Idol Fever!

Predictably, i'm swept into the latest season of American Idol again... But it's been a while since i followed a season so closely from its Top 12, and reasons for that? Other than Simon Cowell of course.. the Top 3 this season. They are undoubtedly one of the best yet ever in the Idol history.

There is Adam Lambert who is outrageous and very fun to watch. He's such a performer and very very entertaining.
There is Danny Gokey who also has great vocals too. And the amazing thing is that he had to learn all the songs from scratch coz he's never heard them before since all the albums he has at home are Christian albums..
But my number one reason yet is Kris Allen.. Ok so he's the cutest, but he's really really creative. He doesnt have the best vocals, but man, he sings songs that i would buy! And to celebrate his presence in the Finals (YAY!!!!!!!!), here are three of his favourite songs that i've heard shamelessly countless of times on Youtube :p Sorry that the videos are really boring, but they make good tracks to just listen to..

To make you feel my love - nothing better to put you in a lazy romantic mood.. (updated, realized it was a repeat of Falling Slowly previously, sorry!!)


Somewhere over the rainbow – Kris on his ukulele. I love the arrangement!


Falling Slowly - better than the original, it's true!


i need some distraction in midst of my high stress now ok... :p

Radio love affair

There is something special about listening to the radio. On days when you just want to drive to music, the commercials and deejay banters can be very annoying. Not to mention the alternative tastes of some deejays, who play music that I can barely stand for 10 seconds. Which is why the CD players in the car are one of my favourite and most important gadgets in life- they let me listen to the music I want to when I’m driving.

I also make it a personal priority to regularly change the CDs in the car player. To recycle the 10 CDs Player 2 can hold, and make sure that all my CDs get their fair share of play time. To carefully alternate secular and Christian albums, so that a track that might fit my mood at that time would just be one album a way. And when I got new CDs, to ensure that they remain in the car until every single track gets their debut in the priority CD Player 1.

So for a very long time, radio has just been about 93.8 and BBC for me- business news, world news, traffic news, sports news, etc. The teenage me would have never thought there would be such a day. When dad and mum were driving me around then, this backseat passenger would always insist on switching to radio channels whenever a deejay started talking. Oh and she would kick a tantrum if she had to, when dad and mum wanted to listen to the latest news on 95.8.
Back to what I was saying… So radio= news and talk talk talk for me now. When I want music, I just switch to the CD player.

But over the long weekend, I was made to fall in love with music on the radio all over again. Class 95’s Music Marathon the culprit, and I the helpless victim. 95 minutes worth of non-stop music was playing.

“Oh I haven heard this song for so long,” commented Arthur, and he turned up the volume.
“This is a great song!” Two songs later, and it was very affirming to know that we stayed on the right frequency.
“Hmm.. this sounds like Britney Spears.” “No, her voice is higher. I think its Lady Gaga.” “Maybe it is.” And a conversation about Britney, and how quickly she “cleaned up” followed.

The radio brings you surprises- I was reminded after the drive.
It is able to make you break into a bright smile when you like the song that is being played.
It introduces you to songs that you would otherwise have not heard before. Sometimes you fall in love with them, and you try hard to remember a phrase and you-tube it later.
It makes you frown when the deejay did not repeat the song title again!
When the deejay mentions that a song you like is coming up, you would stay on, bear with the 1001 commercials, and feel that satisfaction come over you when you survived the agony of waiting for that song….
And oh… the nostalgia it stirs up when it reminds you of your history. Music Marathon kept me company when I was on my study marathons during the school days.

The radio makes me smile. It makes me feel a myriad of emotions that I can never engage with the CD player. Because on the CD Player, I know exactly what the next track is coming up. And because I know exactly what I am going to get, and I make special plans to ensure that I get what I want to listen to… It just brings me the satisfaction of getting what I want, and there is no additional kick of being surprised.

It does not take very much psycho-analyzing to see that perhaps “I like surprises” is the logical conclusion here for this radio love affair. Though I must say- that is not entirely true all the time… But that is for another day. Meanwhile, let me just relish the romance of the radio.

“When I was young I listened to the radio, playing all my favourite songs.. When they played I sing a long it made me smile…”

Social Disgrace

I should not be complaining, I really should not. I am sure I had been guilty of these things too, so who am I to rant about their pettiness and point of view. But on a day like this, just let me get these things out of my chest ok? Hehe…

Is your driver the one making you late? There are 1001 things that can possibly go wrong from the time you step out of the house. Sometimes it is forces of nature that is having fun, and the outcome is completely beyond the control of your driver- who has to endure the pain of driving mind you. Why should one vent his/her frustration on the driver when an accident is the cause of the traffic coming to a standstill? A beautiful picture of the cosmos interacting with one another, where the actions of one can affect another's life.

I understand the psychological need to blame someone for something. I understand the burning that goes on inside, when one is going to be late for something that matters. I understand the need for an outlet for the discomfort inside. But i guess the understanding does not remove a person's need to vent.

And I recall a small school girl getting out of mummy’s car with a face black as charcoal. She slams the door without saying bye or thank you, because she is late for school and will have to face the music from the teacher. This ungrateful little brat, hopefully she has grown since then- or at least hopefully from now having had a taste of her own medicine.

***

And then on the radio, they were talking about service staff learning English. People complaining because the service staff could not speak or understand English. From a business and consumer point of view, I can totally understand the frustration and the need. But it is the attitude with which all the discussion is going on that is pxxxing me off.

You expect people to speak your language and understand you. But why don you ever consider learning to speak their language? Do not use economic reasons to justify your attitude. Sure you are the customer, then blame the boss for not being willing to pay higher wages for language abilities! Do not take it out on the poor service staff. Do not think that they are not as smart or are beneath you, just because they do not speak English- if they never had the chance to learn, how is it their fault?

How did people cross language and cultural barriers in the past? Because there is a need or desire to communicate with the other party, people learn the language. Let them learn it because they have decided they need to or want to, but don discriminate against them because they don speak your language. Is your burger more important than some social grace and the dignity of another person? If you cannot get what you want, try another method, try another line, try something else. Isn't anger a little over-reacting, esp since you already know that she cant speak your language.

Imagine visiting another country and you face communication problems, slowly and gradually you will pick up a word or two. And imagine moonlighting as a waitress during your school exchange years, surely you would like some grace from your customers and captains, won’t you?

Peter's Chronicle..

Peter walked through Narnia in midst of all the preparations with a sense of nostalgia. Each year they would celebrate Aslan’s victory over the White Witch on the stone table. But somehow this year, he felt a little detached. As he wandered through the forest aimlessly, he tried to rationalize his sense of detachment.

Maybe it was because Edmund and Lucy are in-charge of this year’s celebrations. Not being involved with the preparations definitely meant that he had not given the occasion much thought prior to this. But this wasn’t the first year that he had entrusted the feast to someone else. He remembered clearly the year the Mr and Mrs Beaver were in charge, he felt a tingle of excitement even when shelling the nuts.

Maybe Susan’s absence in Narnia is felt more strongly during festivities. There was a time when the pain was more acute, he distinctly remembers. Over the years he got accustomed to her absence, and this year, he did not even send her the invitation knowing that she would miss it any way.

Maybe it is not detachment but fatigue. He had been looking forward to this weekend because Edmund and Lucy were in charge. After a long week fighting battles in the world beyond the lamp post, he could retreat to Narnia this weekend to rest. He did not have to worry about managing the affairs of the kingdom- at least not this week. All the riding back and forth had tired him out completely, age was really catching up on him.

Or maybe it is because Aslan had been away for far too long, and he had forgotten what it feels like to be around the great Lion. But deep in his gut he knew this was not true.
Lucy never once lost the spark in her eye, all these years when thinking about Aslan. And Edmund seemed to be growing out of his embarrassment of being a Turkish delight glutton very nicely, as he learnt more and more about the secrets of the kingdom. The King Lion was around them as often as He was around him… the variable was not Aslan.

Aslan. Aslan, the King of Narnia who appeared wherever and whenever He wishes. Aslan, whose whereabouts is never known and his paths never to be traced. Peter traced the steps of his last walk with the Lion on the golden shore. Reaching the waters, Peter stared into the horizon. He wondered if his Friend would be at the celebrations this year.

Susan's Chronicle..

In the midst of all the hurry flurry in her day, she heard something. She dropped her pen and tried to listen out for it again. The sound was so familiar and yet distant at the same time. She heard it before, she was sure about that.

If she was not wrong, it was the same sound she heard many times before. But each time, the sound seemed to be more faint than the last time she heard it. And the frequency with which it returns seems to be decreasing. She tried listening out for it again.

A roar so regal, and lonely. The pain in the roar was unmistakable, but yet more distinct still was the resolve in it. A roar that sounded deceptively victimized. It was not a roar of defeat, but a roar that struck fear in his attacker. A roar that came from a friend, a familiar friend.

The stone table, the White Witch, Narnia, Aslan… It was all coming back to her now. Aslan, she remembered. Aslan, the lion King of Narnia. Aslan, her friend. Narnia, a place where it was once home…

“Susan! I want the report on my table in the next hour!”

The silence of the roar was broken. The roar was no more. She shook her head and chided herself for wasting time listening to something that was nothing more than her imagination. She picked up her pen and hurried to finish her report. Deadlines are real, her boss is real, the instructions are real. The roar, the cry, Aslan and Narnia don’t exist, do they?

Random Rambles

I tend to carry on conversations myself, even after the party is over and subject no long of interest to anyone else but me. Here are two conversations that I had been having in my head lately…

I believe that there are some lessons that can only be learnt when one’s in a relationship. But experience in and of itself does not ready one for a relationship either. So what does it mean to be ready for a relationship?

I think it involves having count the cost, being willing to make the other person a primary factor when making decisions and choices. Companionship, though a legitimate desire, cannot be the end in itself. Because when one seeks only to satisfy the personal need of having a partner, the self-centered motivation may prove insufficient to take the relationship through even the smallest of conflicts of interests.

Relationships will forever be a classroom where one learns and re-learns the lessons it offers to teach. Lessons of love, of giving and receiving, of putting the other person first, of sacrifice, of one’s pettiness, of hope, of rising above hurt and pain, of God and His incomprehensible passion for the world.

Though of course i must say, not everyone will need to learn lessons the hard way nor learn the lessons at all. He has a different story for everyone, and a different path to make us more like Him!

**

I have a theory that the current financial crisis might actually save the earth for a couple more years. Finally consumerism is in check, well somewhat. The years of excesses, producing goods that no one really needs, creating demands to tempt the insatiable materialist. The bright lights, bill boards to create the vibrant look of the city or give hotels the luxurious finish. With fewer people making purchases, factories shut down, mines cease operations, less energy is consumed- the earth and its resources might finally have a day of rest. The environmentalists can perhaps pray for the financial crisis to last longer- this should beat organizing energy-consuming concerts to raise awareness to save the earth.

Don’t get me started on my philosophy of the financial mess and remedies. I think it’s just all a joke and paperwork.

**

Just also want to drop a note to 2 beloved friends who have started on a new journey together. I’ve said it before and will say it again, I love the smiles on your faces. :) Know that we’re not just here to share your joy, but also here to support and pray for you!

On Writing...

I think I’ve been suffering from the writer’s block recently. It’s not like I have nothing to write about- there had been so many moments when I said to myself “I want to write about this!” or “This will be a blog entry”.

But then the moment passes, and the attempt to start recounting it in words become uninviting. When I force myself to write something, the entry never makes it to publish- because it sounds fake and contrived, and I can never live with myself to taint the authenticity of this little space.

Which is why I have a profound respect for the columnist- well not without some doubts at how real they are of course. How do they write these paragraphs week after week? Sure, of course life is interesting and there is much to notice if we would just see. But do they really care about everything they write so much about? Do they not feel tired if they have to try to write about every other thing every day? On days when they just need to break from “smelling the air”, how can they master sufficient emo to deliver something to the readers?

Critics are often too harsh when the quality of writing starts slipping. But how about some recognition for the writer’s perseverance through high and dry times?

**

I love the expressions of creativity in the world of media communications. And I believe in uncompromised truth, or being true to oneself- at the very least in the moment of delivery. That to me is the beauty of the reported media- other than the church, this is the only other place in this world where a premium or stake is placed on the truth. But of course just as the world is fallen, everything else in it is also tainted.

When there is the demand to keep those expressions flowing and reports coming, readership targets to hit, and personal interests at stake, journalists may be tempted to start doctoring photographs or fabricating news. And writers stick to sure-win formulas and produce books after books that look and sound the same.

And (some) people start hitting the roof when truth is compromised. But to be honest, when all that the industry is telling the writers “Entertain me!”- even with news! How can they blame the producers for giving in? People want their senses to be satisfied, to have scoops, to have coverage 24-7. While we cry foul to being victims of false reports, have we not victimized the journalists with our demands?

**

After writing for these couple of years, I need to confess that every author wants an audience. Just as artistic expressions are appreciated in galleries, musical expressions receive applause in performances, written expressions desire some sort of publication and response. So while I try to be “true to myself” as I write, and not let my readers affect the way or what I write, I just want to thank YOU for reading. It still makes me smile to discover a reader of His miry clay every now and then. Thank YOU for caring enough to read.

This is a dedication to my beloved pastor, sister and friend Lijuan who came back home recently. Seeds were perhaps sown years ago when we started partnership in church, but Daddy has taken us on a journey that I could never have dreamt of. And I’m so glad that no matter where life takes us, the fellowship we have in Him will not put our hearts apart, and these days are just the beginning of the real journey…

“And as He spoke, He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.”

Gotta be Somebody

My recommendation to my fellow blogger Tintin who has bombarded his universe with lotz of You-tube.. My fave pick.. of the day ;)





Lyrics Nickelback Lyrics Gotta Be Somebody Lyrics

Hello from the sick :)

Finally, rest was forced upon me when I fell terribly ill this weekend. I don’t remember being this sick for a long time now- even sleeping was difficult because my throat was in so much pain. Lying on my sides caused my nose to “leak”, and lying on my back made me feel the “weight” of the horizontal passage between the nasal cavity and my lungs- I’ll pass on the delivery content. Now, I know why most medicine had to cause drowsiness- otherwise the poor patient will not even be able to sleep at all.

So it’s being barred from all the normal routine that’s giving me some time to update my neglected bloggie. And perhaps this is the best way to “talk to you” now since it’s hard for me to speak at all.

Well work has been crazy to say the very least. Zapping quite a bit of my energy day by day. But I am not complaining because I know many others out there are working as hard.
The thing I still am not able to resolve is that when I clearly know the priority that family has over work- I still end up giving a lot less to the family. Less time, less attention, less patience, less thought. Family time is like my down-time, when I get to vegetate, be quiet, be who i want to be at that moment- but the problem? It doesn’t make me a fun person to be around.
I think I need a mindset shift for this one. To be giving my best energy for whoever I am around, or whatever I am doing at that moment- and to plan for a separate personal down-time. Worth a try.

Arthur and I have been contemplating buying a flat. Many are advising us to wait till the second half of the year when prices will drop some more, but I wonder if everyone is waiting for the same- wouldn’t demand prevent any drastic falls? I pray God will lead us to the “tent” He wants us to live in, in His own time. This is something a little too big for this young couple with the 101 considerations to make on their own.

My previous blog entry sparked some concern- thanks for asking after and praying for me. I think I’m pretty ok now. Perhaps when there’s a later chance, or when the moment of inspiration comes for me to write more about the subject matter- I would. But at this point, looking through granny’s glasses suffices to teach my heart a new lesson- that we are all still too young, have too many days (God willing) and are still too far from the finishing line to grow weary. We all need a little more perseverance and capacity for trials man!

Out of the curtain

There are some things I cannot talk about recently without tears welling up- maybe that’s why I choose to stay clear of these conversations for as long as I can help it.

To hide within the curtain- initially set up by fatigue, but subsequently an easy escape, to stay away from lives around me. To face the fears of ministry only when they find me. But truth is also that I am not even sure if I can explain why I’m feeling what I’m feeling.

What He has shown me, I am trying to repent of. The rationalization of my thoughts during this season, keeping Him out of the picture because I think I know the reasons why. My hiding away from Him and assuming His thoughts and response. The anger, frustration, fear and pettiness.

When He sang to me “You'll find no curtain there, No reason left for fear;
There's perfect freedom here To weep every unwept tear”
When He told me “My greatest desire is to be with you”
When He reminded me that “You’re my princess I bought with my crown”
When my heart finally heard Him, I know I have at last been found.

I wish the conference this weekend could be a magical antidote to purge the poison out once for all. But today, I see more clearly that the healing is perhaps still in its infancy. Root cause analysis is satisfactory for head problems, but when it’s a heart problem I am encouraged to hear that- just as the wisdom writings force the wise to see the inadequacy of wisdom, neither would the answers I have suffice.

As Michael Card well puts it “the miracle of Job is the movement of God- when God is moved by Job’s tears and shows up”. And at the end of the day, the hurts do not just go away. His presence will be the only comfort we have now. And we will move on when we are ready with the scars we bear.

p/s: Pardon the incoherence and things in abstract. But to bring you comfort, I am joyfully, gratefully, blissfully married to my 2 husbands- both of whom are kings in their own right.. *winks*

Being blind

I was thinking the other day- how would you describe a tree to someone who is blind from birth. How will you explain what green is? Or how will you describe what tall is? What image will be formed in his mind, when he is thinking of a flower, or a chair, or the sun?

How will he appreciate the way he is dressing today not being able to take in his reflection in the mirror, or the magnificence of the moment when she is performing in front of a crowd of thousands? Without any prior experience or image as a point of reference, what is their world like?

What if I am blind one day and not be able to see the faces of my loved ones again? What if I am no longer able to behold the beauty of creation? What sights will I miss most? How will I go about doing the simple dailies? Who will I finally learn to see with my heart? How will I feel when I get to regain my sight again?

“Thank you God that I can see today. Let my eyes see and perceive the things and people you have created. Let my eyes not be blind to the simple treasures in life that are so precious.”

Emo side of things

They were still in shock that it happened. He broke up with her so quickly, so abruptly. They knew that he had been in anguish for a while, feeling trapped by the demands that were so laid upon him. But his sudden departure caught them unprepared.

Though they had known her first, he had become a dear friend they knew as their own through the years. The thought that both their beloved friends were hurting caused them much heartache, their helplessness to provide relief compounded the pain.

Deeper still in the manifolds of emotions, was the murky mud of questions that each of them were straddling through on their own. None had the heart to say aloud what they feel. Perhaps because they knew it to be secondary to what he was going through, perhaps because they did not want to further plague him with the trivialities of what they were feeling, perhaps because they knew there was no answer they can hope to receive. The questions made the sense of loss with his leaving even more acute.

Had they not been friends who talked heart to heart through the night? Did they not go through the ups and downs together in years passed? Was what they had so superficial that he could not bear to confide in them when he was battling in anguish? What was it then that they shared, when they were not able to be there and provide help to their relationship in time? Did more than one relationship have to end just because he broke up with her?

Welcome 2009!

So 2009 has crept in just like that. Happy New Year everyone!

I have not really thought of what this new year might bring for us, nor made any resolutions- more later. For now, here are some pictures from the holiday season in the last 2 months of 2008- Enjoy!

They are from:
The Cookie Decorating party with 4 of my favorite girls,
Desserts Making (yes, THE cupcakes, and Arthur’s yummilicious chocolate fudge- thanks to Dad & Mom’s Christmas package),
Christmas Party at Gayle's,
Breakfast Burritos on Christmas morning prepared by Chef Arthur,
New Year’s Day trip to Pulau Ubin,
And a simple New Year’s Day dinner.

Christmas Cooking

Mom was really nice when she wrote to me and said, “You are very ambitious and adventurous. You're going to be a great cook. I know because trying is 90% of the requirement.” (Thanks Mom!!) This is something I need to keep in my heart and remind myself each time my baking outing fails- like this time, again.

This time, the adventure was to make a Cupcake Christmas Tree (tiny cupcakes, stacked in the form of a Christmas tree) for Gayle’s party. I didn’t want the entire tree to taste and look the same- and it would be too boring for me to make so many batches of the same thing. After going through a whole lot of combinations in my head- I settled on three: Double-chocolate swirl, Peppermint frosting and Candy rice Cupcakes.

I tried to melt the white chocolate bar Mom & Brittany left me. My last attempt to melt it in the microwave failed so miserably, I even melted a hole in the container. The double-boil method from the cooking instruction on the back of the box looked easy enough. As the white chocolate bar started to melt in the bowl, it still looked a little lumpy. So I borrowed Arthur’s idea from making icing to add in some milk. It looked really good. And my, was I pleased.

Happily, I started to pour a layer of the white chocolate into the half-filled tiny cupcakes. Then, I took a tooth-pick to try to swirl it around to mix the colors of the dark brown chocolate cake mix and white chocolate. In my mind, pretty cupcakes with white and dark brown circles started to form. How pretty! The outcome could not be further than that, as I took out the first batch of cupcakes from the oven.

For reasons still unknown to me, the cupcakes overflowed and the colors were a mess. It was definitely far from the pretty little things that I sent into the oven. The cupcakes did not rise properly like the Candy rice ones and looked flat. Not to mention, the baking tray had burnt sugar hard as rock all over. Lesson: To make swirled cakes, I need two batches of cake mix- using simply melted chocolate would not do.

It is defeating having your first batch to turn out like that, but I still had so many cupcakes to go- I must press on. But I could not afford to screw many more batches up. So I opted for safety, and sent batches of plain chocolate cupcakes and Candy rice ones into the oven. Now, I need to figure out the peppermint frosting.

I was not able to find mint extract in the supermarket (upsetting!), so I thought my peppermint frosting idea had to go kaput. In an instant of God-given enlightenment, I started to search for something peppermint at home- though I still wasn’t sure how it was going to help, but finding something minty would be a good place to start. No more peppermint wine, nor mint chocolate slice. Argh.

Lo and behold, a bag of peppermint candies! Would melted peppermint candies do the trick? I tried to double boil the candies- they turned soft, it’s working! But it was hardly liquid or substantial enough, so I threw the white chocolate bars in. And I got white chocolate peppermint frosting, this is yummy! Lesson: You do not need icing sugar to making icing! Arthur and I spent the rest of the evening putting on the icing for the petite cupcakes.

Susan and everyone else who bakes, advocate following baking recipes to the T. This is a serious problem for me. Every time I read cook books, I learn about different techniques, and get a whole lot of ideas swimming in my head. When the rubber hits the road and I am seriously trying to cook something from a recipe, I will be wondering if I can replace something with something, or doing something differently from another recipe. This time round, I was simply making up the recipe in my head. Creativity and instruction need to find their rightful place in my culinary outings.

This probably wraps up my cooking diary for 2008. I just want to thank-
my very forgiving & easy-to-please husband (who made superb chocolate fudge & yummy breakfast burritos without casualties- bravo!) for his advice and encouragement,
all the awesome cooks in the Kok family for your inspiration and tips,
my 2 very “willing” food-tasters at home for surviving the numerous tortures I have put you through, and
all of you who kindly had a bite or two of something I made so far.
Thank YOU!

This Christmas

I'm really excited about Christmas today, in midst of all my late working nights, stress and fatigue lately, my heart has managed to skip to a beat again. Thank you Daddy!

Maybe it's coz of the cookie party with the little girls tonight,
maybe it's coz of the Christmas parties happening at Serene's & Esther's tomorrow,
maybe it's coz Huixin and Zhiyong agreed to come,
maybe it's coz of the service this sunday in ORPC about Lessons on Carols,
maybe it's coz of the Christmas eve party at Gayle's and candlelight service,
maybe it's coz of making my first breakfast burritos and reading the nativity story on Christmas morning,
maybe it's coz of the Christmas lunch at Amy's,
maybe it's coz of calling the family on Christmas evening and be there as they open the prezzies.
Fwah, full- Christmas starts today!

Christmas is my favourite holiday, not just because of all the fun and parties, eating and drinking, prezzies and traditions. i love the celebratory spirit of giving, of loving, of family and friends coming together. i love the beauty of the season.

And i love it most, when having celebrated so many years of Christmas, the Holy Spirit moves us once more when man hears of the story of the baby in the manger. I love it most, when hardened hearts become melted marshmellows, having met the Man who is more than a carpenter. So here's sharing my other favourite song this Christmas - Who would imagine a king?

My grown up Christmas List

The trimmings & decorations can be passed off as commercialized gimmicks, but the beauty of the tall Christmas tree, red bows and candlelights can act to remind us the beauty of that silent night, when God became a man. The beauty of the starry skies when the angels sang, the beauty of the serenity when the baby laid in the manger, the beauty He beheld in sinful men- when He chose to give up His royal robes.

It's too hard to let Christmas slip by as just another holiday, too cold & heartless to not be moved by the message of the season. It's been a hard year for many for different reasons- but surely where there is life and hope, and when we can sit upon the knees of our Heavenly Father who love and care and give, let His children write Him a Christmas list today.





My Grown up Christmas List this year - a church with people who care and give, a world with a church who cares and gives.

Thanksgiving blunders

I was ambitious this Thanksgiving. Attempted many first time dishes for the 2 meals I made this season- some of which are a resounding success, and some made me learn lessons about life & myself.

The family menu on Thursday night looked something like that- bacon & cheese stuffed mushrooms (it’s surprisingly easier than it sounds), crunchy romaine salad (one of Arthur’s favorite salad modified by using balsamic vinegar), mashed sweet potatoes (yummy), Swedish meatballs & rosti (don ever buy frozen rosti from Ikea, yucks!), pizza and lemon bars.

The BIG blunder for that night was my festive cider. When I served the drink excitedly to Arthur, he was like “interesting… it has a very strong taste”. I was like “Yeah, I didn’t understand why I had to put so much garlic into the drink”. “Why did you boil it with garlic?” “The recipe called for cloves.” His laughter was uncontrollable for the next 10 minutes.
So I learnt that cloves are not just collective nouns for garlic, but is a spice. Why didn’t they teach that in school?

I wanted to do something really traditional for the party on Saturday night. So the menu consisted of-
Meats: Chicken & stuffing with cranberry sauce (had wanted to do a turkey, but ‘chickened in’ after I realized I had no fridge space for a Butterball), Meatloaf (recipe with ketchup, obviously for the ketchup lover), Pineapple stuffed sausages with melted cheese,
Carbs: Mashed potatoes & gravy, dinner rolls (garlic & cream cheese)
Greens: Crunchy Romain salad (finally found my Red Wine Vinegar @ Carrefour), Boiled carrots and Green beans casserole with corn & mushrooms
Desserts: Pumpkin pie & Lemon bars
Drinks: Festive cider (this time boiled with real cloves), Sangria

So what went wrong this time… hmm.. I was too lazy to do the short-crust pastry for the pie, so I opted for the frozen pie pastry. After I rolled it out, fitted it nicely into the pie dish, and folded the edges into a pretty looking pie, I sent it into the oven to partially bake it.

When I checked it 7 minutes later.. Yikes, the sides started to curl and shrink away. So obviously I had to take it out and try to salvage it- how else was I to pour the pumpkin filling into a curled-up pie? So I tried to knead the hot dough back onto its sides, patching it however I could. My fingers turned pink coz of the heat. And sadly, my once-pretty pie frills no longer looked pretty. But thankfully, the dough held up this time. So I put some rice into the pie to act as pie weights.

When the pie base was ready for its filling, I had to remove the rice bits. I started picking them off. But I got impatient, so I tried to turn the pie over to shake them off. What happened next was a no-brainer. The pie fell, and broke. GOSH. But again, thankfully, the dough was not entirely cooked, so I was still able to piece them back together.

Impatience for a young baking apprentice is a killer. Perhaps I need to bake more to learn better lessons on following instructions and patience. Sorry, not too many pictures because we forgot to take them :(

Happy Feet

There are 2 reasons why this weekend is about Happy Feet.

Firstly of course, I watched the cartoon of the same title on Sunday with the jogging clique. Thanks to the rain, we ended up at Serene’s place watching this penguin flick that I missed in the theatres. And it was really pretty fun! I like baby Mumble A LOT- such a cute little fluff-ball. Wish he didn’t have to grow up though. Hmm.. why do the baby animals in these cartoons always have to grow up? Bambi, The Lion King, etc, etc.

After learning more about these white knights in black coat from March of the Penguins, I have a profound respect for these creatures (though I think in real life, they look pretty ugly and scary close up), and can only stand in awe of the creator.
God in creating them, revealed His faithfulness, and single-mindedness in loving. That’s why Papa Penguin is always able to find Mama Penguin in midst of the thousands after winter. And if even Papa Penguin can protect the egg with their lives, what more our Papa in heaven?

Being reminded that creation is bigger than the human species and summation of our experiences, the nature that exists at the tips of the globe is testament that life is truly larger than our existence.

Secondly, my feet are happy again. *yay!!!*

There was this wart/ corn that has been bothering my right feet for many months. It became really painful 2 weeks ago- though the doctor refused to pay heed to me then and thought I was making a mountain out of a molehill. Argh.

This weekend, I went to another doctor- obviously because it became so painful that I could not even walk properly any more. He shaved off thick dead skin that had grown, to reveal some pus that had solidified inside my foot. Viral infection he said.
But he could not do much more at that time, as I was whining and groaning in pain (I do think women have a pretty high threshold of pain, even then…). So he gave me some anti-biotics cream and oral anti-biotics (one week course) to take. Gosh- was that necessary? Now I think he’s making a mountain out of a mole hill.

So now the good news is- I managed to squeeze the solidified pus out on Sunday night!! It looked like a tiny pearl.. Yippee!! So no more pain when I walk, and I have happy feet :) :) :)

Is God saying something?

Ministry has been discouraging to say the very least, lately. There is just this fear, reluctance and dry-ness within.

Perhaps a large part of it is tied up to the search of meaning in my small existence*, but my heart just turns into cold fish each time I think about church in PPC recently. Not the hard-heartedness kind of cold, but the kind when I do not know what to do, how to pray and why I would believe things could change.

And it is funny because as Arthur and I were talking about it recently, we realized that being in a “struggling” church is perhaps our calling in life. Many would desire to be a growing vibrant community, and they do eventually move into the greener pastures where they seem to soar spiritually.
But it seems like that desire will remain the driver for ministry in the hard grounds all our lives- to be that sheep dog and drive sheep into the Shepherd’s pen, to make sure they stay with the herd. Arthur’s heart soars at that prospect, mine just thuds softly to the ground with a quiet conviction to know that this is true.

PPC Second Service will move to the Legends in 2 weeks time. And we are still lost. And today, God sent me an article… “Being led into the desert”

Funny- the pastors are singing the tune of “Promised Land”, but what if He has the desert in store for us for the next few years? Who will stay? Who will leave? What if things just do not get better but go downhill? How will we be travelling in those years?

God led the people of Israel into the desert to learn something about themselves. They learned about their level of obedience when life became difficult.
"Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands" (Deut 8:2).
When God leads you into the desert, He is allowing you to learn something about yourself. We all need to learn how we will respond to temptations in our lives. As we press into God during these times the roots of our faith are forced deeper and deeper into the soil of His grace. Do not fear being led into the desert. This too is the way of God.

The fact that it’s gonna be a desert does not faz me, honestly… The lessons I might come to learn about myself might be good- but that’s not what I yearn most. I pray that I will still be able to keep the love for His Kingdom, the joy to see it grow, and the faith to simply depend on Him each step of the way. And at the end of it, to know Him and be found faithful to the end.

* - This is a separate search altogether. But I am wondering, just wondering- will I let the silent still voice within me win the day, or the safety nets this world seeks to tempt me with delay me some more.
How many more years will I have to wait to try to be that fool who will make a difference in this world? Perhaps He might lead the way with circumstance- if I do not know how to let go, take it away from me please Daddy.. lead the way! *yay

Praise You in this storm

Yet another season of broken hearts and lives

And the problem of pain arrests our routined steps

Life is perhaps not in our hands

But in the God who gives and takes away

Mighty to save

My little prayer for you today....

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain in to joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

May what matter to us be what matters most to Him each day...



"Bring it on, God. Bring it on!"

Love ME for who I am

When I was single, I’ve always longed for the man who would love me for who I am. No need for beautiful appearances, no need for make up or nice clothes- but just to be loved for who I am. That I will not need to pretend to be who I am not, or change to be someone whom I will never be- he will love and accept all of me- the way I am.

This love I found for many years- only in God, and to some extent my family. It is elusive and unthinkable that another would love me so unconditionally, of his own free will and choose to love me for who I am. I believe that this desire to be loved for who I am lies deep in every soul. Even God. Is it that unthinkable to think that God desires to be loved & worshipped for who He is?

The difference between God and me, is that He is not whiny, attention seeking, “look at me”. He is not flawed, ugly inside out nor selfish. He does not need others to affirm His worth. He is who He is.
The Creator King whose wisdom is beyond measure, the Humble Servant whose heart is beautiful beyond description, the all encompassing Great I AM whose glory knows no bounds nor end, the Faithful Lover who holds on to the very end. He is the only One who deserves to be worshipped for who He is. And He desires to be loved for who He is.

Satan mocked God that there is no one on earth who loved and worshipped Him for who He is- not beyond the good gifts that He gave. What was at stake is not just a little bet- but the entire weight of the glory of God. Satan was saying to God “No one could love You for who You are, God. Do you think anyone truly worships you for You are? They only want Your gifts!” That is why He allowed Satan to test Job- to take away his family, his riches, his health. If Job would still stand and worship Him even in the depths of his sufferings.

Job cried and wailed and lamented in deep anguish. He did not understand, he was pained to think that the God whom he knew to be in control of everything, would do these things to him. But not once in midst of his affliction, Job spoke against God. He lamented and suffered the sacred sorrow till God spoke to him out of the storm. But God gave him no answers. Neither did God told him why these things happened. He just showed Job who He is- and Job repented.

"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. "You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.' My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."

Father, You are God. I want to love You for who You are, help me please. Beyond the good things You can give, more than Your goodness. I can count the many ways how deserving You are to be loved and worshipped for who You are. But beyond Your beauty, let me love You, simply because You are You.
Lord, You are God and i am not. When things go wrong, keep me close and let me not sin against You. When I do not have the answers, help me trust in You. When the whole world crashes and “You cannot be found”, let me remain in You. When I forget people in my old age, let me not forget my precious Lord and Savior.
Help Your bride to love You, God. To fall in love with You daily, to pursue You passionately. You are God and I want to love You for who You are.

Bangkok Pics

Emma

I fell in love with this old movie recently (thanks to Arthur and Mom) - and found one of my favorite movie character. Emma. This show definitely goes up there with my You’ve got mail and While you were sleeping.

On many fronts, this dear little miss busy-body and match-maker wannabe is so like me. Watching the screenplay of her endeavor to find her good friend Harriet a worthy match, is like holding up a mirror before my own silly dreams of hooking up beloved friends. An alarm bell to not be a silly cupid, especially since I have my prejudices & short-sightedness that can well lead to bad judgment.

I like Emma Woodhouse better than Elizabeth Bennet (from Pride and Prejudice) – she’s a lot chirpier, flightier, and more fun. Hooray for blondes! BUT My Mr Darcy is still un-trumpable. Wahaha..
Mr Knightly’s pretty charming too, but unfortunately, I feel that his character is not too well developed, one of the ills of Jane Austen’s heroine-centric novels. Nevertheless, the chivalrous males from Jane’s novels work their charms on your through the show so subtly.. such that by the end of the movie, you’d wanna go back to the beginning to get to know them all over again.

So here’s sharing some of my fave quotes from the movie.

The most beautiful thing in the world is a match well made.
~ The Christian in me can rise to refute this statement and reduce it to ashes.. But let’s go easy and not dash the dreams of sweet Emma’s matchmaking efforts.

Your entire personality is a riddle, I thought you overqualified.
~ I love this line… Smart and witty.

It left us speechless, quite speechless, and we have not stopped talking of it since! ~ Another one that cracked Arthur up big time.

Maybe it is our imperfections which make us so perfect for one another.
~ Pretty cliché sounding, but I guess many couples can identify with this one. Still pretty tacky I must say.

Badly done Emma! Badly done.
~ Mr Knightly reprimanded Emma for her unkind remark to a socially awkward friend, and broke my heart.

Emma: I have given them charity, but not kindness, a virtue which some friends may doubt I still have.
Mr Knightly: The truest friend does not doubt, but hope.
~ One of my favorite exchanges between them, very thoughtful and good soup for the soul. Addressing character flaws of the protagonist, gains Emma one up above other just-about-romance romantic comedies.

Dear Lord, if he cannot share a life with me is it wrong to ask that he not share it with anyone? That we go on as we go on now, him stopping by at any hour, always the brightest part of our lives, a natural and easy member of the family. i would be content if he would just stay single Lord, that's it, if he would just stay single that would be enough for me to be perfectly satisfieed...Almost...Amen.
~ Emma’s diary when this little girl finally realized that she has fallen for her friend… Cutely vicious.. hahaha. Beware men for not returning a girl’s affections :p

I watched the movie 3 times in a single day. But if you wanna watch it ever, ask me to watch it with you, please!!!!!

***

On a side note, will be away for the weekend to Bangkok with Arthur. So this space will be a little quiet for a while!

Bride means cook

As I learnt during my bridal shower, “bride” in old English means cook. So how has this newly married fulfilled her “cooking responsibilities” so far?
Taking stock of the days and months, it’s surprising that it’s been only close to 3 months. But my sister would probably say that I’ve cooked more in these 3 months than the last 3 years. Hahhaha…

So just a quick run-down of my cooking excursions so far (sorry no pictures!)-

Prawn Paste chicken wings – baked! Wings lovers may turn their nose on this, but I’m telling you chicken wings can be baked to crisp perfection when you have a master baker (me! :p )- and with sufficient time to allow the wings to soak in the marinade, you don feel that you’ll be missing out much on the unhealthy batter. I’m slowly getting there, it’s a skill to know when to turn up the heat, when to flip each wing over, how golden brown should the perfect wing be. *smackin licious!*

Buffalo wings – Likewise, baked to golden perfection- it’s the healthier cousin of what they serve in Hooters. I’ve made it twice, and am still perfecting the sauce. It’s getting better I think, but I’ve gotta go out there to eat more of these before I can decide how I best like my Buffalo wings to taste.

Chocolate cupcakes with fudge center – It turned out pretty well actually, and honestly I think cupcakes are a lot easier to make and serve than a huge cake in a big cake tin. It was a pleasant surprise to see the cupcakes shrink from the sides of the metal tin tray so nicely- don have to worry about getting the cake out of the cake tin and not breaking it.
And these lovely little things are easy to make a hole in to pour the fudge in. It was a simple experiment, that I think I’m gonna be more adventurous with. Raspberry sauce, hot fudge, white chocolate sauce seeping out of a warm moist chocolate cupcake- anyone?

Burritos – It’s one of Arthur’s favorite foods, and Taco Bell in Singapore is expensive and sucks in his opinion. So I have to try my hands at making this Mexican dish for my darling. Its pretty easy honestly- hamburger (or what we would call mince) browned with taco seasoning, wrapped in a warm tortilla skin with refried beans, shredded cheddar, lettuce, tomato, and top it up with some salsa- there you have it! Serve it with some tortilla chips, and it’s an authentic Mexican home-cooked meal.

Shabu Shabu @ home – I love Shabu Shabu. Between 7 to 12, we used to have it almost every Sunday at our favorite Japanese restaurant in Tanglin Shopping Centre, at a very affordable price. Ever since it closed down and broke our hearts, the alternatives were grotesquely expensive. So having been starved of Shabu Shabu for so long, have decided to make this Japanese hot pot at home.
The soup is easy- boil it with the thick Japanese seaweed, and you’ll have a nice clear broth. It’s about the ingredients and sauces really- don save on these! Get good cuts of shabu shabu beef, lots of nice golden mushrooms, big white cabbage, the special sauce for dipping the veggies in and the sesame based sauce for the meats. What I need to remember to hunt for next round are the thick Japanese noodles. Any suggestions where?

Tommorrow, will be trying my hands at Thai Pineapple rice and Kai Yang chicken tomorrow. Have made the former many times, so it’s the Kai Yang chicken that’s making me a little excited. Hope it turns out well!!

Bless the broken road

This song is one of Mom's favorite, and when Arthur shared it with me during the early days of our courtship- this song by Rascal Flatts very quickly grew on me too.. Here's sharing a version sang by Rascal and Carrie Underwood with you.. enjoy the beautiful lyrics :)

**

I set out on a narrow way many years ago

Hoping I would find true love along the broken road

But I got lost a time or two

Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

*

Every long lost dream led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you

*

I think about the years I spent just passing through

I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you

But you just smile and take my hand

You've been there you understand

It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

*

Now I'm just rolling home

Into my lover's arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you.

**

The institution

There had been a debate at home some time back- about a Christian’s response towards the institution. The institution can be the organization that we work in, its cold-hearted policies, the sum of its politicking colleagues and bottom-line only management. The institution can also be the authorities whose state we live in, it’s autocratic democracy, and laissez faire based governance.

Let the institution be the company we work in.

How shall the Christian view the “company”?
An arbitrary entity void of emotions- will one be a fool to invest emotionally and believe in its name? The wages it pays are but a fair return for the work done- will one be silly to accord loyalty to it?

And how shall the Christian “treat” the company?
The company has hired me because I am their best option at that point as well- should feelings of gratitude be deemed unnecessary? Another company has head-hunted me and offered to pay off my scholarship, one cannot be faulted having returned the company its investment in monies it has demanded in contract- all “righteousness” has been fulfilled, what is wrong with jumping ship? And where progress has been stunted due to a slip, shall I not bail out on the unforgiving institution in pursuit of greener pastures to better fulfill my potential & other life commitments?

One thing I’d say right from the start, is that the Christian need not have illusions about the goodness of the company. The company is made up of people to fulfill certain objectives. Objectives that may be aligned to some of one’s objectives in life, but there is no perfect alignment at all times. And people managing the company are sinful, wicked people- people not very different from herself if she were to be honest.
But should the nature of the company be the determining factor of how the Christian treat the institution? Should that be so, the Christian will need to re-look at her doctrine, and re-examine her life that has been left unexamined for too long. Faith has slowly been divorced from deeds, and God from His throne.

When Paul instructs slaves to obey their masters- I don think he had the loving master in mind. Nor when he instructs everyone to be subject to governing authorities, had he forgotten that those were the authorities that had crucified his Christ. But what he knows for certain is that “there is no authority except that which God has established… Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience”. (Romans 13:1-5)

When the Christian forgets that it is God who stands behind the institution, that He is the one ultimately in control, she will be tempted to act like the pagans do- rejecting submission, according no kindness, planning and plotting the next step to keep herself ahead and acting only with her self interest as her guide.
When the Christian forgets her duty to God is in all of her life, she will act like the world- that her stomach is more important than integrity, money is valued more than honor, and her name is more important than God’s.
When the Christian forgets that it is to God who gives and takes away, and man & circumstances are but His tools (just as the nations were His judgment to Israel), she nurses hatred & grudges for a time too long and hurts herself. She begins to think that she can do all things through her strength, and manipulate to get away. She can no longer give thanks for she has earned and deserve everything with her hands.

The institution is the world. The world will never be good to the Christian, the world will never be just. The world is God’s tool to mould the Christian, the fire that refines and burns the chaff away. It matters not how the institution treats the Christian-the outcome is certain. It will not always be fair, but God will reprieve in the end. But it matters how the Christian treats the world for she bears His name. She must carry her cross each day, and live for His honor and glory alone. Amen.

O our taste buds!

Saw little Abigail chewing her piece of bread during class that day- it looked so tasty, so sweet and like she’s enjoying every single bite of it. But it was only plain white bread she was chewing. It made me start wondering how and when did our taste buds change as we grow up?

The training of mental faculties happened in school, we progressed from elementary arithmetic to advance algebra as the teachers worked with us through classes and homework. The moulding of our character was fundamentally a factor of our parent’s love and discipline, peer influence, and the environment we were in. Our fashion sense changed with the times and were dictated by the fashion moguls like Louis Vuitton, Gucci and Versace.

But our taste buds… Who told us what is to like and what not to? Mummy can tell us not to eat the unhealthy chips but she cannot tell us not to like its taste. Grandma can tell little boys to eat their veggies, but she cannot stop them from thinking it taste like poison.

How did our taste buds morph (or degenerate?!) from finding white bread tasteless, and find only ‘atas’ bread from Provence palatable? How did it stop finding satisfaction in Cadbury, and considers only Godiva or its likes worthy chocolate? How did our taste buds become fickle to our “favorite” kind of chips- switching from Sour Cream Pringles to Original Lays to Cheddar Ruffles to Honey Dijon Kettle Chips within a year; and yet at the same stayed faithful to the old-fashioned vanilla ice-cream we had since we’re five? O our taste buds! You're an enigma :p

I have no answer for these musings- nor would I attempt to objectify something so subjective- especially since everyone’s taste is different, and each man is rightfully entitled to his own. As Xun always says “One man’s meat is another man’s poison”. The mystery also gives me room to insist that “my taste has changed” when I don feel like eating something some day. :p

But one moment of truth I’d throw to those with expensive taste buds though- is to remember what we used to like & find satisfying in the old days, and not become too far from returning to them some day. Do not become a victim of your own taste buds. Do not fall prey to restaurant operators who deepen the rich-poor divide subconsciously based on the food we eat- they are but after our pockets. Do not feel “high class” simply because you ate at a “high class” restaurant.

And remember- while we are choosing today the type of grains we would like in our Q Q Rice Balls, there are those who do not even have that spoonful of rice they require to live that day.

Tiny thoughts on a Friday

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave?"

This is one of my favourite quotes from one of my favorite movies by one of my favorite Hollywood sweethearts. It’s small and it’s sweet, but very haunting too. Wondering if my decision to stay or my indecision to move, would have led me to something very different in life. But thankfully, the certainty that He holds my life firmly in His hands is strong enough to hold back any foolish bravado.

**

Dedicated to a precious aching heart-

I don have an answer for you and I don know what to say.
It’s a beauty they say to dare to love and give a part of your heart away.
But before the courage is taken again in time,
I pray and plead- that you’ll dare to decide that He will be your prime.
So that when He takes your heart and give it to another,
You’ll know the peace that is for real.
The certainty that it’s His will for you,
And you have His blessings for sure.
He wants the best for you, not one who will hurt you,
Trust Him and His choice and time- He never fails.
And He alone is God who holds your future-
Beauty He says, is surrendering to His plan.

P/s: It hurts me to see you cry, am helpless,
But my tiny shoulders are here.

story illustrations (II)

“How is married life?”

For the lack of a celebrity status, there will be no friends from the press who would cover a public statement for me. So here I am to address a fond question of many when they meet me. Some are from kind-hearted passer-bys who asked the “by-the-way” question on their way. :p Some are from my beloved friends- whom I cannot give an adequately honest answer during my time with you, as my mental faculties cannot work fast enough during conversation. So, if you really want to know… here’s a peek at some of my thoughts..

Married life is a bed of roses. The passionate big blooms that tell you life is beautiful, and makes you smile each day the sun shines through the window. The accompanying greens that gives a calm soothing quality to the ordinariness of the everyday life. The thorns that sticks and pricks no matter when you’re carefully treating each other, or carelessly brushing the other person off. The roots that go “down-to-earth”, reminding you of the reality of the hard work that needs to go into making the tiny love plant grow- and also building a home together.

I cannot complain about our team effort in the kitchen when he cleans up after I cook. And it’s really fun to cook for two and eating the meal together- be it in front of the TV watching the Lord of the Rings, or just at the dining table catching up on each other’s day.
And he does most of the cleaning the house- although he’s still waiting for me to fly into a rage and scream “Don’t touch my things!” :p The record of this messy one’s stands at an occasional frown- “there’s order in my chaos ok..”
Although we were told that we’re strong communicators, there are times when the communication line is broken as well- there are still times when the intent is misunderstood, or when the tone is not pleasing to our ears, or when an apology is not given as expected.

Married life is having a mirror held up to you 24-7. He’s your biggest fan and cheerleader, and harshest critic and voice of conscience at the same time. It’s a delicate business pointing out the other person’s erroneous behavior and bad attitude- and no acquaintance would care enough to do that, nor would a friend would risk the relationship to do that, and we discount our family most of the time. But I guess that’s why our Good Father has given us the perfect environment of a marriage to spur us towards holiness. When correction is done in and with love, the humble pie is easier to eat and you want more to change. Pray that it will always stay this way.

Married life is His grace in my everyday. Recently, I have felt like an unworthy daughter of the Most High, a hypocritical testimony at best. I cringe when I need to pray aloud, and choose to be an ungrateful brat when I could give thanks. I don’t know how to open the door to Him, and I feel stuck in this spiritual mess. But yet when I cried for an answer, He points me to the breath He has given us both today- and that we have each other to hold. And this is grace untold.

Married life is “business as usual”. The wedding’s an event- it is fun. And there are life-long lessons still to learn about being married and “working things out together”. But yet in the stillness of your heart, when the activity ceases in your mind as you wait for the red light to turn green, what lies deepest within still- is an answer you have to give to Your King. How will you live your life for Him.

Living Word 2008

Thanks to Yibin and Serene, was treated to a Revelations 12-14 feast by DA Carson this week. This was the 2008 Living Word conference held by our brothers and sisters in the Anglican Church. The clear NT scholar once again opened my eyes to the jewels in the Holy Scripture with his faithful exposition of the text. *clapclapclap* Will try to contain my praises for this man of God as I am sure he is not seeking for man’s applause- but may all honor & glory be to God whose Living Word is powerful, and the bestowing of gifted teachers to encourage His people. :)

There are lots of wonderful treats listening to Prof Carson. he leaves you with a good grasp of what the text is talking about and solid applications to digest, the history & context of not just the message but also world & church history, wonderful nuggets of interesting bites on things like how apocalyptic literature works, worldview of key Christian theology, clearer insights on not just the text in study and also other parts of the Bible… But the best part of it is that you do not feel like a knowledge-puff at the end of it. Hard to believe- but you don’t.

Instead, you feel like you have just been ushered into the throne room of God, caught another real glimpse of Him, contemplated on yourself & your world, and be once again brought to your knees in holy fear. Like what James has said- it’s like looking into the mirror. And you see a reflection of yourself, not just because of what it says about mankind, but because you see a clearer picture of your Creator-Maker-Saviour-Lord.

You thought you knew Him, but you didn’t- not of His justice, not of His wrath, not of His Majesty.
You thought you knew your place before Him, but actually you didn’t- not how disgusting and adulterous you have been as you go about setting up idols in your life, not how you’ve trivalized His holy wrath that would burn and consume you if not of His Son, not how you have made Him small by assuming you're familiar with Him, not how you have made yourself god by thinking you can approach the Almighty in any fashion you like in the name of grace.
You have been so mistaken, so mistaken.

That I may fear You, Lion of Judah
That I may remember You, the slain Lamb
That I may owe my all to You, Creator and King
That I may love You, the One who loved, loves and will save me.

That I may have Your heart, weeping for the hardened hearts
That I may have Your feet, to go and seek the lost
That I may be like You, and be the broken bread
That I will be to You, like a pleasing offering.

"If there's anyone who can appear before Aslan withouth their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or else silly... who said anything about safe? Of course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you"

There is much much to share on the content- but I’d rather have you listen to him. Have placed an order for the CDs of the talks- let me know if you’re interested!

story Illustrations...

Just some quick pics from the wedding to satisfy the curious first.. More will be added later! Still waiting for my photographer to get back to me *yawn*

Pics from Arthur & Xun's birthday party @ Khansamana. Indian anyone?

His Story

***

Just a simple story, one of many in history
Of life given in love, a promise to eternity

We live but in a moment, within the frame of time

An ordinary allegory, our lives to be a sign

*

There is a greater story beyond our history

Of life given in love- a pathway to eternity

He came but in a moment, within the frame of time

To redeem the fallen story, His life rewrote the lines

**
We come today to celebrate

A chapter in the story of two hearts

That in His time have vowed

To write His love in life

And on this day

We pray that as you follow in His way

(In His image He will mould, as the story unfolds)

His Story will be told

In your everyday

***

*Thanks Grace, Henry & Bernice for this lovely song... could not have captured our prayer better* :)

My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Stealing the movie title “in honor” of my own inter-cultural marriage. Of course the label is apparent to everyone looking in from outside; and Arthur prob feels it more than I do at this point, since he is the one now living in a foreign culture. But there is this strange feeling as I admit to being a party in this “social-cultural phenomenon”, that is the subject of many studies.

Marriage is of course too big to be discussed, and we are still experiencing its thrills and pricks in the course of our relationship. So for now, would just like to use this space to leave some alternative reflections upon our “inter-cultural wedding”, as we slow down after the wedding preparations, family holiday, and all the huzz buzz.

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue- the common “must-haves” on an American bride. Didn’t know about this till the bridal shower actually, so was my borrowing of lynn’s gown a “prophetic move”? hahaha… Was missing the blue thing though, does the car count? :p

Having a real real home made wedding cake was really sweet. (In Singapore, we typically have a “fake cake” with only one layer of real sponge for cutting as the camera clicks.) Thank you all for your labor of love- and to all those who loved it, thanks for making the efforts worthwhile.
The process of the baking of the wedding cake was jaw-dropping. Mom & Brittany spent an entire day baking 17 chocolate and vanilla sponges. Aunt Carol and cousin Jane spent another day putting the cake together- decorating it with white chocolate icing, carving the intricate design of the 5 layered cake. And its tradition to keep a portion of the cake for 1 year, and have it on our first year anniversary. Now let’s hope my mother doesn’t scream for taking up that space in her freezer for so long.

I thought throwing the bridal bouquet only happened in the movies. FUN!! Thanks to all my gal pals for being so game to be willing to reach for the bouquet :)

Really really wanted to see each other for the first time that day in church, at the ends of the aisle. Thankful to my parents for allowing my secret dream to happen. Being willing to allow me to do away with the “receiving the bride” in the morning, and having the tea ceremony in church. All whom I have troubled to have the make-up done in church, thanks!!

Given the screwball queen I am, the wedding would of course not have been “signaturely me” if the sounds didn’t screw up that day hahaha. Everyone and everything else was too perfect, so something has to give you see. But really sorry to have caused Bingxun & Enoch so much stress in the sound room, and so sorry to those who were there who had to bear with some bad screeches.

The above are just the froth of my reflections on that day of course. There is so so much to give thanks for. And the weight of the love that we received from family & friends- who gave, who were there, who wanted to be there, is just too weighty for words. So just allow us to plant your seeds of love in our hearts, and praying that our lives will bear fruit for you some day.

* pictures later, promise ;) *

Scibbles before the day..

Indeed things have been pretty quiet around here for a while… But well how can I leave no trace of one of the memorable seasons in my life on this precious collection of my thoughts…

So it’s counting down 5 days to the wedding. 5 days- goodness, from months to weeks to days, it has come to this. Nervousness and anxiety? Nope, not at this point though I can so totally see the butterflies coming in to stay in my tummy on Friday.

Let’s make some quick notes on what has happened so far-

Totally completely bowled over by God’s provision for the family’s accommodation. It’s ideal, affordable, perfect and beyond perfect- in the entire climate of skyrocketing hotel and rental prices, lack of options for short term rentals, delays in committing to what seem to be good God-given options. He has given where we have now. Praise be to Him!!

A little tired from all the mid-night trips to the airport. 2 consecutive nights- not too many but pretty tiring nonetheless. Arthur’s family has almost all come by this weekend. Spending time with them, hanging out- it’s all pretty fun. But somehow, I wish I had the quiet time and space to have deeper conversations with each of them. In time in time- after all it’s been only 2 days… And I know my man’s been pretty stressed- hiding in his cave and trying to solve problems by himself. Pray for him.

The bridal shower Arthur’s mother, aunt & sisters threw for me was good fun. Learnt that “bride” in old English meant “cook” *bleah*, received about than 7 cookbooks *hope I use them enough* and 4 sexy nighties *errr…nervous* as bridal shower gifts. I guess it’s all well summed up by what Marilyn (Arthur’s mother) pointed out- there are only 2 rooms that a woman can make her man happy- the kitchen and the bedroom.

But I guess one single thought that really captured me today in midst of all the fanfare was this- that as I make my vows to a man to love him in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer, for better for worse till death do us part- may I the bride of Christ also live that single-minded commitment to Christ as the vows prescribe. That this role as a bride to a man, may teach me more on how to be a bride to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

One Pure Holy Passion

"Adoption is as far as possible from the mindset that rejects children as an intrusion.... God's cost to adopt us was infinitely greater than any cost we will endure in adopting and raising children." -- John Piper

And should not the cost that He has incurred compel me to offer the option of adoption to all mankind- irregardless of how ugly and awful i think they are? If He cares, and if i love Him, He needs to matter more than them. Shall i let His blood be shed in vain for them?