Is God saying something?

Ministry has been discouraging to say the very least, lately. There is just this fear, reluctance and dry-ness within.

Perhaps a large part of it is tied up to the search of meaning in my small existence*, but my heart just turns into cold fish each time I think about church in PPC recently. Not the hard-heartedness kind of cold, but the kind when I do not know what to do, how to pray and why I would believe things could change.

And it is funny because as Arthur and I were talking about it recently, we realized that being in a “struggling” church is perhaps our calling in life. Many would desire to be a growing vibrant community, and they do eventually move into the greener pastures where they seem to soar spiritually.
But it seems like that desire will remain the driver for ministry in the hard grounds all our lives- to be that sheep dog and drive sheep into the Shepherd’s pen, to make sure they stay with the herd. Arthur’s heart soars at that prospect, mine just thuds softly to the ground with a quiet conviction to know that this is true.

PPC Second Service will move to the Legends in 2 weeks time. And we are still lost. And today, God sent me an article… “Being led into the desert”

Funny- the pastors are singing the tune of “Promised Land”, but what if He has the desert in store for us for the next few years? Who will stay? Who will leave? What if things just do not get better but go downhill? How will we be travelling in those years?

God led the people of Israel into the desert to learn something about themselves. They learned about their level of obedience when life became difficult.
"Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands" (Deut 8:2).
When God leads you into the desert, He is allowing you to learn something about yourself. We all need to learn how we will respond to temptations in our lives. As we press into God during these times the roots of our faith are forced deeper and deeper into the soil of His grace. Do not fear being led into the desert. This too is the way of God.

The fact that it’s gonna be a desert does not faz me, honestly… The lessons I might come to learn about myself might be good- but that’s not what I yearn most. I pray that I will still be able to keep the love for His Kingdom, the joy to see it grow, and the faith to simply depend on Him each step of the way. And at the end of it, to know Him and be found faithful to the end.

* - This is a separate search altogether. But I am wondering, just wondering- will I let the silent still voice within me win the day, or the safety nets this world seeks to tempt me with delay me some more.
How many more years will I have to wait to try to be that fool who will make a difference in this world? Perhaps He might lead the way with circumstance- if I do not know how to let go, take it away from me please Daddy.. lead the way! *yay