Thirty-one Today!

Anne Quindlen once said “Life is not so much about beginnings and endings as it is about going on and on and on. It is about muddling through the middle”.

Reviewing my birthday entry last year, I jumped into the thirties with much anticipation. I was happy to take a more secure self along in this journey, looking forward to doing more good to the world. It was a great beginning. One year in, much of it still holds true, but I am in want of perspective and courage to not just “muddle through”.

Beginnings are always exciting- calling for one’s adventurous spirit to take on the uncharted terrain. Endings are always fruitful as one take stock of the road travelled, and hopeful as one looks toward a new beginning. The middle, is not as much fun- especially when you don’t really have a concrete idea of the destination and how long more the journey will be. If Anne Quindlen’s observation is true, how one travels through the drone is of utmost importance.

I am in the middle of my life- well, depending on how many years God gives me. I may have more years in front of me than behind me. I may be closer to the end than I know. But assuming I am in the middle, what have I done with the gifts that He has given to me in the days past? What am I to do with the days left? I fear muddling through. I fear not being good nor faithful. I fear my deafness and disobedience.

We are in the middle of our time in Trinity, and in the midst of our marriage. This next year will be a year of waiting- waiting for Him to make our next step after Trinity clear, and waiting for Him to make us parents. But it will be a pity to miss the “now” while waiting for the next beginning. Henri Nouwen says that “A lot of our waiting is not open-ended. Instead, our waiting is a way of controlling the future”. I’ve done that before, and I know how that turned out.. Have I grown better at waiting?

I am in the middle of many of my relationships and friendships. Will I do more in my relational evangelism- to move deeper into the evangelism piece? Will they count for Christ in the end?

So standing at the beginning of by 32nd year, in the middle of life, not knowing when the end will come, my prayer is to have courage and faithfulness in the small and big things- to do His will, to speak His truth, to wait patiently and live intentionally.
As a daughter wanting to please her Father, I want to be growing- moving towards His Kingdom and Christlikeness. I want to be a better helper for Arthur, to love my parents better, to be a better encouragement for my siblings and friends, and to share His love in speech and in action...

"For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you beause I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well... Where can I go from  your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast" (Ps 139:13-14, 7-10)