I have no problems admitting that I’m a sinner. But more
often than not, I don’t really believe it. I’d have trouble naming a sin that
was seriously a problem, at least the one that God would or should be bothered
by. But “so long as sin remains someone else’s problem, Jesus will remain
someone else’s Savior” (adapted from Remembering Death). It would be tragic if
the Baby in the manger is someone else’s Savior, if He remained a warm fuzzy
idea at Christmas and if He is but an afterthought in the New Year.
It is His sheer grace that He showed me how petty and ugly I
was truly inside. Being bothered by things that are not going to matter in eternity,
holding grudges against people who are fellow image-bearers of God, not loving
my neighbors as I should and keeping them at arm’s length. I was justified. I
was valid in my opinion of them. I was holding them to a higher standard I
reasoned.
But truly, I was being petty. Hospitality can be costly and
dwelling-with is not always easy. “The Gospel comes with a house key”, Arthur
and I have always loved doing this ministry together. We’ve had many great
experiences hosting friends and family; days, weeks and months at a time. I thought I like to make a new-comer and outsider feel welcomed. But exercising
one’s gift does not always mean it’s a walk in the park. Missed expectations
and then being frustrated with having those false expectations in the first
place, disappointments from false hopes and just being underwhelmed. Yet all of
this is nothing but the fruit of sinful judgement and pettiness against my
neighbor.
Alas! Maybe this will give me something more to commiserate
with others, when they give me a knowing and concerned look at having another “long
term” house guest. Maybe this serves to knock me down a peg or two on my I’m-an-easy-host or I-welcome-strangers pedestal.
Maybe this is my opportunity to look into the mirror, face my sin, contemplate
the discomfort of the manger and His dwelling with us, cling to the cross and
His promise to make me new and depend on Him to carry me through.
Help me God. This is my New Year cry and prayer. Help me
God, in so many ways. Help me Gd, please.
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