I still have the picture that our friend
Andrew took of Mya at her birth as my desktop picture. She’s one year old now,
and very different from that swaddled baby. But a part of me is resisting
changing that picture. My feeble attempt to hold on to a fast fading past.
She was so little! She fitted right into
our arms. She hated tummy time. She could not hold her head up. She was a little
yellow. We had to give her a sponge bath and wash her hair in the sink.
And now, she is tottering around –
walking and talking (or babbling). She even tried to walk backwards and
sideways these two days! She finds her way into things and problem solves (like
standing on a box of crackers to reach for the top shelf). She is such a little
person, a little lady, and maybe a little drama queen.
Where did that little baby go? Yes, she’s
still a baby now. But there are moments that have gone and will never return. It
might be an oxymoron, but I’m living nostalgia so often with her.
I need to remember that, each time I’m
tempted to work or do household chores instead of sitting to read to her or
play with her. Always the busy Martha, guilty as charged.
Like marriage, parenthood has a way of
shining light into our biggest weaknesses and self-centeredness. Sure, I don’t
want to spoil Mya or raise a narcissist; but I can’t deny not doing what’s best
for her at each moment – like not repeating words enough, or sticking with
signing more.
I always say, “at some point, she will
start talking or sleeping through the night or …” But it struck me today that
if I did not help her grow or develop, how would she?
How can I feel so full and yet so
inadequate with her at the same time?
Oh Mya, Mya. You have filled many pages
of my fondest memories in the past year – pages that you will never know about
and pages that I might/will forget. Since it’ll not be possible on this side of
eternity, I hope that God will somehow allow us to relive/review them together
when we are in heaven together.
I look forward to writing more stories with
you together in the next year.
Happy Happy First Birthday, sweetheart! I
love you so very very much.
p/s: Thanks Andrew, for another awesome picture!
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