There was a very significant conversation over dinner- but I will leave that for another day. As I was sitting there before praise and worship started, I felt different from the people around me– I am not an alcoholic, nor am I a co-dependent, I was different. Would I fit in here? What did I get myself into?
But as time we sang praises to God, I was overcome by reality. Reality as seen by God. That in God’s eyes, we were all not too different. God loves that recovering alcoholic brother as much as He loves me, my sins were not too different from the sins of that sister who struggled with substance abuse. We were all one in the same, sinners in need of God’s grace, sinners dearly loved by God. It was humbling to be in the midst of people who are so open with their sins. I was one and the same as them.
And then we got into groups. After the introductions and laying of ground rules, the sharing started. I again wondered, I am not sure if I have anything to share – I am not sure if I am struggling with things to the same extent as the women around me. But as I listened to the burdens that my sisters were carrying, the Holy Spirit used one’s sister’s sharing to convict me of a sin that I had only dared to confess to God and two others in private. It was a sin not too visible, but a sin so deep. Although it was long over, but I have carried that stone for so long.
Applying what I learnt from group counseling, I took the plunge. I told the group something that I have never dared so openly admit before. There were tears, guilt and shame. I felt vulnerable. But at the end of the day, there was freedom. There, I said it. It will no longer be a secret sin, but something I had shared in the safety of my family in Christ. I am convinced that this will not be the last time I will share it. I am convicted that this will be something God wants me to use in my ministry to other sisters in the future. This is but a first step, to use the ashes of my sin, to bring about the beauty in Christ.
I was convicted about God’s power in the open confession among the fellowship of believers. That the acknowledgement and personal ownership of sin to in community was so liberating, and a very tangible way in how believers can help carry each other’s burden. I have always believed in and heard about the power of Christian community in helping each other overcome sin, and now I have personally tasted it.
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