I’m 32 today!

When I was 31, I did not think it possible for me to be more godly, grow that much wiser, have more love in my heart, or be too ruffled in good and bad ways by life experiences (for truly, there is nothing new under the sun). By my own standards, I thought I had “all I needed for the rest of my life”. Sure, I’d grow a little each year; but no more quantum leap experiences or growth in areas that matter.
Yet standing at the end of my 32^nd year and the beginning of my 33^rd, I would be a fool not to see how wrong I was wrong. Still, the Faithful Potter is molding me in ways unimaginable.

People jokingly say “be careful what you pray for! Testing will surely come when you ask for patience.” I was tired of feeling like an “ok” Christian. Sure, I am a sinner, but I struggle with the “honorable sins” that are common to man – I can never be perfect on this side of heaven, can I? So I asked Him to convict me of my sin, not expecting much of it.

When He showed me the impact of my sin and pride on those around me, how foolish I was, how prideful I was when correction came, and how far I had drifted from desiring holiness and pleasing Him; I knew He answered my prayer. It’s painful and uncomfortable; but strangely comforting at the same time. He was not yet done with me. He still wants me to grow in godliness and wisdom, I was still His.
O may I live in the fear of the Lord and love Him in the days ahead!

I will learn even more about love when I meet my little one 5 days later. But what this pregnancy has taught me most about love in the last 8 months; is what Arthur meant when he vowed to love me “in sickness and in health”.

He cared for me and served me willingly – rushing to my side when I was throwing up, massaging me almost every night and going to the doctor visits with me. When I was stricken by all the morning sickness, itching and bodily aches, he did everything he could to make me more comfortable and took care of the household chores. He was my shoulder to cry on when the misery became unbearable. He was my rock and cheerleader when I was worried or scared. He still is all those things, one of God’s best and greatest gift to me. It’s amazing to see how a heart-ful of love can still yet grow fuller.
O may I cherish, love, serve and help Arthur become his future glory-self (Meaning of Marriage)!

We’re standing at the edge of so many things in our lives right now. About to plunge into the world of parenting, and groping in the fog trying to discern what the next step after Arthur’s graduation might be. In the midst of feelings of anticipation, trepidation and excitement; are also deep longings to be close to my loved ones (if only I could pack them in my bag and take them wherever with me!), a sense of loss accompanying the gains (losing “life just as a couple” when we welcome our little girl) and clearly some cluelessness. How could one feel a mix of so many different things at the same time?

O God, ground our hearts and minds in You as You lead us into the next season as a family!

Thank YOU God for this day, for all that You’ve done for and given to me in Christ. I celebrate YOU as I celebrate this birthday. Happy Birthday to me!