have heard many songs for the first time on the radio.. but few would make me wanna go check it out thereafter. heard this on the radio the other night.. and it made me think of a certain someone. so here's a dedication for him..(unbashedly *blush*)
yes its bubblegum pop on a disney footage- SHOOT ME :p
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Flash update :p
Just when I thought no one will be interested in an “update of my life”, my dear friend just asked for one… so in honor of the bride-to-be, here’s a quick journal of my life up to date… read on only if you’re absolutely bored. :p
lets tackle the easy ones first. You must have heard about the Thomson-Reuters deal, so I am very much sitting around waiting for my severance package.. hahaha.. As closed as this deal is, so are my plans to be making a career switch. yes, I’ve whined and moaned and groaned and set myself up a couple of walls- and right now I am just gonna stay here till He moves me out of this place. Nope, my dreams have not died- just waiting for Him to make the seed inside grow at His perfect time.
things at home are pretty fine. dad’s home after a long time away- so spending as much time as I possibly can with him. I can only thank God for all that He has done for and given to us. Ohana means family, family means no one gets left behind, or forgotten. OHANA!!!
ministry is well, ministry :) Thankfully the days of hoping in Him are more than that with being disappointed with man. Remembering His faithfulness gets me through days when I fear “we have somehow lost our first love”. I look at churches who have raring engines and a “well built structure”, I wonder “when will it be our turn?” It’s not a desire “to have arrived”, the ache for man to love God and the church more is greater. But I have somehow become contented with persevering, struggling, and accept that hard work is all there is to my lot in ministry. Fruits? it’s His to give, and mine to hope. Glory be to Him alone!
it’s Friday everyone.. remember to Re-Create in Him this Sabbath!
lets tackle the easy ones first. You must have heard about the Thomson-Reuters deal, so I am very much sitting around waiting for my severance package.. hahaha.. As closed as this deal is, so are my plans to be making a career switch. yes, I’ve whined and moaned and groaned and set myself up a couple of walls- and right now I am just gonna stay here till He moves me out of this place. Nope, my dreams have not died- just waiting for Him to make the seed inside grow at His perfect time.
things at home are pretty fine. dad’s home after a long time away- so spending as much time as I possibly can with him. I can only thank God for all that He has done for and given to us. Ohana means family, family means no one gets left behind, or forgotten. OHANA!!!
ministry is well, ministry :) Thankfully the days of hoping in Him are more than that with being disappointed with man. Remembering His faithfulness gets me through days when I fear “we have somehow lost our first love”. I look at churches who have raring engines and a “well built structure”, I wonder “when will it be our turn?” It’s not a desire “to have arrived”, the ache for man to love God and the church more is greater. But I have somehow become contented with persevering, struggling, and accept that hard work is all there is to my lot in ministry. Fruits? it’s His to give, and mine to hope. Glory be to Him alone!
it’s Friday everyone.. remember to Re-Create in Him this Sabbath!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
mars n venus on earth (1)
Fairy tales end with prince charming riding his princess on the white horse into the sunset. For me, the fairy tale begins only then- when they move beyond the laws of attraction to be ironing out every crease in the fabric of their relationship. a real trying of every bolt and nut to see what works and what doesn’t. So here’s a little update of my tiny fairy tale. :p
Just came back from Beijing two weeks ago. Cannot be more thankful at the timing of the trip. Was giving my man such a hard time before that- my doubts, impatience, mood swings and fatigue carried over from work. *bish*
“I don know”, “I’ll think about it”, “I’m tired”, “I don’t feel like talking”, were swung ruthlessly in his face. Feeling burnt out from work, feeling like I didn’t know how to handle a LDR any more, feeling disgusted with myself for being so mean to him… To the weak, God is always full of kindness and grace.
The moment I saw him at the airport, all the doubts just faded away. Coffee at starbucks was especially sweet that morning. Days were spent riding behind him on his bike (breaking the law together! hahaha), going into the office and meetings with him (being a portable vase in every sense), doing groceries and cooking (domesticated 101), and basically yakking and lazing about the house… precious conversations, loads of gibberish, a renewing of chemistry.
All the ordinary dailies become extra-ordinary when you find your favorite person to be doing them with. And when that happens, you know you have found the one :)
(screeching sound of a broken record for sound effects please…)
But of course this dimwit can always be a pain in the neck. Stupid comments, refusing to let go of an argument spoilt our last dinner together. insisting to have said my piece in the situation, instead of backing off to bring peace- she had her claws in place. hahaha… the only good thing that came out of all the high emotions and frustrations that last day together- a not so teary goodbye as the last few times. :p Fret not, all is well now of course. Regrets? None.
Rainbows come only after the rain. No matter how the skies are- the two can enjoy frolicking in the sun under the blue heavens, or take joy in having braved the grey clouds together again.
If we hold on together, I know our dreams will never die… As clouds roll by, for you and i.
Just came back from Beijing two weeks ago. Cannot be more thankful at the timing of the trip. Was giving my man such a hard time before that- my doubts, impatience, mood swings and fatigue carried over from work. *bish*
“I don know”, “I’ll think about it”, “I’m tired”, “I don’t feel like talking”, were swung ruthlessly in his face. Feeling burnt out from work, feeling like I didn’t know how to handle a LDR any more, feeling disgusted with myself for being so mean to him… To the weak, God is always full of kindness and grace.
The moment I saw him at the airport, all the doubts just faded away. Coffee at starbucks was especially sweet that morning. Days were spent riding behind him on his bike (breaking the law together! hahaha), going into the office and meetings with him (being a portable vase in every sense), doing groceries and cooking (domesticated 101), and basically yakking and lazing about the house… precious conversations, loads of gibberish, a renewing of chemistry.
All the ordinary dailies become extra-ordinary when you find your favorite person to be doing them with. And when that happens, you know you have found the one :)
(screeching sound of a broken record for sound effects please…)
But of course this dimwit can always be a pain in the neck. Stupid comments, refusing to let go of an argument spoilt our last dinner together. insisting to have said my piece in the situation, instead of backing off to bring peace- she had her claws in place. hahaha… the only good thing that came out of all the high emotions and frustrations that last day together- a not so teary goodbye as the last few times. :p Fret not, all is well now of course. Regrets? None.
Rainbows come only after the rain. No matter how the skies are- the two can enjoy frolicking in the sun under the blue heavens, or take joy in having braved the grey clouds together again.
If we hold on together, I know our dreams will never die… As clouds roll by, for you and i.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Thinking about the Wardrobe
The Lion, the Witch and The Wardrobe. The first of the seven Chronicles of Narnia by C.S Lewis. As i was sitting there in midst of the seminar on C.S Lewis by Wayne Martindale, staring at the poster in front of me, the Wardrobe caught my attention for the first time.
Why did Lewis use the title he did? the Lion and the White Witch is obvious- but the Wardrobe? I am not Lewis so i cannot speak for him. My best guess would be but a sensible conjecture. So i will not attempt to answer the question why- but rather, share my two cents worth as i think about the Wardrobe.
The Wardrobe was the window through which the children stepped into Narnia. Out of the ordinary daily life they knew, into a magical world they never imagined would exist. Breaking from the physical world, plunging them into the reality that was always existent behind the coats. Changing their status from plain Peter to King Peter riding gallantly on the white horse through the woods.
The Wardrobe- though appearing briefly at the beginning and the end as but a channel for the story to unravel, held a key. It is a place where the journey began. It is the door to an alternative reality. It is a space through which the seeker must make time to travel through. It is the divine channel given by God to a reality beyond the eyes can see.
It is that aching question about life for the unbeliever - "there must be more to life than my unsatisfactory toil... if it all ends where it ends, then for what am i doing all these?"
Take that time and walk into the wardrobe, my friend. Aslan has been waiting for you all along.
It is that desperate scamper for the christian - "i am drowning here, there is no joy, no peace, no victory, no gain at all for my pain and work."
Remember your status in Narnia my brother and sister, do not trade the eternal riches of the unseen just so you can live in pleasure for your eyes at the present time.
The Wardrobe may have been a literary gimmick, or a convenient side thought. It is my prayer that you may now come to think each time as you open your wardrobe, the Wardrobe. Into truth, into love, into victory, into safety, into rest.
Why did Lewis use the title he did? the Lion and the White Witch is obvious- but the Wardrobe? I am not Lewis so i cannot speak for him. My best guess would be but a sensible conjecture. So i will not attempt to answer the question why- but rather, share my two cents worth as i think about the Wardrobe.
The Wardrobe was the window through which the children stepped into Narnia. Out of the ordinary daily life they knew, into a magical world they never imagined would exist. Breaking from the physical world, plunging them into the reality that was always existent behind the coats. Changing their status from plain Peter to King Peter riding gallantly on the white horse through the woods.
The Wardrobe- though appearing briefly at the beginning and the end as but a channel for the story to unravel, held a key. It is a place where the journey began. It is the door to an alternative reality. It is a space through which the seeker must make time to travel through. It is the divine channel given by God to a reality beyond the eyes can see.
It is that aching question about life for the unbeliever - "there must be more to life than my unsatisfactory toil... if it all ends where it ends, then for what am i doing all these?"
Take that time and walk into the wardrobe, my friend. Aslan has been waiting for you all along.
It is that desperate scamper for the christian - "i am drowning here, there is no joy, no peace, no victory, no gain at all for my pain and work."
Remember your status in Narnia my brother and sister, do not trade the eternal riches of the unseen just so you can live in pleasure for your eyes at the present time.
The Wardrobe may have been a literary gimmick, or a convenient side thought. It is my prayer that you may now come to think each time as you open your wardrobe, the Wardrobe. Into truth, into love, into victory, into safety, into rest.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Tracking…
I’m probably being presumptuous here
That this would be of remote interest
But as a writer, responsible and queer
Here’s an account to my readers dearest.
Have been so squashed by work lately
Something I don even understand
It’s not that I need to honestly
I don care about the management’s hand.
Time just disappears
The moment I sit at my computer
Not daring to move away for a second
Not even to get myself some water.
My nerves are tense
Closely knitted are my brows
My brain is dense
Looking much like a panda now
But my team is there you see
I want to stand by them
Pitching in my best as can be
Fighting alongside as a friend.
Anyhow I’ll have my break this week
As I fly off to Beijing
So no more entries from this geek
Till I return to Sing.
YAY!!!
That this would be of remote interest
But as a writer, responsible and queer
Here’s an account to my readers dearest.
Have been so squashed by work lately
Something I don even understand
It’s not that I need to honestly
I don care about the management’s hand.
Time just disappears
The moment I sit at my computer
Not daring to move away for a second
Not even to get myself some water.
My nerves are tense
Closely knitted are my brows
My brain is dense
Looking much like a panda now
But my team is there you see
I want to stand by them
Pitching in my best as can be
Fighting alongside as a friend.
Anyhow I’ll have my break this week
As I fly off to Beijing
So no more entries from this geek
Till I return to Sing.
YAY!!!
Friday, April 20, 2007
High Society...
Extracts from BBC: A lavish funeral has been held for Hong Kong's richest woman, Nina Wang, who died earlier this month.
Casino magnate Stanley Ho and Asia's richest man Li Ka-shing were among the mourners who gathered for the funeral.
Hong Kong leader Donald Tsang and his predecessor Tung Chee-hwa paid their respects on Tuesday.
***
What intrigued me as i read the report was how on earth do the big names know each other? are they then obligated to attend each other's funeral because they belong to the same class- even if they do not know each other very well?
***
Think of diamond rings, gold bars, balls, parties. Think of political agendas, secret motives, arranged marriages. Lots of drama, romance and foul play.
Think of Pride & Prejudice, the lonely hero misunderstood.
Think of the widening income divide- discimination, racism, oppression, big bullies. Hypocrisy, humanity in its ugliest garments.
Think of the girl who gave up her riches for rags, just to be with the man she loves.
***
I find the pompous pitiful. i'd wish i despise their airs- but i have only sympathy for them. but to the down-to-earth rich men- i wished there were more of them to show the rich and poor alike, there is no big deal having more money in your bank account honestly.
***
The high society intrigues me. Intrigues - not tempts, i have no wish to be part of them. But the web of relationships, strategic alliances, drama really intrigues this commoner that looks in from outside the glass ball.
Casino magnate Stanley Ho and Asia's richest man Li Ka-shing were among the mourners who gathered for the funeral.
Hong Kong leader Donald Tsang and his predecessor Tung Chee-hwa paid their respects on Tuesday.
***
What intrigued me as i read the report was how on earth do the big names know each other? are they then obligated to attend each other's funeral because they belong to the same class- even if they do not know each other very well?
***
Think of diamond rings, gold bars, balls, parties. Think of political agendas, secret motives, arranged marriages. Lots of drama, romance and foul play.
Think of Pride & Prejudice, the lonely hero misunderstood.
Think of the widening income divide- discimination, racism, oppression, big bullies. Hypocrisy, humanity in its ugliest garments.
Think of the girl who gave up her riches for rags, just to be with the man she loves.
***
I find the pompous pitiful. i'd wish i despise their airs- but i have only sympathy for them. but to the down-to-earth rich men- i wished there were more of them to show the rich and poor alike, there is no big deal having more money in your bank account honestly.
***
The high society intrigues me. Intrigues - not tempts, i have no wish to be part of them. But the web of relationships, strategic alliances, drama really intrigues this commoner that looks in from outside the glass ball.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
6 mois
some say we live not for the present nor the future
but for memories and things we live behind
you've not only given me treasures i'll always remember
more so the greatest joys every today & tomorrow can ever find
merci misseour :)
but for memories and things we live behind
you've not only given me treasures i'll always remember
more so the greatest joys every today & tomorrow can ever find
merci misseour :)
Sunday, April 15, 2007
The Constant Gardener
We want people we love to give us a greenhouse to grow in. We want to grow up in a greenhouse. If I can keep you in the greenhouse forever, I will try my best to be the greenhouse for you. But if you are going to be out there on your own some day, I want to be to you sometimes the sunlight, sometimes the rain. Sometimes the wind, sometimes the soil.
God is the gardener.
In my sinful nature, I am the rain and wind that makes life so harsh.
By His Holy Spirit, I am sometimes the sunlight and the soil that gives life warmth and support.
At times, I choose to be the scorching sun and it hurts for me to burn and hurt.
At others, I choose to be the gentle rain and end the drought.
But in all and through all, He uses ALL for the rose to bloom and bring Him glory.
Its amongst the thorns that roses bloom.
Its in rejection that acceptance is cultivated.
Its through trials that faith is strengthened.
Its from hardship that the heart grows.
Decide who you want to be amongst the thorns, how you want to respond to rejection, if you will persevere through trials and bear the hardship. Embrace the environment the constant gardener has prepared for us to grow to the likeness of His Son.
God is the gardener.
In my sinful nature, I am the rain and wind that makes life so harsh.
By His Holy Spirit, I am sometimes the sunlight and the soil that gives life warmth and support.
At times, I choose to be the scorching sun and it hurts for me to burn and hurt.
At others, I choose to be the gentle rain and end the drought.
But in all and through all, He uses ALL for the rose to bloom and bring Him glory.
Its amongst the thorns that roses bloom.
Its in rejection that acceptance is cultivated.
Its through trials that faith is strengthened.
Its from hardship that the heart grows.
Decide who you want to be amongst the thorns, how you want to respond to rejection, if you will persevere through trials and bear the hardship. Embrace the environment the constant gardener has prepared for us to grow to the likeness of His Son.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Breakaway
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)
Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away
[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway
[Chorus]
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway
I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)
Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away
[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway
[Chorus]
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway
I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Growing pains
Pain: Failing someone’s expectations or that someone else failed mine.
Growth: Realizing that you aint as fantastic as you made yourself out to be, nor as big-hearted as you think you are.
Pain: i am no longer in the center of my own universe.
Growth: Realizing that you exist in a bigger world and allowing the others to come and play a part in your world.
Pain: Not getting what i want all the time.
Growth: Realizing that the receiving is in the giving sometimes. Rejecting the game of life that cheats us of our soul if we want to insist on having the world all the time.
Pain: Losing, falling, failing.
Growth: Accepting the propensity of failure but never allowing it to defeat you. Pick yourself up and carry on.
Pain: Why don people understand or listen to me?
Growth: Understanding that others also have their battles to fight and no one owes you an obligation of a relationship to listen. Step into their world only if you want.
If growing can really happen without pain, perhaps we wont have to tread the paths of this earth for that many years really. God willing, may we get there by His grace in the end.
Growth: Realizing that you aint as fantastic as you made yourself out to be, nor as big-hearted as you think you are.
Pain: i am no longer in the center of my own universe.
Growth: Realizing that you exist in a bigger world and allowing the others to come and play a part in your world.
Pain: Not getting what i want all the time.
Growth: Realizing that the receiving is in the giving sometimes. Rejecting the game of life that cheats us of our soul if we want to insist on having the world all the time.
Pain: Losing, falling, failing.
Growth: Accepting the propensity of failure but never allowing it to defeat you. Pick yourself up and carry on.
Pain: Why don people understand or listen to me?
Growth: Understanding that others also have their battles to fight and no one owes you an obligation of a relationship to listen. Step into their world only if you want.
If growing can really happen without pain, perhaps we wont have to tread the paths of this earth for that many years really. God willing, may we get there by His grace in the end.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Remember ME this way
I wonder if the church goers got tired of the church always trying to “make them feel for the cross” each year.
Perhaps the drama on the crucifixion worked the first year, perhaps the film on the second, perhaps the sermon on the third year. But the emotional connection seemed to get diluted with each passing year. Perhaps it has all gotten too predictable. And perhaps it might have even gotten to a point of resentment- reminding me of the cross I have forgotten. Or perhaps a sting- telling me of the failure I had been over the past year, because the conviction that arose last Good Friday had evidently not stayed with me for long. Perhaps I am tired of feeling, and feeling for the cross.
Good Friday became a holiday- part of a long weekend too good to miss. Good Friday became a routine- going to church in the morning and a day to hangout with friends. Is Good Friday even good anymore? Does one even consider about “preparing for Good Friday” in the most personal sense?
Think about a birthday of a loved one. Consider the lengths you would take to prepare of an anniversary celebration. Count the number of hours, weigh the efforts you have taken to plan for a special event for a special someone. Then look back over the past month, how much time have we taken to prepare for Good Friday?
We will be missing the point if we are looking for an emotional experience. Whether or not we feel for the cross or not- a man still died on it for us.
Whether or not we feel for the man or not- He still is God who became flesh.
Whether or not we feel for God or not- He still is God and He loves us.
Good Friday is a day we remember Jesus and what He has done for us. Whether or not we feel for it, the Day was accomplished for our sakes. The starting point of this day is Him, not us. Its about remembering Him, not our emotional highs. The church is not in the business of making us feel for the cross- the church exists to tell us the good news that God has paid the price to bring sinful man to His side.
Good Friday is Good because God is Good. Good Friday is God’s Friday.
Perhaps the drama on the crucifixion worked the first year, perhaps the film on the second, perhaps the sermon on the third year. But the emotional connection seemed to get diluted with each passing year. Perhaps it has all gotten too predictable. And perhaps it might have even gotten to a point of resentment- reminding me of the cross I have forgotten. Or perhaps a sting- telling me of the failure I had been over the past year, because the conviction that arose last Good Friday had evidently not stayed with me for long. Perhaps I am tired of feeling, and feeling for the cross.
Good Friday became a holiday- part of a long weekend too good to miss. Good Friday became a routine- going to church in the morning and a day to hangout with friends. Is Good Friday even good anymore? Does one even consider about “preparing for Good Friday” in the most personal sense?
Think about a birthday of a loved one. Consider the lengths you would take to prepare of an anniversary celebration. Count the number of hours, weigh the efforts you have taken to plan for a special event for a special someone. Then look back over the past month, how much time have we taken to prepare for Good Friday?
We will be missing the point if we are looking for an emotional experience. Whether or not we feel for the cross or not- a man still died on it for us.
Whether or not we feel for the man or not- He still is God who became flesh.
Whether or not we feel for God or not- He still is God and He loves us.
Good Friday is a day we remember Jesus and what He has done for us. Whether or not we feel for it, the Day was accomplished for our sakes. The starting point of this day is Him, not us. Its about remembering Him, not our emotional highs. The church is not in the business of making us feel for the cross- the church exists to tell us the good news that God has paid the price to bring sinful man to His side.
Good Friday is Good because God is Good. Good Friday is God’s Friday.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Reflection
Look at me
You may think you see who I really am
But you'll never know me
Everyday it's as if I play a part
Now I see If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
~
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
~
I am now
In a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world what's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
~
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
Why is my reflection someone I don't know
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
~
There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know the reason why
~
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide
~
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Finding me
A walking contradiction roaming the face of this earth.
***
I am a pretty “easy” person to be around. Wrong. Discovered through several incidents lately that I have a pretty strong personality. Not a bad thing I know, only that the expression of such a character can be pretty brash and callous at times. A crazy and difficult woman to be around, when I am in one of those moods. Eeeky cactus. To those who have been on the receiving end of my mad antics lately, please pardon me. Give me some time to work this out with Him k? Sorry :p
***
Contented and restless. Can both be true? I want to say I don have big dreams nor ambition- I really don’t. Isn’t this an expression of contentment? Thought I could settle in the mundane things of this world- especially since it ought to be the eternal things that drives my passion. But I have discovered recently that I am bored easily at work, and my heart is aching for a change. What is wrong with me? Why cant I be contented where I am? Sigh :(
***
Practical idealist. Realistic dreamer. Cant figure if I want excitement or stability more. Extroverted introvert. Simple-minded AhQ aware of the shrewdness of the human mind. Want to have wings to fly, but yet also feet that touch the ground. Desperate to “find me”, but yet I honestly enjoy being a contradiction. Hahaha…
**
Dear Jesus,
have me be a wide-eyed wanderer in your creation, as I discover more the marvels of the created being you have made in everyone. Peeling slowly the depth of layers to each soul. Lead me on “finding me”- the one you have made to be yours.
I don want to conform to the pattern of this world, nor have only practical voices leading my life- I want to be on a journey with you and discover day by day the life you want to have me live.
Give me courage to fight tooth and nail, and pay the cost to keep the spirit you have made inside alive. Give me wings to pursue the dreams you have placed within this heart of mine.
***
I am a pretty “easy” person to be around. Wrong. Discovered through several incidents lately that I have a pretty strong personality. Not a bad thing I know, only that the expression of such a character can be pretty brash and callous at times. A crazy and difficult woman to be around, when I am in one of those moods. Eeeky cactus. To those who have been on the receiving end of my mad antics lately, please pardon me. Give me some time to work this out with Him k? Sorry :p
***
Contented and restless. Can both be true? I want to say I don have big dreams nor ambition- I really don’t. Isn’t this an expression of contentment? Thought I could settle in the mundane things of this world- especially since it ought to be the eternal things that drives my passion. But I have discovered recently that I am bored easily at work, and my heart is aching for a change. What is wrong with me? Why cant I be contented where I am? Sigh :(
***
Practical idealist. Realistic dreamer. Cant figure if I want excitement or stability more. Extroverted introvert. Simple-minded AhQ aware of the shrewdness of the human mind. Want to have wings to fly, but yet also feet that touch the ground. Desperate to “find me”, but yet I honestly enjoy being a contradiction. Hahaha…
**
Dear Jesus,
have me be a wide-eyed wanderer in your creation, as I discover more the marvels of the created being you have made in everyone. Peeling slowly the depth of layers to each soul. Lead me on “finding me”- the one you have made to be yours.
I don want to conform to the pattern of this world, nor have only practical voices leading my life- I want to be on a journey with you and discover day by day the life you want to have me live.
Give me courage to fight tooth and nail, and pay the cost to keep the spirit you have made inside alive. Give me wings to pursue the dreams you have placed within this heart of mine.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
James 3,4
Typed this passage as a warning to myself in light of a recent disappointment. Cannot help but be humbled once again on the wisdom of God revealed in His Word. Read with me, even if you might be familiar with the passage already- it might just speak to you again today.
“… We all stumble in many ways… Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue is also a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness.
Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear fig? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
… Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight…”
Dear Lord, my heart is often prone to wander from you. So when i face man, i carry my throne into our interactions. My selfish heart that desires to assert itself, instead of You- who love and bless. Forgive me Lord each time i fail and kill Your beloved with my self-centeredness, spewing out unkind, brutal words with my violent tongue- murdering the other soul. Help me Holy Spirit to be a peacemaker- and reveal to man to glory of God even in my weakness. I ask this in the name of my Lord Jesus Christ for His sake. Amen
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
The parable of the prodigal son
The parable of the prodigal son arose a couple of times during this season of Lent. There are many ways of looking at this parable, and the angle changes with our relationship with our Father as we grow. Some attribute this to the beauty of narratives- allowing the reader to read his/her experiences into the story. True to some extent, but yet this speaks to me even more of the wisdom of Jesus and displays so clearly the “life” of the Living Word.
A first encounter with the parable, it is not difficult to identify with the prodigal son- who asked for his inheritance even before his father is dead, went off to squander off the money, found life in his dire straits worse off than his father’s servants and went back home to beg his father to take him in as a worker.
~ As a sinner who has been found by God, I am the prodigal son who does not deserve the grace and love of my Father. The loving Father keeps no record of wrong: my “wishing that He was dead”- so I can live life my way; my self gratification in the pleasures of the flesh.
And He receives me so freely, taking me in not as a worker but as his son- giving me the status without my having to work for it, and returning to me the son-ship I spurned. Taking me in my broken-ness and shame, more than willing to make me His again.
The cross was for the prodigal me.
And having been “in the House” for some time, one started identifying with the older son- who refused to go in for the celebrations when his younger brother returned, and when invited by his father to share his joy, accused his father for forgetting him and not giving him his dues.
~ As the sinner who put on the robe of “self-righteousness” and wore so comfortably the acts of good deeds, I am the elder son who knows not the heart of my Father. I have traded relationship for religion, faith for deeds, grace for wage, love for respect, son-ship for slavery, my Father for but a master.
The loving Father beckons time and over again, “All I have is yours, come in”. Taking me in despite my wrongs and misconceptions, despite my pettiness and jealousy, despite my selfishness and rebellion, more than willing to right the relationship with me again.
The cross was for the older son-me.
And any study of the parable would not be complete without the contemplation of the father.
The father who gave the son who cursed him to die his inheritance, without a word of reprimand. The father who watched his son step out of the door of the house into the outside world, silently praying he would not wander too far before turning back. The father who gave his son free will to choose his course, enduring heartache and pain. The father who stood by the door each day, watching for his son to return. The father who received without question the son who came home. The father who celebrated, even though the son returned because of self-interest.
The father who saw his son’s heart growing distant as he tried to earn his gifts. The father who was never knew nor understood by his son who was at his side. The father who risked rejection to make peace.
The father who desired so so much to be in a relationship with his sons- even if it meant a dear cost.
I am the younger son and the older son. But yet to all wretchedness, the Father’s response is the same. He demonstrates His love. He desires reconciliation. He wants us back home. So much so, God became a man and died on the cross the death that was mine. So much so, the Father would give His only son to punish Him for the sins of His enemy- me. So much so Jesus conquered death to free me forever from the bondage of death.
Freely He gave the gift of life. Freely He paid the price. And so freely, He desires us to believe- and whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. Will you come home today?
A first encounter with the parable, it is not difficult to identify with the prodigal son- who asked for his inheritance even before his father is dead, went off to squander off the money, found life in his dire straits worse off than his father’s servants and went back home to beg his father to take him in as a worker.
~ As a sinner who has been found by God, I am the prodigal son who does not deserve the grace and love of my Father. The loving Father keeps no record of wrong: my “wishing that He was dead”- so I can live life my way; my self gratification in the pleasures of the flesh.
And He receives me so freely, taking me in not as a worker but as his son- giving me the status without my having to work for it, and returning to me the son-ship I spurned. Taking me in my broken-ness and shame, more than willing to make me His again.
The cross was for the prodigal me.
And having been “in the House” for some time, one started identifying with the older son- who refused to go in for the celebrations when his younger brother returned, and when invited by his father to share his joy, accused his father for forgetting him and not giving him his dues.
~ As the sinner who put on the robe of “self-righteousness” and wore so comfortably the acts of good deeds, I am the elder son who knows not the heart of my Father. I have traded relationship for religion, faith for deeds, grace for wage, love for respect, son-ship for slavery, my Father for but a master.
The loving Father beckons time and over again, “All I have is yours, come in”. Taking me in despite my wrongs and misconceptions, despite my pettiness and jealousy, despite my selfishness and rebellion, more than willing to right the relationship with me again.
The cross was for the older son-me.
And any study of the parable would not be complete without the contemplation of the father.
The father who gave the son who cursed him to die his inheritance, without a word of reprimand. The father who watched his son step out of the door of the house into the outside world, silently praying he would not wander too far before turning back. The father who gave his son free will to choose his course, enduring heartache and pain. The father who stood by the door each day, watching for his son to return. The father who received without question the son who came home. The father who celebrated, even though the son returned because of self-interest.
The father who saw his son’s heart growing distant as he tried to earn his gifts. The father who was never knew nor understood by his son who was at his side. The father who risked rejection to make peace.
The father who desired so so much to be in a relationship with his sons- even if it meant a dear cost.
I am the younger son and the older son. But yet to all wretchedness, the Father’s response is the same. He demonstrates His love. He desires reconciliation. He wants us back home. So much so, God became a man and died on the cross the death that was mine. So much so, the Father would give His only son to punish Him for the sins of His enemy- me. So much so Jesus conquered death to free me forever from the bondage of death.
Freely He gave the gift of life. Freely He paid the price. And so freely, He desires us to believe- and whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. Will you come home today?
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Because of you
A friend shared this song with me on his blog long time ago. finally got down to finding the clip and watching the MTV. painfully poignant. but i like the message of hope in midst the mess of her past- that the her past wont dictate her actions for the future family.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bqj-n0IG1Ik
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bqj-n0IG1Ik
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much miseryI will not break the way you did
You fell so hard I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side So I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side So I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid
I watched you die I heard you cry Every night in your sleep
I was so young You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else You just saw your pain
And now I cry In the middle of the night For the same damn thing
Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side So I don't get hurt
Because of you I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Dining woes
Although the table conversation at dinner was every bit engaging and the company was delightful, but it was what was going on at the next table that added the extra spark to the evening.
I do not think that the man and woman on the next table are an item- and very likely it was the man who asked the woman out. She was all made-up, donning an all black ensemble- spaghetti strap top and linen trousers. He was in his dark navy working shirt and grey pants.
So they placed the order for their food. She ordered spaghetti and prawns tossed with garlic-olive oil and sun-dried tomatoes, and he ordered a sirloin steak with broiled vegetables and mashed potatoes. Shortly after, a nice char-grilled steak was served before him, and the waiter served her with a plate of nicely mixed tomato pasta, sprinkled with parmesan cheese.
The pasta was clearly too red for aglio-olio’s own good, even if the chef was generous with his serving of sun-dried tomatoes. After a few mouthfuls, she realized that this was not her order. She called for the waiter and told them that they got her order wrong. They had to send the pasta back to the kitchen and have it redone.
So there she was waiting for the pasta while he was happily putting nicely cut bite-sized beef cubes into his mouth, making short comments about his food every now and then, totally oblivious to his hungry partner. She called the waiter over and asked for her chocolate shake.
He must have realized she was hungry, so he offered her a cube of steak on his fork. She shook her head on his first attempt, so he put the reject into his mouth. Undiscouraged, he tried again- and she shook her head again. Third try, “you really should try this, it’s not bad”. Her chocolate shake came and she started sipping on it. So Mr Clueless eagerly finished his dinner, cleaned his mouth with the napkin and shone her a stunning smile of satisfaction. “The steak was really not bad”. A few minutes later, the waiter brought the spaghetti for the lady, and cleared the man’s plate away.
***
Could the man not have waited for the lady’s dinner to be served before he continued with his dinner? How could any gentleman let a hungry lady watch him eat?
Mr Nice may not want to trouble the cook to heat up his food again, or he must be really hungry. But could he not have slowed down, take longer pauses and finish his dinner with or after his fair lady? How fun is it for a dinner for two when one eats after another? Gee.
Could he not have cleared his plate later? He has successfully made her look like a glutton when she is the only chomping on her noodles while his dining space on the table is bare. :(
***
Making too much a fuss out of a restaurant's mistake? Perhaps. Reading too much into a simple dinner went wrong? Maybe.
But just wondering.... Men- what would you have done in his shoes? Ladies- what would you have liked in her shoes?
I do not think that the man and woman on the next table are an item- and very likely it was the man who asked the woman out. She was all made-up, donning an all black ensemble- spaghetti strap top and linen trousers. He was in his dark navy working shirt and grey pants.
So they placed the order for their food. She ordered spaghetti and prawns tossed with garlic-olive oil and sun-dried tomatoes, and he ordered a sirloin steak with broiled vegetables and mashed potatoes. Shortly after, a nice char-grilled steak was served before him, and the waiter served her with a plate of nicely mixed tomato pasta, sprinkled with parmesan cheese.
The pasta was clearly too red for aglio-olio’s own good, even if the chef was generous with his serving of sun-dried tomatoes. After a few mouthfuls, she realized that this was not her order. She called for the waiter and told them that they got her order wrong. They had to send the pasta back to the kitchen and have it redone.
So there she was waiting for the pasta while he was happily putting nicely cut bite-sized beef cubes into his mouth, making short comments about his food every now and then, totally oblivious to his hungry partner. She called the waiter over and asked for her chocolate shake.
He must have realized she was hungry, so he offered her a cube of steak on his fork. She shook her head on his first attempt, so he put the reject into his mouth. Undiscouraged, he tried again- and she shook her head again. Third try, “you really should try this, it’s not bad”. Her chocolate shake came and she started sipping on it. So Mr Clueless eagerly finished his dinner, cleaned his mouth with the napkin and shone her a stunning smile of satisfaction. “The steak was really not bad”. A few minutes later, the waiter brought the spaghetti for the lady, and cleared the man’s plate away.
***
Could the man not have waited for the lady’s dinner to be served before he continued with his dinner? How could any gentleman let a hungry lady watch him eat?
Mr Nice may not want to trouble the cook to heat up his food again, or he must be really hungry. But could he not have slowed down, take longer pauses and finish his dinner with or after his fair lady? How fun is it for a dinner for two when one eats after another? Gee.
Could he not have cleared his plate later? He has successfully made her look like a glutton when she is the only chomping on her noodles while his dining space on the table is bare. :(
***
Making too much a fuss out of a restaurant's mistake? Perhaps. Reading too much into a simple dinner went wrong? Maybe.
But just wondering.... Men- what would you have done in his shoes? Ladies- what would you have liked in her shoes?
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Way back into love
Watched Music & Lyrics last night, my first movie in the theatres in at least 7 months!!!
i take it as a celebration for you, laughed really loudly- haven done that in a while now, i laughed for you- because that's how you make me laugh :) happy birthday!
wanna share the song in the movie with you, really catchy music and really nice lyrics :p
http://gootube.net/way-back-into-love.php
I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end
Monday, March 05, 2007
Christian nations?
Read somewhere in the papers last week about the Buddhists in Thailand giving pressure to the new government to make Buddhism the state religion. I thought it always has been and will be, so I didn’t quite get what the fuss was about. Maybe there was still no constitution set in place in light of the political un-stability. Anyhow, that is not the main point. That article made me wonder if Christians would ever make such news.
I have no desire for attention simply for the sake of doing so, nor am I hoping that we someday would. After all, Paul teaches us to pray for all those in authorities so that we can lead quiet and peaceful lives. (1 Timothy 2:1,2) And most importantly, the kingdom of God is universal and advancing truly and surely- whether or not the world recognizes it.
But when I think about the Buddhists and Muslims who would fight to their death to make sure their religion are not side-lined, and how quiet Christians have been comparatively.
The governments of these states not budging even in light of economic pressures, but powerhouse countries with significant Christian heritage and presence like the US and UK not daring to make Christianity a state religion for fear of sensitivities associated?
Perhaps it has to do with the principles on which the countries are founded, perhaps the truth of the narrow way and those who inherit the kingdom are “few” is more real than it can be, perhaps….
But it makes me wonder if we Christians dare to make a difference in this world at all, not to mention the terrible testimonies we sinners are….
And as I am typing this right now, He is rebuking me of how flawed my thinking is. Indeed, Jesus did not come with a political agenda to be a political leader. He came to usher in the kingdom of God- that is in invisible. He needed no platform to show who He is, He needed no external powers to empower Him, He need not make a statement. Why should I desire for that?
As much as I am aching so much for the world to see the beauty of a nation living under God today, they one day will, wont they? Praise God for the “low visibility” of “Christian nations” today, because this tells me our church leaders know and are focusing on what is more important. (This is not to say that the Church is not doing its role to tell the world of what the Creator’s heart is)
But let us endeavor more to be like the servant king who came in humility- to serve and not be on a power-grabbing agenda. To proclaim His Word and bring light into this world. To have the world know us not by any external power or adornments, but simply by the lives we live for Him. To His glory forever, Amen!
I have no desire for attention simply for the sake of doing so, nor am I hoping that we someday would. After all, Paul teaches us to pray for all those in authorities so that we can lead quiet and peaceful lives. (1 Timothy 2:1,2) And most importantly, the kingdom of God is universal and advancing truly and surely- whether or not the world recognizes it.
But when I think about the Buddhists and Muslims who would fight to their death to make sure their religion are not side-lined, and how quiet Christians have been comparatively.
The governments of these states not budging even in light of economic pressures, but powerhouse countries with significant Christian heritage and presence like the US and UK not daring to make Christianity a state religion for fear of sensitivities associated?
Perhaps it has to do with the principles on which the countries are founded, perhaps the truth of the narrow way and those who inherit the kingdom are “few” is more real than it can be, perhaps….
But it makes me wonder if we Christians dare to make a difference in this world at all, not to mention the terrible testimonies we sinners are….
And as I am typing this right now, He is rebuking me of how flawed my thinking is. Indeed, Jesus did not come with a political agenda to be a political leader. He came to usher in the kingdom of God- that is in invisible. He needed no platform to show who He is, He needed no external powers to empower Him, He need not make a statement. Why should I desire for that?
As much as I am aching so much for the world to see the beauty of a nation living under God today, they one day will, wont they? Praise God for the “low visibility” of “Christian nations” today, because this tells me our church leaders know and are focusing on what is more important. (This is not to say that the Church is not doing its role to tell the world of what the Creator’s heart is)
But let us endeavor more to be like the servant king who came in humility- to serve and not be on a power-grabbing agenda. To proclaim His Word and bring light into this world. To have the world know us not by any external power or adornments, but simply by the lives we live for Him. To His glory forever, Amen!
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)