion experience.

And my… none of my friends and close ones (yes I think I still consider them dearly loved) would even give me an ounce to feed my ego. “it’s ok, not too bad”, “err… like that lor”, “… nothing new” Pretty brutal for a young “leader” at that time, i'd think. Cruel for an enthusiastic spirit. Razed my pride and confidence to the ground, grueling my self-worth to new lows with every cold/luke-warm comment. I may be that lousy, honestly.. but still... it's kinda disappointing... I have wondered on many accounts why could they not be kinder to me, say something to make me feel better.. But would purpose would that have served? Would that have caused me to ask the questions I did?

Was I serving God or man or me? What drove my ministry? Did I do things so people would give me a pat on my back? Did I do things because I thought that might be what my pastor or leader would like me to do? Would I stop doing what I believe to be true because there seemed to be no fruit? What really mattered? Why did it matter? How should it matter? WHO really matters?

And standing at this point, I am mighty glad for the lessons God used their honesty to teach me. The refining of motivations, strengthening of perseverance, cleansing of my heart, and rooting of my self-identity and self worth in Him. to recognize Him as my first and primary audience in all that I do.

But also, their honesty also showed this eager-to-please beaver one of the most important lessons in her life. To simply be herself- and not who others make her out to be, to say what she really wants to say- and not what others want to hear, and to be honest with herself and to those around.

It’s not a “no self-control, just do it” propaganda. Actions and words still have to be girdled by love.. but they showed me, and gave me the environment to see the freedom there is in not having to put on a mask, and one can be loved and accepted for who that person is- whether or not he/she contributes to my ego or pride. It pushes me to want to give that environment to everyone I meet.

Homecoming

Back at home.. it’s of course nice to once again be in the arms of family and dearly loved friends. but the sentiments are mixed especially when you have half your heart elsewhere. :p haha yes, most unabashedly with my significant Ar-ther in Beijing. just a couple of random thoughts on being home so far…

believe it or not- there are changes to this garden city. not huge ones, but changes nonetheless. tweaks to the familiar shopping hangouts, surprises round the corners, new roads, new tunnels. cannot wait to visit these places and know this island at the back of my hand again. but of course the beauty of nostalgia rises in you as you pass by familiar spots. and my favorite activity of “contemplating the city” takes on a new dimension as I wait to share it with a loved one.

pastor zhang spoke on “fishing the Chinese-speaking Singaporeans” yesterday. I want to say as much as I totally agree with all that he said, I want to say that we’re not “picking up leftovers”- as in not that we’re doing a ministry that no one (i.e. the “English speaking church”) wants to do… coming back from Beijing, I honestly honestly believe that we’re “at the forefront” of this generation. Singaporeans today, driven by the Chinese economy, WANTS to speak Chinese. being fluent in mandarin is no longer perceived as a “cheena-passe” thing. it’s the “way to go”! We’ll be a church that sends His bilingual army into the land of bountiful harvests!! This warrants more discussion, maybe another entry on it another time.

the LDR (long-distance relationship) is a lot more emotional than I expected it to be. I will not say harder because it is not daunting nor am I fearful of the prospects. But this drama queen spent two nights bawling- and my sister cries “please save the trees” hahaahah…. I never expected to cry this hard from missing someone. And just on day one, this neurotic insecure wreck actually started to wonder if she should be a burden to her man. Day ONE… I know.. MAD and CRUEL… So I put this here so that if I ever ever fall into those moods ever, those around me can remind me that, even I think that THAT is insane and it is NOT something I want, ever. And also, just a public apology for being so BRUTAL to my loved one. *sorry hons, please forgive me :p*

even though I say half of my heart is with my man in another land, but don misunderstand me. I am excited excited excited and know know know that this season apart will be fruitful fruitful fruitful. Not only for us individually, our ministries but also for our relationship. so hey you at home, don ever think you only have half of me! I am here 100% doing my little bit for His Kingdom, so will he! to quote him- we Christians are pretty adept in living in two realities: for the present and now coz that is where I am, and also for the future and fulfillment of something better :)

I have not forgotten the questions on my future, the lessons of faith and my heart’s desires. But all too easily, the “must-do”s and “do-first”s may sweep me to settle. so I pray that my heart will be still before my Lord, my eyes will be open to see His plan unfold, my ears will be sensitive to hear Him speak, my hands and feet be willing to follow… His will be done...

Announcement

Hahaha.. actually nothing very much to say, just needed somewhere to make a BIG deal out of this day...

Arthur's finally coming back!!! YAY!!!

But already missing him from our next time apart... ah well, just enjoy these couple of days while it's here.. and cry later.. wahahaha....

Things You say...

Dear God,

how can man live a life for you today, with tomorrow in sight? how do I live a life of faith for you this year, while balancing preparations for the years after? I know you say do not worry about tomorrow and I know I will find you there providing still next year, so I ask of you this day, to tell me loud and clear.

I know you have given me good options, plausible possibilities- once again evidence of Your good provision. it’s an answer to my heart’s desire, it’s a dream come true, it’s a way out of my dire circumstances, it’s a sensible thing to receive if given, and it’s a place I can see you at work, it’s from you I am sure. I’ve wondered if this was a test, but you have reminded me you’re no accuser, no deliberate tester.
You are my loving Heavenly Father, and gave me Your best. You did not withhold Your Son, Your only son. And now You show me, You will always open a way for me- and truth be told, that is all I have but also the very best.
Like the woman who dropped the two copper coins, I want to give you all I have Lord. I want to give you the only way You have given to me for this circumstance. Like Abraham who laid His best on the altar, I want to surrender Your answer to my heart’s desire and possible fulfillment of a dream to you. Like a warrior who 自断后路 (leaving no course of retreat), will I have the courage to take that step of faith? Help me Lord, show me Thy way.

it’s a strange kind of morbidity, I never seem to be able to see past tomorrow. And so I ask if there might be anything I might regret if tomorrow never comes. If this year was my last, how will I live it? I will settle things at home and then join Art back here. I have not done a perfect job, but at least I have tried my best in all my weaknesses to fulfill the God-given responsibilities to my parents and sister in my last twenty five years. And now, He has given me the man for whom I can try to fulfill the God-given responsibilities to a woman since Eve. Not changing responsibilities, not in the least. Just new responsibilities, additional responsibilities. I want to serve alongside with him, wherever he chooses to be- so he can put his whole heart into Your work here, and not have to deal with my absence; and we can together labor and just be beside each other as You have graciously allowed us to.

Is it not with abandonment that the early church lived such radical lives? Waiting for Your return, living like there was no tomorrow, praying your Kingdom come… Your Kingdom is what I want to be living and working for Lord. i know its not about the fulfilling of a great “ministry” plan next year, , it’s simply living each day in that place where You rule- over my every thought, every deed. Lead my steps Lord, lead me to do the things You want me to do.

I am excited about Your work here Lord, You are at work- but living in Beijing will be a cross I have to carry if You bring me here :p. I am excited about Your work at home, You are at work- everywhere. So pray tell, which piece of the puzzle do I fit in now?

Just ramblings Lord, I am not anxious. Waiting to see You unravel Your plan in me, just trying to make sense of all the voices thus far. You tell me things loud and clear, please graciously do so for me this time round. Praying You’ll have me listen to You in the deepest of my hearts and obey.

mmmaaaaa....

you’ve been incredibly brave, incredibly strong
makes me proud to see, you standing in the storm
take a rest soon, lay your weary head
it’ll all blow away soon baby
and you wont be alone.