I should not be complaining, I really should not. I am sure I had been guilty of these things too, so who am I to rant about their pettiness and point of view. But on a day like this, just let me get these things out of my chest ok? Hehe…
Is your driver the one making you late? There are 1001 things that can possibly go wrong from the time you step out of the house. Sometimes it is forces of nature that is having fun, and the outcome is completely beyond the control of your driver- who has to endure the pain of driving mind you. Why should one vent his/her frustration on the driver when an accident is the cause of the traffic coming to a standstill? A beautiful picture of the cosmos interacting with one another, where the actions of one can affect another's life.
I understand the psychological need to blame someone for something. I understand the burning that goes on inside, when one is going to be late for something that matters. I understand the need for an outlet for the discomfort inside. But i guess the understanding does not remove a person's need to vent.
And I recall a small school girl getting out of mummy’s car with a face black as charcoal. She slams the door without saying bye or thank you, because she is late for school and will have to face the music from the teacher. This ungrateful little brat, hopefully she has grown since then- or at least hopefully from now having had a taste of her own medicine.
***
And then on the radio, they were talking about service staff learning English. People complaining because the service staff could not speak or understand English. From a business and consumer point of view, I can totally understand the frustration and the need. But it is the attitude with which all the discussion is going on that is pxxxing me off.
You expect people to speak your language and understand you. But why don you ever consider learning to speak their language? Do not use economic reasons to justify your attitude. Sure you are the customer, then blame the boss for not being willing to pay higher wages for language abilities! Do not take it out on the poor service staff. Do not think that they are not as smart or are beneath you, just because they do not speak English- if they never had the chance to learn, how is it their fault?
How did people cross language and cultural barriers in the past? Because there is a need or desire to communicate with the other party, people learn the language. Let them learn it because they have decided they need to or want to, but don discriminate against them because they don speak your language. Is your burger more important than some social grace and the dignity of another person? If you cannot get what you want, try another method, try another line, try something else. Isn't anger a little over-reacting, esp since you already know that she cant speak your language.
Imagine visiting another country and you face communication problems, slowly and gradually you will pick up a word or two. And imagine moonlighting as a waitress during your school exchange years, surely you would like some grace from your customers and captains, won’t you?
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
Peter's Chronicle..
Peter walked through Narnia in midst of all the preparations with a sense of nostalgia. Each year they would celebrate Aslan’s victory over the White Witch on the stone table. But somehow this year, he felt a little detached. As he wandered through the forest aimlessly, he tried to rationalize his sense of detachment.
Maybe it was because Edmund and Lucy are in-charge of this year’s celebrations. Not being involved with the preparations definitely meant that he had not given the occasion much thought prior to this. But this wasn’t the first year that he had entrusted the feast to someone else. He remembered clearly the year the Mr and Mrs Beaver were in charge, he felt a tingle of excitement even when shelling the nuts.
Maybe Susan’s absence in Narnia is felt more strongly during festivities. There was a time when the pain was more acute, he distinctly remembers. Over the years he got accustomed to her absence, and this year, he did not even send her the invitation knowing that she would miss it any way.
Maybe it is not detachment but fatigue. He had been looking forward to this weekend because Edmund and Lucy were in charge. After a long week fighting battles in the world beyond the lamp post, he could retreat to Narnia this weekend to rest. He did not have to worry about managing the affairs of the kingdom- at least not this week. All the riding back and forth had tired him out completely, age was really catching up on him.
Or maybe it is because Aslan had been away for far too long, and he had forgotten what it feels like to be around the great Lion. But deep in his gut he knew this was not true.
Lucy never once lost the spark in her eye, all these years when thinking about Aslan. And Edmund seemed to be growing out of his embarrassment of being a Turkish delight glutton very nicely, as he learnt more and more about the secrets of the kingdom. The King Lion was around them as often as He was around him… the variable was not Aslan.
Aslan. Aslan, the King of Narnia who appeared wherever and whenever He wishes. Aslan, whose whereabouts is never known and his paths never to be traced. Peter traced the steps of his last walk with the Lion on the golden shore. Reaching the waters, Peter stared into the horizon. He wondered if his Friend would be at the celebrations this year.
Maybe it was because Edmund and Lucy are in-charge of this year’s celebrations. Not being involved with the preparations definitely meant that he had not given the occasion much thought prior to this. But this wasn’t the first year that he had entrusted the feast to someone else. He remembered clearly the year the Mr and Mrs Beaver were in charge, he felt a tingle of excitement even when shelling the nuts.
Maybe Susan’s absence in Narnia is felt more strongly during festivities. There was a time when the pain was more acute, he distinctly remembers. Over the years he got accustomed to her absence, and this year, he did not even send her the invitation knowing that she would miss it any way.
Maybe it is not detachment but fatigue. He had been looking forward to this weekend because Edmund and Lucy were in charge. After a long week fighting battles in the world beyond the lamp post, he could retreat to Narnia this weekend to rest. He did not have to worry about managing the affairs of the kingdom- at least not this week. All the riding back and forth had tired him out completely, age was really catching up on him.
Or maybe it is because Aslan had been away for far too long, and he had forgotten what it feels like to be around the great Lion. But deep in his gut he knew this was not true.
Lucy never once lost the spark in her eye, all these years when thinking about Aslan. And Edmund seemed to be growing out of his embarrassment of being a Turkish delight glutton very nicely, as he learnt more and more about the secrets of the kingdom. The King Lion was around them as often as He was around him… the variable was not Aslan.
Aslan. Aslan, the King of Narnia who appeared wherever and whenever He wishes. Aslan, whose whereabouts is never known and his paths never to be traced. Peter traced the steps of his last walk with the Lion on the golden shore. Reaching the waters, Peter stared into the horizon. He wondered if his Friend would be at the celebrations this year.
Monday, April 06, 2009
Susan's Chronicle..
In the midst of all the hurry flurry in her day, she heard something. She dropped her pen and tried to listen out for it again. The sound was so familiar and yet distant at the same time. She heard it before, she was sure about that.
If she was not wrong, it was the same sound she heard many times before. But each time, the sound seemed to be more faint than the last time she heard it. And the frequency with which it returns seems to be decreasing. She tried listening out for it again.
A roar so regal, and lonely. The pain in the roar was unmistakable, but yet more distinct still was the resolve in it. A roar that sounded deceptively victimized. It was not a roar of defeat, but a roar that struck fear in his attacker. A roar that came from a friend, a familiar friend.
The stone table, the White Witch, Narnia, Aslan… It was all coming back to her now. Aslan, she remembered. Aslan, the lion King of Narnia. Aslan, her friend. Narnia, a place where it was once home…
“Susan! I want the report on my table in the next hour!”
The silence of the roar was broken. The roar was no more. She shook her head and chided herself for wasting time listening to something that was nothing more than her imagination. She picked up her pen and hurried to finish her report. Deadlines are real, her boss is real, the instructions are real. The roar, the cry, Aslan and Narnia don’t exist, do they?
If she was not wrong, it was the same sound she heard many times before. But each time, the sound seemed to be more faint than the last time she heard it. And the frequency with which it returns seems to be decreasing. She tried listening out for it again.
A roar so regal, and lonely. The pain in the roar was unmistakable, but yet more distinct still was the resolve in it. A roar that sounded deceptively victimized. It was not a roar of defeat, but a roar that struck fear in his attacker. A roar that came from a friend, a familiar friend.
The stone table, the White Witch, Narnia, Aslan… It was all coming back to her now. Aslan, she remembered. Aslan, the lion King of Narnia. Aslan, her friend. Narnia, a place where it was once home…
“Susan! I want the report on my table in the next hour!”
The silence of the roar was broken. The roar was no more. She shook her head and chided herself for wasting time listening to something that was nothing more than her imagination. She picked up her pen and hurried to finish her report. Deadlines are real, her boss is real, the instructions are real. The roar, the cry, Aslan and Narnia don’t exist, do they?
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Random Rambles
I tend to carry on conversations myself, even after the party is over and subject no long of interest to anyone else but me. Here are two conversations that I had been having in my head lately…
I believe that there are some lessons that can only be learnt when one’s in a relationship. But experience in and of itself does not ready one for a relationship either. So what does it mean to be ready for a relationship?
I think it involves having count the cost, being willing to make the other person a primary factor when making decisions and choices. Companionship, though a legitimate desire, cannot be the end in itself. Because when one seeks only to satisfy the personal need of having a partner, the self-centered motivation may prove insufficient to take the relationship through even the smallest of conflicts of interests.
Relationships will forever be a classroom where one learns and re-learns the lessons it offers to teach. Lessons of love, of giving and receiving, of putting the other person first, of sacrifice, of one’s pettiness, of hope, of rising above hurt and pain, of God and His incomprehensible passion for the world.
Though of course i must say, not everyone will need to learn lessons the hard way nor learn the lessons at all. He has a different story for everyone, and a different path to make us more like Him!
**
I have a theory that the current financial crisis might actually save the earth for a couple more years. Finally consumerism is in check, well somewhat. The years of excesses, producing goods that no one really needs, creating demands to tempt the insatiable materialist. The bright lights, bill boards to create the vibrant look of the city or give hotels the luxurious finish. With fewer people making purchases, factories shut down, mines cease operations, less energy is consumed- the earth and its resources might finally have a day of rest. The environmentalists can perhaps pray for the financial crisis to last longer- this should beat organizing energy-consuming concerts to raise awareness to save the earth.
Don’t get me started on my philosophy of the financial mess and remedies. I think it’s just all a joke and paperwork.
**
Just also want to drop a note to 2 beloved friends who have started on a new journey together. I’ve said it before and will say it again, I love the smiles on your faces. :) Know that we’re not just here to share your joy, but also here to support and pray for you!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
On Writing...
I think I’ve been suffering from the writer’s block recently. It’s not like I have nothing to write about- there had been so many moments when I said to myself “I want to write about this!” or “This will be a blog entry”.
But then the moment passes, and the attempt to start recounting it in words become uninviting. When I force myself to write something, the entry never makes it to publish- because it sounds fake and contrived, and I can never live with myself to taint the authenticity of this little space.
Which is why I have a profound respect for the columnist- well not without some doubts at how real they are of course. How do they write these paragraphs week after week? Sure, of course life is interesting and there is much to notice if we would just see. But do they really care about everything they write so much about? Do they not feel tired if they have to try to write about every other thing every day? On days when they just need to break from “smelling the air”, how can they master sufficient emo to deliver something to the readers?
Critics are often too harsh when the quality of writing starts slipping. But how about some recognition for the writer’s perseverance through high and dry times?
**
I love the expressions of creativity in the world of media communications. And I believe in uncompromised truth, or being true to oneself- at the very least in the moment of delivery. That to me is the beauty of the reported media- other than the church, this is the only other place in this world where a premium or stake is placed on the truth. But of course just as the world is fallen, everything else in it is also tainted.
When there is the demand to keep those expressions flowing and reports coming, readership targets to hit, and personal interests at stake, journalists may be tempted to start doctoring photographs or fabricating news. And writers stick to sure-win formulas and produce books after books that look and sound the same.
And (some) people start hitting the roof when truth is compromised. But to be honest, when all that the industry is telling the writers “Entertain me!”- even with news! How can they blame the producers for giving in? People want their senses to be satisfied, to have scoops, to have coverage 24-7. While we cry foul to being victims of false reports, have we not victimized the journalists with our demands?
**
After writing for these couple of years, I need to confess that every author wants an audience. Just as artistic expressions are appreciated in galleries, musical expressions receive applause in performances, written expressions desire some sort of publication and response. So while I try to be “true to myself” as I write, and not let my readers affect the way or what I write, I just want to thank YOU for reading. It still makes me smile to discover a reader of His miry clay every now and then. Thank YOU for caring enough to read.
This is a dedication to my beloved pastor, sister and friend Lijuan who came back home recently. Seeds were perhaps sown years ago when we started partnership in church, but Daddy has taken us on a journey that I could never have dreamt of. And I’m so glad that no matter where life takes us, the fellowship we have in Him will not put our hearts apart, and these days are just the beginning of the real journey…
“And as He spoke, He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.”
But then the moment passes, and the attempt to start recounting it in words become uninviting. When I force myself to write something, the entry never makes it to publish- because it sounds fake and contrived, and I can never live with myself to taint the authenticity of this little space.
Which is why I have a profound respect for the columnist- well not without some doubts at how real they are of course. How do they write these paragraphs week after week? Sure, of course life is interesting and there is much to notice if we would just see. But do they really care about everything they write so much about? Do they not feel tired if they have to try to write about every other thing every day? On days when they just need to break from “smelling the air”, how can they master sufficient emo to deliver something to the readers?
Critics are often too harsh when the quality of writing starts slipping. But how about some recognition for the writer’s perseverance through high and dry times?
**
I love the expressions of creativity in the world of media communications. And I believe in uncompromised truth, or being true to oneself- at the very least in the moment of delivery. That to me is the beauty of the reported media- other than the church, this is the only other place in this world where a premium or stake is placed on the truth. But of course just as the world is fallen, everything else in it is also tainted.
When there is the demand to keep those expressions flowing and reports coming, readership targets to hit, and personal interests at stake, journalists may be tempted to start doctoring photographs or fabricating news. And writers stick to sure-win formulas and produce books after books that look and sound the same.
And (some) people start hitting the roof when truth is compromised. But to be honest, when all that the industry is telling the writers “Entertain me!”- even with news! How can they blame the producers for giving in? People want their senses to be satisfied, to have scoops, to have coverage 24-7. While we cry foul to being victims of false reports, have we not victimized the journalists with our demands?
**
After writing for these couple of years, I need to confess that every author wants an audience. Just as artistic expressions are appreciated in galleries, musical expressions receive applause in performances, written expressions desire some sort of publication and response. So while I try to be “true to myself” as I write, and not let my readers affect the way or what I write, I just want to thank YOU for reading. It still makes me smile to discover a reader of His miry clay every now and then. Thank YOU for caring enough to read.
This is a dedication to my beloved pastor, sister and friend Lijuan who came back home recently. Seeds were perhaps sown years ago when we started partnership in church, but Daddy has taken us on a journey that I could never have dreamt of. And I’m so glad that no matter where life takes us, the fellowship we have in Him will not put our hearts apart, and these days are just the beginning of the real journey…
“And as He spoke, He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.”
Monday, February 23, 2009
Gotta be Somebody
My recommendation to my fellow blogger Tintin who has bombarded his universe with lotz of You-tube.. My fave pick.. of the day ;)
Lyrics Nickelback Lyrics Gotta Be Somebody Lyrics
Lyrics Nickelback Lyrics Gotta Be Somebody Lyrics
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Hello from the sick :)
Finally, rest was forced upon me when I fell terribly ill this weekend. I don’t remember being this sick for a long time now- even sleeping was difficult because my throat was in so much pain. Lying on my sides caused my nose to “leak”, and lying on my back made me feel the “weight” of the horizontal passage between the nasal cavity and my lungs- I’ll pass on the delivery content. Now, I know why most medicine had to cause drowsiness- otherwise the poor patient will not even be able to sleep at all.
So it’s being barred from all the normal routine that’s giving me some time to update my neglected bloggie. And perhaps this is the best way to “talk to you” now since it’s hard for me to speak at all.
Well work has been crazy to say the very least. Zapping quite a bit of my energy day by day. But I am not complaining because I know many others out there are working as hard.
The thing I still am not able to resolve is that when I clearly know the priority that family has over work- I still end up giving a lot less to the family. Less time, less attention, less patience, less thought. Family time is like my down-time, when I get to vegetate, be quiet, be who i want to be at that moment- but the problem? It doesn’t make me a fun person to be around.
I think I need a mindset shift for this one. To be giving my best energy for whoever I am around, or whatever I am doing at that moment- and to plan for a separate personal down-time. Worth a try.
Arthur and I have been contemplating buying a flat. Many are advising us to wait till the second half of the year when prices will drop some more, but I wonder if everyone is waiting for the same- wouldn’t demand prevent any drastic falls? I pray God will lead us to the “tent” He wants us to live in, in His own time. This is something a little too big for this young couple with the 101 considerations to make on their own.
My previous blog entry sparked some concern- thanks for asking after and praying for me. I think I’m pretty ok now. Perhaps when there’s a later chance, or when the moment of inspiration comes for me to write more about the subject matter- I would. But at this point, looking through granny’s glasses suffices to teach my heart a new lesson- that we are all still too young, have too many days (God willing) and are still too far from the finishing line to grow weary. We all need a little more perseverance and capacity for trials man!
So it’s being barred from all the normal routine that’s giving me some time to update my neglected bloggie. And perhaps this is the best way to “talk to you” now since it’s hard for me to speak at all.
Well work has been crazy to say the very least. Zapping quite a bit of my energy day by day. But I am not complaining because I know many others out there are working as hard.
The thing I still am not able to resolve is that when I clearly know the priority that family has over work- I still end up giving a lot less to the family. Less time, less attention, less patience, less thought. Family time is like my down-time, when I get to vegetate, be quiet, be who i want to be at that moment- but the problem? It doesn’t make me a fun person to be around.
I think I need a mindset shift for this one. To be giving my best energy for whoever I am around, or whatever I am doing at that moment- and to plan for a separate personal down-time. Worth a try.
Arthur and I have been contemplating buying a flat. Many are advising us to wait till the second half of the year when prices will drop some more, but I wonder if everyone is waiting for the same- wouldn’t demand prevent any drastic falls? I pray God will lead us to the “tent” He wants us to live in, in His own time. This is something a little too big for this young couple with the 101 considerations to make on their own.
My previous blog entry sparked some concern- thanks for asking after and praying for me. I think I’m pretty ok now. Perhaps when there’s a later chance, or when the moment of inspiration comes for me to write more about the subject matter- I would. But at this point, looking through granny’s glasses suffices to teach my heart a new lesson- that we are all still too young, have too many days (God willing) and are still too far from the finishing line to grow weary. We all need a little more perseverance and capacity for trials man!
Monday, February 09, 2009
Out of the curtain
There are some things I cannot talk about recently without tears welling up- maybe that’s why I choose to stay clear of these conversations for as long as I can help it.
To hide within the curtain- initially set up by fatigue, but subsequently an easy escape, to stay away from lives around me. To face the fears of ministry only when they find me. But truth is also that I am not even sure if I can explain why I’m feeling what I’m feeling.
What He has shown me, I am trying to repent of. The rationalization of my thoughts during this season, keeping Him out of the picture because I think I know the reasons why. My hiding away from Him and assuming His thoughts and response. The anger, frustration, fear and pettiness.
When He sang to me “You'll find no curtain there, No reason left for fear;
There's perfect freedom here To weep every unwept tear”
When He told me “My greatest desire is to be with you”
When He reminded me that “You’re my princess I bought with my crown”
When my heart finally heard Him, I know I have at last been found.
I wish the conference this weekend could be a magical antidote to purge the poison out once for all. But today, I see more clearly that the healing is perhaps still in its infancy. Root cause analysis is satisfactory for head problems, but when it’s a heart problem I am encouraged to hear that- just as the wisdom writings force the wise to see the inadequacy of wisdom, neither would the answers I have suffice.
As Michael Card well puts it “the miracle of Job is the movement of God- when God is moved by Job’s tears and shows up”. And at the end of the day, the hurts do not just go away. His presence will be the only comfort we have now. And we will move on when we are ready with the scars we bear.
p/s: Pardon the incoherence and things in abstract. But to bring you comfort, I am joyfully, gratefully, blissfully married to my 2 husbands- both of whom are kings in their own right.. *winks*
To hide within the curtain- initially set up by fatigue, but subsequently an easy escape, to stay away from lives around me. To face the fears of ministry only when they find me. But truth is also that I am not even sure if I can explain why I’m feeling what I’m feeling.
What He has shown me, I am trying to repent of. The rationalization of my thoughts during this season, keeping Him out of the picture because I think I know the reasons why. My hiding away from Him and assuming His thoughts and response. The anger, frustration, fear and pettiness.
When He sang to me “You'll find no curtain there, No reason left for fear;
There's perfect freedom here To weep every unwept tear”
When He told me “My greatest desire is to be with you”
When He reminded me that “You’re my princess I bought with my crown”
When my heart finally heard Him, I know I have at last been found.
I wish the conference this weekend could be a magical antidote to purge the poison out once for all. But today, I see more clearly that the healing is perhaps still in its infancy. Root cause analysis is satisfactory for head problems, but when it’s a heart problem I am encouraged to hear that- just as the wisdom writings force the wise to see the inadequacy of wisdom, neither would the answers I have suffice.
As Michael Card well puts it “the miracle of Job is the movement of God- when God is moved by Job’s tears and shows up”. And at the end of the day, the hurts do not just go away. His presence will be the only comfort we have now. And we will move on when we are ready with the scars we bear.
p/s: Pardon the incoherence and things in abstract. But to bring you comfort, I am joyfully, gratefully, blissfully married to my 2 husbands- both of whom are kings in their own right.. *winks*
Monday, January 26, 2009
Being blind
I was thinking the other day- how would you describe a tree to someone who is blind from birth. How will you explain what green is? Or how will you describe what tall is? What image will be formed in his mind, when he is thinking of a flower, or a chair, or the sun?
How will he appreciate the way he is dressing today not being able to take in his reflection in the mirror, or the magnificence of the moment when she is performing in front of a crowd of thousands? Without any prior experience or image as a point of reference, what is their world like?
What if I am blind one day and not be able to see the faces of my loved ones again? What if I am no longer able to behold the beauty of creation? What sights will I miss most? How will I go about doing the simple dailies? Who will I finally learn to see with my heart? How will I feel when I get to regain my sight again?
“Thank you God that I can see today. Let my eyes see and perceive the things and people you have created. Let my eyes not be blind to the simple treasures in life that are so precious.”
How will he appreciate the way he is dressing today not being able to take in his reflection in the mirror, or the magnificence of the moment when she is performing in front of a crowd of thousands? Without any prior experience or image as a point of reference, what is their world like?
What if I am blind one day and not be able to see the faces of my loved ones again? What if I am no longer able to behold the beauty of creation? What sights will I miss most? How will I go about doing the simple dailies? Who will I finally learn to see with my heart? How will I feel when I get to regain my sight again?
“Thank you God that I can see today. Let my eyes see and perceive the things and people you have created. Let my eyes not be blind to the simple treasures in life that are so precious.”
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Emo side of things
They were still in shock that it happened. He broke up with her so quickly, so abruptly. They knew that he had been in anguish for a while, feeling trapped by the demands that were so laid upon him. But his sudden departure caught them unprepared.
Though they had known her first, he had become a dear friend they knew as their own through the years. The thought that both their beloved friends were hurting caused them much heartache, their helplessness to provide relief compounded the pain.
Deeper still in the manifolds of emotions, was the murky mud of questions that each of them were straddling through on their own. None had the heart to say aloud what they feel. Perhaps because they knew it to be secondary to what he was going through, perhaps because they did not want to further plague him with the trivialities of what they were feeling, perhaps because they knew there was no answer they can hope to receive. The questions made the sense of loss with his leaving even more acute.
Had they not been friends who talked heart to heart through the night? Did they not go through the ups and downs together in years passed? Was what they had so superficial that he could not bear to confide in them when he was battling in anguish? What was it then that they shared, when they were not able to be there and provide help to their relationship in time? Did more than one relationship have to end just because he broke up with her?
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Welcome 2009!
So 2009 has crept in just like that. Happy New Year everyone!
I have not really thought of what this new year might bring for us, nor made any resolutions- more later. For now, here are some pictures from the holiday season in the last 2 months of 2008- Enjoy!
They are from:
The Cookie Decorating party with 4 of my favorite girls,
Desserts Making (yes, THE cupcakes, and Arthur’s yummilicious chocolate fudge- thanks to Dad & Mom’s Christmas package),
Christmas Party at Gayle's,
Breakfast Burritos on Christmas morning prepared by Chef Arthur,
New Year’s Day trip to Pulau Ubin,
And a simple New Year’s Day dinner.
I have not really thought of what this new year might bring for us, nor made any resolutions- more later. For now, here are some pictures from the holiday season in the last 2 months of 2008- Enjoy!
They are from:
The Cookie Decorating party with 4 of my favorite girls,
Desserts Making (yes, THE cupcakes, and Arthur’s yummilicious chocolate fudge- thanks to Dad & Mom’s Christmas package),
Christmas Party at Gayle's,
Breakfast Burritos on Christmas morning prepared by Chef Arthur,
New Year’s Day trip to Pulau Ubin,
And a simple New Year’s Day dinner.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Christmas Cooking
Mom was really nice when she wrote to me and said, “You are very ambitious and adventurous. You're going to be a great cook. I know because trying is 90% of the requirement.” (Thanks Mom!!) This is something I need to keep in my heart and remind myself each time my baking outing fails- like this time, again.
This time, the adventure was to make a Cupcake Christmas Tree (tiny cupcakes, stacked in the form of a Christmas tree) for Gayle’s party. I didn’t want the entire tree to taste and look the same- and it would be too boring for me to make so many batches of the same thing. After going through a whole lot of combinations in my head- I settled on three: Double-chocolate swirl, Peppermint frosting and Candy rice Cupcakes.
I tried to melt the white chocolate bar Mom & Brittany left me. My last attempt to melt it in the microwave failed so miserably, I even melted a hole in the container. The double-boil method from the cooking instruction on the back of the box looked easy enough. As the white chocolate bar started to melt in the bowl, it still looked a little lumpy. So I borrowed Arthur’s idea from making icing to add in some milk. It looked really good. And my, was I pleased.
Happily, I started to pour a layer of the white chocolate into the half-filled tiny cupcakes. Then, I took a tooth-pick to try to swirl it around to mix the colors of the dark brown chocolate cake mix and white chocolate. In my mind, pretty cupcakes with white and dark brown circles started to form. How pretty! The outcome could not be further than that, as I took out the first batch of cupcakes from the oven.
For reasons still unknown to me, the cupcakes overflowed and the colors were a mess. It was definitely far from the pretty little things that I sent into the oven. The cupcakes did not rise properly like the Candy rice ones and looked flat. Not to mention, the baking tray had burnt sugar hard as rock all over. Lesson: To make swirled cakes, I need two batches of cake mix- using simply melted chocolate would not do.
It is defeating having your first batch to turn out like that, but I still had so many cupcakes to go- I must press on. But I could not afford to screw many more batches up. So I opted for safety, and sent batches of plain chocolate cupcakes and Candy rice ones into the oven. Now, I need to figure out the peppermint frosting.
I was not able to find mint extract in the supermarket (upsetting!), so I thought my peppermint frosting idea had to go kaput. In an instant of God-given enlightenment, I started to search for something peppermint at home- though I still wasn’t sure how it was going to help, but finding something minty would be a good place to start. No more peppermint wine, nor mint chocolate slice. Argh.
Lo and behold, a bag of peppermint candies! Would melted peppermint candies do the trick? I tried to double boil the candies- they turned soft, it’s working! But it was hardly liquid or substantial enough, so I threw the white chocolate bars in. And I got white chocolate peppermint frosting, this is yummy! Lesson: You do not need icing sugar to making icing! Arthur and I spent the rest of the evening putting on the icing for the petite cupcakes.
Susan and everyone else who bakes, advocate following baking recipes to the T. This is a serious problem for me. Every time I read cook books, I learn about different techniques, and get a whole lot of ideas swimming in my head. When the rubber hits the road and I am seriously trying to cook something from a recipe, I will be wondering if I can replace something with something, or doing something differently from another recipe. This time round, I was simply making up the recipe in my head. Creativity and instruction need to find their rightful place in my culinary outings.
This probably wraps up my cooking diary for 2008. I just want to thank-
my very forgiving & easy-to-please husband (who made superb chocolate fudge & yummy breakfast burritos without casualties- bravo!) for his advice and encouragement,
all the awesome cooks in the Kok family for your inspiration and tips,
my 2 very “willing” food-tasters at home for surviving the numerous tortures I have put you through, and
all of you who kindly had a bite or two of something I made so far.
Thank YOU!
This time, the adventure was to make a Cupcake Christmas Tree (tiny cupcakes, stacked in the form of a Christmas tree) for Gayle’s party. I didn’t want the entire tree to taste and look the same- and it would be too boring for me to make so many batches of the same thing. After going through a whole lot of combinations in my head- I settled on three: Double-chocolate swirl, Peppermint frosting and Candy rice Cupcakes.
I tried to melt the white chocolate bar Mom & Brittany left me. My last attempt to melt it in the microwave failed so miserably, I even melted a hole in the container. The double-boil method from the cooking instruction on the back of the box looked easy enough. As the white chocolate bar started to melt in the bowl, it still looked a little lumpy. So I borrowed Arthur’s idea from making icing to add in some milk. It looked really good. And my, was I pleased.
Happily, I started to pour a layer of the white chocolate into the half-filled tiny cupcakes. Then, I took a tooth-pick to try to swirl it around to mix the colors of the dark brown chocolate cake mix and white chocolate. In my mind, pretty cupcakes with white and dark brown circles started to form. How pretty! The outcome could not be further than that, as I took out the first batch of cupcakes from the oven.
For reasons still unknown to me, the cupcakes overflowed and the colors were a mess. It was definitely far from the pretty little things that I sent into the oven. The cupcakes did not rise properly like the Candy rice ones and looked flat. Not to mention, the baking tray had burnt sugar hard as rock all over. Lesson: To make swirled cakes, I need two batches of cake mix- using simply melted chocolate would not do.
It is defeating having your first batch to turn out like that, but I still had so many cupcakes to go- I must press on. But I could not afford to screw many more batches up. So I opted for safety, and sent batches of plain chocolate cupcakes and Candy rice ones into the oven. Now, I need to figure out the peppermint frosting.
I was not able to find mint extract in the supermarket (upsetting!), so I thought my peppermint frosting idea had to go kaput. In an instant of God-given enlightenment, I started to search for something peppermint at home- though I still wasn’t sure how it was going to help, but finding something minty would be a good place to start. No more peppermint wine, nor mint chocolate slice. Argh.
Lo and behold, a bag of peppermint candies! Would melted peppermint candies do the trick? I tried to double boil the candies- they turned soft, it’s working! But it was hardly liquid or substantial enough, so I threw the white chocolate bars in. And I got white chocolate peppermint frosting, this is yummy! Lesson: You do not need icing sugar to making icing! Arthur and I spent the rest of the evening putting on the icing for the petite cupcakes.
Susan and everyone else who bakes, advocate following baking recipes to the T. This is a serious problem for me. Every time I read cook books, I learn about different techniques, and get a whole lot of ideas swimming in my head. When the rubber hits the road and I am seriously trying to cook something from a recipe, I will be wondering if I can replace something with something, or doing something differently from another recipe. This time round, I was simply making up the recipe in my head. Creativity and instruction need to find their rightful place in my culinary outings.
This probably wraps up my cooking diary for 2008. I just want to thank-
my very forgiving & easy-to-please husband (who made superb chocolate fudge & yummy breakfast burritos without casualties- bravo!) for his advice and encouragement,
all the awesome cooks in the Kok family for your inspiration and tips,
my 2 very “willing” food-tasters at home for surviving the numerous tortures I have put you through, and
all of you who kindly had a bite or two of something I made so far.
Thank YOU!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
This Christmas
I'm really excited about Christmas today, in midst of all my late working nights, stress and fatigue lately, my heart has managed to skip to a beat again. Thank you Daddy!
Maybe it's coz of the cookie party with the little girls tonight,
maybe it's coz of the Christmas parties happening at Serene's & Esther's tomorrow,
maybe it's coz Huixin and Zhiyong agreed to come,
maybe it's coz of the service this sunday in ORPC about Lessons on Carols,
maybe it's coz of the Christmas eve party at Gayle's and candlelight service,
maybe it's coz of making my first breakfast burritos and reading the nativity story on Christmas morning,
maybe it's coz of the Christmas lunch at Amy's,
maybe it's coz of calling the family on Christmas evening and be there as they open the prezzies.
Fwah, full- Christmas starts today!
Christmas is my favourite holiday, not just because of all the fun and parties, eating and drinking, prezzies and traditions. i love the celebratory spirit of giving, of loving, of family and friends coming together. i love the beauty of the season.
And i love it most, when having celebrated so many years of Christmas, the Holy Spirit moves us once more when man hears of the story of the baby in the manger. I love it most, when hardened hearts become melted marshmellows, having met the Man who is more than a carpenter. So here's sharing my other favourite song this Christmas - Who would imagine a king?
Maybe it's coz of the cookie party with the little girls tonight,
maybe it's coz of the Christmas parties happening at Serene's & Esther's tomorrow,
maybe it's coz Huixin and Zhiyong agreed to come,
maybe it's coz of the service this sunday in ORPC about Lessons on Carols,
maybe it's coz of the Christmas eve party at Gayle's and candlelight service,
maybe it's coz of making my first breakfast burritos and reading the nativity story on Christmas morning,
maybe it's coz of the Christmas lunch at Amy's,
maybe it's coz of calling the family on Christmas evening and be there as they open the prezzies.
Fwah, full- Christmas starts today!
Christmas is my favourite holiday, not just because of all the fun and parties, eating and drinking, prezzies and traditions. i love the celebratory spirit of giving, of loving, of family and friends coming together. i love the beauty of the season.
And i love it most, when having celebrated so many years of Christmas, the Holy Spirit moves us once more when man hears of the story of the baby in the manger. I love it most, when hardened hearts become melted marshmellows, having met the Man who is more than a carpenter. So here's sharing my other favourite song this Christmas - Who would imagine a king?
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
My grown up Christmas List
The trimmings & decorations can be passed off as commercialized gimmicks, but the beauty of the tall Christmas tree, red bows and candlelights can act to remind us the beauty of that silent night, when God became a man. The beauty of the starry skies when the angels sang, the beauty of the serenity when the baby laid in the manger, the beauty He beheld in sinful men- when He chose to give up His royal robes.
It's too hard to let Christmas slip by as just another holiday, too cold & heartless to not be moved by the message of the season. It's been a hard year for many for different reasons- but surely where there is life and hope, and when we can sit upon the knees of our Heavenly Father who love and care and give, let His children write Him a Christmas list today.
My Grown up Christmas List this year - a church with people who care and give, a world with a church who cares and gives.
It's too hard to let Christmas slip by as just another holiday, too cold & heartless to not be moved by the message of the season. It's been a hard year for many for different reasons- but surely where there is life and hope, and when we can sit upon the knees of our Heavenly Father who love and care and give, let His children write Him a Christmas list today.
My Grown up Christmas List this year - a church with people who care and give, a world with a church who cares and gives.
Monday, December 01, 2008
Thanksgiving blunders
I was ambitious this Thanksgiving. Attempted many first time dishes for the 2 meals I made this season- some of which are a resounding success, and some made me learn lessons about life & myself.
The family menu on Thursday night looked something like that- bacon & cheese stuffed mushrooms (it’s surprisingly easier than it sounds), crunchy romaine salad (one of Arthur’s favorite salad modified by using balsamic vinegar), mashed sweet potatoes (yummy), Swedish meatballs & rosti (don ever buy frozen rosti from Ikea, yucks!), pizza and lemon bars.
The BIG blunder for that night was my festive cider. When I served the drink excitedly to Arthur, he was like “interesting… it has a very strong taste”. I was like “Yeah, I didn’t understand why I had to put so much garlic into the drink”. “Why did you boil it with garlic?” “The recipe called for cloves.” His laughter was uncontrollable for the next 10 minutes.
So I learnt that cloves are not just collective nouns for garlic, but is a spice. Why didn’t they teach that in school?
I wanted to do something really traditional for the party on Saturday night. So the menu consisted of-
Meats: Chicken & stuffing with cranberry sauce (had wanted to do a turkey, but ‘chickened in’ after I realized I had no fridge space for a Butterball), Meatloaf (recipe with ketchup, obviously for the ketchup lover), Pineapple stuffed sausages with melted cheese,
Carbs: Mashed potatoes & gravy, dinner rolls (garlic & cream cheese)
Greens: Crunchy Romain salad (finally found my Red Wine Vinegar @ Carrefour), Boiled carrots and Green beans casserole with corn & mushrooms
Desserts: Pumpkin pie & Lemon bars
Drinks: Festive cider (this time boiled with real cloves), Sangria
So what went wrong this time… hmm.. I was too lazy to do the short-crust pastry for the pie, so I opted for the frozen pie pastry. After I rolled it out, fitted it nicely into the pie dish, and folded the edges into a pretty looking pie, I sent it into the oven to partially bake it.
When I checked it 7 minutes later.. Yikes, the sides started to curl and shrink away. So obviously I had to take it out and try to salvage it- how else was I to pour the pumpkin filling into a curled-up pie? So I tried to knead the hot dough back onto its sides, patching it however I could. My fingers turned pink coz of the heat. And sadly, my once-pretty pie frills no longer looked pretty. But thankfully, the dough held up this time. So I put some rice into the pie to act as pie weights.
When the pie base was ready for its filling, I had to remove the rice bits. I started picking them off. But I got impatient, so I tried to turn the pie over to shake them off. What happened next was a no-brainer. The pie fell, and broke. GOSH. But again, thankfully, the dough was not entirely cooked, so I was still able to piece them back together.
Impatience for a young baking apprentice is a killer. Perhaps I need to bake more to learn better lessons on following instructions and patience. Sorry, not too many pictures because we forgot to take them :(
The family menu on Thursday night looked something like that- bacon & cheese stuffed mushrooms (it’s surprisingly easier than it sounds), crunchy romaine salad (one of Arthur’s favorite salad modified by using balsamic vinegar), mashed sweet potatoes (yummy), Swedish meatballs & rosti (don ever buy frozen rosti from Ikea, yucks!), pizza and lemon bars.
The BIG blunder for that night was my festive cider. When I served the drink excitedly to Arthur, he was like “interesting… it has a very strong taste”. I was like “Yeah, I didn’t understand why I had to put so much garlic into the drink”. “Why did you boil it with garlic?” “The recipe called for cloves.” His laughter was uncontrollable for the next 10 minutes.
So I learnt that cloves are not just collective nouns for garlic, but is a spice. Why didn’t they teach that in school?
I wanted to do something really traditional for the party on Saturday night. So the menu consisted of-
Meats: Chicken & stuffing with cranberry sauce (had wanted to do a turkey, but ‘chickened in’ after I realized I had no fridge space for a Butterball), Meatloaf (recipe with ketchup, obviously for the ketchup lover), Pineapple stuffed sausages with melted cheese,
Carbs: Mashed potatoes & gravy, dinner rolls (garlic & cream cheese)
Greens: Crunchy Romain salad (finally found my Red Wine Vinegar @ Carrefour), Boiled carrots and Green beans casserole with corn & mushrooms
Desserts: Pumpkin pie & Lemon bars
Drinks: Festive cider (this time boiled with real cloves), Sangria
So what went wrong this time… hmm.. I was too lazy to do the short-crust pastry for the pie, so I opted for the frozen pie pastry. After I rolled it out, fitted it nicely into the pie dish, and folded the edges into a pretty looking pie, I sent it into the oven to partially bake it.
When I checked it 7 minutes later.. Yikes, the sides started to curl and shrink away. So obviously I had to take it out and try to salvage it- how else was I to pour the pumpkin filling into a curled-up pie? So I tried to knead the hot dough back onto its sides, patching it however I could. My fingers turned pink coz of the heat. And sadly, my once-pretty pie frills no longer looked pretty. But thankfully, the dough held up this time. So I put some rice into the pie to act as pie weights.
When the pie base was ready for its filling, I had to remove the rice bits. I started picking them off. But I got impatient, so I tried to turn the pie over to shake them off. What happened next was a no-brainer. The pie fell, and broke. GOSH. But again, thankfully, the dough was not entirely cooked, so I was still able to piece them back together.
Impatience for a young baking apprentice is a killer. Perhaps I need to bake more to learn better lessons on following instructions and patience. Sorry, not too many pictures because we forgot to take them :(
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Happy Feet
There are 2 reasons why this weekend is about Happy Feet.
Firstly of course, I watched the cartoon of the same title on Sunday with the jogging clique. Thanks to the rain, we ended up at Serene’s place watching this penguin flick that I missed in the theatres. And it was really pretty fun! I like baby Mumble A LOT- such a cute little fluff-ball. Wish he didn’t have to grow up though. Hmm.. why do the baby animals in these cartoons always have to grow up? Bambi, The Lion King, etc, etc.
After learning more about these white knights in black coat from March of the Penguins, I have a profound respect for these creatures (though I think in real life, they look pretty ugly and scary close up), and can only stand in awe of the creator.
God in creating them, revealed His faithfulness, and single-mindedness in loving. That’s why Papa Penguin is always able to find Mama Penguin in midst of the thousands after winter. And if even Papa Penguin can protect the egg with their lives, what more our Papa in heaven?
Being reminded that creation is bigger than the human species and summation of our experiences, the nature that exists at the tips of the globe is testament that life is truly larger than our existence.
Secondly, my feet are happy again. *yay!!!*
There was this wart/ corn that has been bothering my right feet for many months. It became really painful 2 weeks ago- though the doctor refused to pay heed to me then and thought I was making a mountain out of a molehill. Argh.
This weekend, I went to another doctor- obviously because it became so painful that I could not even walk properly any more. He shaved off thick dead skin that had grown, to reveal some pus that had solidified inside my foot. Viral infection he said.
But he could not do much more at that time, as I was whining and groaning in pain (I do think women have a pretty high threshold of pain, even then…). So he gave me some anti-biotics cream and oral anti-biotics (one week course) to take. Gosh- was that necessary? Now I think he’s making a mountain out of a mole hill.
So now the good news is- I managed to squeeze the solidified pus out on Sunday night!! It looked like a tiny pearl.. Yippee!! So no more pain when I walk, and I have happy feet :) :) :)
Firstly of course, I watched the cartoon of the same title on Sunday with the jogging clique. Thanks to the rain, we ended up at Serene’s place watching this penguin flick that I missed in the theatres. And it was really pretty fun! I like baby Mumble A LOT- such a cute little fluff-ball. Wish he didn’t have to grow up though. Hmm.. why do the baby animals in these cartoons always have to grow up? Bambi, The Lion King, etc, etc.
After learning more about these white knights in black coat from March of the Penguins, I have a profound respect for these creatures (though I think in real life, they look pretty ugly and scary close up), and can only stand in awe of the creator.
God in creating them, revealed His faithfulness, and single-mindedness in loving. That’s why Papa Penguin is always able to find Mama Penguin in midst of the thousands after winter. And if even Papa Penguin can protect the egg with their lives, what more our Papa in heaven?
Being reminded that creation is bigger than the human species and summation of our experiences, the nature that exists at the tips of the globe is testament that life is truly larger than our existence.
Secondly, my feet are happy again. *yay!!!*
There was this wart/ corn that has been bothering my right feet for many months. It became really painful 2 weeks ago- though the doctor refused to pay heed to me then and thought I was making a mountain out of a molehill. Argh.
This weekend, I went to another doctor- obviously because it became so painful that I could not even walk properly any more. He shaved off thick dead skin that had grown, to reveal some pus that had solidified inside my foot. Viral infection he said.
But he could not do much more at that time, as I was whining and groaning in pain (I do think women have a pretty high threshold of pain, even then…). So he gave me some anti-biotics cream and oral anti-biotics (one week course) to take. Gosh- was that necessary? Now I think he’s making a mountain out of a mole hill.
So now the good news is- I managed to squeeze the solidified pus out on Sunday night!! It looked like a tiny pearl.. Yippee!! So no more pain when I walk, and I have happy feet :) :) :)
Friday, November 14, 2008
Is God saying something?
Ministry has been discouraging to say the very least, lately. There is just this fear, reluctance and dry-ness within.
Perhaps a large part of it is tied up to the search of meaning in my small existence*, but my heart just turns into cold fish each time I think about church in PPC recently. Not the hard-heartedness kind of cold, but the kind when I do not know what to do, how to pray and why I would believe things could change.
And it is funny because as Arthur and I were talking about it recently, we realized that being in a “struggling” church is perhaps our calling in life. Many would desire to be a growing vibrant community, and they do eventually move into the greener pastures where they seem to soar spiritually.
But it seems like that desire will remain the driver for ministry in the hard grounds all our lives- to be that sheep dog and drive sheep into the Shepherd’s pen, to make sure they stay with the herd. Arthur’s heart soars at that prospect, mine just thuds softly to the ground with a quiet conviction to know that this is true.
PPC Second Service will move to the Legends in 2 weeks time. And we are still lost. And today, God sent me an article… “Being led into the desert”
Funny- the pastors are singing the tune of “Promised Land”, but what if He has the desert in store for us for the next few years? Who will stay? Who will leave? What if things just do not get better but go downhill? How will we be travelling in those years?
God led the people of Israel into the desert to learn something about themselves. They learned about their level of obedience when life became difficult.
"Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands" (Deut 8:2).
When God leads you into the desert, He is allowing you to learn something about yourself. We all need to learn how we will respond to temptations in our lives. As we press into God during these times the roots of our faith are forced deeper and deeper into the soil of His grace. Do not fear being led into the desert. This too is the way of God.
The fact that it’s gonna be a desert does not faz me, honestly… The lessons I might come to learn about myself might be good- but that’s not what I yearn most. I pray that I will still be able to keep the love for His Kingdom, the joy to see it grow, and the faith to simply depend on Him each step of the way. And at the end of it, to know Him and be found faithful to the end.
* - This is a separate search altogether. But I am wondering, just wondering- will I let the silent still voice within me win the day, or the safety nets this world seeks to tempt me with delay me some more.
How many more years will I have to wait to try to be that fool who will make a difference in this world? Perhaps He might lead the way with circumstance- if I do not know how to let go, take it away from me please Daddy.. lead the way! *yay
Perhaps a large part of it is tied up to the search of meaning in my small existence*, but my heart just turns into cold fish each time I think about church in PPC recently. Not the hard-heartedness kind of cold, but the kind when I do not know what to do, how to pray and why I would believe things could change.
And it is funny because as Arthur and I were talking about it recently, we realized that being in a “struggling” church is perhaps our calling in life. Many would desire to be a growing vibrant community, and they do eventually move into the greener pastures where they seem to soar spiritually.
But it seems like that desire will remain the driver for ministry in the hard grounds all our lives- to be that sheep dog and drive sheep into the Shepherd’s pen, to make sure they stay with the herd. Arthur’s heart soars at that prospect, mine just thuds softly to the ground with a quiet conviction to know that this is true.
PPC Second Service will move to the Legends in 2 weeks time. And we are still lost. And today, God sent me an article… “Being led into the desert”
Funny- the pastors are singing the tune of “Promised Land”, but what if He has the desert in store for us for the next few years? Who will stay? Who will leave? What if things just do not get better but go downhill? How will we be travelling in those years?
God led the people of Israel into the desert to learn something about themselves. They learned about their level of obedience when life became difficult.
"Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands" (Deut 8:2).
When God leads you into the desert, He is allowing you to learn something about yourself. We all need to learn how we will respond to temptations in our lives. As we press into God during these times the roots of our faith are forced deeper and deeper into the soil of His grace. Do not fear being led into the desert. This too is the way of God.
The fact that it’s gonna be a desert does not faz me, honestly… The lessons I might come to learn about myself might be good- but that’s not what I yearn most. I pray that I will still be able to keep the love for His Kingdom, the joy to see it grow, and the faith to simply depend on Him each step of the way. And at the end of it, to know Him and be found faithful to the end.
* - This is a separate search altogether. But I am wondering, just wondering- will I let the silent still voice within me win the day, or the safety nets this world seeks to tempt me with delay me some more.
How many more years will I have to wait to try to be that fool who will make a difference in this world? Perhaps He might lead the way with circumstance- if I do not know how to let go, take it away from me please Daddy.. lead the way! *yay
Monday, November 10, 2008
Praise You in this storm
Yet another season of broken hearts and lives
And the problem of pain arrests our routined steps
Life is perhaps not in our hands
But in the God who gives and takes away
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Mighty to save
My little prayer for you today....
May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.
May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.
May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain in to joy.
And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.
May what matter to us be what matters most to Him each day...
"Bring it on, God. Bring it on!"
May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.
May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.
May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain in to joy.
And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.
May what matter to us be what matters most to Him each day...
"Bring it on, God. Bring it on!"
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Love ME for who I am
When I was single, I’ve always longed for the man who would love me for who I am. No need for beautiful appearances, no need for make up or nice clothes- but just to be loved for who I am. That I will not need to pretend to be who I am not, or change to be someone whom I will never be- he will love and accept all of me- the way I am.
This love I found for many years- only in God, and to some extent my family. It is elusive and unthinkable that another would love me so unconditionally, of his own free will and choose to love me for who I am. I believe that this desire to be loved for who I am lies deep in every soul. Even God. Is it that unthinkable to think that God desires to be loved & worshipped for who He is?
The difference between God and me, is that He is not whiny, attention seeking, “look at me”. He is not flawed, ugly inside out nor selfish. He does not need others to affirm His worth. He is who He is.
The Creator King whose wisdom is beyond measure, the Humble Servant whose heart is beautiful beyond description, the all encompassing Great I AM whose glory knows no bounds nor end, the Faithful Lover who holds on to the very end. He is the only One who deserves to be worshipped for who He is. And He desires to be loved for who He is.
Satan mocked God that there is no one on earth who loved and worshipped Him for who He is- not beyond the good gifts that He gave. What was at stake is not just a little bet- but the entire weight of the glory of God. Satan was saying to God “No one could love You for who You are, God. Do you think anyone truly worships you for You are? They only want Your gifts!” That is why He allowed Satan to test Job- to take away his family, his riches, his health. If Job would still stand and worship Him even in the depths of his sufferings.
Job cried and wailed and lamented in deep anguish. He did not understand, he was pained to think that the God whom he knew to be in control of everything, would do these things to him. But not once in midst of his affliction, Job spoke against God. He lamented and suffered the sacred sorrow till God spoke to him out of the storm. But God gave him no answers. Neither did God told him why these things happened. He just showed Job who He is- and Job repented.
"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. "You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.' My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."
Father, You are God. I want to love You for who You are, help me please. Beyond the good things You can give, more than Your goodness. I can count the many ways how deserving You are to be loved and worshipped for who You are. But beyond Your beauty, let me love You, simply because You are You.
Lord, You are God and i am not. When things go wrong, keep me close and let me not sin against You. When I do not have the answers, help me trust in You. When the whole world crashes and “You cannot be found”, let me remain in You. When I forget people in my old age, let me not forget my precious Lord and Savior.
Help Your bride to love You, God. To fall in love with You daily, to pursue You passionately. You are God and I want to love You for who You are.
This love I found for many years- only in God, and to some extent my family. It is elusive and unthinkable that another would love me so unconditionally, of his own free will and choose to love me for who I am. I believe that this desire to be loved for who I am lies deep in every soul. Even God. Is it that unthinkable to think that God desires to be loved & worshipped for who He is?
The difference between God and me, is that He is not whiny, attention seeking, “look at me”. He is not flawed, ugly inside out nor selfish. He does not need others to affirm His worth. He is who He is.
The Creator King whose wisdom is beyond measure, the Humble Servant whose heart is beautiful beyond description, the all encompassing Great I AM whose glory knows no bounds nor end, the Faithful Lover who holds on to the very end. He is the only One who deserves to be worshipped for who He is. And He desires to be loved for who He is.
Satan mocked God that there is no one on earth who loved and worshipped Him for who He is- not beyond the good gifts that He gave. What was at stake is not just a little bet- but the entire weight of the glory of God. Satan was saying to God “No one could love You for who You are, God. Do you think anyone truly worships you for You are? They only want Your gifts!” That is why He allowed Satan to test Job- to take away his family, his riches, his health. If Job would still stand and worship Him even in the depths of his sufferings.
Job cried and wailed and lamented in deep anguish. He did not understand, he was pained to think that the God whom he knew to be in control of everything, would do these things to him. But not once in midst of his affliction, Job spoke against God. He lamented and suffered the sacred sorrow till God spoke to him out of the storm. But God gave him no answers. Neither did God told him why these things happened. He just showed Job who He is- and Job repented.
"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. "You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.' My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."
Father, You are God. I want to love You for who You are, help me please. Beyond the good things You can give, more than Your goodness. I can count the many ways how deserving You are to be loved and worshipped for who You are. But beyond Your beauty, let me love You, simply because You are You.
Lord, You are God and i am not. When things go wrong, keep me close and let me not sin against You. When I do not have the answers, help me trust in You. When the whole world crashes and “You cannot be found”, let me remain in You. When I forget people in my old age, let me not forget my precious Lord and Savior.
Help Your bride to love You, God. To fall in love with You daily, to pursue You passionately. You are God and I want to love You for who You are.
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