Mya's First Week

It’s been 9 days since little Mya entered our lives. It’s unbelievable how quickly the days have flown by.

Even with a baby who sleeps 80% of the time, there are still many stories that she co-writes with us. Stories of – nights when she has kept us up, times when we feel frustrated and helpless when we are not able to figure out why she is fussing, her strong kicks and air punches when we’re changing her diaper, lessons “learnt on the job” (like breastfeeding and when to pick her up); and not to mention the “perks and pains” of having my mother help me with (enforcing the) confinement, the uncomfortable healing process from the delivery, and the list goes on. 

But still, the broader theme is that Mya has been an incredibly sweet baby. There are more nights when we have to wake her up for feeding than nights when she kept us up, and when she cries there is usually a very good reason – that she’s cold, hungry or uncomfortable from a dirty diaper. She feeds easily, though she seems to have recently added a short routine prior to latching on. She makes all sorts of cute sounds and faces in her sleep, and only few of them really require attention. And even when she is wailing at the top of her lungs (praise God for the healthy pair!), she blesses us with a pout that is so distractingly adorable; it’s almost impossible to get upset with her.

Yet in the midst of the love, joy, excitement, occasional fatigue, and wide-eyed wonder; the overwhelming feeling that I have these days is a combination of heart wrench and nostalgia.

I look forward to her growing up, but this means that the precious days of her being an innocent little baby are numbered. She will not remember any of these first few days (well, technically years) of her life, but they are surely etched in Arthur and my memories forever. Her chubby cheeks, her facial expressions, her stretches, the way she waves her hands in the air and moves her fingers, and the many “little nothings” – have all meant more than so many somethings. We will cherish these days that will pass all too quickly.

Looking upon her angelic countenance, it breaks my heart that such purity and beauty will have to experience the broken-ness of this world and worst of all death, some day. I hate death! What have I “brought upon her”? To bring her into this world to suffer? Thankfully, Arthur reminded me that this is exactly why Jesus came. So that we can all be together in eternity together forever on that day.

Although it’s been only 1 week, I’m already counting down to the day when I have to go back to work. I thought it will not be that difficult, and things might change then; but at this point, I’m dreading having to leave this little one behind. The only thing that brings me comfort is that she will be in the safe hands of her daddy and Daddy.

I know that these “best possible forms of heart wrench and nostalgia” allow me to touch in a minuscule way the Father’s heart. It blows my mind how He will give such a sacred gift to a creature as depraved as I. I guess this helps me taste a little of God’s abounding love and compassion to His creation and children, but I cannot help but wonder if He looks upon us with the same tenderness as we “grow up into adults” and how does He do that from age to age for all eternity? Maybe that’s why.. let the little children come to Him!