Being short

I don’t mean physically. I’m losing patience and not being very kind with the rudder in my mouth these days. First it was my dad, and now with him gone; I find myself being short with my mother who has been nothing but an angel serving us tirelessly in the last few months. Argh! I wish there was a way to think before speaking! Sorry Mummy and thank you for being so patient with me.

And predictably enough, I haven’t given Arthur the easiest of times. And I’m not sure what’s legit and what is me being a crazy and difficult wife any more. Maybe I’ll wish I would take the below back some time later, but now I just need a space to rant – with my sister is halfway across the world and I have “no friends I can call” (at this unearthly hour, and I’ve talked to Jesus already)!

“Thank you for being at Leverage. It was special for me that Elliot was there, and even more special that you were there.” 

– why would you thank me for doing something that I want to do, or do you not believe that I want to be there “on my own”/ as much as you want me to? And you know the last part is not true, at least I don’t believe it to be. You wanted to show off Elliot and it’s his first physical outing to church, what could be more special than that?

“I cannot tell when you like people or just tolerate them” 

– am I so difficult that I don’t like a lot of people and just tolerate them? Am I that difficult to read, really? And in the context of having couple friends, what does it matter if I like them “on my own” or “because of you?” Eventually I have to like them enough for there to be a friendship, right? So what if I become friends with them through you? Plus, I made and have friends apart from you, no? I don’t wonder that with you (ie. Liking my friends’ husbands/ boyfriends), you have a higher bar for me? Or you don't trust me enough?

I miss many friendships from Singapore (they’re my childhood friends! And I still have them virtually…), but I am not living a “lesser social life” here in the States. I need no sympathy.

And then, at least I went to you when I had beef with you, but you would rather tell the church connection card that you need prayers for our marriage problems? Seriously?!