when it's all been said and done

xun shared this with me... poignant.



i pray that i'd have lived my life for truth, for you Jesus.

There is a Higher Throne

Original music by Kristyn Lennox & lyrics by Keith Getty.

There is a higher throne
Than all this world has known
Where faithful ones from every tongue
Will one day come
Before the Son we'll stand
Made faultless through the Lamb
Believing hearts find promised grace
Salvation comes

Hear heaven's voices sing
Their thunderous anthem rings
Through emerald courts and sapphire skies
Their praises rise
All glory, wisdom, power
Strength, thanks and honour are
To God our King who reigns on high
For evermore

And there we'll find our home
Our life before the throne
We'll honour Him in perfect song
Where we belong
He'll wipe each tear-stained eye
As thirst and hunger die
The Lamb comes as our Shepherd King
We'll reign with him.

***

This is one of my all time favorite contemporary hymn. Inspired by Revelation 7:9-17, Keith Getty does a masterpiece in putting Scripture into song, expressing not only the praise man will have for the Most High when all nations stand before Him on that last day, but it makes me long long long for the new creation.


You can imagine my delight when i found the latest album by Keith in Trumpet Praise yesterday. Newly arranged, beautifully sung by his wife Kristyn.
Pure jewel. Its gonna be one of my morning favorites for a long long time.

And actually, this is one hymn i would love to have at my wedding- well or any wedding for that matter. (sorry, the husband and wife team, together with Henry & Bernice's wedding over the weekend has just made me think a little about these things :p) Anyway, this is not about self-indulgence.. but let me just share a little more about my thoughts...

The title in itself establishes the unseen Throne before man, setting the entire congregation, day and the couple before God Himself.

The joy that flows out from the hymn is fitting for the occassion- but even more so, it tells of a joy of a Day far greater than this day itself. Marriage is a foreshadow of the union between Christ and His church, and as much satisfaction as the union between a man & woman in love can bring- the fullnes of being with God on that Day surpasses that all.
This song reminds the couple to put God first. The sinful spouse will still brng hurt and tears, but Jesus will dry ALL tears when we are with Him. And even as they start building a home here on earth together, it will all pass away- for their home is there, there before the throne.

And of course the praise directed to God in the chorus echoes the worship that man has for their God, when they behold His wisdom & glory & perfect design. To God be the glory!

***

To Henry and Bernice, thank you for revealing the glory of Christ in your lives, in your union, and i am certain- in your household. All my love, best wishes and thoughts, always.

Grandma jo...

i had been grappling with the pain in my right back jaw for the last few days.. sometimes its searing, sometimes its content to remain in the background.. and it was so bad i lost sleep last night coz of that... don think i'm exaggerating okie.. don you dare underestimate a woman's pain threshold. bleah.

anyway decided to go to the dentist after lunch with gabbie, zhiming & xun.. so the dentist sat me down, asked some questions, stuffed some cotton in my mouth, made me hold some metal clip in my hand while he holds some metal equipment to sensitize my teeth... and so apparently i don have sensation in two of my pearlies. so he sent me for an x-ray. man.. so complicating....

so apparently some root canal problem. might be ramnants of my cyst removal couple of years back.. some infection there.. which could either get worse or just remain there.. so will have to go see specialist.. who is super busy, so gotta wait 3 months..

BUT thats not the cause of my ache.. BLEAH. its like opening pandora box to a bigger problem, and still not having the original problem fixed.. and so i have to live with it till it heals.. (*hint: prayer needed*) he prescribed some muscle relaxer for me, which i rolled my eyes.. didnt feel like gettting it so i just scurried off without going to the pharmacist as told.. heh. :p

it really is heatiness i swear.. so many people told me.. (though someone will roll his eyes...) so am staying off heaty food for a while... and more sleep.. and more water.. and let this machine get well by herself.. the Creator is an ingenious Designer- didnt you know that?

anyhow, now grandma jo takes like half an hour to eat a piece of apple. sad sad case.. and she has been warned not to open her mouth too big, not stretch her muscle, not irritate it.. and be careful when she yawn *YAWN*

btw, realized that the cleaning services at the NUH dental center also not very cheap.. 60-80 bucks.. about the same as what i pay when i go to Epismile!! hmph... condemn me for going to private clinic???

Joshua

One question bugged me during the study of Joshua in DM last season-
Why did God have to make the Israelites conquer Canaan? Since it is the Promised Land, since they have suffered enough by roaming the desert for forty years, and since it’s a gift- why not just give them a piece of land that was uninhabited? Why a piece of land that was occupied by pagans who idol worship? Why make them fight bloody battles and suffer deaths? Why not just a land flowing with milk and honey in a part of the world that was not occupied?

I recognize that it belonged to a category of questions that were unanswerable- why did God do what He did? The best answers are sensible conjectures at best. But I was really perplexed, I didn’t understand God’s way- it didn’t make sense to me.
I resigned to “God’s sovereignty”, learn the lessons God wants us to from His dealings with Israel, and “respected His free will to do as He did”- after all He’s God and I’m not. But after musing about it over time, I cannot say “to have seen the light”, but some thoughts arose.

Think about this- this is a generation that only heard about the deeds of God passed down to them from their fore-fathers, the first generation experiencing the Exodus had perished. A strong heritage of God’s presence is no doubt something to be proud of, to find confidence in- but somehow, it still “belonged to our forefathers”.
Maybe that’s why Moses had to tell the people that the covenant was not made with the forefathers, but with them as well. But with God leading them into battles and giving them victory, they inherited the Promised Land with a strong legacy.
Lord, I don want to just hear stories about you from the past. I learn about You from them, and I believe, but I want You to bring me with You into the battlefield Lord. To see you in action, to make His-story with You.

They fought and played a part in claiming the land called their own, God allowed them to share the ownership of the gift He had prepared for them. They fought and knew God in a way they never would have known, God showed Himself to these people through these tests. They fought and grew, God knew best the way to make His kind of man. They fought, and failed, and repented, God showed them who was God.
Lord, thank you for giving worthless creatures as us a part to play in Your mighty plan for creation. The goodness and glory is Yours alone, but You graciously allow us to partake in it. Help us Lord to see You through it all.
Thank you for all the trials and tests that come our way. You know us best and how we need to grow. You are the Potter and we are the clay. Mould us Lord, and have us cling on to the end Lord, like how the clay just sticks on the Potter’s hand.

Happy Father's Day!

To my daddy on earth and in heaven, Happy Father's Day!

Thank you & You for your love to me.

Heartbreak hotel (I)

This is not a place of healing- I have to be honest with my guests. I offer them no remedy to cure their heartache, nor remove the scars they have. Just a place to tell their story, just a place to get some air.

Auburn hair, hazel eyes, an air of sophistication followed her about. She sat in the café for long hours in the afternoons. Smoking her cigarette, sipping her latte, listening to the band play. Sometimes looking deep into an unseen reality unfolding before her eyes, occasionally chatting with a stranger who asked to share her table. She asked me to sit with her one day.

“I saw the questions in your eyes,” she smiled. I fiddled in my seat embarrassed, as my eyes stayed on the wedding band round her finger. I noticed it when she first checked in during the fall of 99, and every time she came round subsequently. She had made many trips here - some trips longer than the rest, sometimes just dropping in for a cuppa.

“Do you know how many times your heart can get broken?” She broke into my recollections. “It seems that no matter how small a piece you have left from the last time it broke, it can shatter some more. Each time the pain is fresh and you don think you can survive another ounce of ache, but you do. It’s such a cruel exercise- you preserve your heart to keep yourself alive, but as it barely learns how to breathe, he breaks it again. He does not know how painful it is, he isn’t even aware how much I cry, he does not even know how much it takes me to hope again, he does not even know that I know..”

***

A loves B and only B, but B loves not only A. Sometimes another lover, sometimes just a fling. But if you love him, here’s the place to mend your heart each time it’s torn apart. Check in here if you want to be able to survive in this waiting game. Get some air, and return to wait again.

***

side note: yay! the small font is working again!

thank you kor...

on behalf of the many who had benefitted from your giving... echoing the deep sentiments of my heart... thank you for giving to the Lord, i am so glad you gave.

my condolence

you don know me, and it does not matter at all. just need to give this tiny ache in my heart a little space to breathe.

you were only sixteen when you left home, leaving behind green fields and walked into dark grey forests. for education and hope of a better life, for your family’s glory and mummy’s dream. you went away.

yellow faces you never saw, a tongue you never spoke. a culture totally different from your own, loneliness you’ve never known before. for the better tomorrow in sight, for the pride that will be their eyes- you worked hard and swallowed all your tears inside.

now daddy’s gone and you’re far away, having no money to return home. the pain of love lost, the wrench of not being there. the solitude of facing loss alone, the burn of leaving them on their own.

nothing anyone can say will ease the grief, nothing will lessen the pain. but know that there is someone out there who faced the same, and overcame. rest in Him brother, and take joy you will see dad again one day.

Something there

When I remember…

God told the Israelites to “Remember…”, to not forget what He has done for them, to recall His goodness. This is an apparent application point for any bible study on those passages in the Pentateuch. A basis to return to when relating to God, a starting point for thanksgiving, a remedy to cure ungratefulness. A provision and reminder from our loving God has to keep His straying children faithful? Maybe.

Often in our conversations, Arthur says “Remember the time when…” and we recollect with much fondness something we have done together. A secret smile beams from the heart as we think about a particular event or time we had together. “Remembering” became alive for me.

Remembering is not just an activity of the mind- a call to our grey matter the past. It engages and affects the heart, and an upwelling of emotions engulfs us.
Remembering is not an inability to move on from the past. It is a natural activity between two who are in love, holding on dearly to the good the other has done.
Remembering is not just a desperate attempt to invoke or force feelings for the other. It affirms and assures, grounds and gives strength to the relationship between.

When God tells us to remember, it is personal. It is real. It ought to shake us at the deepest of our nerves, when we remember how He parted the sea for His people and drowned the enemies that come after. It ought to tear our hearts apart, when we remember how we like our forefathers curse God for taking us out of Egypt. It ought to be a desire for us, to remember the love that was displayed on the cross where Jesus accomplished salvation and bought with His blood the gift of life for us.

No doubt we forgetful people need to make it a discipline to remember His deeds, and it may take a deliberate effort sometimes. But think about this: Do you think Moses have to dig hard into his memory as he recounted what God did for Israel? Was Daniel practicing false piety as he remembered God’s faithfulness in his prayer while he is in exile? Did the early church fake the strength they found as they recalled His acts for their forefathers?
Why then does remembering become such a painful activity for us today? The communion becomes but a slap in our faces, reminding us of our callous hearts.

Our fathers of faith knew God and loved Him. They claimed the God that was revealed in His dealings with their ancestors as their own. Remembering Him was their favorite activity- be it His great acts in the past, or His personal intervention in their lives. God’s acts shook them to the core. What they had with God is a loving relationship, a passionate journey. Then the walk becomes worth remembering, and the story worth telling and retelling and written and passed on.

Dear God,
Make me love you more, help me know you deeper- such that remembering becomes my natural activity and telling about you is my favorite story.
What You did for my fathers of faith, it is mine to claim. For You are unchanging yesterday today, forever the same.
Let worship result when I remember, let praise for You spring forth. You alone are worthy of honor and glory, we need to remember.
Amen.

A prayer...

I prayed for love and perseverance
You showed me how little I have
I thought I had and knew how to
Alas, there’s so much more to learn.

Take away the Pharisaical judgments
Break those scales that seek to weigh
Remove my grudges and complaints
I’m tired of playing games.

Shatter my stained-glass faith
Raise the blinds that conceal Your ways
Burn away the hypocrisy and folly
Have me touch your heart again.

Return me to my first love for You Jesus
For You and my neighbor
Make me more like You Lord
And live for Your glory today.

POP! 1

have heard many songs for the first time on the radio.. but few would make me wanna go check it out thereafter. heard this on the radio the other night.. and it made me think of a certain someone. so here's a dedication for him..(unbashedly *blush*)

yes its bubblegum pop on a disney footage- SHOOT ME :p

Flash update :p

Just when I thought no one will be interested in an “update of my life”, my dear friend just asked for one… so in honor of the bride-to-be, here’s a quick journal of my life up to date… read on only if you’re absolutely bored. :p

lets tackle the easy ones first. You must have heard about the Thomson-Reuters deal, so I am very much sitting around waiting for my severance package.. hahaha.. As closed as this deal is, so are my plans to be making a career switch. yes, I’ve whined and moaned and groaned and set myself up a couple of walls- and right now I am just gonna stay here till He moves me out of this place. Nope, my dreams have not died- just waiting for Him to make the seed inside grow at His perfect time.

things at home are pretty fine. dad’s home after a long time away- so spending as much time as I possibly can with him. I can only thank God for all that He has done for and given to us. Ohana means family, family means no one gets left behind, or forgotten. OHANA!!!

ministry is well, ministry :) Thankfully the days of hoping in Him are more than that with being disappointed with man. Remembering His faithfulness gets me through days when I fear “we have somehow lost our first love”. I look at churches who have raring engines and a “well built structure”, I wonder “when will it be our turn?” It’s not a desire “to have arrived”, the ache for man to love God and the church more is greater. But I have somehow become contented with persevering, struggling, and accept that hard work is all there is to my lot in ministry. Fruits? it’s His to give, and mine to hope. Glory be to Him alone!

it’s Friday everyone.. remember to Re-Create in Him this Sabbath!

mars n venus on earth (1)

Fairy tales end with prince charming riding his princess on the white horse into the sunset. For me, the fairy tale begins only then- when they move beyond the laws of attraction to be ironing out every crease in the fabric of their relationship. a real trying of every bolt and nut to see what works and what doesn’t. So here’s a little update of my tiny fairy tale. :p

Just came back from Beijing two weeks ago. Cannot be more thankful at the timing of the trip. Was giving my man such a hard time before that- my doubts, impatience, mood swings and fatigue carried over from work. *bish*

“I don know”, “I’ll think about it”, “I’m tired”, “I don’t feel like talking”, were swung ruthlessly in his face. Feeling burnt out from work, feeling like I didn’t know how to handle a LDR any more, feeling disgusted with myself for being so mean to him… To the weak, God is always full of kindness and grace.

The moment I saw him at the airport, all the doubts just faded away. Coffee at starbucks was especially sweet that morning. Days were spent riding behind him on his bike (breaking the law together! hahaha), going into the office and meetings with him (being a portable vase in every sense), doing groceries and cooking (domesticated 101), and basically yakking and lazing about the house… precious conversations, loads of gibberish, a renewing of chemistry.

All the ordinary dailies become extra-ordinary when you find your favorite person to be doing them with. And when that happens, you know you have found the one :)

(screeching sound of a broken record for sound effects please…)

But of course this dimwit can always be a pain in the neck. Stupid comments, refusing to let go of an argument spoilt our last dinner together. insisting to have said my piece in the situation, instead of backing off to bring peace- she had her claws in place. hahaha… the only good thing that came out of all the high emotions and frustrations that last day together- a not so teary goodbye as the last few times. :p Fret not, all is well now of course. Regrets? None.

Rainbows come only after the rain. No matter how the skies are- the two can enjoy frolicking in the sun under the blue heavens, or take joy in having braved the grey clouds together again.
If we hold on together, I know our dreams will never die… As clouds roll by, for you and i.

Thinking about the Wardrobe

The Lion, the Witch and The Wardrobe. The first of the seven Chronicles of Narnia by C.S Lewis. As i was sitting there in midst of the seminar on C.S Lewis by Wayne Martindale, staring at the poster in front of me, the Wardrobe caught my attention for the first time.

Why did Lewis use the title he did? the Lion and the White Witch is obvious- but the Wardrobe? I am not Lewis so i cannot speak for him. My best guess would be but a sensible conjecture. So i will not attempt to answer the question why- but rather, share my two cents worth as i think about the Wardrobe.

The Wardrobe was the window through which the children stepped into Narnia. Out of the ordinary daily life they knew, into a magical world they never imagined would exist. Breaking from the physical world, plunging them into the reality that was always existent behind the coats. Changing their status from plain Peter to King Peter riding gallantly on the white horse through the woods.

The Wardrobe- though appearing briefly at the beginning and the end as but a channel for the story to unravel, held a key. It is a place where the journey began. It is the door to an alternative reality. It is a space through which the seeker must make time to travel through. It is the divine channel given by God to a reality beyond the eyes can see.

It is that aching question about life for the unbeliever - "there must be more to life than my unsatisfactory toil... if it all ends where it ends, then for what am i doing all these?"
Take that time and walk into the wardrobe, my friend. Aslan has been waiting for you all along.

It is that desperate scamper for the christian - "i am drowning here, there is no joy, no peace, no victory, no gain at all for my pain and work."
Remember your status in Narnia my brother and sister, do not trade the eternal riches of the unseen just so you can live in pleasure for your eyes at the present time.

The Wardrobe may have been a literary gimmick, or a convenient side thought. It is my prayer that you may now come to think each time as you open your wardrobe, the Wardrobe. Into truth, into love, into victory, into safety, into rest.

Tracking…

I’m probably being presumptuous here
That this would be of remote interest
But as a writer, responsible and queer
Here’s an account to my readers dearest.

Have been so squashed by work lately
Something I don even understand
It’s not that I need to honestly
I don care about the management’s hand.

Time just disappears
The moment I sit at my computer
Not daring to move away for a second
Not even to get myself some water.

My nerves are tense
Closely knitted are my brows
My brain is dense
Looking much like a panda now 

But my team is there you see
I want to stand by them
Pitching in my best as can be
Fighting alongside as a friend.

Anyhow I’ll have my break this week
As I fly off to Beijing
So no more entries from this geek
Till I return to Sing.

YAY!!!

High Society...

Extracts from BBC: A lavish funeral has been held for Hong Kong's richest woman, Nina Wang, who died earlier this month.
Casino magnate Stanley Ho and Asia's richest man Li Ka-shing were among the mourners who gathered for the funeral.
Hong Kong leader Donald Tsang and his predecessor Tung Chee-hwa paid their respects on Tuesday.

***

What intrigued me as i read the report was how on earth do the big names know each other? are they then obligated to attend each other's funeral because they belong to the same class- even if they do not know each other very well?

***

Think of diamond rings, gold bars, balls, parties. Think of political agendas, secret motives, arranged marriages. Lots of drama, romance and foul play.

Think of Pride & Prejudice, the lonely hero misunderstood.

Think of the widening income divide- discimination, racism, oppression, big bullies. Hypocrisy, humanity in its ugliest garments.

Think of the girl who gave up her riches for rags, just to be with the man she loves.

***

I find the pompous pitiful. i'd wish i despise their airs- but i have only sympathy for them. but to the down-to-earth rich men- i wished there were more of them to show the rich and poor alike, there is no big deal having more money in your bank account honestly.

***

The high society intrigues me. Intrigues - not tempts, i have no wish to be part of them. But the web of relationships, strategic alliances, drama really intrigues this commoner that looks in from outside the glass ball.

6 mois

some say we live not for the present nor the future
but for memories and things we live behind
you've not only given me treasures i'll always remember
more so the greatest joys every today & tomorrow can ever find

merci misseour :)

The Constant Gardener

We want people we love to give us a greenhouse to grow in. We want to grow up in a greenhouse. If I can keep you in the greenhouse forever, I will try my best to be the greenhouse for you. But if you are going to be out there on your own some day, I want to be to you sometimes the sunlight, sometimes the rain. Sometimes the wind, sometimes the soil.

God is the gardener.
In my sinful nature, I am the rain and wind that makes life so harsh.
By His Holy Spirit, I am sometimes the sunlight and the soil that gives life warmth and support.
At times, I choose to be the scorching sun and it hurts for me to burn and hurt.
At others, I choose to be the gentle rain and end the drought.
But in all and through all, He uses ALL for the rose to bloom and bring Him glory.

Its amongst the thorns that roses bloom.
Its in rejection that acceptance is cultivated.
Its through trials that faith is strengthened.
Its from hardship that the heart grows.

Decide who you want to be amongst the thorns, how you want to respond to rejection, if you will persevere through trials and bear the hardship. Embrace the environment the constant gardener has prepared for us to grow to the likeness of His Son.

Breakaway

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away

[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

[Chorus]

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway