By faith, not sight (II)

He had me pray, to live my life “by faith, not by sight”. These were the words He taught me how to speak, but by His grace I find increasingly, these words echoing the deep longings of my heart.

I have often wondered what it is like to be living life “on the edge”. To wonder when the next meal is; to know His miraculous provision from heaven’s gates, and not just His abundant provision by the paycheck (of course this is NOT at all any second grade exhibit of His grace, and is equally His good way of taking care of His children). Maybe I am naïve, maybe I should be scared at such a prospect, maybe I should be worried. But truth is, I am excited about it. Excited to see how He will put the next piece of bread on the table, excited to see how He will bring what His children need to them in His unimaginable ways, excited to know doubly sure that something is from Him.

After 25 years of my life, I know beyond doubt He is Jehovah Jireh, my Provider. On many hungry mornings, a traveling colleague would come round with snacks she brought back~ there, is His provision of breakfast. So real, so many times it has happened. Coincidence? Maybe. But I know it’s Daddy bringing His little girl a snack so she wont be hungry.
Many times after putting money into the offering bag, the church treasurer would come round to return me money that I have long forgotten. His way of showing me- you don become poorer when you’re giving to me.
More than once, He became my car park attendant at crowded parking malls.
And at the supermarket, I would have just enough money to pay for the groceries with only a couple of cents left in my wallet, sometimes with the help of a hidden note in the pocket. That’s Daddy’s giving in to His girl’s bad shopping habits.

He has taken care of me in so many ways and proven Himself so many times. So how can material needs be a concern at all when His promise in Matthew is so clear? “Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them Are you not much more valuable than they?... and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them” By faith in His Word, by faith in His faithfulness in my life, that’s how I want to live my life.

There is much more to consider than my personal material comforts. Even if I were willing to settle, should I make my family suffer? How about bearing the family burden? By sight, I can say His provision comes from work, and for that I am grateful and will gladly work with my hands. But it dawned on me that I need to believe that He will take care of things at home too. No matter how impossible things may seem and how the sums do not seem to add up, He is going to show me how His accounts work. I will still do my math and give the dollars as a daughter and sister should, but He will show me from where He will bring them. Will I have faith when the comforts of my loved ones are at stake? In this, I need to have more! Can I do a better job than the King of the world in taking care of His children? Please give me that faith, Lord.

I am never one who says “God has called me into full-time ministry”. All I can say is that there has been this desire in my heart, and I would be eternally grateful if He will allow me to self indulge and bring Him glory & pleasure, doing something I want to do. As one who knows me, and part of His body to provide godly council, would I have your blessing to pursue it? Would I be constructive and not destructive to the encouragement of the saints?

I pray that you will see with me through eyes of faith, that acting on the passions He has placed on my heart is not a blind leap. I am sharing here so that you will keep me accountable in time to come. Perhaps soon, perhaps in a year or two, all in His good timing. I see the obstacles but He in His grace has given me faith, to trust that “everything will be all right”. I fear now for my obedience, if I will settle for alternative expressions of that passion.

And He almost knows me too well. That’s why in bringing Arthur into my life, I feel like He is giving me wings to pursue the dreams I once had for Him. Embarrassingly crazy little dreams that I had, seem now like a possibility coming true.

I want not to serve Him via human agent bosses any longer. I want to be put on His direct payroll!! To be paid out of Heaven’s Treasury… Daddy, where shall I send my resume to?