“Come be my Light”

Stolen and Inspired by Huixin’s blog on Mother Teresa.

Jesus has a very special love for you. But for me - The silence and the emptiness is so great-that I look and do not see, - Listen and do not hear- the tongue moves (in prayer) but does not speak...I want you to pray for me- that I let HIM have a free hand.''[Mother Teresa to the Rev.Michael Van Der Peet, September 1979]

''She is acutely aware of the discrepancy between her inner state and her public demeanor. ''The smile,'' she writes, is a mask'' or ''a cloak that covers everything.'' Similarly she wonders whether she is engaged in verbal deception. ''I spoke as if my very heart was in love with God - tender, personal love, '' she remarks to an advisor. ''If you were there, you would have said ''What hypocrisy''

'' The more I want of him- the less I am wanted,''...''Such deep longing for God- and repulsed-empty-no faith-no love-no zeal- [The saving of] souls hold no attraction-Heaven means nothing-pray for me please that I keep smiling at HIM in spite of everything.''

~ Startling for non-Christians perhaps, when they read of the doubts & struggles Mother Teresa had. But ask any honest Christian, and they’d tell you that these dark nights did not belong to Mother Teresa alone. It’s true. Even till today, I still say this prayer that I used to pray every day – “That if I had not known You till today, and I was mistaken of my faith. Let this then be the moment now that I confess and claim You as my Lord, Jesus.”

But one thing i'd add though is that for all the doubts i might have, i'd have the hope of them being answered when i see Him face to face one fine day. Not sure if the answers would matter at that time, but still He remains the only One who has promised to be there at the end- and take me as I am.