Growing Up

I took my 2 nieces out to lunch the other day. Huijuan (Juan) is now 12, while Huiping (Ping-ping) has grown to be 9. I got to know Juan when she was 9.

Searching for a place to have lunch was not easy- since I wanted them to decide. They had different tastes, one like western while the other asian. One saw this as an opportunity to eat the foods that mum would usually keep them away from, while one was worried about mum finding out and giving her a lecture. One would tell me what she wanted, while the other would keep saying “Anything”- except what her younger sister suggested. Thankfully, we finally decided on a Korean restaurant.

And the saga continues during ordering.. Juan would want to tell Ping-ping what to order by multiple hints and suggestions. And of course Ping-ping was too sharp to be cajoled. During the meal, the 12 year old kept fiddling with her phone every 5 minutes- like it was the coolest thing ever. I could not help but roll my eyes- “girl, get a life apart from your phone!”

What a difference 3 years made. I remembered the time when Juan was as 9. I guess part of growing up was gaining some “sense”- after all isn’t it always a praise to be known as a “sensible child”? To make sure that the right thing is done even when mum is not around, to not demand your choice and go with anything, and even when you want something bad enough- to suggest and give others a chance to decide.
Sensibility is a virtue, and having some sense is better than no sense at all. Even though I noticed how Juan has grown and developed some sense and sensibility, I welcomed more Ping-ping’s refreshing straightforward articulation of her desires.
Looking at Juan, I wondered if this is how the road, to being a people pleaser who doesn’t want to decide anything start, or stifling what your heart wants and do what your head says is right, start… Is this really growing up?

Growing up also means you start to develop an awareness that not all of your classmates have your new handphone, and therefore you are pretty high up there in the trendy lot. I was a little annoyed with Juan- that she would rather look at her phone more than her lunch, and had more interest in the dead machine than conversations with those around. I was taking time off to be with her, and surely I deserved more attention than the gadget she has with her all the time? But no, the phone was like the most important thing on the planet that afternoon.
Of course, I knew this was just a phase- I was once there too. And it would be further in the journey when we would learn a little more about what truly matters. This experience gave me some apprehension about raising kids through adolescence- was I gonna be able to stand rebellious kids who had that sense of “self-importance”?

In a moment of epiphany I realized that despite being 15 years older than Juan, I had not grown out of that. I was still “playing with my handphone”, when I am with my family. I might be with them physically- but my mind was at work, or making plans of what next to do. I was preoccupied with myself, at times when God wants me to listen to Him. I just wasn’t able to give him any attention. I was sitting in service, but my heart far from being in His presence.

How did we all grow up? What have we gained or lost in the process of growing up? How is our Heavenly Father so patient with our nonsense, and inability to grow up after all these years and lessons?